I would not allow him to have them before 1pm. If he wants more hours with them, he can come on Saturday, too. Don't let him set that precedence.

I agree that listening to D17 may be hard, but if it were me, I would do any sacrificing I had to, to let my daughter feel free to talk to me, for her mental well-being. I'm blessed to have a D18 who wants to be around me, but it could easily have gone the other way and she could have shut down. And that would damage her more than me.

I hate that he's put her in the middle. You may need to ask her to say, "check your email" anytime he has ANY questions.

Example:

WH: What do you all need?
DD: You to check your email.

WH: What lawyer's fees?
DD: Dunno. It's in your email.

Etc.

She should have only two lines to ever repeat to him regarding this grown up stuff...IDK and "email, email, email."

He doesn't like it, he mans up and does what he needs to do to fix himself.

No more T2L fixes AT ALL.

Yes! "Check your email" is perfect. That gets her out of the discussion.

Thanks guys, feel better now especially about the church thing. I felt like I was being selfish and using the kids by not allowing him to have the kids during church time on Sunday. He can have them after church, plus it'll give him that precious precious time he used to complain about where he wanted to sleep and not go to church.

DD17 is very very close to me. Even more now than she used to be. She used to be closer with her dad before all this mess. She even told him that a few months back. I think by having her tell him that its too stressful for her and to read the email this may have hopefully done the trick. DD17 knew about the money issues because you know how teenagers are, they always ask for money LOL. Well had to tell her sorry its tight this week dad didn't deposit very much, so she vented to her dad. I think her really wanted her to be in the middle, but I am thinking and hoping now by having her say that it may have worked. That was my goal at least.

I will tell her this morning as a follow up, if dad asks you anything its IDK or not sure check your email.

Tomorrow is 3 weeks in Plan B. Wow time flies when your miserable-ooops did I say that out loud,darn it was that inner monologue sneaking out again LOL) I mean time flies when your having f-uu-nnnnn. Ok good I got it out, was stuck there for a minute wasn't sure it was gonna come out.

Did you read the Dr. Harley advice that Mel posted to BestFriend? It was about continuing your life as if WH was NEVER going to come back.

Plan B is very difficult at first, but gets easier as you get more activities.

Have you thought about getting a part-time job to help out with the house payments? It just seems so unreal that WH is helping to support another household while the family home is in danger.

Funny you say that I just read that. That part stuck out to me as well. It's hard to choke down. You go through Plan A hoping that your marriage will reconcile then Plan B you have to switch to live your life as if he won't return. All sucks.

H has said many times, and very adamantly that he does not support her, that he pays for a portion of the rent as he needed somewhere to live. He says he takes care of us and she takes care of herself. During Plan A we talked about the house and thats when we hired the attorneys. H does not want to lose the house, at least that's what he has said numerous times and when he was here he loved doing the projects I threw at him.

When he came home for the 2 weeks right after D-day(before I knew about SAA) he had told me that he and the Sea Hag had talked about the finances. I said how on earth are you going to support both of us he said I'm not. I told Sea Hag that I was going to support you guys and that it was going to be tight and she was ok with that because she loves me {{{gag}}}

I have thought about a part time job, I'm conflicted a bit about it. DS10 is home schooled, a lot of it due to the anxiety put on him from this whole mess. So he is with me full time, day and night. ON occasions if DD17 is home for the evening she would watch her brother and I would catch a salsa class. At some point once our church gets a bit larger I will be put on staff as I am head worship leader, but we need to grow a bit more before that can happen. i do little side things for people to pick up extra cash, credit repair etc.

Hon, they'll say ANYTHING to get the guy.

If they aren't above bedding a MM, then they aren't above lying to them (and themselves).

Think creatively, like the goddess you are. It would be a shame to lose your home.

I have a full-time job in contracts for a hospital. But after my WH moved out and gave me no money, I had to get busy. First I took in roommates. And then I took care of a co-workers rented home while she went overseas.

From that, I started my own property management business. I now have 10 homes, and finally make good money at it, and it doesn't take very much time.

Figure out what your talents are and develop them.

Exactly!! Think about doing something that has to do with cooking. From what I have read from all your posts, I think you are very good at it!!
Think about this!!

Angie.

OH for the LOVE OF GOD! Well IM's H finally picked up his certified letter from the post office and he also got the 2nd letter you mailed to him. I can't even remember what they said, I think visitation and financial stuff. Y'all know he was pissed(of course), I know i know I'm not supposed to know any of it. Here's how it went.(That Bloody bast@rd!!!!) No worries still was dark Plan B day.

So the kids and I did some errands together today. Took them to lunch and then in the evening we went to get some ice cream together. As we arrive to get ice cream I guess H had called DD17 and left a message, so before we went in she listened to her voice mail and says Oh no! Dad got the mail you guys sent to him and he's mad.

I said DD17 text him and say sorry dad I'm not going to pass that on to mom I just don't want to be in the middle of the money and visitation issues. So this time she rudely says dad, I don't want to be in the middle of this its too stressful so read your emails, this is between you and mom!

He gets mad and texts back and says I will never come back and she is making this worse. She is playing games and I would rather be single than have her control me. All your mom needs to do is communicate with me. DD17 then says well mom did communicate with you for a few months and you still didn't come home. He then tells DD17 well if you don't want to be in the middle of it then don't ask me for money. DD17 sometimes asks dad for money if she needs extra, normal teenage stuff. So I told DD17 to just stop talking to him.

OH GOD!!!! I swear, It makes me doubt what i am doing. I mean am I making it worse? I thought for just a second ok If I communicate with him maybe he will come back but then threw it out of my head. But I struggled. Am I stinking crazy! I feel like Im sealing my doom for any chance because "I'm making it worse and not communicating"...ARGGGGG

We all were just upset. Like we had a nice day and he ruined it in a 5 minute conversation. I'm thinking he won't talk about the stuff with DD17 about it anymore this time she was quite rude when she told him she didn't want to be in the middle of it. It pissed him off bad. She doesn't hold back on him, she says things to straight and cut throat to him that I could have never said my entire marriage. But its all truth.

I told DD17 I do not want you in the middle at all, you tell him you don't want to be in the middle and keep telling him to view his emails. I think she is getting tired of him as well. She is pissed off a bit at him too.

Tomorrow is 3 weeks...hurray I guess.

Especially with watermelon

Well sux to be him with all those CONSEQUENSES

Well gee, I shagged around on my wife and she got upset...how dare she!
I am messing with my kids security and well being and they are not being nice to me..how dare they!
People are trying to protect my wife and seperate her from my wayward, f*cked up mindset...how dare they!


This is exactly why PB is sooooo good for the BS. Total removal from the MADNESS!!!!

You stay your path.

Hmmmm - I wonder if your DD17 could Plan B him too? She is, truly, almost of age.

Do you have an attorney and a psychologist?

She could write her own Plan B letter and flat out tell him to stop using her to try to get to you, and until he complies, she wants nothing to do with him, no texts, phone calls, visitation, nuttin!

Well DD17 has Plan B'd him twice after Discovery. She loves her dad and is torn really. Pre-A, she was a daddy's girl but she has recently told her dad that she is closer to me and knows me and respects me.
She is torn. She tells me mom this all sucks our family is broken, its embarrassing and he did all of this we didn't. Part of her really wants to write him off and another part loves her "old" daddy that even after she turned 17 tucked her in at night and stayed in her room for 20 minutes laughing together.

IDK that I could ask her to do that, but If she decided to like before I support her. Then DS10 has had so much anxiety that he doesn't really want to spend much time with dad unless DD17 goes to the visit too. He has mixed feelings, he too loves his daddy but another part of him is very anxious and unsure about his dad. I try to keep most info from DS10 but some stuff he can figure out. He knows his dad isn't the dad he knew. He too cut his dad off at discovery as he was so upset.

I think also DD17 feels like she has to keep in contact with her dad because of the car he bought her last month...which i disagreed to DD17 about accepting but was in Plan A so didn't say much about it as I didn't want to LB.

Then another thing that I think DD17 keeps in contact with her dad is about 3 weeks ago she had a dream that her dad committed suicide and I think the dream scared her. So we told the Pastor and have prayed safety over him.

But I do understand, how a Plan B might be good but so many other things that it would have to be dangerous for me to initiate that.

NO attorney or Psychologist why?

A psychologist delivering a message that your son and daughter's mental health is at risk with him putting them in the middle, and that he chose Ho - you get to choose to protect yourself from him and his selfishness, and that's just the way it is... might settle him down into cooperating with Plan B a bit more. If his King Baby attitude becomes apparent to more people that he might not want to know what a King Baby he is...

Forgot to add about the attorney...

To put teeth into the fact that your children are being traumatized to the point of health problems by his selfishness (see psychologist report), so the attorney is considering an emergency hearing to adjust his visitation, possibly to zero, until he cooperates with Plan B - and stop involving the children in the middle of his refusal to work with the intermediaries you've provided so that he DOESN'T lose contact with his children.

Which is fog for : I miss my cake and am going to hold my breath until I turn blue and die!


FS for: I'm going to punish YOU, my child and flesh and blood, because it's the only thing I can think of to do, what with the lack of O2 to my brain and all.

Think about this rationally instead of with your feelings - your feelings are too much driving your brain. That's understandable.

He's pissed at a CHILD b/c he's not getting his cake fix?

WTF kind of LOGIC is that?

Baby, he really expected you to be his SIDE PIECE until HE decided whether he wanted to be single or not. He was making YOU - the LEGITIMATE WIFE - into the OW, and he was LOVING it.

But you decided you didn't like the cat turds in THAT particular sandbox, so you took YOUR TOYS and quit playing.

Well dude, sorry about your bad luck.

(not really)

And now he misses your toys. The OWs toys are old and crusty and she doesn't make PB and J's like you do...and it's pissing him off, because he KNOWS his sandbox is full of turds...he's just being lazy and not cleaning it up.

He thinks if he screams AT HIS CHILDREN it will raise the mama bear instincts in you and you'll clean his sandbox again and maybe bring your lovely toys.

I'm beginning to think it's time for the kids to pull back.

Honestly, what is he going to say to people? "I'm mad because she OFFERS me time with the kids via EMAIL?" or "I'm mad because she cant stand to talk to me while I'm sleeping in another woman's bed yet she still gets ALL pertinent info to me...albeit thru a 3rd impartial party?"

You meanie.

All my love,
Kimmy

oh.

And I loves me some K&A today.

K&A ROCKS!

I sure hope your right about the toys thing. Its hard when your the BS you think that the WS's are happy living the times of their lives since they can't stand us anymore. I know I'm not supposed to think about it, but I'm human and I do.

Ok Very good perspective, its very easy to get so emotionally involved and take this crap personal but hearing that makes it very funny and puts it back into perspective.

I have no attorney and no psychologist. I was hoping I didn't have to get one.

DS10 had some therapy sessions during football but needed to stop as he was getting stressed out with school, therapy and then rushing back to football. And the HMO we belong to will not do anything for court and DD17 threw a fit when I asked her to go to the therapist as she said it was for crazy people and she's not crazy. So being that she'll be 18 in 2 months I just let it be as asking caused her more stress.

I can talk to the kids and ask them about pulling back. Do you think he would accuse me of using the kids against him? I mean I think my kids would probably tell him off if he pushes it too far. DD17 is getting close, the water H is treading on is thin with her. If he keeps it up she will rip him a new A-hole. she it ruthless to him. She did it at discovery, it was so bad I had to ask her to stop LOL. She would rip him daily call OW a wh0re, and tons of other things. LOL it was bad.

In fact H called a few times the last few weeks and DS10 didn't want to talk. And actually I was outside one time and he didn't want to talk and made DD17 tell his dad a lie that he was not at the house. I said I would prefer they didn't lie and just tell dad he doesn't feel like talking. But DS10 says I can't tell my dad that mom, I just can't. I don't talk to him like that and he will be mad at me. So DS10 would rather lie than tell dad he doesn't want to talk.

He is supposed to come visit with the kids tomorrow after church. If it stays dark and quiet today maybe I should I see how that is first?

IDK if he'll even keep the visit tomorrow, he didn't call DS10 last night. I guess it can go either way. He hasn't seen them in a few weeks and DD17 called him on it. She said ya know now that you don't see mom you don't even visit us.

Yup today is 3 weeks plan B and he's only seen them 2 times. He does call somewhat regularly though.

Okay new day, stay busy, no thinking about Mr. I love cake.

If money is an issue, get some help from the school psychologist so that you have a professional opinion. And sometimes there's free legal help or minimal cost help available for issues such as this.

Where there's a will to protect your children, there's a way.

Sometime take your daughter out for an ice cream cone or something and just chat about how things are for her. Ask her what she'd do if she had complete choice over her life and what's going on. Then drill down into finding out what she really wants to do to step out from between you and your husband. Children have some great ideas sometimes.