I like the way you have it organized. It has all the same stuff, but seems like less.

Shoag?

How 'bout: Hagitha?



Charlotte

I called the OW the ditchpig. It even made my ex laugh.

What's dat mean??? Sorry LOL

Combo of SeaHagToad

LOLOLOL That's good! Told ya I'm a bit slow! Hee Hee.

So H has been here since 12:30 as his work day ended a bit early. He has been at the house doing chores again. I said hey you don't have to do this stuff. I don't want you to feel like you have to every time your here. He says well I like doing stuff around the house(yeah right he used to not want to do more than required, this is new behavior). He then says well when I'm not here I think of all the stuff I need to do.....I feel bad almost guilty. Now I want him to stop the chores since Plan B is now 1 week tomorrow.

So I am around the house doing stuff and hanging out with the kids and he is doing stuff out side. I came out for something as he walked in. Ok this is funny to me.

First I have to explain so ya'll wont get freaked out. Ok my husband and I have worked out and lifted weights extensively for since we were 16. So we read fitness magazines and keep up a bit on that kind of stuff. Well body builders usually shave their body hair off, I know it sounds funny but to us its normal and looks good. Well the 1st thing we notice when H starts hanging out is his arm hair is so long now. DD17 says ewe dad your arm hair is so long. I know thats how long he's been doing it even our DD17 noticed. Well today I come out and he shaved it all off and his chest hair too. I was shocked because that's something I like and I assumed maybe the long hair is either his laziness or OW likes it.
And then last week I said to him so when ya gonna trim up that goatee ya got going its pretty long, he says yeah it is isnt it. I say yeah are you applying for a santa job? Well he shaved it 4 days later and I said oh wow you look really nice. he then says I didnt realize how long it was till I saw it fall in the sink, I said Yeah I know and laughed.

Well he's gonna be back from getting supplies be back later.....

You always crack me up. I don't find shaving odd, and I know lots of people do it.

I wonder if the Toad shaves her mustache.

I know I guess I am weird but we run into people all the time that are like you shave your arm hair off? They think it's weird for a guy to shave his arm and leg hair off. I think its normal.

So he just left. He said I would stay the night but I'd probably be no good I'm pretty tired and my throat hurts, I say well its up to you, he says my 1st appointment it closer to my house. We'll see him tomorrow for DS10 game then I think he's coming for the day after that.
He thanked me for dinner, just soes ya know we had pesto angel hair pasta with spinach salad an sourdough bread and a nice bottle of Cabernet followed by apple cobbler and vanilla ice cream.

The kids were kinda hanging after dinner out while H and I talked over a glass of wine. We had a lot of conversation, not sure if they were ok or not, but i tried to do a lot of agreeing to some of the things we discussed or at least entertained the idea that he may have been right, so as to not commit any disrespectful judgments.
We talked a lot about things that happened, i didn't pry I dont even know how we ended up there. He knew that I was upset at his mother for telling him if he wanted Toad the Sea Hag that she would accept that. He told his mother that I need an apology. He agreed that I showed his mother such great love and other family members didn't show her that kindness and that it hurt me. He agrees that she probably didn't handle it right. He also agreed that his other brother should not have said what did I do wrong when I told him what had happened.

Then we talked a lot about church stuff as he was an associate Pastor there. My H by nature is a Jonah. He was to have this church passed down to us in the next year. I think it terrified him, I know it did. I think in his mind he thought he needed to be prefect and superhuman but he didn't. He said tonight well now everyone knows that I'm human. He was soooo loved by so many and I think he thought he had to be perfect. Then we talked about paying off some debt at tax time and a lot of stuff. I was proud of myself in learning to be a better listener, that was one of his complaints, and I found out after reading SAA that I had been guilty of disrespectful judgments, I feel terrible for it. I had not realized i was even doing it.
I'm really grateful for the book, either way now I know how to be an even better wife to someone.

We talked for a while and watched the kids play twister and laughed.

When he left he hugged me for so long and so tightly(with his hand wrapped around me, I tried like 2-3 times to pull away and he would not let me go so I just waited for him to be done hugging.

Tomorrow 1 week left. Hard after a night like tonight, had a really good time enjoying his company and conversation, but I remind my self that living the life as the OW even though I am his wife is worse.

I guess its my fear he may get mad and hate me again. He hated me so badly during the 1st 5 months and said so many things. He does acknowledge that most of it was wrong, he even said tonight I know what I did was wrong.

I joke with him, I said look no SF tonight, no using and abusing you. We both laugh, I say i felt bad your throat was sore...but there's always tomorrow. He automatically plans to stay over on days now without us asking now.

Good night, gonna remember this one.

And oh yeah, Believer, she doesn't shave her mustache she shaves her warts LOLOLOLOLOLOL

***EDIT***

You can read the sections here on Openness and Honesty, and on Selfish Demands. There's a way that you can share how you feel without trying to make him do a certain thing. Things are going so good for you right now that I agree, in this dynamic you don't want him to think you were being dishonest all this time, that your being so "nice" was just an act.

One thing that BS's in Plan A often say to the WS is that they are making these changes for themselves, whether or not the WS chooses to come back to the M. Has anything like that come up in conversation naturally?

Jayne,
No that has not come up in conversation. I think I'm going to need to drop a hint. I think it may be a good idea as yes I want the shock and missing me part of it, but at this point I think he's truly gonna think this was all premeditated.

I think the next time he plans to come out but is not able to, which might actually be today because we have a ton of wildfires here in the Los Angeles area and he just called me and said that some of the freeways are closed and he doesn't know if he can make it.
Funny thing is he is already out in this general area at his job site(about 30mins away) and I mentioned going around another route and he was a little apprehensive saying that everyone else will take that road.

So if he doesn't come today I think it might be a good day to do it. I just need to know how and what to say without LB'ing.

I mean if he was already living here this wouldn't be an issue he'd come home either way.

***edit***

What would be a good way to drop a hint without LB'ing to kinda let him know that this is hard for me that way next Saturday won't be a super or deceptive shock?

I want to say it without pressuring him since he's on that i do what I want own time line kick.

I would stop worrying about it. You are following a plan. He would be CRAZY to think that he can keep the TOAD and still have his adoring wife.

Your Plan B letter explains it very well.

Oops I didn't realize it was BA.

I worry a bit about him thinking this was all an act, but if you've been honest about the fact that you can't live like this forever, that's good. If it does happen to come up naturally, then let him know you are making these changes for yourself, because that's who you want to be.

I wouldn't change plans right now, you're doing great. You don't wanna drop major hints this close to PB, and you don't wanna be the one LBing him and making demands. Just try and be honest about things if they come up naturally - but you don't wanna bring up relationship talk yourself. It's a fine line. When in doubt, keep doing what you're doing, cus you're doing great.

Trying,

Stay the course. One of the major reasons of Plan A, besides helping you to improve yourself, is to show WH what he will be missing when you go to Plan B (but not to tell him first!). Otherwise, it WILL seem like a setup or an ultimatium. Ex: "Honey, see how wonderful things can be, but if you don't quit what you're doing, I'm going to cut you out of my life." THAT seems like an ultimatium.

What you're doing is showing him how things will be again. When you suddenly go to Plan B it is because you HONESTLY can't go on like this. You're not saying NEVER, you're saying WHEN.

P.S. FYI: Muse1234 (or whatever it was) is a poster named BA who is a single young guy that poses as different people periodically here on MB and tries to give advice (usually off the mark). We'll warn you if he shows up again. I suspected it was him this morning when I read his first post but wasn't sure. We have GREAT mods who keep track of him.

Trying,

Here's something MelodyLane posted about intermediaries from the good Dr. Harley that I thought you should read (I hope you don't mind ML). You might want to pass it on to your Plan B intermediary.

PM,
NO don't mind anyone on here except the weirdos! I had no clue that muse guy was not legit! Thank God some one is watching and thanks so much for input!

Well he ended up coming. Got off early been here since noon. Worked around the house a bit then on his company vehicle. I wish he'd stop with the chores. At 1st it was great but now that I need to move to PB i want him to stop LOL!

Jayne,
It won't come up naturally in conversation since he has said a few times he knows he was wrong and he truthfully the 2 times we kinda stumbled on conversations about the A, he can't bear to talk about it. He says I don't want to talk about it. I don't think in a hiding way I just think it freaks him out to think about it all.

Yes I have made really great changes that I proud of myself for. He has not said anything about them so I don't really think its going to come up naturally.

I'm just going to keep going. 1 week today guys! Aside of sharing my bonehead hubby, Plan A has been challenging but fun because I love pushing my self and I love personal growth. Weird huh. Who on earth would call being the OW to your H fun? LOL

I had gone to the store a bit ago and he hung out here with the kids. When I got home I had said I spent a bit more than usual but I had picked up 2 turkeys for Thanksgiving. :gobblegobble: Then he says are we just gonna be here, and I think i flinched a bit and said more than likely and walked away like i was half listening. CRAP! I feel bad, and I know I shouldn't but I do just a bit. He thinks he's gonna be here, uggg.

Ok so when he moved out on May 8th he took the other garage door clicker that opens the door. I had someone immediately reprogram mine. So he brings it out and walks up to me in the garage and says here's the other garage opener can I reprogram it? (ready for this, I'm so lame sometimes) I stare at him with a half smile and a blank stare for at least 12-20 seconds as I'm running though my head of what the heck to say. Finally he smiles and says I can give it to DD17 and I say oh year sure.

But we had this convo at the beginning of Plan A if you remember he said I should reprogram my clicker and I say Oh no, and he says maybe I will and we laugh and I say nope you better not and I laugh again and say you can reprogram it when you want to come home full time.

Ok So general consensus is to just keep Plan A'ing, he prob won't ask anything about changes and drop the PBL bomb next Saturday with no hints or changes in my attitude or demeanor. Every time we are together we have a great time and everything goes well and SF most of the time....it's gonna be weird handing him that bloody letter.

Ok ya'll. I gave him the PBL tonight. I am so sad. I am balling as I type. Its like starting all over again. Hurts worse I think, this time I have no shock to stop the pain.

Here's how it happened.

The last few weeks he had said he would stay the night, and we hadn't even asked him.

Well H visited today, had a nice visit like we always so for the most part. Were outside At about 5 he says he needs to get going and I say well why don't you stay. HE says I can't I have plans I say where ya going? He says to a wedding, and I say by your self? at this point DD17 walks up and hugs me and listens. H responds yeah Im going by my self, who would I take? DD17 spouts out your wife! And I say hey don't say that. Then he says its some friends, i say really. I don't know why but that little conversation was like a punch in the stomach. Why it wasn't a bad conversation.

So I at this point start walking into the house and he follows me and I say kinda sweetly this is tiring. He says what and I say nothing its nothing. H responds mentally? And I say yes mentally. It's really tiring having to share you and he says your not sharing me and I say well you don't live with your wife(this is a very light conversation and we both are kinda smiling at this point) you live with another woman and then I say well let's not talk about this and I change the subject. I didn't want to give him the letter in a way because of this little conversation. I didnt want him to feel it was punishment. But for the next hour I agonize within my self, my stomach hurts and I don't feel right. I want to cry. I finally thought OMG I have to give this to him tonight. I don't really want to but felt like I have to. I dont know why I felt like falling apart. Why now I only had a week left.

So he gets ready to leave about 7 and he pulls me up to walk him out to the door. He says goodbye to DS10 and then I walk out with him. I say I have this card for you, but don't read it til after the wedding go and have fun. Promise don't read it til later and have fun. He says I don't want to go but I have to. I say really its not big deal go and have fun and I put it in his hands. He hugs me and looks at me and say do you want me to go away? At this point tears are starting to fall I try to stop them and I can't and I try and smile and I say just read this later and know that I love you. And he drove away and I came in the house and ran to my bathroom to cry. I have called my mediators and they are ready.

Man, I am so sad you guys. I can't stop crying. Thank you all so much for being there with me the last weeks. You have helped me have the best chance for recovery and either way I hope some day I can repay someone. Tonight I just need to cry. Gotta get together gotta go lead worship at church in the morning. Notified my Pastor and he says he is praying and standing with me.

K guys back tomorrow.......

Hey, Girl, try to keep your chin up. You have done a stellar Plan A, one he is not likely to forget very soon. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't come negotiating to get back home really soon. I was just thinking today how strong you have been, and I was wondering how long you would keep it up. Plan B may have come a little earlier than planned, but your delivery was excellent. You let him know when you gave him the letter, it was because you loved him. I think you have pushed him off the fence. Sleep well, you have done the right thing. Prayers are with you tonight. GF