Hello,
I am currently dating, and it is good. But, what is kind of odd to me, is that it seems that a lot of people either want an instant R or they do not want to commit to ONE person while dating. Myself included I find that I have my needs met by a few different men, and I am happy, and content.
Most of the time.
Then there are the other times where I think that it is weird that I do not want to be with any ONE man exclusively, or that they do not want to be with me exclusively. I can call them, they can call me, I never talk about any of the other men I talk to/do things with.
But... I was raised in a way that you are with someone, they are with you, and I find this whole new scenario, while fine a majority of the time, perplexing at other times. Like when my mom asked me when they were going to meet one of the men I have been seeing. I told her not yet. Because it is what it is, and I am not going to introduce him to my kids OR family... and it feels wrong to make it more than it is, yet, in my life, it is right....

Does anyone else feel this way?

You sound like you feel GUILTY for not choosing 1 man out of few candidates. IMHO you aren't ready to commit yourself to 1 person, I woudn't feel guilty. You wanna the field. Your single it's acceptable, as long as you are honest with them.

If 1 of them were the right one, you'd have picked him by now..and wanted to commit. That's JMHO...

I've struggled very much with this. I'm not comfortable doing it at all, but I attempted to give it a shot, and as soon as I found myself with 3 or 4 women to casually talk to, one outshined the rest 10 fold and I abandoned the idea and the others for the one. It's only been a few weeks, but we've decided to be exclusive. Distance and kids are perfectly aligned to keep us from moving too fast, so I think we'll be Ok there. It will be an every other weekend relationship for a while with speaking on the phone daily.

I had been talking to one sporatically and met the others at the same time, but all in different ways, so I thought it was gonna be cool and I felt like I could handle it, until I got to know the one better and was completely blown away. So the casual thing never really took off.

So I know how difficult it is for sure. It seems like you're enjoying it though, just feeling guilty for some reason.

Maybe it just takes some time to get used to.

Oh, and good to hear from you MEAUX MEAUX!

When I started dating, I had a hard time with the idea of dating more than one person at a time. Then I got with the program and realized that I didn't have to choose one unless I really wanted to be with that one. Yippee. The world was mine and I (unbelievably) had my choice of dating companions. What a boost to my beat-up ego. When one person would stand out, I simply lost interest in anyone else. I had a few relationships out of tons of dates. Nothing stuck until I met the one man that God had chosen for me.

Don't feel guilty about playing the field. That's what it is. Playing. As long as you're not endangering yourself by being intimate with multiple men, or lying about your intentions, you're fine. HAVE FUN!!!

When I started out on the dating scene, I met a couple of guys that peaked my interest.

One was a big mistake, but meh, you only live once right?

Anyway, I had some options, until my Keebler came along. I was just in the midst of running away from that mistake, and he popped into view. I was immediately smitten.

Casual hanging out, turned into a full blown romance. And, now, here we are, a year and a half later, and I have never been so happy in my life!

When the right man comes along, you'll know it!

Good luck!

Couldn't have said it better.

I am so happy to have found this post!!!! My XH and I have been separated since July of last year, and our D was final on Valentine's Day. Anyway, At first, I had met this man whom I thought had all the qualities I was looking for. Boy, was I wrong. I coulnd't have been more wrong about him. I have been asked out, met some very interesting people, but there is this one, whom I've been talking to for weeks now, and we both have decided to start seeing one another exclusively.

What scares me is the way I feel when I am with him. Also, the way I feel when I am without him. Work, school, kids keeps us both very busy, but we do try to find time to be with one another. It's crazy, I never thought I could feel this way again.

He is a gentleman. I am attracted to his whitty charm, as well as his awesome personallity. We "click" and seem to really spend so much time just talking about life issues, as well as some stuff from the past.

I know that there is no "Time Limit" on when I should or shouldn't start dating. I have heard so many differnt things, but am realizing that I just need to follow my heart. We both have talked about this, his worry is that it is my first real relationship after my marriage ended. But to be honest, I don't want to date a bunch of other people. I have a true shot with this person, and don't want look back and think..."Wow, I screwed that one up." Make sense????

My EX is dating too, he started dating 8 months ago, this woman who seems to be a permanent fixture in his life, as well as my kids when they are with him. I wanted to be on my own for a good year before even jumping into anything. But along comes this man, who has blown my mind with his caring nature, personality and just the fact that the two of us "click".

I don't know, I know every one is differnt. For me, I don't want to date other people. At the same time, don't want to loose this independent person I have become, as well as become co-dependent like I was in my marriage. He knows all of this, and we both agreed to take it slow....

Am I crazy??? I don't know, but I think I'm falling for him...really falling, and I am tired of that wall that stands between me, and being truely happy.....

Sorry for rambling....

It doesn't sound too bad to me. My D was final in May. Now I'm 2 years post D-day and EXWW never even gave our marriage a chance and did many horrible things along the way, so it wasn't exactly difficult for me to get over her.

Definately take it very slow. I recently met the same kind of person and she wasn't ready. A month into the realationship she started having some pretty extreme emotions concerning her deceased husband. We had to put the relationship completely on hold because of it. I tried to take it slow, but she really thought she was ready and let things go too fast for her.

So just try to take it slow and make sure you're over your Ex. If you're not you'll end up like the girl I fell for.

But to be honest, you're just a few months shy of a year, I really think what you are doing is fine

JMHO

I am over my ex. Although the year mark of the divorce is coming up, Our marriage was over almost a year before that. I think about him, and our life together, and how "Hard" it was to be married to one another. We were like fire and ice. I was so co-dependent and I hated that I became that.

Now, I have been on my own since July of 07 and I finally feel okay. Even before meeting this man, I was happy being alone. I didn't mind it at all, as a matter of fact, still enjoy the fact that he and I are taking it very slow, as well as not seeing one another 24/7. I have a life too, and like my life, but also, enjoy having him in my life. Does this make sense?

We had another really indepth conversation lastnight. We talked face to face for almost 4 hours. Just about us, our past, what we both want, and what we don't want. We both are on the same page, and both feel such a strong connection with one another. But at the same time, we are both baffeled as to WHY we have such a strong connection. It's hard to NOT analyze, but that is what we are going...like we both are waiting for the bomb to drop.

We are going out on a date tomorrow. We are going to do something fun that we both enjoy, as well as gives us time to really connect and "TALK" about other stuff besides what it is we are feeling. I think that will take a laod off, and we will just go with the flow!

I like him...A lot. I'm ready for something new, and am remember that this is NOT my marriage, rather, something new and exciting. I am going to enjoy every minute of it!

In response to sadmo'ss first post, I am the opposite!

I can't do more than one guy at a time... especially if there's chemistry on first contact. I concentrate on one person. Then when he stops calling, I feel dumped. And it takes me a little while before I can move on to the next guy. Hey as I am writing this, I realize -- I shouldn't be in a hurry to date!

LOL

Ruffled I am the exact same way. There is no way in heck I could ever juggle talking/emailing/texting/dating more than one man at a time. I give my all.

M2B3,

It really sounds like you're handling this right. It's still early in the realtionship, you've had your intense talk about "US" and what "WE" want and you are on the same page. So your next step is exactly what you said. Drop the R talk and go have some fun. Too much R talk will start to make things stressful. Enjoy his company when you have him. Enjoy your time alone when you don't. The rest will take care of itself. Good Luck!

Ruffled and Allurin,

I'm with you 100%. I'm STILL tryin to talk myself into casual dating because apparently that's what we're supposed to do. I STILL can't do it. I can only casually date someone that I know I'm not interested in. What's the point? If someone has the qualities I look for I'm gonna give them the time and attention needed to see if there's something there.

Cajun and Allurin,

I know, I know, I know!

What I did-- concentrating on one person was no good. I spent too much time on him. I think my mistake was I flirted too much in writing and on the phone and met him only after 50 days! It was too long a wait. I fell in 'love' intellectually and got involved emotionally- couldn't help it, I am a woman, it happened before I realise it. Each time he calls, he envelops me in his voice. I was totally enchanted by his accent and the attention he showers upon me-- well who doesn't like attention? I waited too long to meet him. When we did finally meet, I wasn't attracted and neither was he, I am sure. So now there's no contact and I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms. No good, no good! He has created a vacumm that wasn't there before. I saw the red flags, but didn't stop. Aye!

He did make a remark about the way I looked. I have to admit I have let this person allow me to feel badly about the way I look now- men are generally visual, even when they do not admit it. Am I gonna get more rejections because I don't look like what men are attracted to conventionally?

So now I know-- online chemistry does not equal chemistry in person. Maybe I should just list a few FAQs and get on with meeting the person. What do you think? Who wants to help me with the FAQs?

That guy and I wasted too much time writing poems, stories and other nonsense to each other... lol.

Sure I'll help, but, if you havn't noticed, I don't have this cr@p figured out either, LOL!

Here's the way I handle meeting people online.

Email for a few days to a week. Talk on the phone a few times to see if they are easy to talk too and see if interst continues. Then meet as soon as time allows. I think you should get that all out of the way in the first few weeks.

I'll post more later, about to go into a meeting

I want to meet people ASAP, you tell more about them in 5-minutes in person that all of the phone calls, emails, and texts. And it's not all about their appearance, it's did they speak truth in their profile, can they communicate in real-time? Too much prelude will lead to probable disappointment at the first meetings, and it's a lot of work to do all of that communication beforehand.

I state in my profile that I would rather meet sooner than later. I know that I am so much more in person and that's to my advantage.

Ruffled - I am morbidly curious... Can I ask what he said to you? I find it interesting that even past a certain age, many people still act like teenagers and children w/re to their physical expectations. I am referring to him perhaps having unrealistic notions of what a woman should look like. I can understand not being physically attracted to someone, but it sounds like he put it out there as though his lack of interest was your problem and not his.

My GF and I corresponded online and by phone for almost two weeks before meeting in person. I don't think there's any set time frame anything has to happen in. It comes down to a simple matter of comfort and safety.

I would say that 7+ weeks is a tad unreasonable IMO. If it takes that long to reach a point of comfort, you're either not ready, or the other person isn't a very good match.

He said I reminded him of Anson Chan.

Mrs Anson is the state legislative secretary of Hong Kong. She is... 60 years old.

Okay, I just Googled a couple pics. Let me just say that as a white guy, I think Asians (especially women) typically look much younger than their Western counter-parts of the same age. This seems to hold true whether they're 16 *cough*Olympic Gymnasts*cough*, or 60, as Ms. Chan is. From the photos I saw, I definitely wouldn't guess her age.

Dear Seabird,

In Asian talk, that means he thought I looked like an aunt. Not a girlfriend. I guess he is looking for Jessica Alba... JA in the Sleeping Dictionary.

Hey I showed him my photo way in the beginning. It is not like I lied about how I looked. He said photos are two dimensional and when you add life and personality to the photo, it's a different picture all together. He liked me when we talked four hours on the phone!

Anyway, I have written it off. What a waste of time.

P.S. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE ANSON!! Lol.

yeah, me neither!