Thanks bro..

I'm betting it's a stalling tactic.

Any reason you can think of that your W may not want 2 mediate now? Maybe she's realized you're prepared and she's not?

-ol' 2long

You got me... at worst it's her -trying- to say that I haven't been cooperative in discovery.

Otherwise you may be right ol 2long..

I have a hard time believing it's a stall tactic. By all accounts she's eager to have the D done and over with so she and Wonderboy can get hitched and make a baby.

:crosseyedcrazy:

Her attorney likely wants to delay the process for several tactical reasons...

1. the longer the temporary custody situation remains the more likely it will remain intact.

2. her attorney is not fully prepared and delays as a matter of right (most likely because your WW has dropped the ball on handling HER end of things...out of sight...out of mind, WS's are notoriously overconfident and underprepared)

3. her attorney is taking the opportunity to file silly requests with the court to hopefully create a 1st implied impression with the judge that you aren't cooperating with the system. It can be false bullcrap...but they are attempting and will be further attempting to paint you in a negative light and they need all the help they can get. They hope to plant a few "red flag" warnings in the file that attempt to say "Look...he's an Fanny" without actually saying it because they can't. They hope that the judge can utilize such impression to screw you (as they do many many men). Likeability and first impressions are WAY more important than the facts. Judges base their decisions on gut instincts...win that up front and SHE'LL have to fight to change the judges mind....lose it and YOU'LL have to fight to change the judges preconceived notion. It's possible to change it...just not likely. The men that always lose are the ones that walk into court demanding to be heard and demanding their rights. They harp on and on about this fact and that and lose complete sight of the fact that impressions ARE EVERYTHING. There is no demanding in court. Humbleness and openness will win the day.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- actually more than 50% of men win when they go through the entire process and have their day in court. Of course, this is because the only father's that fight this far typically are the ones that should have custody anyway.

Thank you very much for the insight Mr.W.. I did find out that it was mistyped by the person logging the information to the case, and it was simply that her lawyer turned in her responses to our interrogitories. This is a good thing, and I will be picking them up to look over tomorrow from my A.

There's also good news and not so bad news. As much as I'd have liked to get the financial stuff out of the way in mediation, it appears we're going to be giving mediation a miss altogether and head straight to court on the 8th. Do not delay.. do not pass go.. do not pay an extra $2000 to probably resolve nothing on Thursday..

So I'm still on track.. and exactly a week from now I ought to be over the hurdle, waiting on the judge's ruling, the paperwork requiring my signature on the dot, and most importantly, spending the evening (and week) curled up with my lil fella at my house.

Yup.. remembering to breathe.. called all my witnesses and let them know it was still on for the 8th, and so far all of my waterfowl are coaxial.

I...

Am...

Ready...

YES!

And, definitely 'what Mr W said'.

My own experience with a retired judge/mediator when my SIL tried 2 sue us for not giving her our 2nd house was along those lines. I noted that the judge had a similar sense of humor 2 my own, but I knew better than 2 joke about the si2ation even in closed session with him.

He even said that he's the funniest person in the room and not 2 try 2 outdo him in the joke department!

Seriously, he was a very smart man, and I could tell he gauged all of us very carefully on how we acted around one another (I hadn't even seen my SIL in over a year by that point, and haven't seen her since), how well prepared we were (my W brought a box of documents, SIL and her lawyer had none, really!), and how interested we were in being as fair and considerate as we could - even though SIL's claim was preposterous.

I predict you'll do fine, but it WILL require you 2 be on all your toes, and stay there throughout.

Don't lose your cool, no matter what nonsense you hear from the other side.

-ol' 2long

No worries on that front 2Long.. I'm going in there focused, prepared and ready.

Besides, with God and you guys having my back, I'm sure all will be just fine.

I can only do the best I can do, and that's what I'm going to do. In the end I'll have no regrets, and know that I did all I could both for my family, and especially for my son.

Just got to remember to breathe until then..

What are you going to do to take care of yourself between now and then?

What can you do that will be fun?

Between now and then? Well, tomorrow DS, DD and I are going to hang out for a bit, but this weekend I'm going into the studio to record my bass parts for several of the new songs. That'll be more work than fun, but still very therapudic. Afterwards our drummer and I might take in a blues show in the old downtown district, which should be fun.

Actually the real fun will come the weekend afterwards.. Just today I secured some Colts tickets for DS and I. Granted it's against the Cowardly Lions but it should mean he gets to see his beloved boys in Speed Blue kick some kitty tail.

hip hip hip hip hip hip

I'm glad it's still on for the 8th. When I FINALLY got to the point of a court date in mine, I was so ready to get it done.

I'm glad you have some fun things planned. It will be good for you to know what the permanent schedule will be so that you can plan your life accordingly.

Limbo is no way to live.

Take care!

Fox

Yeah.. I'm actually pretty torn about it. I'm not agonizing about it mind you, but the breakdown is pretty much there underneath the surface.

I want to be able to make plans for the future, and do things such as refinance the morgage, and upgrade my car.

I want to clear out the rest of the 'memory' items that I've been storing just in case WW wants them... I've got a burn pile ready to go for some of the odds and ends she's left behind, and trinkets of affection she gave me over the years that would be worthless to DS down the road. I've already put together a memory box for DS of some stuff to show him that WW, DD, DSD, he, and I really were a happy family once... that his life was different before... since he's too young to really have detailed and lasting memories of it.. which is a real shame.

I want to feel like it's OK if I talk with a woman, and it could wind up leading to a first date..

I want to be able to breathe my own air and have my life not always be shadowed by the A or the D..

I really don't want to have to deal with my attorney anymore.. I like him personally.. he's a nice guy and all, and knowledgable.. I just dislike that I have to have him and his fees in my life.

On the other hand.. it sucks that the dream is dead.

It sucks that the woman I thought I married probably never existed.

It sucks that my kids are involved in and exposed to all of this.

It sucks that the ones who had no say at all in the matter are the ones most damaged by this choice.

It sucks that a the lunatics are running the asylum.

It sucks that I -feel- like I've failed our children by not being able to give them the best opportunity for a rich and fulfilling life.. even though I didn't have a say in the matter.

It sucks that this is how our lives together will end.. rather than us coming to an agreement together that would be better for DS at least.

It sucks for the kids.. it REALLY sucks for the kids.. no matter who they end up with.



So part of me is looking forward to it.. part of me is really sad that it's come to this.. part of me really just hates it for the kids..

There's part of me that knows that there's nothing I can do to change it.
There's part of me that despite that knowledge still wants to fix it.
There's part of me that knows that having those two parts of me not being at peace with eachother is unhealthy.
There's part of me that understands that I have to work through it anyway.. healthy or not.


And then there's part of me that just wants it to be over.. something final.. something certain.

And finally.. there's the part that recites the ol mantra.. keep breathing, keep walking, keep focus on the here and now, keep on.. no matter what, just keep on, and keep believing in yourself.

So I guess you could say I'm conflicted today.. a little war going on inside my head... but in truth it's background static.. I've got lots to do at work, and am looking forward to spending time with DS and DD together tonight.. I've got their smiling faces staring back at me from the 2nd monitor on my work computer.. that's what it's all about... their smiling faces, and knowing that those smiles are for me.

What a great post, James. Almost verbatim what was going through my head at the time. Well, except for the talking to women part.





Really? What's that like?


Keep on, keeping on. Enjoy the kiddies and take care of yourself.

Fox

You nailed it in the third line--it's getting those two parts at peace that makes the biggest difference. You're not going to stop wanting to fix it, at least not in the short-term, but when you can accept how things are/let go of your desire to control it, peace comes. It's the serenity prayer. You've had periods of this, but it will get better once you get the legal junk out of the way and recover from it.

Over the past few days, I've felt great. The person I like and want to be.

It'll come for you.

How sweet it is.

I have moments. They are getting closer and closer together and lasting longer and longer - eventually I'm hoping it will all meld together and I will BE that person permanently.

sdguy and James, you feel pain BECAUSE of the men you are. Decent, kind, and caring. If you were greedy, selfish, and rude, you would not feel that pain. Because nothing in your life would matter but you.

Don't change too much. We like many things about you NOW.

Fox

Oh how I long to be in this place.

It's difficult to be in a place where you -feel- as if you've failed in the most important roles you've ever had in your life, but can't seem to reconcile the whys and hows in your head.. largely because this -isn't- the choice you made, or would have made.. and despite your best efforts to turn it around, the circumstances are beyond your scope of influence.

Now I know in my head that the failure here is not mine. I'm part of it, and affected by -a- failure.. but have instead chosen to carve these stumbling blocks into stepping stones to become a better man, mate, father, and Christian.

I know I have a lot to be proud of. It's just a matter of needing to remind myself sometimes.

I think I've finally connected with my attorney's secretary though.. she has been working on preparing the case this week, which means she's gone or is going through my journal and exhibits, which is probably why she initiated the conversation. She expressed her condolences for how difficult the past year has been.. and even went on to explain that her first marriage ended in much the same way.. commiserated about how rediculous it is for it to have to be this adversarial, and how divorced parents truly ought to act.. citing her current husband as a great example of someone who works with his exW to provide as good an environment as possible for his boys.

I hope someday to get to a place where that can happen with WW, though a lot of that depends on her... we'll see though, I'm not holding my breath. I think there will be a much better chance for that should DS come home where he belongs.

Keep us in your prayers folks.. I'm very thankful to have such a great gang behind me.

Good Morning! I ask that you read my thread! I updated last night! I think that you can see where you are headed as a result of all the hard work that you have done, just like myself!

I know that this is the hard part for you with court coming up! You're getting there! I believe that soon enough you will be in a place to go WOW just like I have!

You're awesome James! You really are!

Praying for you and I know that I ahve thanked God a hundred times in the last week!

I read I read!!

I'm so amazingly happy for you Rin.. you truly do sound absolutely AWESOME..

These are the events.. the milemarkers in our lives we look back on and see God smiling at us. Had a similar thing a couple years ago when I got this job.. allowed WW, I, and the kids to get our house, and changed our lives for the better.

Maybe I'll be fortunate to have another big event like you've had.. but even if I don't, I know I'm blessed and in God's care, and I'm thankful and grateful for that.

Getting better every day... the nerves are starting to pick up tonight, and I have final preparations with my attorney tomorrow afternoon (a Saturday?!?!?.. oh well)..

I'm prepared... I'm ready... I even got some new stuff last night based on her interrogitories that might just be the trump card I needed too.. so things are ever lookin up.

I'm outta here early today for some Christmas shopping. I wanted to wish you well on Monday. I'll be thinking about and praying for you.

I know you'll do great. You are a fine dad and a fine man. Anyone with eyes can see that.

Fox

Thanks Foxy.. your prayers are very much appreciated.

I think I'll do fine.. I'm prepared.. but the nerves.. the neck tension.. the tightness in the chest is back..

The sadness is there.. lurking just under the surface. I can feel it but it's managing to stay put for now.

One foot in front of the other... chest out.. shoulders back.. head up.. remember to breathe..