Hi James,


Good.

Well folks.. big day for James I guess.

Was up late last night finalizing my 'package' for court.

I think things are pretty solid, and I'll be ready. I have to admit, having it all done and so neatly packaged feels like a pretty big weight off my shoulders.

I'm reminded of the kind of feelings I had after putting together the big projects for one of my management or networking classes... knowing you've done the best you can do, knowing that you did it the right way, and being confident enough to stand behind it.. you send it off to achieve whatever it can.

Well.. I think I've put together about as solid a case as someone in my position can.. and while I don't know exactly what she's going to throw at me, the old HS debater in me has prepared 'briefs' for even some of the pretty squirrely arguments she might try to throw out there.

Big... deep... breath...... now let it out.




In truth.. this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.. and what's at stake is the sunshine my world revolves around. I know I'll have done this right.. that I've fought for our family.. and failing that.. I've put everything on the line for my son.

Whether the outcome is good.. bad.. or more of the same.. I'll be able to look myself in the mirror.. and my son, daughter, and stepdaughter in the eyes years down the road.. and say with absolute confidence that I did everything I possibly could to try and give them a better life.

I still care for my wife.. but I wonder if this is what love feels like when there is no attachment to nurture it. I care for her, but I also recognize her irresponsibility, and immaturity for the toxin it is.. a year later.. most of the toxin is out of my system.. I'm standing on my own, breathing clean air... the feelings the toxins suppressed have started to return.. self confidence.. resolve.. determination.. dignity.. Things I ended up giving away while I ingested the toxin daily in my life..

Perhaps this is what recovery feels like..

Good Morning! I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you and thinking of you today!

I completely agree with you! You have done the best that you can!

Head up, shoulders back, and know that SO many ppl are behind you!

(((((JAMES))))
Rin

Rin

Thanks Rin darlin.. guess by saying big day it kinda sounded like I was headed to court today. I'm not.. mediation is on the 4th and court on the 8th.. so I've got another week before the fecal material hits the cooling unit.

I do have a visit with my A today, but it's pretty much just going over our position/strategy for mediation and the final.



It's a big day though.. for me and my personal recovery.

I'm as prepared as I'm going to be.. and looking forward to the prospect that soon, my life won't constantly be affected by, or feel like it's about 'this'..

James,

Your WW is an idiot.

Well.. at least I've got a textbook one then right?

CL



In truth though Chai.. and I'm not making excuses for her.. it's just fact, that she is who she is, and this is who she is.. she's just following the only example she's ever had in her life.

It's sad indeed.. and I hurt for her, but at least I somewhat understand it now.

James,

LOL, yes, they ALL seem to be idiots, don't they?

We're all going to be fine though.

I dunno about all of them.. we've got a few very special WS's here who have earned their F's.. and the strength of character it takes for folks like TST, LaLa, and Mrs.W should be an inspiration to all.. and have been for me.

TBH.. I feel sorry for a lot of the WS's out there who have BS's here on the boards looking for help.. wanting to offer the ones they love the most precious gift they'll never deserve. That kind of love doesn't come around but once in a lifetime if you're lucky.

I suppose I just look at it this way.. WW obviously didn't have that kind of love for me... so mine must still be out there waiting. The big upside is.. I know I have something truly special and extrardinarily rare to offer the next Mrs. Jamesus..

So true!!!


You are absolutely right with this too, James. She will come along, and you will BOTH offer the other the most precious gift and you will BOTH deserve it.

Have faith......


Fox

Hi James,


Well put, James.


Yes you do.

...and we're proud of you and behind you all the way.

JAMES

James:

It's good 2 hear that you've got your waterfowl coaxial and are ready for when the defecation hits the ventilation!

You done good, dewed!

-ol' 2long

James,

It is good to hear you accepting your WW as she is. It is good to see that you no longer defend her like she's a wounded animal needing you to save her. She's a grown woman who has choices, regardless of what type of family she comes from. I had some pretty lousy examples as a child, but you don't see me f**king over those who are important in my life, all because I don't FEEEEEEEEL like doing right.

Anyway, I will be praying for you, and all my MB mates, to find your happy place. Good luck in court! I hope you get more time with your son.

Ahhh... thanks everybody for the support.

It's been a long ride to Acceptanceville.. but I'm at least staying here for a little while.

I really think sitting down and going through the last 15 months of crap... seeing all at once what she's been slowly doling out... plus running into that person 2 weeks ago.. knowing that it's all about the money for her rather than suspecting and second guessing as to whether or not I can believe what my instincts are telling me..

Well..

I think it took a toll... and the price it took emptied her remaining LB balance.

There's a verse.. don't know the citation, but it goes: Love covers a multitude of sins.

And while I Love her.. as much as one person can love another.. I hurt for her as I see how damaged she truly is, and simply lament that she is spreading that damage to two young people who I love completely.. Otherwise when they aren't affected.. I've grown mostly to the point of indifference..

When I first came here.. I had some thoughts on 'types' of love.. and I believe that I probably love my wife no less now than I did before...that love has changed again into a different 'type'.. Not sure I'm explaining it really well.


I'm -feeling- good today.. a little more 'solid' than I have probably since all this started. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm over the hump of having to relive all this as I've been doing for the past two highly depressing weeks... Either way.. it's done.. and I feel good... relieved.. a little tired.. but I'm not chest tightened and punchy today... so it feels good.

Two more hurdles to hop.. and then I'll have arrived at the D-Line station.. Hope you guys have some good Scotch over there.

This, THIS sums it for me! This is what's been getting me here lately!

Well, I had another evening of putting things together last night. Assembled the A's copy of my binder, and put together just a couple more things he thought would be useful.

Fox, I can't thank you enough for the suggestion of having the binder.. My A absolutely loved the idea, and said it should be very helpful in putting our case together. He was very impressed with what I'd put together and how it laid out pretty well all the reasons DS needs to come home.

Realistically speaking though, IN is still fairly old school, and he said it will be very difficult to get custody of a 4 year old from his mother, but he's done it before and thinks I have as good a shot as anyone he's ever seen.. largely because I'm so well prepared, and have some pretty damning aces up my sleeve.

So.. I'm all set, just holding tight for Mediation on the 4th where hopefully we'll at least get the debt distribution sorted.

So at this point it's time to get ready for Thanksgiving and enjoy the holiday with my family and friends.

James,

You, my friend, are doing well! It's quite normal as the dates of mediation, etc approach to have apprehension and some triggers. Focusing on your preparations is the best thing to do.

I also understand (somewhat) getting to the place of more indifference. It doesn't mean that the love is necessarily gone and that's quite alright.

Keep your focus on your plan, on your kids, on your new future and you'll swim these waters without succombing to the dangerous undertow of the wayward rip tides.

You are a great guy and a wonderful father. No matter the final outcome, no one can ever take that away from you. And you will always be the Bald Headed Stallion of a Bass Player!!!


Last I checked, Mr. Johnnie Walker is here in all his glorious colors,,,,Black, Red, Green, and even BLUE!! Ready when you are!!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Still have a week to go here before mediation, but as odd as it may sound, I'm more at peace with this today than I have been since everything started. Sure, I have a little stirring of uncertainty here and there, but there's a very strange comfort in knowing that 'this' at least will be over soon. Not the outcome I'd hoped for, but maybe the best outcome for me to be free to find someone who will enhance my life rather than ask me to sacrifice it for her. No rush on that though, I'm actually pretty content with it just being me and the kids.

Honestly I think.. looking back, that was a bigger problem in the M than I gave it credit for.. I'm perfectly capable of being content and even happy on my own.. my WW really isn't.


Aye aye cap'n Bugsy.. staying afloat.. rising above.. etc. It's become easier these past few months. That whole indifference thing I suppose.


My ego blooms!


I will do that. And while I dig the Blue.. might have to bring a box of Balvine Single Cask with me for this party!

Actually I'm starting preparations already for a little bash for me and some friends to celebrate my return to the singles club.. Might combine that with a football night at Casa De La Jamesus and have some real fun with the grill too.. been since Labor Day that I've been able to cook for more than just me and the kids.

Maybe do up some lobster tails, salmon steaks, and lemon-pepper chicken as opposed to my usual steaks and chops..

Good morning, all!


Doesn't sound strange at all. I remember that place. There is peace in knowing you have done all you can do and that you are proud of your work.

There will still be a bit of apprehension, not knowing if the judge will see it the same way.

But, you KNOW that WW has not spent all the time and effort as you have. She will assume that she is the almighty MOTHER and everything is automatically hers. I have no doubt that she will be corrected.

Keeping a binder can be incredibly helpful - I'm glad your attorney thought it was a good idea. These things drag on so long that it is really hard to keep it all straight in your mind and be able to verbalize it effectively when the time finally comes to use it. It was extremely helpful for me to go back through it right before court so things were fresh in my mind and so that the things that I REALLY wanted to make a point with were right at the top of my head.

There is great peace in knowing that you are more prepared than anyone else in the room.

This is YOUR life and no one knows the absolute truth of it but you.

I'm glad to hear that your attorney has won cases for father's before. MT, too, is very old school. But with the right case and the right circumstances, YOU can be a case that OTHER father's use to fight for their rights.

It CAN be done.

Keeping you in yours in my thoughts and prayers, James. Have faith.

Calm, reasonable, factual.....let the love for your DS be felt. Smile when you talk of him being excited to stay with you. Smile when you talk of what you do together. Smile when you talk of what you see for his future. Make sure that the relationship of extended family is brought in and of your DD.

Yes, it is court, but judges have feelings too.

You'll do fine.

Fox

Hello,

Good luck in Mediation.

Is this binding mediation or just some precursor to an actual trial on the custody issue in front of the judge?


If it's just a precursor...then it will most likely be a waste of time for you.

The mediators will try to tell both of you individually how much your case sucks and how the other side could very well win and that you should settle at some half-way point, typically favoring the wife/mother.

Your attorney may also apply the pressure as well. Remember...he is a part of the system to and they, often, want to facilitate settlement. Your attorney will express his guilt by indicating how much more money going to trial is going to cost.


In the end...consider what you want. IF you settle...you'll have a much more difficult time ever changing the arrangment than if you go to court, lose and have an unfavorable custody arrangement imposed upon you. In any future case...you'll appear the more sympathetic petitioner IF you never agreed to such arrangement and you've got new information to alter the imposed arrangement.


If it's binding mediation...great. They will take much more time looking over all the facts than a judge ever would. Binding mediation (usually called binding arbitration or alternative dispute resolution tribunals) are often much more fair to men. Have you or your attorney sought to have wife's attorney agree to binding arbitration, if available in your state?

Any good luck...email me if you have any private questions.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks.. and to be honest I don't know for sure. I -think- it is a precursor. The mediation is the 4th with the final right on its heels. If it were a binding one, wouldn't they wait to schedule the final until mediation broke down or an agreement was made?



Actually, my attorney pretty much said flat out, we're going to court over the custody thing, but maybe we can get the property/financial stuff out of the way in mediation so we can focus on what's important in court.


I've made the only 'settlement' offer with regards to custody that she's going to get. She can take it, or that portion of the mediation is over right then and there.

Financially I'm a little more flexible.


Thanks again Mr. W... your insight and input have been extremely valuable. I'll keep my eyes open, and ask my attorney about this tonight when I drop off his copy of 'Da Binder of Doom'