HBD.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this once again. Your pain must be unimagineable.

Time to face reality and understand that serial cheaters will always find a way to cheat and decieve you. It's their nature to do so. I'M quite convinced that these 2 A's that you know about are only the tip of the iceburg.

I know you are in shock and grief again, but consider the fact that you can talk and vent here to us.

Most of us have been there and done that.

All blessings,
Jerry

hbd,, so sorry that you had to find out and this way to boot.

i don't know the in's and out's of the law but would think she would have to call the cops and make a big deal if she wanted back in. then if you explained your side to them saying you just don't trust her not to do something stupid they would probably suggest she finds other accomadations for awhile.

i to am curious what her attitude and excuses were when presented with the facts. did she just leave? insist on staying? make any threats?

i will be gone for a couple of days getting some medical procedures taken care of.

you take care of yourself and those kids. stay calm at ALL COSTS. i know it is hard but an angry H is a marked target for the police. they tend to side with the helpless woman (yeah right) most times from my experience.

and i agree with runnerboy that your kids need to see you handle this with character. it will be a huge lesson for them that they will realize later in life.

and speaking of runnerboy (and i don't mean to threadjack) but nice to see you again. maybe you could update us on how you have been doing on another thread. or guide me to where you have updated your situation.

hbd keep your head up. i know you must be frustrated to no end right now. things will improve for you now that you have a clear mind and you know where you must turn.

I let he come home while I took my son out to dinner to get her stuff.

She is gone, not sure where she is and I am not sure I really care.

It sort of feels good not to have to snoop anymore.

I listed to those recordings all week and they were clean. I though I had over-reacted to the other weekend.

This was a different guy.

She knows she was caught and there is not much she can say. She says she is sorry, that something is wrong with her, she loves me and no one else, blah blah blah.

What I heard will forever be implanted in my mind.

I went to the doctor and got STD testing. She slept with me and this guy on the same night. I am sick to write that. He gave me xanax and it helped me get a few hours sleep last night. I woke up at 5:00 with the thoughts again. I am forever haunted. He only gave me 20. That is 19 more nights of sleep I guess.

If it werent for my kids I could shut down and go to sleep. I have a job I have to be able to perform.

I have to talk to the kids, I meet with a lawyer today.

She is texting me like mad.

I have had better days.

There is something VERY wrong with her. She is toxic, and you are better off being rid of her - and so is your son! That's a very sad thing to type, and I'm sure it's unbearable living it right now.

At least you can move forward without any doubts about whether you're doing the right thing, or if you did your best, or any of that other stuff. You've done a GREAT job in working on your M by forgiving her and rebuilding years ago - and then when she throws her M away like this, rather than cherishing it and the gift you are to her, well, you just don't need to be around that at all.

I'm sorry you've got those tapes playing in your head. They do go away (as you know) but they're awful while they're in the forefront. When your prescription runs out do see the doc again if you feel you need to.

sorry again that you have to deal with this sad situation.

good luck with the lawyer. don't be afraid to ask for the moon. then settle on what you really want.

even with her habitual infidelity the courts (although they are getting better) tend to side mainly with the exw's side.

although shocking, disturbing and all the other crappy emotions that go with this type of situation you have to see that you are in a much better place with the ugly truth on the table. now you can move forward.

it is also sad to see a woman who has been given a huge second chance by her h turn around and treat him this way. she has a serious mental/phsycologocal problem and will never get past it without some professional help.

keep your head up. your life will get better and you will find happiness and peace sooner then you think

you are the only parent your kids have right now and they need you to hold it together.

also be careful with that xanax as it can be addictive. i use them for anxiety (0.5 mg). but i break them in 1/2 and 30 tablets last me anywhere from 6 - 9 months. try only using them as needed.

Hey HBD.
How are you doing???

Well....

I haven't been posted here because I lied about Thursday.

I changed the locks, told her to find a place to live - all those things were true, but I let her come home.

I know I am going to get blasted, especially from MedC. Even your signature says you are a straight talker, and I can't fault you for that, and I don't like what you have to say even though I know it is true.

We were home together all weekend. She is very sorry, doesn't know whats wrong with her, loves me and no one else, will do anything, please go to counseling, wll be totally transparent, all those things. This wasn't a long term affair and I don't think it is something that will continue, but what do I know.

I am just in a state of shock and really don't know where I am now. I need to get a grip, I've lost 15 pounds, on Xanex which aren't helping, can't concentrate at work.

I'm a weak doormat cake provider. Even after what I listened to, I still can't be without her. As I am sure MedC will pound me with I need to man up and grow a pair.


On the plus side the kids are oblivious at this point.

I won't pound you about this. I just won't waste any more of my time posting to you as you lied in repeated posts and seem unwilling to help yourself.

Perhaps you and RS can start up a club.

I wish you luck.

[b]and BTW, you've caught her in 2 affairs...a polygraph will reveal she's probably had 10. But you won't do that because denial is now your best friend. [/b]

medc is just trying to save you from a long withdrawn string of affairs. Sometimes when we lose the most important thing in our life, it hits us like a 2x4. It knocks some sense into us and allows us to see what we really care about. I hope you are right about your wayward, but if you are not, you will understand where he is coming from.

I lied in one post and admitted it.

so, the "what should I do if she comes home" posts weren't continuations of the same lie???

Why lie to us here? You would be better posting NOTHING than a LIE.

Are you willing to insist on an immediate polygraph?

Have you arranged for STD testing?

I was tested for STDs on Thursday a few hours after I found out.

Whats the polygraph for at this point? It's a known fact that she had sex with a near stranger in the back of our family car.

I don't need a lie detector for that, I have the play by play on a CD.

Not snooping anymore, I give up. My wife likes to have sex with other men.

Yep, needs to be done. HBD you said this was with a different guy. You still don't have the truth about the 23 year old and "3 hour tour." Remember? that's what made you suspicious in the first place.

Don't put this off any longer. I personally drove my w to her testing and waited in the car.

Lots of undone stuff hanging out there.

Get busy.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Oh, okay. I didn't know you enjoyed her rendezvous.

I figured you would want the truth and then be able to act on that. You know...finding out your wife has done that same performance 50 different times with 20 different men might impact some people...but for you, it's what...foreplay...are you just going to accept this?

you give up WHAT?

I give up caring.

I give up hoping I can have my life I thought I had.

I give up thinking my wife ever loved me.

I give up ever being happy again.

I give up hoping my kids could grow up with a whole family.

I give up everything I ever found happiness in.

What else could happen to me in this marriage? The worst has happened. I have been reading a Stephen King novel and one of the characters mentions winning the powerball. Not the good one, but just watching all of the balls of his numbers falling into place. I think there are six balls, but I have seen enough to know I won the powerball - just not the good one.

Divorce - fine - I have already seen an attorney, the LSA will be ready to sign on Friday. There is no marriage building going on here. Not sure why medc gives me so much [censored]. All I did was let her come home. I love her, I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I am not mad at her, I just give up. I will always take care of her. She is the mother of my children and no matter what I love her. I signed up for the long term and as long as my kids are around I don't need her falling apart.

I travel a lot for work, and it is not realistic for me to maintain the family home - it's hers I dont want it.

She can sell it, keep it, I don't care. I don't care about the money, there is plenty for both of us. What do I need money for anyway.

I will get a unibomber shack to stay in while I am not on the road.

I've lost my wife, my kids, my home, my life is over. I can't see beyond it.

I was tested for STD's on Thursday - what do I care if she has an STD?

you haven't LOST your kids until you quit trying to be the best full time dad you can be.

YOU should be in the home...change jobs if necessary. YOU should be the primary care giver. Your wife is a toxin that should only be allowed in their lives in small doses.

I gave you a hard time because you appeared to be accepting your wife back and not looking for the truth. That would be pathetic.

You haven't lost anything but a cheating spouse. In the end...life will be all the better because of it. In the meantime, fake it until you make it for your kids. Do not leave your home and your kids.

Fight for them...this will get better.

It's called grief and there's no way around it. been there myself not all that long ago.


That is the attitude of a fatalist, who will make horrible choices based on it's influence. Don't go there!!




But more importantly they don't need YOU to fall apart. You are the only sane one in their life right now.


The black of night is always the worst, but with faith in God their will be a dawn when you see things much more clearly. Take a breath and be patient, please.

Have faith and remain calm. See your Dr. if you have to. You need to be the rock for the kids, HBD. don't let them down, or yourself for that matter.

Many Prayers,
Jerry

You know medc I am starting to like you. I still think you are a [censored], but we're guys here we can all each other a couple of dicks and still be friends.

I see what you're saying. I'm trying to listen.

See I think we differ on one point. I don't think my wife is a bad person. I think she is bad to me. She is a great mom she, and she didn't bring this in front of them. Even though the result has an immediate impact on them, she didn't do it to them directly, she did it to me - which impacts them. She just doesn't care about me, doesn't mean she doesn't care about the kids.

This is about me. If she was married to someone she truly loved, respected and cared about would she be [censored] someone in the back of the our car? I think not. The problem is a problem with me. Maybe she never finds that person and does this to the next poor sap that falls for her, I don't know.

I don't intend to abandon my kids. I will get another house close by and more than likely they will spend more time with me than with their mother. I don't want to be in that house. I will never move past this in that house. I am sure once this is official she will be in the street most of the time looking for whatever it is that she needs and that I can't offer.

In all reality I am really only out of town 6 nights a month total. I won't be out on the weekends, I just don't have the stomach for it again, and I can only look forward to solitude and watching my kids grow up.

I have spent the last six years building a thriving business that was created for our current economic situation. Now is when I earn the money for the rest of my life and the money I plan to use to complete raising my children. I can't throw that away because my wife [censored] other men in our car whenever given the opportunity.


What I have given up is what I thought I was, what I thought we were, the way I wanted to raise my children and the happiness my family was giving me.

All that is over. I just can't believe what has happened, and I can't imagine what I did to cause all of this.