I really feel for your boy, James. That was pretty brave of him to bring up in front of both of you. It must be very frustrating for him not to be able to come up with the words to say. Poor little guy.

And frustrating for you to keep slamming against the brick wall of WW.

Good luck with your attorney. Keep on it, those attorneys have ways of loosening bricks in the wall, even if the wall is not cooperative.

Fox

Not a problem I am having.

An extremely valid point Guy. I know I have to get rid of the drive to convince her... but that doesn't mean I have to let her off the hook for it either.

It's finding a balance there that is the struggle.

I have a feeling it will be extremely difficult for me to ever really look at her claims of 'well it's for DS's best interest' in any other light than 'Well.. you weren't too concerned about what was best for him when.. so what's your -real- motive now?'

*shrug*

Something I'll have to find a way to live with I suppose.. it doesn't trigger me as badly as it used to at least.. so that's a positive I suppose.

Somewhere along the way.. down the road.. I almost wonder if a Plan FU letter will be what it takes to put it to bed... regardless of whether or not it teaches her anything.. it's something that I still 'feel' needs to be said.

Don't know if it'll ever materialize though.. but it feels like saying nothing is just giving her a pass on it.


Thanks Foxy lady.. I feel for him too.

That's part of what really had me going the rounds yesterday morning that led me to send the email in the first place.. I really don't have the words to describe the frustration he physically displayed when he was trying to talk to her in the van.. and that I missed it initially.. I couldn't just let it pass.. if he was going to be that brave.. well damnit.. one of his parents ought to stick up for what he wants and deserves... even if it only nets me more angst and drama in my life..

I'm sure my frustration doesn't even begin to compare to his.. I can fight.. even if I lose, I have the ability to fight.. my son is at the mercy of a guy in a black dress who really has no idea the He11 he is going through...



As for you Chris.. I'm dissapointed.. no witty dissection or retort suggestion that I won't really be able to use but will give the rest of us a bellylaugh-ache?

You're slippin man..

Oh, boy, I'm going through all of these same thoughts now. Almost exactly the same.

At some point, I recognize that it would be better for my kids if I did get along with the SCQ better. And I certainly don't want to go through life carrying around the anger of all of these unsaid things--the things I have protected her from in Plan B. Would a letter stating my version of reality (which would come across as a Plan FU letter) make it easier for me to get to a better place? Not sure. I can be pretty sure that it wouldn't penetrate the Fog Barrier, so what's the point in delivering it?

My buddy suggested to me that I could write the letter and tell her what's in it. She would then have the choice of reading it or not. I'm thinking about writing the letter and just putting it on the shelf in case I choose to give it to her at some point in the future.

Yup... I've thought seriously about writing the letter.

The truth is.. the basics remain the same.. but as time goes on, how I would word the letter would change.

I'd be afraid that if I wrote one.. to be delivered later.. that I'd always still feel like it wasn't quite right.. or I'll have thought of something that wasn't in there that I'd then -feel- needed to be said.

I think if/when I do it.. I'll write it.. proof it.. sleep on it for a night.. and then send it.

I think then I'll be able to tell myself that what I wanted to say is out there.. and if she reads it.. great.. if not.. well, I said it.

Then.. maybe I'll hear that *click* of the door closing for good.

Hi ya J,

write the letter, add to it, take away, then fold it up and put it somewhere, then sit on it, well not literally, but then if you are so inclined, mail it, I for one encourage you to write it, not necessarily to mail it.

I'm thinking I may wait until after the D to write it if I do at all.. My mailbox is entirely to accessable.. it might just slip out with the bills..

I'm thinking I may wait until after the D to write it if I do at all.. My mailbox is entirely to accessable.. it might just slip out with the bills.. [/quote]

would if it does? its a free country. I am all about letting my feelings show, new thing for me, some people need that wake up call.

Write it in a journal. That way you can add to it over time or correct sections you don't like. Then, when you're ready to send it, all you have to do is recopy it.

The act of writing it out on paper gets it out of your head, and maybe you won't need to actually put the words in front of your WW.

Sending her a letter will have all the impact of a .22 caliber round on the front glacis of a Konigstiger tank.

The target is impenetrable.

Vent on paper if it helps you but don't send it.

Oh believe me.. I've got several 'drafts' already finished and most have made their way into the circular file over the past 14 months.

Chris.. you're probably right, and firing for effect will really have no point..

In truth it's just one of those nagging sensations in the back of my head.. a voice easily drowned out by the daily grind, but somehow always present.

Like I said before.. probably just something I need to let go of.


Keeping my attention focused at this point on getting everything together for the D.

Had an -extremely- brief encounter with my A yesterday.. dropped off some things she'd been asking for.. relayed the story most of you already read about the swapped weekends at the beginning of October.. and basically didn't have time for much else as he was on his way out of the office. (apparently the appointment I made yesterday didn't get all the way to -his- calendar)... made a more formal appointment for the end of November so he and I can have a little strategy session and get ready for battle.

Rounding the corner.. the final stretch is in sight.. time to pour it on.

Hi James,

I just got caught up on your thread. As you know, I am also in Plan D, so many of the exchanges are hitting a nerve....but that's OK... for many of us....this sometimes means hitting a WALL (whatever that is for each of us) ....only to realize I guess, to our surprise, that we actually have what it takes to survive...inspite of the fact that much of it is out of OUR control.

You have managed so far, James, so KNOW that you have what it takes to get through this, too.

We're here sharing ideas, thoughts, feelings about what works, or not, for us to consider....from those walking or who have walked the same path, hoping not to have to re-invent the wheel...because some of us already feel overwhelmed as it is!

On December 8th.... you may be physically walking in a Court room by yourself...but if you will look around you, KNOW that MANY of us here will be there with you...IN OUR THOUGHTS!

JAMES

Yup. When you're in that courtroom just picture all these little smiles (the MB crowd). You know which ones are who. We'll be there right with ya!

:MrEEk: :RollieEyes: :crosseyedcrazy: :twobyfour:

We are a group of people who have held each other up and made us move forward when we didn't want to. Pushed us when we needed it, slapped us when we didn't want to hear it and loved us when we just couldn't make it one more step.'

PM, showed is straight on. EVERYONE of us will be in that courtroom with you, but the one who matters most is G-d. He will be in that courtroom holding you, loving you and being so proud of you on how you have walked through this with grace, strength, dignity and honor.

On December 8th.... you may be physically walking in a Court room by yourself...but if you will look around you, KNOW that MANY of us here will be there with you...IN OUR THOUGHTS!

JAMES

awwww, these last couple of posts made my eyes water


J and Lunamare,
back at ya both!


I am the big purple face with the eyelashes, LOL











[/quote]

Thanks ladies.. what a very welcome reminder that is. I've seen the support MB throws behind our people on court dates (not to mention the continual loving support shown on a day to day basis).

How much it means to me, is beyond measure. I honestly don't know how I would have come this far so quickly without all of you.

Sometimes I have to take a step back and look almost clinically at my life, and lately I've been watching the 'Done-O-Meter' bounce off the little peg on the E side. The idiot-light warning me that my tank is low has been on for a good long while now.. but more and more frequently that little gauge bounces off the peg... just isn't staying put, and I think a lot of that has to do with wanting better for the kids.. and the lack of closure.

Tuesday night while on the phone with DS, he started telling me about a visit to the dentist. Not triggering at all, I simply sent WW a request that I be notified in advance of any/all scheduled appointments with Dr's Dentists and the like, and updated by her rather than DS on their outcomes. She replied, and there was a little WS crap in there, but overall the exchange was tame.

She sent me an email yesterday morning telling me she was taking DS to a Dr about a spot on the top of his head. I'd been meaning to ask her about it but it seemed like it was just dry skin so I'd been using some of DD's moisturizing shampoo lately when he was with me. WW said she'd thought it was dandruff, but the daycare lady said it might be ringworm. That thought hadn't occured to me, but it's probably the accurate diagnosis now that I've done some research on it. I shared the website information about ringworm with WW and discussed coordinating DS's toiletries so that he had the same stuff at my place that he uses there. Again.. a very tame exchange.

Well.. WW also sent an email first thing in the morning about DS having a cough that she was treating with some cough medicine, to inform me that his dose would have worn off by the time I pick him up. I asked what she was giving him and she told me, so that I could pick some up to have for him. Sooooo.. imagine my shock and suprise when I go to pick DS up at daycare and with the highs in the upper 50's he wasn't sent with a coat.. just an oversized sweater that didn't even fit him. Fortunately I'm an old Eagle Scout and have made a habit to keep DS's winter coat in the trunk of my car, and so he had something at least. DS and I had a pretty good evening, and yeah he was a little drained battling his illness so we took it pretty easy last night. He'd fallen asleep in my lap about 15 minutes before WW was supposed to get there, so as she came to the door I waved her off of the doorbell and explained that DS was asleep, that I would get him ready and she could wait in the car out of the cold. I also asked if she'd brougth a jacket for him, and she said she didn't like his old one, and it was getting too small so she had ordered a new one. I told her I'd be sending him in the one I had for him (which is very nice and warm and *gasp* appropriately sized). I bundled DS up and took him out to the car..

My evening of suprises was not over yet.. WB was there, driving my van again and parked in my driveway. I didn't make an issue of it this time even though DS was out cold and would have never known the difference.. I simply started buckling DS into his seat, as WB starts stating very loudly over and over 'Oh he is -out-.. he's -OUT-.. look at him.. he's out cold!' I looked WB straight in the face as the seatbelt clicked in "Yeah.. he's had a bit of a rough night being sick and all.. let him rest." and then to WW I said "He's running a low grade fever." by way of an update, kissed DS on the side of the head and went back inside.. I didn't say anything to DSD tonight.. she didn't hide from me though.. but I was angry and didn't want her to take any inflection in my tone as being against her.

I immediately sent WW an email once I was inside, stating simply that this was the last friendly reminder that WB is not to come to my house, and that next time I would be looking to bring charges against him. To which she replied that I should stop acting like a baby, deal with my insecurities, and suck it up because he was doing her a favor.

Sure.. I mentally constructed a few responses.. but I didn't compose or send any. I'll simply make good on my word the next time.. calling my A this morning.

So.. the done-o-meter feels like it's up against the peg today at least. I'm not even upset or triggered over it.. just handling the business and getting on with work.. which I probably ought to be doing now.. I'll check back in a little later.

Jamesus

I swear, they've always got to give you a little slap in the face, don't they? Just when you think you have found "even" ground in regards to communicating about the kids, she's got to to pull a stunt to try to show that SHE is still in control.

I don't know how you do it. Even now, even with the D settled and visitation in order, there is no way I could turn DDs over to WxH if "that woman" was sitting in the car. Luckily, that has not been tested. He almost never picks DD14 up from me. He picks her up after school and then has to bring her back to me.

I know why you do it and I know how badly it must bother you. James

Like PM said, we will all be with you when you walk into court. when you get there, take a moment, close your eyes, and you will feel us. I know I did.

Fox

James,


I am sorry for your WS being so insensitive.

It's what got to me the most about dealing with a WS, and why I went into Plan B in an attempt to minimize it.

...and because we know that for most here, the strength and courage to deal in any way with a WS comes down to being one thing, and one thing only: for the sake of the KIDS!

James

Boy oh boy.. Luna.. Foxy.. you two have it right.

Honestly.. if it wasn't for the kids.. I'd have hit DONE about 6 months ago.. and a scorched earth, nuclear plan FU well and consistently in play.

Speaking of.. I'm managing to have an extended email conversation about DS's potential ringworm issue with her today.. it's almost pleasant.. courteous.. friendly even.

I know it's meeting EN's.. but it's for DS.. and honestly... I'm really not worried about her issues anymore.. it's almost funny to read the little jabs she tries to slip into these conversations..

I'm not sure that this is all bad. Might keep her a bit off balance. She "thinks" she knows what you are all about and can justify her pissiness towards you when you are being a jerk (according to her).

When you are not and have a convo that does not force her to feel guilty, you throw her off a bit.

She's defensive about the A (as she should be) and is waiting to be blamed and ridiculed (as she deserves) BUT it stops her from actually participating in the convo because she is waiting to be slammed. KWIM?

Steady.....this may just be the way you get Tues and Thurs out of her. What adultress doesn't want a couple extra evenings of childfree time with the OP? I know DSD is still there, but I doubt she takes the time and energy of DS.

Fox