I am so proud of myself for sticking to my IM, even after the police called us both last night. We are staying defiant and sticking to the PBL.

You're right, I am not a doormat anymore

I actually considered what I was saying to the mediator because I don't really want him to hear anything from me. So far the last 3 days he has had other people contact me and report back to him. I am glad i am staying firm, but he's really trying!

2Much, I want to tell you how very PROUD I am of you. I am beaming WITH PRIDE at how well you have held up under this immense pressure. You have handled every curve ball with intelligence and BRAVERY and CREATIVITY - I AM VERY IMPRESSED.



I AM IN AWE, MADAM! Are you sure you are not a TEXAN??

I am a little shocked at how furious your H is about losing control of you. He wants you back under his thumb badly. I guess he had no idea who he was messin with!

2MUCH,
I am new to post, but I have tracked this thread for a week.
Just know, girlfriend, that I wanna be you when I grow up.
I have learned so much and I have made so many mistakes, but I am learning through your generous articulate postings and awsome support system.
I just had to jump in. YOU GO GIRL!!!! actually, YOU ALL ROCK!!!

Done. No response from him to either of us. But, when I checked his email (I am bad) it was not there?


What a complete waste of time. Mediator rang me and said that we are not suitable for mediation as he will not agree to my IM so she is sending us a certificate to that effect. WH told mediator police were involved and asked IM to not contact him. I explained the federal jurisdiction and she agreed.

The legal aid person was a joke. She was mean and nasty and completely inconsiderate of my feelings. She informed me that I cannot pick someone, although agreed that only a court had the authority to make me stop.

She told me to wait for the certificate and attach it to an application for court proceedings.

So, do I contact a solicitor? It's all getting expensive and he is not giving me money. As I have explained before the house is in my name and I am the larger wage earner so I would probably owe him child support.

I'm sad and confused. What happened to the darkness?

That's a massive compliment coming from you Mel, thank you!

My WH is so dependent on me, he once said he loved me so much he wanted to crawl up inside me so that we couldn't be apart. He obviously is fine with being apart, third affair and all, but I really don't think he likes my independence, although it is one of the things he finds most attractive about me. Go figure!

Thanks Haveaword. Don't be me, I think you can do a lot better and I am still only half the person I can be

I can't recommend your own post enough. If you are here it is probably because you are searching for direction and answers. I am so glad that my posting has helped you.

I also read once (whilst I was lurking) that no two situations are the same and you will never find the accurate advice for your situation unless you put it out there in good faith for God and all to help. It's hard, but I treat it as my journal too and getting it off my chest is one thing, but receiving advice is priceless.

Did I read correctly that you attend church? Regularly? Have you spoken with your Pastor?

[quote=2much2lose=The legal aid person was a joke. She was mean and nasty and completely inconsiderate of my feelings. She informed me that I cannot pick someone, although agreed that only a court had the authority to make me stop.[/quote]

Oh you can't, huh?? On what grounds for God's SAKE?? Of course you can pick and choose with whom you associate.

2Much, can you get a real attorney? The other thing to keep in mind is that he might just be blowing smoke. so, just stick to your guns, have your IM send him the visitation schedule and ignore any communication sent any other way.

I would strongly suggest deleting anything he texts you.

Was he 24 when you met? Was there any infidelity in his first marriage? Why did that end? Was he married when you met? dated?

His serious girlfriend when he met me cheated on him with someone in the music industry and really hurt him.

BK, I hope this answers a few questions

I did speak to pastor (the one who married us and christened our children) a couple of times. He is leaving for a new church and has been a really mediocre support to say the least. I really haven't been blown away, 2 phone calls in 5 months.

I attend most weeks with the kids, my parents and sisters.

I am hoping to put off getting an attorney until he cools down. Yeah, in my dreams. I kind of feel like I am kidding myself but I've seen him blow up and subside over and over and a lot of it is recorded on this post.

There is no way we'll get through the courts before Christmas and I am hoping he'll just come to his senses and respect my wishes and see the kids. If he loves them so much, wouldn't he want to do the best for them?

I have an IM because my WH told me that he has no wife, just 2 kids. I don't exist to him. Had a giggle when I was searching for the previous relationship info for BK. Boy, it's been one heck of a ride!

Thanks for answering.

Your H is very entitled and I believe cheating is a way of life for him.

Plan B really is your best hope but you have to make sure he can't get to you.

You're doing a great job in the face of his onslaught. I think you should get an AVO against him.

I can see what you mean BK but he actually isn't contacting me directly. He sent me a text message yesterday and there hasn't been anything today. If he does anything to me or the house the police will put one on him no questions and will not wait for me to do it.

He is a serial cheater. I hope he can change.

I hope I will be ready if he doesn't so that I can move on.

At the very least Plan B will enable you to move on even if it doesn't save your marriage.

He CAN change but I doubt he has the will to do it.

Wow, this is only day 4 of Plan B.

So much of me wants to throw the towell in and say it's too hard and just contact him and apologise and give him what he wants - whatever that is.

He doesn't even know what he wants. He actually told me that he wanted a complete break away from me so that he had a chance to miss me and see if he still loves me and wants to come home. He only misses me when he's with OW or other friends and hates me when he's around me??? Fog!

I think it's safe to say he hates me when I'm not around too if the last couple of days are anything to go by.

Do marriages really survive after this?

I know I cannot back down or I will have a lifetime of him doing whatever he wants.

I know whether he comes back to me willing and able to work on the marriage or if we D, I have to stick to my boundaries. I didn't want this life. I just wanted to dedicate my life to making us all happy and being a wonderful family together. I wanted and thought I had a loving supportive husband with a few issues!

My colleague delightfully told me that the courts are terrible. She spent $7,000 just on letters to her H from the lawyers and $10,000 on one day in court. It didn't even settle. The next trip to court would have cost her $35,000.

She's remarried and they have arranged the custody between them. Even she is telling me to contact him directly and I nearly cried when I said some of the hurtful things he says.

I need to be shielded from that. This isn't fair.

Yes marriages do survive - mine did although it was not as bad as what you are going through.

You don't deserve it.

I am so sorry you have had to endure this ABUSE. What a horrible, sick mean thing to say to your wife. You deserve so much better than this, 2M2L.

I think Plan B will be very good for you, friend. Because it will give you a chance to restore your sanity without this incessant abuse and anxiety causing behavior. In a few short weeks you will feel better than you have in years. You will be shocked at what you have endured. You have big balls, my good friend, and I know you will come out of this just fine.

Well, lets see if your H is willing to fork that over. I think you are right, he is all smoke and no fire.

Yeah, life has been really tough lately. The more I remember the sadder I feel. I was so focussed on the scraps of politeness that I never realised the levels the abuse had gotten to.

I just hope he leaves me alone for a while now. I just want to sleep peacefully. I sleep but it's not restful at all.

It's our work Christmas party tonight so that's good news.

Oh, Christmas Eve is when my family goes to church, petting zoo for the kids and sings carols. Then, we follow it up with the good old German tradition of eating, drinking and staying up late and opening presents. We've always celebrated Christmas Eve, that's why I want the kids then.

We usually have a lovely Christmas lunch too, and as much as I want to keep the kids away from him and with me, there will be something quite sobering about being just his family and the kids. You see, they all spent Christmas Day with my family the last few years and we have had amazing times. I don't think Christmas will be very merry without me and my family and I'm pretty sure the kids will miss me and say so. His brother is a quadraplegic and he is bed ridden and it doesn't sound like they will even be doing much celebrating for Christmas.

There is a little method to my madness. I still hope he will come crawling back by then!

I'm starting to realise he wont. I didn't realise those balls were mine until now, LOL