What was the core of the Hypocratic Oath?

Was it not: "AT THE VERY LEAST, DO NO HARM!"

No, rrb is NOT doctor material. He has failed the prerequisites that would qualify him to be a member of this society that requires a moral character and integrity.

MG, the picture thing as I have read is on campus, but has NOT been posted to the internet, if I read you right. Don't know if it will, but don't react to what has not happened yet. Your emotions are far too raw. For what it's worth, the average attention span of a college student is " who's going to make the next beer run."

The pics will fade, but as JL said, a lifetime STD or worse is far more heartwrenching(believe my I know).

Moving is a viable option, especially since your W is unemployed right now. But it should be a policy of joint agreement.

Sometimes in life, we have to have the entire house that was built on shifting sands, come crashing down around our ears, before we can even choose to rebuild.

This time is now upon you, and I could only suggest that you and your W plan very wisely how you would build your dream together. It should include themes in MB like POJA, Affair Profing you M, Transparency, and Open and Honest(and continuous) communication.

The thing that keeps ringing loudly in my ears, is that you LOVE your wife, and as corny as it sounds, that will be the building block, the cornerstone if you will, to rebuilding your M. I pray that this will happen when the roaring sound of the storm subsides. It will take time, patience, and true dillegence on the part of both you and your W, but can be accomplished with the help of God on your side.

I will pray for both of you.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I would consult with a lawyer for potential law suit.

I would also expose OM to the medical schools that he has applied to.

for all of you that are advocating vengeance on this college kid...ask yourself when the [censored] hits the fan, who is going to get the most blame here.

This could wind up in the courts and let me tell you...I would have a LOT more sympathy for him than a WIFE who screwed a student.

The best thing to do here is to shut up, leave the area and recover their marriage. If they ruin this kids life, he will come back and harm them in some way.

The wife is the cause of this mess...the solution to this problem is not to ruin this students life. Do that and don't be surprised if every one of their neighbors finds a picture of the wife's "performance" in their mailbox.

Again, this was a wife and a person in a position of authority screwing a student. He was wrong for sure. But SHE deserves the most scorn here. No way his punishment should exceed hers. No way. If this were my child and he did this...he would get an ear full from me...and maybe even a foot in the rear full. But I guarantee you...if anyone tried to do to my kid what is being advocated here, I would make a point to have them regret every last act.

Let it go. Your wife screwed up. Don't take it out on him...she laid it on the table for the kid...he should have resisted, he didn't...but it is HER doing.

Amen!

Don't risk your family for vengence.

Walk away. Never look at the pictures, and hopefully heal.

There will come a point when the nice dad of RRB will protect his son. Don't push it.

Remember who got fired here.

I agree with the idea of taking the pain and walking away. If RRB wants to cause real problems he could get other students involved. After all why was he selected for the squad, did your WW have some say in that. How were other students treated? How old was he when they first had sex? She is really exposed on alot of issues, especially if RRB plays loose with the truth.

I would bet that RRB's Dad will circle back to the university and get him reinstated. I am sure they do not want the issue of a teacher/supervisor doing a student widely publicized.

He will not see his sons future trashed over this if he can stop it. I would guess the university is praying that they do not get sued by RRB.

This is no innocent "kid". This MAN is 22. He screwed another mans wife. Took photos of her and distributed them to humiliate her.

There's consequences for that behaviour - consequences for both you and your wife.

I would tell OM's Father and his fiance. I would do all in my power to keep him out of ever becoming a medical professional.

You wife is also paying consequences. This will blow over very soon and no one will remember.

I agree with the advice to not look yourself at the photos. Seek legal options to limit further distribution. I would be looking to protect my wife from further humiliation.

I just came from a presentation on "restorative justice". Although we were dealing with offenders of criminal law perhaps some of the principals may apply.

Regarding RRB. When my brother in law was applying to Med School C's did not cut the mustard. Even if he goes back to improve the marks the record will show he had to take the courses twice. Potential Red Flag. I don't think RRB will have a trouble free ride. He is looking at a life altering situation here. I agree that a lawyer should be consulted, but his actions have already derailed his hopes.

What is the real issue here? The real issue is this relationship needs to be healed. MG needs healing, his WW wife needs healing, and the children need healing (it would take a lot of convincing for me to believe they don't have a good idea that something disastrous is going on, their world could potentially change forever, and they are likely scared hoping mommy and daddy can work this out.)

MG has already done an admirable job. How he keeps from throwing up, because of this I am amazed. He has expressed his anger, and rightfully so, at his wife for being so stupid. I would be very surprised if she does not have a crystal clear picture how how stupid she has been. Now she is wounded, hurt, alienated, embarrassed etc...

Lets assume MG chooses restoration and reconciliation. At some point they will have to try to restore the LOVE relationship between them. What approach will best facilitate the long term goal of restoration. In my opinion this is where MG will be able to affair proof his marriage by standing by her and helping her heal. If he chooses this option, I think his wife would be forever grateful. How could she not love and appreciate a man (who she caused immeasurable pain) chose to stand by her when she needed it most. She will be reminded what an upstanding man she married. I feel this will cause her to feel deeply remorseful (perhaps not immediately), but unless she is mentally disturbed, she will suffer guilt and remorse. She would have to be incredibly callous, not to recognize that in her darkest hour, her husband chose to stand by her, and facilitate her healing.

To my understanding Agape love is to "choose the highest possible good for someone else, without any expected return". This woman needs her husbands love now more than any other time in her life.

We are not privy to the issues that lead up to her choosing this destructive course of action. I just don't feel qualified to judge. As much as revenge and making someone pay feels sweet, what does that do to help heal this family? It may feel good temporarily, but that does not facilitate healing.

Putting myself in MG's WW position, if he would extend a hand to me, when I know I have wronged him, my family, everyone I know, I would find it hard not to love and respect that person forever.

I think MG is in very strong position to recover his marriage, if he can deal with this terrible assault on his marriage. Who appreciates forgiveness the most, but those who have sinned the greatest. I cannot fathom the pain MG is experiencing right now. My stomach churns when I think about what he is going through. But the question remains, what is the long term objective? Is it restoration or is it revenge?

MG you have my admiration and respect. You have shown a depth of character that is admirable. You have my deepest sympathy for what you are going through.

My hope and prayer is you and your family are able to heal.

Chicken/egg

I understand all too well a reluctance to make many sacrifices until you believe you see a ray of hope. It relates to my situation all too well.

In your case, however, staying put may end up being the root cause of failure if you fail to recover your M.

From my perspective, moving is the only real chance you have.

BigKahuna,

My understanding is that RRB is 21, but we don't know what kind of contact took place over the last 4 years, or if there are other possibly underage skeletons in the closet. I am not saying that I think RRB is innocent, I am saying that legally it could get rough on the university, since he was a student and she could have favored him over others. If it gets rough on the university the easiest thing for them will be to side with RRB, and then vilify the teacher/supervisory person.

How would you feel about this if the teacher were male married coach with a female cheerleader? I spoke to a guy in my firm about this and he thought he could easily make this situation a firestorm for the university and WW. He's not sure he would win but he is sure he could publicly imply that WW was doing lots of the male cheerleaders and would try to find some hint of doing them while they were under age so he could then use the criminal law system on his side as well.

Keep in mind that BigK is Australian and somewhat of a novice when it comes to American litigation. He is totally unaware that you can sue anybody for not protecting you from your own stupidity (McDonalds - hot coffee, etc.).

OTOH, in a worst-case scenario, I see a Mexican standoff.

The fact that RRB sent those photos during the A leaves him highly exposed as well. If RRB's family goes after the University, MG goes for RRB's jugular.

I can't see how the University could sue WW for damages. They already fired their bullet.

Did they use School computers or school emails???

They exchanged porn photos via WW's school cellphone.

She's toast and will never work in another University and probably school. She's not a teacher but this will show up on any background check in the future for work. It depends alot on state law about the photos but they were taken by her or with her consent. I guess you could sue the kid but how much more does the BH want this to be public? Once it goes legal its perminent record...even her kids could google their mothers name and this potential lawsuit would pop up. Maybe try and get a financial settlement but from who? I doubt the kid has money and his dad sounds like he ha swashed his hands of him. Future money is unlikely legally in a case like this. But maybe the threat will result in whatever few thousands that kid has...maybe he has a trustfund!!

It sounds like his school record to toast but he will be allowed to graduate. He will not be picked up by major hospitals but lets face it....doctors are in short supply. Someone will hire him.

I was not advocating suing the OM. Merely investigating legal options to halt further dissemination of the photos.

same same

Pojitos, BigKahuna

I think from the timeline that RRB actually had sent the pics out before the A was exposed. He is clearly a little jerk but he did not send out the pics for revenge. I think the best idea is to let this die, there are lots of hot naked pics on the internet this one will not stand out to most people. On the legal side, I think it is best to just hope RRB's Dad decides to let this lie. In general, the person in power and the side with the deep pockets are in the most danger in the US system.

Just think carefully about how you would feel about this if it were a 30 year old male coach and a 21 year old cheerleader. For that reason alone I think that MG needs to make sure that WW never did anything inappropriate with kids under 18. This is hard but his WW could be sued. RRB surely has friends and kids will lie for each other.

I have never really been an advocate of extracting revenge on OP. Generally they create their own demise.

My only concern is that it will be difficult to try to recover the marriage living in this place where you would always wonder who got a copy of those pictures (and there is nothing to prevent them from being forwarded on even now by someone with malicious intent. Forwarding those pictures may or may not be illegal but even if it is, enforceability is difficult.

I'm not sure how it works in North America but prepaid cellphones here are essentially untraceable.

RRB clearly shows poor judgment on several counts. That will never change.

I do think MG should take that golf job in Florida, take WW with him and try to make a new start. If it doesn't work out, he still has a great job in Florida.

OTOH, trying to recover the marriage in a fish bowl will be difficult.

Thanks for all of the replies. I’ll try to read them all today. It’s been a long weekend, but I think we were able to work through a lot of issues. I’ll give you a quick rundown and ask if it makes sense to you guys.

I went home Friday and made it very clear to her that she had one last chance to be completely honest. I told her that I still loved her and wanted our marriage to work, but that I couldn’t just keep going like we were and getting hit with a different bombshell every week. I tried to convince her that I could handle things better, no matter how bad they may be, if I got everything at once instead of having the reality trickle in for weeks. I think this picture blowup must have crushed all of her defenses, because I got what I believe to be the total truth. After many long, tearful discussions over the weekend, I thanked her for being honest and asked her to please tell me immediately if she thought of anything else.

Here are the additional details that I learned. She still swears that RRB is the only affair she’s had during our entire marriage and that while they have been “flirty” with each other for several years that it only became physical this year. She reconfirmed the length and the number of times they were together and both pieces of info matched what she told me last week and what I got from other sources. She also admitted to lot only allowing him to take the pictures but also allowing him to video them in his apartment. Apparently they would video everything and then watch it together before she left. Part of her panic now is that since the pictures were shared with others that maybe the videos were also. It took forever to get to this point with her having to stop due to uncontrollable crying and me having to stop her so that I could walk away to cool off for a minute and to actually throw up a few times.

Probably the worst new info was that on at least 2 occasions she was with him during the afternoon and came home and had SF with me later that evening. She even admitted that at the time being with both of us in the same day just added to the excitement. She kept telling me how stupid she was and how sorry she was and begging me to forgive her. For my part, I was able to keep it together pretty well and avoid losing my cool. I did have to stop her a few times and just get away for a while to absorb what I was hearing. I know that people at the gym had to wonder why I came to workout 3 times on Saturday. But, between some swimming, running, and hitting the heavy bag I was able to digest all of her revelations without just losing it with her.

Going forward, she has agreed to order both SAA and HNHN from MB and start working through both of them with me. She agreed to counseling, but wants to start with our pastor. I agreed for now, but told her that if I had any problem with how things were going that I would stop it and find a counselor of my choice and she was fine with that. We have gotten away from church in the past few years mainly due to our jobs keeping us tied up on weekends. But, with her no longer working, we both agreed that we need to get back into church. Luckily, they have recently started a Saturday evening service that will work out great with my schedule.

We did discuss moving and decided to just wait for a few months to see how things played out before making a big decision like that. Luckily, I have a couple of months to decide about the position in Florida. The person in the job now is retiring in May so they’re not in a huge rush for an answer. I know several of the board members there and they are offering me the position before they open it up to others. I have until the end of February to give them a firm answer. I am leaning towards taking it, because it offers better hours, more money, and a fresh start. But, I want to make sure we’re making this decision for the right reasons and not just trying to run from our problems. Like several have mentioned already, I really think that everything will die down here quickly. As embarrassing as the pictures are, they are just the flavor of the day and by next semester there will probably be very few who even remember them. I don’t think any of them are on the internet and if they are, her name is not attached. Plus, there are so many pictures like that on the internet that they would just be one or two of millions.

I did talk to RRB’s father yesterday. I made him aware of the videos and thanked him for his help. I told him that I had no intentions of pushing this any farther. I just wanted all of the pictures and videos deleted so that they could never be distributed again. He promised to make sure that his son did just that. Part of me wants to do some nasty things to the kid, but I also know that even though he’s 22, he is still just a college kid with poor judgement. I also remember some of the stupid things I did and I’m glad that I got some second chances. He’s already had to deal with some pretty bad consequences and hopefully he’s learned from them.

I know i've probably forgotten something, but this is long enough already. Thanks for all of help so far.

MG -

You have made some great decisions and have acted with class during this ordeal. I see hope that all will be repaired but it will take the dreaded 4 letter word - time.

I think your wife is one lucky gal to have had a BH act quickly and decisively and to allow a path of reconcilation.