We've made it through the first year!!! HOORAY! I've been told the first year is the hardest part. I pray that is true.

To rebuild, you first have to tear down. That's a rather painful endeavor. I had to tear down walls that I had placed to protect me during tst's affair and our separation. It was a frightening thought. But I knew that recovery could not happen if I didn't tear them down. And tst made it safe for me to do so. tst took all I had in me...all my hurt, all my anger, all my sorrow, all my grief. He never once backed away from it. Never once. And because of that, I was able to reach the point of not wanting to lash out at him. It was a gradual process, and at times, I'd stack a few bricks back up...because I was afraid. Once in awhile, I still find myself picking up a brick. It takes time.

tst has done so much this year to bring healing to me and to our children. I wish all BS's could have a FWS like him. Sadly, our situation is not the norm.

We implemented Dr. H's program through counseling with Jennifer. tst has become an even better husband than he was before the affair (and I had 18 wonderful years with him pre-affair). I do believe that I am the most important person in the world to him today.

It still has been a hard year. There were times I didn't want him to meet any of my ENs, and there were times when I just wanted to run away from all the pain. There were times I am sure he saw pure rage in my eyes. I am sure, too, that at times he saw just how shattered my heart was. We have had very painful moments this past year, but each one has been a step toward rebuilding our family.

This past year has been filled with great days...even the painful ones. I see the man I loved, the man I told you all about. But he's different. He is sweetly broken and wholly surrendered, just as I prayed he would be.

Through Christ we both have found forgiveness, grace, and mercy in abundance. And Christ makes it possible to do what I could not do on my own. As MelodyLane posted over and over to me during tst's affair...smb, remember, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Thank you all for walking through the fire with me. In the nights I wanted to die, I came here and there was always someone (Melody, MEDC, ACE, MichelleG, Schoolbus, and many, many more) who held my hand through the valley of the shadow of death.

What has happened in our marriage is certainly to the glory of God.

smb,

What a tribute your faith in God and to the MB methods!


I'm so glad that you two are doing well. Your life together after an affair can be blessed. When I tell people on the boards that this is possible, it is wonderful to have yet another story to point to and say:

There is hope - read, follow the methods, pray, and stay on a plan.

SB

This is really inspiring. I hope Iam able to post something similar in 11 months.

Bravo to you and tst, SMB!

I am so happy for you two. And yes, the first year IS the hardest... passing all those year markers (triggers). You guys rock. Your DH has proven himself... to his family and to us here on MB.

(((SMB and TST)))

Mazel Tov to the both of you. It couldn't happen to a nicer or more deserving couple who were willing to do the work.

You inspire so many.

MEDC, you dance so well.

That's my Happy Dance for my happy friends. (Actually, I am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad dancer).

Thank you, SB, Mel, PM, MEDC, Queenie. You all hold a very special place in my heart.

truth_hertz,

Work the Plans fully. Do not pick and choose what parts you want to work. And pray.

You will survive this.

Way to go! This is wonderful news. Somehow I always believed you two would be a MB success story. Thank you for being an encouragement to all of us!

Heartiest congratulations SMB and TST

(((((SMB & TST)))))

SMB,

I wasn't one who was their during the worst of it, in fact I didn't come on till Dec. 08, deep in my own darkest hour. Yours was the first thread I read from beginning to end. In fact, when I was only "lurking", I followed some of the same advice that was given to you......

Anywho, your story was one of such inspiration and HOPE. Something I really and truly needed at the time. Thank you.....

And now reading your progress this first year, again, I am drawn to what you went through. And am so incrediably happy that you made it through.....CONGRADULATIONS.....


May you and TST continue on your road and may the darkness fade.....

not2fun

Just reading tonight, feeling kinda sad but not sure why. Anyways I tried to click on your story part 1 and 2 in your signature and it's not there.
Do you have another link where I can read it?

Trying

I received a card once that described grief as a wave. You never know when it comes, just that it does and it hurts and you have to ride it out.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I do understand. I also know you will get through it and come out stronger for the pain. Not sure why, and wish it wasn't that way.

Queenies,
Thanks, your right. Ride it out, guess I should take up surfin! Not really sure why I felt sad, had good Plan A weekend feel free to read my post, but I really wanted to read SMB's story.

I like reading success stories to help encourage me. I thought I should read as much as possible before I go to my PB on 22nd.

Still want to read SMB's thread, thought it would help.

Hey, SMB, (or was it DLR originally)?

How's it going?

Ace

P.S. Thanks for sharing. Even though I was a newbie and knew nothing, I cared enough to merely ask how you were doing and I'm glad you were brave enough to keep seeking.

T2L,

Sorry, I need to delete those old links. They stopped working when they updated the boards a long while back. I haven't been here much, so I forgot about it.

Try this:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1893552&fpart=43

Work the plans; and never cease praying.

SMB,

I'm very happy for both of you that things have worked out for you.

I have a question for you. I think the answer to this could be a benefit to those who do things when they feel everything is over.

How did you address the issue in regard to your sexual relationship with the guy you met while tst was in his A? I know that complicated the situation. I didn't see anything mentioned about it in your post and I do believe reading about what else you had to do to get in the right direction may help people who think about having a RA.

Your post was all about what tst is doing (which is great, btw), I'm just curious what you have done and are doing to make that part better for him?

LC