And if she does contact him again, he will probably be more inclined than before to talk to her, seeing as how Meredith already knows.

If this happens, be prepared to re-expose to rah rah boy's father so he can enforce his "med school financing" boundary

I'm not sure I would cut off the internet access. It seems like a good source of info for you and she does not realize you are seeing it. You could force her to get more creative.

I don't know if I'd have done that. While she's still in her CMA mode, you may be able to gain a lot more information about the A if she thinks that her communications are still secret.

She may also see the move as controlling and vindictive. And she will also now KNOW that you found out the information about her from her Internet activity.

If you do cut off the Internet be prepared for her to leave the house to get information.

I hope you GPS'ed her car?!

I'd invest in a couple of digital recorders as well. One in her car and one in the house.

I agree that turning it off will only require you to chase her NEW methods of contact. Not good.

At least you know HOW she is attempting to contact him. With the Internet off, you'll be searching again.

Jo

That was my first thought. She is getting pretty desperate.


That's what I would do.

If it were me, (and thankfully it's not) I would call OB and assure him that if he calls, emails or meets with WW that you guarantee you will know about it,(he knows you are dangerous) and when you know about it, his Dad will know about it 15 seconds later.

Have to agree with the group here. Don't cutoff your connection or she'll be creative and you'll lose a major source of intel.

Leave her wondering how you're finding things out and NEVER tell her how you're monitoring her emails.

I made the mistake of doing so in my situation and things got a lot harder to track and learn. Don't let a good source of intel dry up by encouraging her to find new avenues.

In case you didn't know:

Most cell phone records are available online and with nearly instant updates.

Now that's a different thing right there. I'd cut that off if she's using it to talk to OB.

Have you separated your funds? This is really important. I was cleaned out by my ex who moved a lot of our funds into a new checking account.

I'd cancel all her credit cards and open a new account only you have access to.

She'll say it's controlling. All you have to do is respond that you don't trust her and are protecting your family's assets. You can then tell her that you're happy to treat her like your wife when she starts acting like your wife.

The 180 is great.

Stay strong, MG. You're a shining example to other BHes on how they should behave.

Okay, you guys make a lot of sense. I have called the cable company and the internet access will not be cut off. I didn't think about losing my only source of good info.

The good thing is that right now she had no cell phone. She always used her university issued phone which they took back on Monday. Maybe I will get her a phone and put it on my account so that I can monitor any future calls. This would at least maybe keep her from getting a seperate account which I can't see.

Our finances have always been sort of seperated. We have our own accounts and 1 joint account which we both fund based on a percent of our incomes to pay household and child related bills. With expensive hobbies, this has always prevented any friction over finances. I removed her as an approved signatory on my account on Monday. I also stopped the automatic transfer to the joint account. I will pay may part of the household bills, which will be all of them since she is unemployed now, out of my personal account.

I may be wrong, but I would imagine that rah rah boy isn't very interested in my WW at this point. I'm sure she's not nearly as attractive to him now as when she was a flirty romp in the sack with no strings attached. In his mind, she has to be getting pretty expensive. But, I'll keep a watch on him anyway. At this point I can't afford to make any assumptions.

Turn the internet back on.
You closed off your one big source to monitor if there is NC, and if there is C then you'll know what they are saying.

Great idea and reason to get her a cell phone added to your account. But get her one of these. They have cell phones with real time GPS. However do not reveal that feature to her.

Her attempt to call him to find out what he may have told you....is noting more than her trying to see how much she has to admit to. Right now all you got was OK I slept with him. Now she is trying to find out how many times and what type of sex and where that she has to admit to. This means it was more than you thought.

I would say that I talked with his father again and he sadi that the son stated that you are continuing to try to contact but thta he will not repsond. He is trying to repair his relationship with his fiance and father. That all she was was a M.I.L.F (older woman) that he messed around with and got pictures of to show his friends and she means nothing!!! Something like that. And see how she takes it. Just a thought!!

I would not make up any stories that aren't true regarding your sources. I would also not tip your hand and tell her ANYTHING regarding "where" or "how" you know what you know.

If she lies or withholds info, you simply tell her you know she's doing so because you know the truth.

Don't play games with the truth.

Jo

Although it would probably be best to no longer have contact with OB's Dad (who knows how he took the Meredith thing if he knows) it would be great if OB's Dad responded back on her emails to OB and in no uncertain terms demands NC with his son.

That would probably end her attempts.



I agree.

MG, are you keylogging or do you just know her password?

I'd worry about secret e-mail accounts if it is the latter.

From his first post.

K, good.

I copy Resilent. Truth. Don't spin lies, don't reveal sources.

Another crazy day in the soap opera that is my life. By the way, you guys were right. I went to the gym yesterday afternoon and met a friend for dinner afterwards. We went to a sports bar to eat and watch the Cincy vs S Fl game and had a great time. The funny thing is that I came home happy and upbeat and that actually seemed to make her angry.

I did check the computer again this morning before work and there were 3 more emails to OB. Each one seemed to get angrier and more desperate for him to contact her. He did email her back, but I could tell that she hadn’t read it yet. That didn’t stop me from opening it and seeing what rah rah boy had to say. Here’s the message:

“Can you not get the message?

Stop emailing me!

This is over!

I am in a sxxtload of trouble and you’re not helping. My dad is pxssed. Meredith is pxssed. The university put me on probation and one more problem and they said they would expel me. I would still graduate, but that would ruin my GPA and probably keep me out of medical school.

I’m sorry if you got in trouble, but it’s over. They know everything so leave me alone!”

This will probably have her even more ticked off by the time I get home. But, at least I know that continued contact with him is unlikely. I am planning on trying to talk to her again tonight before the kids come home tomorrow.

Should I tell her that I know she’s still contacting him? What is realistic to expect from her at this point? I plan to push her for a commitment to at least trying to salvage our marriage and a commitment to NC.

MG,
you have done things perfectly up to this point. notice he is establishing NC. He is done with her. This should hit her like a ton of bricks. When she sees you doing fine without her, it makes her angry. You are also right on in waiting for a committment from her. Keep up the good work!