Okay, I'm putting it out there right now, in print, on the internet: if T2L's WH doesn't come back to her, *I* want to move in with her!!! T2L: I'm not gay but I'll learn to fix stuff. Everyone else: I called it first. I got dibs.

Awwwww, I wanna!!!!!! I wish I had thought of it first.

If turtle changes her mind, pick me! Pick me!!! I can change car oil and install tile!

Well, I don't need to learn to fix stuff, I already can. And I'll mow the lawn too.

I'll uh... uh... build an addition to the house!

No wait, it'd be easier just to cook the meal myself.

Ok guys he's sleeping on couch....., so we had amazing dinner the kids leave to sports til 7:45. I start to clean up dinner and I had thought he was in garage but I turned around and he was on the couch. Now i leave this great Neo soul station on the TV when I'm at home since Im not much of a TV show person, i love music.

So I say why don't you take a lil nap will it bother you If I clean up dinner? He says no but turn off the kitchen light. I look puzzled like how can I clean up and he motions me to snuggle on the couch and listen to music. He falls asleep and I doze off but just had to run to bathroom to change the handy dandy catchum LOL. I can't believe he wanted to snuggle. He really didn't do much of that married although I always got big hugs when he came home from work.

B,
Yes his drinking picked up alot when he committed the A he said he had to to kill the guilt and the more he did the less he felt for me. His drinking has seemed to slow down maybe 2-3 beers if he's here.

And guess what I noticed as soon as he pulled up today?? HE SHAVED AND CLEANED UP HIS GOATEEE OMG!!! And guess what he decided to do before dinner??? HE CLEANED OUT THIS STINKY CAR!!! OMG and 1/2!!!

Well better go back out in case he wakes up, back in a little....

LMAO LMAO LMAO!

ok ya'll can come I'll clear my closet out!!!

You can come to the lovely Ventura county Ca. and we can do a girl day. I'll call it T2L's Mentor Day! Yesssss!

Did I tell you I can make a mean homemade crepe with hazelnut creme and bananas?

And guess what just for coming you get free watermelon, catchums and patchouli oil as parting gifts! What do you think?

What do ya say???

Girl, you are gonna become the "Plan A " Queen, and I am talkin' the "gold standard" Keep on keepin' on. That apple pie has got to be smokin' out the Top Ramen in his book! You do know that eventually we all become " the other woman". Use that to your advantage. As the "official" OW, she is scared crapless to "check" up on him, therefore, when she does, she won't let him know.. The ball's in her court. As soon as she confronts him on ANYTHING, he will be outraged. And then he will find justification to return home.

The biggest fear the OW has is to become the "BS", OW makes any statement that doesn't go along with the fantasy, and WH gets up on his hind legs declaring that he can get that treatment at home, thus he can do what he wants, when he wants.
Make no mistake, she is checking up and trying to keep him in check. She has probably already been making a few inferences.
Don't take any crap, BUT, AVOID LB's, thus working against this Ho. Keep it up, you are making "home" the preferred place to be!! GF

I am SO there.


Ok, so either (a) he cleans up and shaves (as if going out on a date!!!) at the OW's house, and then leaves and is gone all night or at least real late; or (b) he leaves and goes to a gym or something and cleans up and shaves, and is gone all night or at least late, and comes "home" looking like he cleaned up for a date and slept there (coming home all clean shaven except for the shadow, and in rumpled clothes). What must she be thinking???

Do you think he's not still living there??? Or do you think she's pulling some big needy act to keep him "around", could that be his "thing that takes time"?

My money is still on him coming home before PB. If he lasts more than 3 days in PB I'll eat my hat. He's gonna be Jonesing for some watermelon and pumpkin pie!

Weird, really weird, and I don't just mean catchum patchouli oil.

AJ got super-finicky, even more metrosexual than he already was, lol.

Drinking? Maybe. Living out of his car? Not too likely, I don't think, not full-time, but maybe using it as an escape most of his waking hours? Why? Is she THAT bad already? Is her kid horrible? Is the kid acting out a whole bunch extra because his mom's got this strange guy living with them all of a sudden?

Ok, the last one's a no-brainer, but the other ones could sure use some explanation. Which we probably won't get till R. Bummer.

Cheers to T2L, queen of the new All Girl Flop House.

I think this is pretty close to the winning slot in the office PB pool.

K he's gone. He left about 8:30. Forgot to tell you guys that when he pulled up today, I walked out to greet him and he was still sitting in his car so I kinda lean against the drivers door and he grabbed my rear like with his whole hand and I laugh and I say you realize your grabbing my rear and we are standing in broad daylight in the front yard right, and he says yup.

He woke up from his nap and I gave him apple pie with vanilla ice cream and some coffee.

No SF as he fell asleep and i felt so bad for him since he was so tired so I decided to let him rest which I think he appreciated. He said you could have woken me up and I said yeah but you were so tired I felt bad so i guess you'll owe me on Saturday so make sure your up to it!!!

The kids and i teased him only a few days ago about his facial hair I think it was Monday night or possibly Wednesday afternoon, and we joked about it. I was so shocked that he trimmed it and cleaned the car. Sooo weird! I mean I am assuming he shaved at the apartment so I dont think she'd think anything of it. I just keep wondering if OW has a night job and maybe he gets right before she gets there. He told me that originally it was him, OW and her 18 year old son living there. But I think the 18 year old may be gone but the 9 year old is there full time. I wish the nasty 14 year old would come back home. OW shipped her off about 6 months ago as she was in trouble with police so much she didn't know what to do.

We confirm our plans for a day trip after son's football game and I say are we going to get to see you Sunday he says no I'm going to sit and do nothing all day. He says well I'll see you guys all day Saturday. Then I respond well why don't you spend the night Saturday again. He say No I can't. I say well you can do nothing here all day too and I can see that he's not really able to give me an answer so I smile and say ok then....Awe I tried LOL

My DD17 said when she was in dads car the other day that he has a suitcase in the back. I really don't think much of it since I was the one who boxed up his crap into 4 large boxes and threw them out into the drive way after he left LOL. I mean its not a huge suit case. I think he uses it as a laundry basket. I know that I have all the furniture so who knows where or what his clothes are being stored in. I think he never opened the boxes and has only used the clothing he took when he left. 15 days left. I personally don't think he'll come back before PB. He has a very sweet side, but mostly he is stubborn. Either way I am mentally ready to handle business on the 22nd.

Can I ask you guys, were you sad on PB day? I am focusing already on having as much joy through the Holidays as possible. It helps to kinda see yourself that way. But I'm guessing once I hand him the letter and he leaves I'll naturally be sad right?

You have asked a couple of questions I would like to answer, but I can only give you my POV, it might not be the same for you.

Regarding the personal hygiene of a WH, while the A was in full swing, Flick was obsessivly clean, perfume, nice clothes, the lot. Once he came home tho (the false recovery) he totally deteriorated. Only showered 3 times in a week, didnt change, certainly no perfume. When he came back this time, hygiene standards have resumed to normal.

Regarding Plan B. I felt good for the first 3-4 days. I felt strong. Then I went down hill so that I turned into a moping mess. I was only just starting to pull out of that and improve when he came home. So if your PB lasts longer than 16 days (and I'll be surprised if it does) then maybe it will be different for you.

NO EXPECTAIONS!

You don't know how you will react to plan B-- Don't even try to guess how he will react. It may take moments or months- or a millenium before he decides on what he wants to do. >sp?

I think you are on a good track. Keep working on your own happiness- it will do your children well to see you being strong.

Yup NO EXPECTATIONS! Just a few pre-PB jitters, holidays and all.

Won't see H today unless he pops over unplanned but I doubt it, he says he's not in the area. But tomorrow we have him most of the day. I think we're gonna go to Santa Barbara for the day, not sure yet.

Think I'll start getting a list of things to stay busy, I think I'll start 1st by painting my bedroom and doing some re-decorating.......

So i just get done talking to H. We are trying to nail down what we wanna do for tomorrow and we talk about other stuff too.

We talk about vacations and cruises. We as a family have been on 2(7 day eastern and western Caribbean) and I say I really wanna hit the southern Caribbean next.

I say with some of the tax money I'd like to take the kids on a trip especially since summer was a nightmare for us(he was nuts for the 1st 5 months).

He says well I wanna go on vacation too I haven't had one in a long while.

I say well you probably can't really go with us we'd be gone for a week, how are you going to explain that? That won't be very good for you.

Guess what he says again?? (wagers anyone?? LOL) He says well it'll be fine, i can do what I want.

I say well won't that be a problem and he says no I can do what I want and I don't care.

It almost sounds as if OW has tried to stop him. Maybe not be he sure is adamant about I do what I want blah blah blah. I bet he thinks he can do that with me too.

The part that is slightly irritating is that this is tax time were talking about March-ish right? He could have said oh things might change by then but NOOOOO this bozo thinks were gonna be like "this" til then.

What a HOOOT!

Sorry Charlie, I have a big present for you its called PB LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

You certainly are reeling him in. I think I WOULD talk about vacation. Get a couple of pamphlets of cruises. It would be fun to dream about them with him.

And I would reinforce he can do whatever he wants. Sounds almost like a midlife crisis.

Of COURSE he thinks things are still going to be like this in March, thilly!

He is going to have 2 women vying over his body, marking him, and making pies for him FOREVER!!!

(evil laughter)

Yeah I think he is a little MLC too. So re-enforce he can do what he wants, he that's pretty smart actually then he doesn't feel threatened right??

I wasn't sure if I should be talking about vacation. Really I did it as a pre-hint thing as I have no clue how long or if I will ever come out of Plan B so I thought I could kinda set it upa little. I just sent him the actual itinerary of the one I have been eye balling.

I was talking over dinner the other night about what I should stuff the turkey with and my DD17 panicked and changed the subject. She said mom don't talk about Thanksgiving if you know that dad probably isn't going to be here and he'll probably be alone. So I thought maybe I was wrong and shouldn't talk about that stuff.

Do you guys think it'll be weird to H that were swimming along honky dory and then wham I give him the PBL? Do you think that he'll think I planned this evil plot? Like what happened we were getting along type thing and I trapped him. Either way its a done deal but just crossed my mind, what do you guys think?

I am going to give it to him on the evening of the 22nd whenever he goes home. I wanted to give him a big hug and tell him I love him and that I have a card for him. I am going to put the letter inside a blank card so it doesn't look so letter-ish if that makes sense. I think he'll read it if he thinks its a nice card for him.

So what do you think bout all dat stuff LOL?

By the way did my admiration for the day. Sent him a text thanking him for the snuggling yesterday. I say thanks for the invitation to snuggle yesterday, in 24 years you've never done that just wanted you to know how sweet it was and I enjoyed it....He responds well there's a 1st time for everything and I'm glad you enjoyed it.....funny guy!

You're not "trapping" him. He can do whatever he wants, right??? You are only stating what *you* intend to do, what *you* can tolerate. That's all. That's the ultra sheer beauty of the plans.

He can do whatever he wants. But *you* have to do what *you* have to do. You've warned him enough that you can't do this forever. Your PBL probably says something like you'd love to work things out, but that you can't tolerate sharing him any more, so the you have to do this and he can do whatever he wants.

He wants his freedom? You're giving it to him. That's all.

I really think the OW is LBing him all *over*. He really sounds like a WH talking about his BW to his OW when he says to you that she can't tell him what to do. Interesting.

Well, I think it is good to talk about hopes and dreams. And the Harley's always suggest saying to the WH "What if you could fall in love with the mother of your children again? Would you prefer that?"

In any marriage, we forget about our hopes and dreams, and get bogged down in the everyday drudgery. It is good to look toward the future.

As far as getting his hopes up, he can end the affair anytime he wants to. We always suggest at least 6 weeks of Plan A so that the WS doesn't think it is just a ploy to get them back.

Since hubby is on his I can do whatever I want kick, I would agree with him. In fact, I would add that to your Plan B letter. Hope you are getting it ready. It does need to be short and sweet. But you can tell him that you love him and thought you would grow old together, blah, blah, blah, but you are not his jailer, and he is free to do his own thing, but it is just to hard for you to have him to home to the OW, and so to protect your love for him, blah, blah, blah..........

I think it is fine to discuss Thanksgiving dinner. Remember, he could be with you and his family on Thanksgiving. If he choses not to lose the OW, his loss - he can enjoy Top Ramen with her.