Well I looked like a Goddess ,lol!!....Of course WH never commented......He surprised me as he wasn't quite dressed for the occasion....

We sat together although you could sit anywhere....I actually would have preferred to not sit with him.We made small talk about DS18 and I think his lawyers secretary phoned him about something cos I heard him mention his name...

WH said I must rather phone him than text him as OW is sharing his phone and he doesn't always see his messages till late..He had missed a parent meeting at school last week.When I asked why can't OW use one of her boys phones he just said he doesn't get involved there....
I am going to tell him that I will e-mail him from now on about matters concerning boys.
When we left I told him that he is being unfair and not letting me in on whats going on in his head.I told him that it was possible to recover from a LTA but it was up to him...He just said nothing....Eventually he said I will tell you when I've made my decision....I so want to tell him to stuff off.He seemed unhappy....but who knows....
I did say if he wanted to talk about it he is welcome to phone me...

I dont' know what to say, but I did want you to know I was lurking around and sending you lots of hugs and warm wishes.

The wayward mind is a scary place to be or even comprehend, isn't it?

Lady... There is a sales expression that goes like this:

"People love to buy but hate being sold to..."

You're pushing. It shows. You lost your Goddess power for that moment!

Queenie thanks for your kind words....

Imagine, I know you're right...WH has always had a problem when it come to talking about emotional issues.I'm a very straight forward talker...I like to get to the point and deal with things...I am very logical in my thinking...

I just wish WH would show me some respect and at least let me in to his head....not one word about us passes his lips..... I can't understand it....yet I must just WAIT for his royal highness to decide his wife or his mistress!!!

I hate him right now for this attitude......
Imagine I would appreciate a male perspective on this....

Hope,

Remember, you are walking on unchartered territory because you are technically in Plan B. WH is still WH, he is in the fog and you have to be very careful and calculating in your exchanges with him.

Don't push him for answers. Just drop bait and leave it alone.

WH is a monster, an alien. Please don't make the mistake of thinking he is there for YOU. He is out for himself.

I love ya girl, but you are walking a narrow path and one that isn't of the plans, so be careful and don't expect anything.

Queenie you have hit the nail on the head...he is thinking only of himself and whats best for him...thats why I get angry with myself....at the same time I want him to come home,defog and hopefully recover our marriage...

I know I'm being a doormat but after 2 years and the divorce is just around the corner,I feel that I must just play this last act out, so to speak, and see what happens.....

I have to put my pride in my pocket and try think of the long term effects...i.e. hopefully a recovered marriage.

I have read before somewhere here that one of the authors have stated that its quite normal for the WH to do this near the completion of the divorce....so I'm looking at this with eyes wide open.......

Hope,

I am biased because I am cross with your WH.

He has equivocated by cake eating.
He has intimidated with bully tactics(getting the loan).
Also prevaricated making a decision where you are concerned.
Again contaminated the relationship between you and your sons by exposing them to financial stress.
Finally marinated himself in booze.

With all the 'ate he has caused, can you blame me for 'ating him too.

My secret agenda for you is that a wonderful Christian man must sweep you off your feet and erase all the unhappiness of the past two years.

However, I know from experience not to prescribe to God any course of action.

I don't really know you well enough to confirm your own evaluation of being a so called "straight talker" or "logical thinker". These traits could be the very things that would shrink a man's testicles. Could this be another possible justification that would "entitle" your WH to have an affair?

We all have suggestions, we have studied the plans, many of us has counseled with the Harley's and in the end we have to live with OURSELVES on the path we took.

I understand this so well, just please know that you can do everything in your power, you can try as hard as you want, but the point I want you to understand, WH does what WH does and you can't control that or hope for anything but him to be a monster.

In the end, it will be G-ds will and I pray that G-ds will is matched with your will.

Hugs woman, you have such strength.

Even though G-d's will is not divorce, it could happen anyway because He gave us a free will to make our own choices. However, that doesn't mean that G-d's will, will suddenly stop. His greatest desire and His main purpose for creating us, is to have relationship with us, no matter what's going on in our life. In fact, it is that very relationship with Him that helps us get through the bad things in life. He will mourn with you and will rejoice with you... just like an earthly father. As the scriptures say, lean on Him and not your own understanding.

Thanks PM, I think you are so right and it just takes some of us longer and harder paths to get there.

It would be so much nicer if G-d could intervene and give us what WE want or think what is BEST for US. But then we aren't G-d and one thing I do believe, after all this time, is that G-d will turn this into the good and he will give us what we NEED, maybe not what we WANT.

He loves us and is holding us up, caring for us and guiding him in his own way if we let him. He will guide us to the land of milk and honey. It won't look like what we want, but it will be amazing beyond imagition if we just let him guide us.

You said it Queenie! That'll preach.

Hey PM,


I like your version way better.

Hugs to you PM, how is your family?

Imagine, thanks for your imput.....you made me sit up and think.......

I do think I could have crushed WH 's ego at times,unintentionally, now that you mention it.I am good at expressing myself verbally without freaking out and shouting etc....whereas WH couldn't and he would do the shouting in a disagreement.
My sister has always said she thought that he felt inferior to me on an academic level,even though he has made a success of himself financially his whole life..he has always earned more than me but he never completed school (std 8).He wishes he had.
OW, from what I have gathered is not so bright,and from her behaviour round my kids and a friend of WH's..she seems quite immature...so that and the fact that WH was her boss,I think, made him feel superior..IMHO

Queenie and PM as always, you are both so supportive and correct in all you say....

Yesterday WH came to fetch DS16 and he stood in the doorway while DS16 carried his stuff to the car....
WH said "you should stop by and come see the shop,its looking great"
DS16 walked passed and said "ja right dad, like thats ever gonna happen!" and he glared at WH. WH was shocked.
ME,laughing "do you really think I'll come by with OW in the shop"
WH "you can always drive by at night" WTF...
WH then got defensive and said "well don't then, do what you want,I just thought you might want to"
I asked WH to look at my car door that was giving me problems.He sorted it out for me and I thanked him..

WH was very stressed and looked tired.Half his stock had arrived that morning at the shop PLUS he was packing up the house and getting ready to move..thats happening tonight and tomorrow.He is not getting a removal co. in as it costs money.

DS16 is determined to pick out his room as HIS dad is paying the rent..I told him not to get his hopes up.He said "dad better side with me otherwise I'm phoning you to come fetch me...he wants to stay there for 2 weeks!!! I so don't want him to get hurt.

On a lighter note,I'm going to a huge halloween party tonight.DS18 and a few friends are coming too.Its going to be a blast.

Oh,and WH wants to open the shop on MONDAY!!!

Good for DS16 for standing up for you!

As for turning down the invite, well... I think that you just slapped the olive branch out of his hand. No matter... easily remedied, just go to his shop. Absolutely ignore OW, she is nothing. You're in charge. You have the invitation. Let her be nervous.

Don't spend too long there though. Resist any further invitation to stay ... you will be too busy, etc. Leave him wanting more.

Halloween was quite pleasant, if a little draughty. How was it for you at the party?

The Milnerton Aquatic club is having an open day today. Events start at 10:00. By the way the commodore is a nice available Christian gentleman.... LOL.

Imagine this is why I like having a males perspective.....
It never crossed my mind that WH was offering me an olive branch......I wish that I had the courage to just go to the shop and give WH lots of admiration for what his done.
Come to think of it,it must have taken a lot for him to ask me...he was put out when I turned him down....
I know OW is petrified of bumping into me..kids tell me so....
Maybe I should consider doing this.....
WH will not see that this invite from him will upset OW.....LOL

I would like to hear other opinions on this point of visiting or not...

The party was great fun...got home at 3am....DS18 had a ball too.....

I'm just chilling at home now,kids are will WH. DS18 is coming home tomorrow morning to study..his writing english and computer theory on monday.I am more stressed about these matric exams than he is!!!

MARVELOUS IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!



Since you are doing your own modified Plan B, which you really need to be careful of being around then pulling back, etc. I think since you are having contact with WH, you make the most of it. I absolutely think that is a good idea. You are STILL THE WIFE, you have EVERY RIGHT to be there. I would walk in looking my absolute best, and lay it on the table and mark your territory. Remember when I went to WH's lacrosse game, walked on that field like I owned the place and pushed crack ho out of the way. She was so PISSED it was awesome. In fact, I think that was my FINEST moment in Plan A.

I was confident, engaging, loving, and taking no hostages while I fought for my marriage.

As Mimi says, HEAD UP, CHEST OUT

Queenie, I DID think of you when Imagine suggested I go to the shop!!

I don't know if I can pluck up the courage!!

What about if I tell WH that I'd love to come see his shop but he must phone and tell me when she's not there.....?

I would NOT go to the shop. That is NOT part of Plan B. He should be getting all of his EN's met by the OW. But he is still wanting YOUR approval for his business.

Believer,I have been waiting for WH to ask me to come see the shop.......

Admiration is a top EN of his, and I know he would love me to see all that he has done.This has been his goal for the last 10 years,to have his own business.We had talked about it a lot in the last few years.He sees this as a way of providing for his boys too.

I made a point of mentioning OW as the reason for not going to the shop...i.e I would come if not for OW. WH was upset when I said this...it would have taken a lot of courage for him to actually ask me to come..I definitely hit a nerve by refusing.
DS16 's comment was perfect too!!!