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:twobyfour:Wonderboy :twobyfour: You did well handling that situation. Great restraint on your part. I am glad though that you reminded her of that boundary. Heck I almost lost it after being called by the Ho's name, I can't imagine what I'd do if she showed up in my driveway! :crosseyedcrazy: I have to say I'm somewhat with Foxx on dealing courteously with her about DS's health issue. At minimum, it demonstrates your continued concern & care for him in a documented fashion. It's good to hear that you can see the 'jabs' and yet laugh about them. It is reassuring to oneself when we are able to recognize the wayward crapola and still have a bit of a sense of humor about it. For me, it reminds me that the A hasn't totally tapped me out. You are doing well my friend. Let me give back some of those wonderful hugs from this morning! I don't know if they rate up there with those of a bald headed Stallion Bass Player, but they carry the same warmth, love & concern!!!
BS (me) ExWS -Drac DD 9 DSS 15 D Day 11/06 Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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It's good to hear that you can see the 'jabs' and yet laugh about them. It is reassuring to oneself when we are able to recognize the wayward crapola and still have a bit of a sense of humor about it. For me, it reminds me that the A hasn't totally tapped me out. THIS IS SO TRUE, MS. GODDESS
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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You did good J, geez louise, how blantant can people get? but if she got it she wouldn't be a WW now would she? And then the guilt, shame and "what have I done?" moments would take over.
Me-49 and staying there, course AARP sent me my card ugh H-49 DD and SIL GS the light of my life! 1 and a half, full of you know what DS med school always working on me •The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Ghandi
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Hi James, I know it's meeting EN's.. I'm not sure that this is all bad ... She's defensive about the A (as she should be) and is waiting to be blamed and ridiculed (as she deserves) ... this may just be the way you get Tues and Thurs out of her. What adultress doesn't want a couple extra evenings of childfree time with the OP? I agree with Fox. I wouldn't worry about meeting ENs...because it's just what a WS DOES NOT expect, and yes, this does through them off. In my case, WS is convinced, no matter what I have said, that my Plan B has something to do with my being ANGRY with him and PUNISHING him... so I make a point of THANKING HIM whenever his actions warrant it... :crosseyedcrazy: ...it's HARDER for WS to blame BS when they're being NICE!
Last edited by lunamare; 10/31/08 11:26 AM.
XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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I've seen him around here today.....
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I'm sorry guys, that I haven't made an update lately.
I really do appreciate all the support, and encouragement that I'm handling things well.
There really hasn't been all that much to report.
Sure, there's little stuff here and there, like DSD no longer attending daycare.. frustrations that we've had 7 absolutely beautiful days in a row and the only time DS gets to escape his room and/or the TV is when he's with me.. DD had a wonderful swim meet this weekend, and improved her time in -every- event.. which is pretty spectacular.
WB wasn't at the exchange on Wednesday, but DSD was.. pretending to be asleep in the back seat.. for which WW rewarded her before pulling out of the driveway.. I did little more than reach out to touch her leg as I strapped in a passed out DS on the other side. Interesting sidenote is that it appears WW is smoking again *sigh*.. the depths of her hypocracy never ceases to amaze me... even though it probably should.
But nothing really MB related to report.. I've been dealing a lot with my A's secretary to get some bits of information to fill in the gaps... getting prepared for the battles to come.
I've honestly been kind of in one of the valleys of the rollercoaster lately, and have been doing my best to pretty much keep it to myself and not be a downer for anyone here. It's really just sad to see what has become of our beautiful family.. it's sad to watch WW destroy her life and spirit this way, but I've come to realize that she was damaged from the start.. and that nothing I could have ever done would have fixed it. Yeah.. I'm probably better off without her.. but it's still tragedy for the kids.
Her complete blindness or maybe more accurately self deception about the damage that she's done to these children is frankly unbelievable, and it makes me truly sad that someone I wholeheartedly believe really does love her children, can be so selfish and cold when it comes to their wants and desires.. and so callous and hateful to someone who has done nothing but provide, love, and care for them.
So.. I'm sad.. sorry to be a bummer, but it's where I am right now. Hopeful for the future, and doing all that I can to make it the best I can for DD and DS.. not a lot more I can do.
All I can ask of my friends though is to please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.. I appreciate it more than I could ever tell you.
ETA: Please also keep me in your prayers.. I go in Monday to have a problem with the thumb joint on my right hand looked at. It started becoming unbearable to grasp anything for any length of time about a month ago. It could be a combination of things from arthritis, tendonitis, to complications relating to my carpal tunnel.. it's painful, and may ultimately stop me from playing music regularly, and may ultimately require that I change professions altogether... but we'll see what the Dr. says on Monday. If it requires surgery, I may be around a lot less.
Last edited by Jamesus; 11/07/08 08:39 AM.
Me - 32 DS - 5 DD - 13 DSD - 9 D final 12-8-08
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Hey, Jamesus. Sorry you've hit a rough spot in the rollercoaster track again. but DSD was.. pretending to be asleep in the back seat.. for which WW rewarded her before pulling out of the driveway.. Poor DSD. What a mess she is going to be as an adult with a mother like this. And how cruel of WW to do this to you........ All I can ask of my friends though is to please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.. Absolutely! Please also keep me in your prayers.. I go in Monday to have a problem with the thumb joint on my right hand looked at. You got it on this one, too. Please let us know how it goes. Fox
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Sorry to hear about the rough patch, James. There is good reason for it. You have experienced a great deal of loss with your son, and DSD. It's to be expected. It's also to be expected that the veil you've had over your eyes, in regards to your WW, has begun lifting. You are starting to see her for how she really is, not how you would like for her to be. It can be a real bummer when that starts; brings on further mourning. I will be praying for you. I hope all goes well with your injury and subsequent treatment.
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
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I go in Monday to have a problem with the thumb joint on my right hand looked at. It started becoming unbearable to grasp anything for any length of time about a month ago. It could be a combination of things from arthritis, tendonitis, to complications relating to my carpal tunnel.. it's painful, and may ultimately stop me from playing music regularly, and may ultimately require that I change professions altogether... but we'll see what the Dr. says on Monday. If it requires surgery, I may be around a lot less. Let me know when you're feeling better, cause there's a TON of material in here
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5 OM1 9/06 - 03/07 OM2 04/07 - present Divorced May 8, 2008
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Let me know when you're feeling better, cause there's a TON of material in here LOL The ups and downs are par for the course, as you well know. Glad to hear that you're keeping your perspective on things. And sorry to hear about the hand pain. FWIW, a buddy of mine was a bass player in a band that toured and was told he had to quit because of the pain from arthritus. A couple of years later he was playing again, though not as much. Hang in there.
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MOrning James! Stopped in to see how things were going around here! Sorry to hear about the bump in the road for you! IT WILL get better! THat's not me but that's God's promise! Just a little reminder! I can certainly keep you in my prayers too! James
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
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Wow.. lots to catch up on for the gimp tonight Poor DSD. What a mess she is going to be as an adult with a mother like this. And how cruel of WW to do this to you........ This is really the thought that keeps me up at night. Not the cruelty.. I'm used to that by now, but that she's involved DSD in it all, is just disgusting. DSD did sing My Country Tis Of Thee with DS tonight on the phone though.. was nice to hear her voice. DS has been putting me on speakerphone lately. I'm not real fond of that, but it does have its advantages I suppose. Sorry to hear about the rough patch, James. There is good reason for it. You have experienced a great deal of loss with your son, and DSD. It's to be expected. It's also to be expected that the veil you've had over your eyes, in regards to your WW, has begun lifting. You are starting to see her for how she really is, not how you would like for her to be. It can be a real bummer when that starts; brings on further mourning. Thanks SL.. I probably couldn't have summarized it better. Spent the day preparing my journal, and pestering my A's secretary for stuff, so it's particularly touching tonight. It's truly unbelievable how I overlooked this part of her.. watching how she dealt with DSD's father.. It's just doubly bewildering that she'd treat me this way, given that she has one of her children's parents who is a total waste.. one would think she'd appreciate the opposite... guess nothing makes her happy. Let me know when you're feeling better, cause there's a TON of material in here LOL The ups and downs are par for the course, as you well know. Glad to hear that you're keeping your perspective on things. And sorry to hear about the hand pain. FWIW, a buddy of mine was a bass player in a band that toured and was told he had to quit because of the pain from arthritus. A couple of years later he was playing again, though not as much. Hang in there. Heh.. only strokes I'll be missin guys are on the links.. so we can derail that line :P Yeah.. SD.. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate having your story to look at, and catch a glimpse of what's coming. I'm sorry as heck you're going through it.. but at the same time, I'm very thankful for you. Dunno if that makes any sense, or if it comes across right.. As for playing.. I'll be keepin on until it's just too painful. It's a lifelong passion of mine, and part of the package that is the marvelous magnificent me. MOrning James! Stopped in to see how things were going around here! Sorry to hear about the bump in the road for you! IT WILL get better! THat's not me but that's God's promise! Just a little reminder! I can certainly keep you in my prayers too! James Thanks Rin.. the prayers are very much appreciated, as is the reminder of God's promise... admittedly I've been struggling with my faith these past few weeks.. but I'm sure I'll find level ground soon enough. Had a really nice weekend with DD and DS. We went to the Children's Museum on Saturday, and Sunday the kids wanted to see the new Madagascar movie.. and after we went to one of the local malls to check out the charity Christmas trees, which are always very beautiful, and a wonderful way to kick off the holidays. The exchange was, for the most part, uneventful.. WW's not looking very healthy these days.. very pale and tired looking.. something is wearing on her.. but I've really given very little thought to it. Saw the Dr yesterday about my thumb. Seems that it was dislocated, and there's some soft tissue damage there that he's not too worried about. I've got a splint to wear for 3-6 weeks, and am supposed to keep it iced and immobilized as much as possible. So.. could be worse, but now I've got to train the left thumb to hit the spacebar :P. Lucky for me.. this beautiful bald stallion of a bass player has a pretty nimble left hand.
Me - 32 DS - 5 DD - 13 DSD - 9 D final 12-8-08
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BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5 OM1 9/06 - 03/07 OM2 04/07 - present Divorced May 8, 2008
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"You may never understand how the stranger is inspired." - Billy Joel
Me - 32 DS - 5 DD - 13 DSD - 9 D final 12-8-08
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"You may never understand how the stranger is inspired are amused ." - Billy Joel PrincessMeggy
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Ahhh,,,,,do I dare to comment on the Bald Headed Stallion and the thumb action?? As easy as it would be, I'm going to refrain. I'm sitting the the 'jury assembly' room waiting to be called to perform my civic duty. Somehow it doesn't seem right to be making the kinds of comments that are coming to mind right now!! James - - I am sure that being on speaker phone isn't really comfortable for your talks with DS, , but I think it is outstanding that you were able to hear DSD sing! I'd guess that it meant something to her, too, to know that you were listening. She may not be able to reach out to you any other way with WW around, but she would not have done that if she truly had any 'bad' feelings about you. I was glad to read that. Keep up with your preparations for the coming court date. It's difficult, but you know that it is necessary for the best possible outcome for you & DS. Now would be a very good time to also make a special effort to stay in The Word. Remind yourself daily of the promises He has made to us, and on which you can rely. It will help keep your strength up, which is going to become increasingly important as this all draws near. Glad to hear that the thumb will recover with the proper rest and attention. Having lived with a guitar player, I understand what loss of function would mean to you. Again,,,, I hope you appreciate that I am refraining from so many comments!!! Hang in there,,,,if you listen I think you might be able to hear the diesel engine of that Karma Bus coming towards WW.
BS (me) ExWS -Drac DD 9 DSS 15 D Day 11/06 Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
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I know it's meeting EN's.. I'm not sure that this is all bad. Might keep her a bit off balance. She "thinks" she knows what you are all about and can justify her pissiness towards you when you are being a jerk (according to her). When you are not and have a convo that does not force her to feel guilty, you throw her off a bit. She's defensive about the A (as she should be) and is waiting to be blamed and ridiculed (as she deserves) BUT it stops her from actually participating in the convo because she is waiting to be slammed. KWIM? Steady.....this may just be the way you get Tues and Thurs out of her. What adultress doesn't want a couple extra evenings of childfree time with the OP? I know DSD is still there, but I doubt she takes the time and energy of DS. Fox Had to dig this out from a few pages back... Guess where DS slept last night? Yup. Now there's a little subterfuge at work here, but the end result is really all that matters to me right now. DS and I had a conversation in the car on the way home from dinner with my mom and DD last night. He made mention that WB had said something about DS staying the night with me. The conversation from there ended up branching into him asking me again when the next week we could spend together. I told him it would be next month, and that I already set it up with WW.. and that where he spent the night, and if he'd get to spend it with me was really up to her at the moment, not WB. Well.. about two and a half hours before she was set to come pick him up, I get a phone call from WW. Can I keep DS for the nite? I of course immediately said I'd love to.. and asked if something was the matter. She said they are busy moving WB's dad out of his house.. that they should have been done by last night, but they weren't.. and it was looking to be a late nite. She's going to be staying at the apartment rather than moving into that house.. which really is the smart thing to do.. but doesn't make much sense if she's really got long term plans with WB.. who knows.. DS got on the phone with her, and was very effacious with his enthusiasm when she told him he was staying the nite with me.. and just like any kid.. give an inch... he immediately asked if he could stay for two days... don't know what her answer was, but she's set to pick him up from daycare today. I got back on the phone when they were done, and asked about the medicine for DS' spot on his head, and she said they'd used the last of it this morning. I asked if she had a refill on the prescription, and she said no.. that she was just going to use the dandruff shampoo to clear up the dry skin. I had to explain to her that ringworm is typically supposed to be treated until completely gone, or it will just come back. So she's supposed to be calling today to get the prescription refilled. Who knows what's going on.. all I know is that DS and I had a good night, AND a good morning.. DS took the wooden fire engine we picked up at the museum, and constructed on Sunday in to show it off to his teacher at daycare. I'm sure I was beaming as he was telling her that it was a SPECIAL engine, because 'Me and my daddy built it together'.. It's silly to me now.. how much I took something so special for granted.. What a shame though, that it has to be this way.. Still.. I'm smilin today.
Me - 32 DS - 5 DD - 13 DSD - 9 D final 12-8-08
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YEAH!!!!! Hopefully, this will be the beginning of many more! She did it for her own selfish reasons but you still got your boy. Write it down....... Fox
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