Me three!

The day was very quiet, at least on H's end LOL.

1st day of home school with DS10 went good.

I picked up DS10 from football practice at 7:30, fed him and we decided to get in the jacuzzi since they worked the boys so hard for this playoff game Saturday.

I brought the phone with us because H usually calls DS10 about 8:30 ish and I didn't want him to miss his only contact with dad.

As scheduled he called and I handed the phone straight to DS10. H asks what he was doing and DS10 says me and mommy are in the jacuzzi relaxing and they talk for about 5 minutes then I can tell that H asked DS10 if I there with him he says yes. The H tells DS10 to tell me hello So DS10 says dad says hello. I look at my son and I don't say a word and i nod. They talk for a few more minutes and then hang up.

I then say DS10 this is not your fault but if daddy says tell mom hello again just say ok I'll tell her. I guess that was a boundary tester. But now I'm like hey I'ze gotz nuttin ta say ta ya till yur funky covered in frosting cake eating butt leaves the skanky wart ridden Sea Hag Toad.

Pep, Neak or Kimmy check the email.

Anyways relaxed from the jacuzzi, think I'll have a lil wine and watch Walle with my son. Feeling determined at least for the moment.

Good for you. Shame on Wh for using a kid to test boundries! Ugh. I guess that's the least of the list of things that WH has done.

About the home schoolin'. Where do you get your curriculum from?
Does your state have any standardised testing? In Michigan, we have the MEAP for the 6th, 8th and 11th graders.
--just wondering.

Why does he want HS so badly?

Well, it sounds like you have your stuff together. GFY goodforyou.


here is a hammer because this icon is cute. :twobyfour:

Suggestion: Since WH is currently low enough to use a 10yo to try and break your boundaries, simply don't be present for phone calls. Hand the phone to DS and go somewhere else, even if you're somewhere lovely like the jacuzzi...sigh...

Yeah maybe next time I'll wait til after the call to get in jacuzzi. But from now on I'll be sure I'm not in the area when they are talking.

Barbiecat, DS10 has experienced a lot of anxiety about the A and his dad living with the other woman. We have had to get him into therapy and he slept in my bed for 5 months. We had a pretty good family before, pretty close. So the A was a shock to everyone, completely out of character for H. He lost his mind. So anyways, it hit DS10 very hard as we had no clues. So he wanted to home school. He is adjusted better than after discovery and while we were in Plan A he slept in his be almost 3 weeks. We had a few days of set backs after Plan B started but last night he was in his bed so probably was another adjustment thing again.

Anyways off to work on school stuff with son....

Just wondering how many of you guys who went into Plan B, had H stop visiting the kids or at least slowed down in visits.

Doesn't look like H is going to visit today, I could be wrong but it's getting later.

Tomorrow will be 1 week he hasn't seen son. He has called several times so I guess I shouldn't complain but It pisses me off.

My son has been through enough and soon he'll get tired and notice his dad isn't visiting.

I feel like DS10 maybe got his hopes up during Plan A, I couldn't say anything other than DS10 I can't do this forever, sharing daddy hurts me. But I think in his little mind he thought maybe daddy was thinking about coming home and now that freakin jerk hasn't visited him in 6 days. Uggggg.

I feel pissed and a little down this afternoon. {{{{Sigh}}}}

T2L

FWIW Flick sent a postcard to the girls during PB, which he later admitted doing just to annoy me. He never called or made arrangments to see them.

Yes DS10 probably did get his hopes up, its hard not to when Plan A goes so well. The hurt your son is feeling is a consequence WH will have to work on himself. Waywards care not for anyone but themselves. When the fog clears, the reality of their actions is crushing.

Hang in there, it doesn get better, a little bit every day.

(((T2L)))

Hugs to both you and D10. It's probably 6pm where you are right now. I hope WH did the right things and came to see D10.

My PB was very short lived, 2 weeks to be exact. My WH went out of his way to call the boys daily, take them out to dinner with FIL and go to movies, bowling etc. I wish all waywards would be more like mine when it comes to the kids.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks guys, try to stay busy but even then its still pretty hard. I know it's supposed to be hard on WS but how come it feels worse on us?!?!?!

DS10 has a playoff game tomorrow. H told DS10 on their goodnight phone call that he was going to try to be there, so I'm really kinda upset that I cannot go see him play.

I mean I'm the one who signed him up, spent the 2 hours many times a week lugging him to practice, going to all the games before H started going and I have to miss the game and it could be the last if they lose.....Ok I vented.

Tomorrow is 1 week. When again am I supposed to start feeling better???

As sick and mean as it sounds I really hope he suffers on Thanksgiving. :gobblegobble: I really really do.

I mean IDK but by him trying to say hello to me yesterday, it triggered anger in me. I feel like ya know what a-hole I have nothing more to say to you. There is nothing more that needs to be said and I don't want to hear your stupid idiotic hellos like that's supposed to make things better....duh what planet are you from??? I feel completely irritable and slightly angry.

And I feel complete pissed off that, that this freaking man is flaking on our son when he knows exactly what it has done to him and all the struggles he is going through. Its like he makes this stupid call at night for 5 minutes to ease his retarded conscience and like what does he think he's a hero?
(GAG is that vomit I taste in my mouth?) He was here 4 times a week in Plan A, I mean God forbid he try and visit him even though I don't want to see him. UGGGGGGGGG

Ok I am hoping that this anger and irritation is normal after 6 days.

Sorry I'm barfing all over the place, I know I sound yucky, I don't even like feeling like this. I just needed to spew.....

Hang in there T2L.

You are so brave and strong and you are standing up for what you deserve.

You are making a stand for what you deserve so fight on.

I am wallowing in a miserable plan A effort and contemplating plan B with a disfunctional WH to say the least.

Stay strong and just focus on your happiness. Take another salsa class, jump in the jacuzzi and get into the things you love!

We're all here with you.

Even if it often takes a little longer typically for the anger to set in, you've been through more than most people to arrive at where you are now.

Anger is fine and good, but just keep focused on other things, and keep DS focused on other things, as well. In fact, I would tell DS you'll have ice cream (or whatever!) for him no matter whether he wins or loses.

One day at a time.....

I'm thinking there's a strong possibility that WH won't show at the game. He hasn't visited all week and now he's going to "try" to be there?

If, in fact, WH doesn't show your son is going to be quite disappointed and you're going to be angry. Try to be honest and objective with your son, letting him know that you understand his feelings and that it makes you angry too, but don't rant or vent around DS10 (not that I think you would).

If DS10 asks why WH didn't show, tell him you don't know, that's a question WH will have to answer.

The reason I mention these things is when I was separated from my XH, my STBX would fail to show and fail to follow through on commitments. This was nothing new, but while we were married I used to try to explain to the kids "Well he's working" or "He is just too tired now because of XYZ". I had to learn to quit protecting him.

Maybe WH will show - that would be GREAT. Maybe he hasn't been to the house to visit because he's too sad, or too angry, or too stubborn, or he thinks he's "making you suffer". Maybe he's waiting on the game as a good chance to visit. I hope so.

But you need to be prepared that he might not, just in case.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

So here I am sitting at home trying to keep in touch with DD17 on her cell, about whats going on at the game.

So DD17 calls him because DS10 had so much anxiety about going today and me missing it he almost refused to go and cried. I told him DD17 would be there but its not momma.

I said after the game we'll go get candy he said ok but was very upset.

So and hour into the game DD17 calls H to see if he's going and he of course if not because he's not playing my stupid [censored] games. What freaking games, I a m just refusing to talk to him!!! B@st@rd!!!! Ok sorry, I'll get it together. Myabe I'm PMS'ing I can't figure out what my problem is. I guess momma bear is pissed at Papa bear for messing with my BABIES!!!!

@#$%^*^&*%#$!#$@@@$$%%^$#%$%@#$^#&$^*

Yes I am aware I probably shouldn't have heard that but I could care less because at least now I can run off to see the 2nd half and see the big smile on DS10 lovely face.

Right now I HATE H! Its a good thing he doesn't hear from me because right now I wanna open up a can of whoop a$s and LB his a$s on fire!

Ok I'm off to see the game....

Glad you are going to the game. I suggest you go from now on. Let hubby stay on the back burner. If he shows up, don't engage with him. But I think your son needs you to be there.

And the fact that your husband is "not going to play your game" is a good sign. If he was too far gone, he would welcome the no contact.

They won! They broke a record today for the league. They are the only team within this league to make it to the playoffs this season and the only team ever to make it this far! I was so happy to be able to be there.

As soon as I got there I made sure to locate son on the side line. He saw me and smiled and waved. Ahhhhh, I don't about ya'll but how these lame WS's abandon their own kids is beyond me, the second I see my kids faces, I melt. Nothing could ever keep me away.

Yeah think I'll go to the next game as it may be away. I may just go sit on the opposing side possibly.

I truly don't want to see him or him to see me, sorry but he doesn't deserve it! I don't even want to meet his #5 need of physical attractiveness. LOL but I'm serious. OW is out of shape triple D boobies with a belly that sticks out as far as her ta tas. Ick!

Yeah I guess its a good sign, he's pissed. Good! Join the club jerk.

Well on the way home from the game DD17 updated dad on score and the record they broke he said he wants to come see them at 3:30, un-freaking believable. It wasn't ran by my mediators as H and DD17 were talking and he said he wanted to come see her. I told DS10 to go to as he seems to be a little more settled when he sees his dad and less of rejection, anger or anxiety issues to deal with.

So DD17 sure dad come visit me. H then says well how do i do that. He says call the house when you are here and we will come out.

So as of now they are going to the park adjoining the back of my house. All doors will be locked and I refuse to see him, so no worries I am not breaking the no contact.

I feel better that I got to see the game, but still gotta go get him the candy I used to bribe him to get to the game....LOL. It was worth it.

Well be back later to let you know if he tries to come to the door, or boundary break.....

Hang tight and stay dark. It is good that you will be gone when hubby comes. I'm sure he will try to test you.

The main thing is not to let him engage you. Don't argue or talk to him. Often waywards will start trying to talk about something urgent with the kids, but then move onto relationship talk. Don't fall for that. If you get stuck, just refer him to your Plan B letter, like a broken record.

BECAUSE you have a functioning conscience and think of others ... not just yourself :gobblegobble:

T2L,

Congrats on DD10's game. I am sure you are a very proud mama, and he is a very happy son to see his mom at the game.

Sitting on the opposing side sounds like a good future plan. That way you can be there for DD10 and not worry about WH. Grab a cool baseball cap and sunglasses and go incognito!

Hope he didn't try to break NC when the kids came home tonight.

Beam

Ok he left no boundary testing. Played behind the house at the park with kids and dogs for about 2 hours. Kids said they had a good time.

Kids said H had said I wish we could be together for Thanksgiving. DD17 says I do to. Then he tells DD17 well this strategy your mom is using to try and get me home is not working it's only making it worse. Then he tells her well even if I do come home a lot has to change in your mom. OMG OMG OMG! How does a freaking person who cheated on his wife, betrayed her, broke the marriage covenant and moved in the the nasty skank sit here and point the finger at me and say I need to change. I mean yeah I needed fine tuning but I really think I did way to much for this bloody dude! I mean his mood controlled the entire house. I always tippie toed around and even made sure the kids tippie toed so dad wouldn't be irritated. He was never physically abusive ever but his mood controlled the atmosphere of the house and I tried always to make him happy but couildn't. Then he tells DD17 that ya know your mom is just positive and happy go lucky and I'm just not that way. WTF!!!! I'm sorry I guess I should change and be a negative idiot!

I know I should have stopped DD17 from telling me and am fully aware that I am not supposed to hear any of it to protect myself but let's be serious anyone would want to know a little bit.

Anyways kinda made me nervous that he used the word strategy. God I sure hope he hasn't snooped around and found SAA. He knows I love reading and am an information nut. That would be bad wouldn't it if he found the book.

So thats the update for tonight.....Don't think much is going to happen tomorrow he's not visiting the kids should be a quiet day.......Officially 1 week completed of Plan B and I'm still alive, ticked, but alive...LOL

Well, he wouldn't be making comments like that if it wasn't working, right? You're doing great! And I would have wanted to know what he did the first time anyway. You can ask the kids not to tell you from now on; they'll want to help you.