That's ok - that's some hope for me!

How long did you plan B for?

We never got to Plan B. My wife was out of our house for only 2 weeks. We have been in recovery for 3.5 years now.

I'm very happy for you, sad for me.

So, a friend of mine just emailed me and said she saw on facebook that my marriage is over!

Lovely WH, just perfect!

It gets worse. He hacked into my account to do it. I can't access it from work so my sister will have a look and call me.

He's also changed the password on my email account!

Newsfeed - Relationship status changed at 3:05pm

We have ended our relationship - I'm single

On his facebook he is still listed as married?

I can't access my facebook account, he's changed the password on that too and I can't reset it because the email wont get to me, only to him! Lucky I had already decided to not log on to facebook or myspace to stay dark.

Sticks and stones WH...

He's really trying to get to me. I bet he thinks he's really smart right now. No response, I'm too dark!

Email her back and ask her not to pass that kind of information onto you.

Thank you, I will

You can contact Facebook and tell them you've been hacked.

http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=account_compromised

If you haven't already change other passwords he has, if he hasn't already.

Does he know about MB?

LC

I believe it was her facebook account that was changed to read this. Her WH hacked into it and made the change.

So her friend telling her was a good thing because now she knows to change all of her passwords.

2Much, you are planning on keeping the kids with YOU on Christmas Day, aren't you? You should get them this first Christmas since it is he who has left and caused this rift.

IMO, another thing you should do is cancel your facebook and any other online profiles you have (myspace, etc, etc). He can keep tabs on you as to when you log in and out and get updates that way. You don't want him to have any info on you so get rid of anything that will give him any.

LC

I agree. Delete everything from your old life - phone, emails, online accounts. Start fresh with new names and passwords.

Have you emailed all your friends and family to let them know you are in Plan B and explain what it means? Ask them all to help you stay dark and keep him from you.

I second ML's call that you should have the kids with you and your family for Christmas day; let him have them the 26th, so he can 'have weekend time' with them. One of the points of Plan B is for him to see how miserable life will be without you.

It's like the boiling frog, or the death by 1000 cuts someone mentioned yesterday. You take it one piece at a time, and don't realize it's killing you cos you can't see the sum total effect. Have you read the book Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft? I'm not saying your H is truly abusive, but he seems to use a lot of controlling tactics to get his way. Reading about it may help you recognize some of the ways he may try to get you back (or get back to his old ways if you do reconcile) without you realizing he's manipulating you.

I, too, think you're doing fabulously.

Thanks for your comments all.

I will contact facebook tonight from home.

We had our work Christmas party last night and 2 monumental things happened. (Sorry, still hungover and finding myself very amusing).

Walking up to the party a mutual friend who was a BMW sales guy calls out to me and said hi. I walked over to his car and he told me how fabulous I looked and asked how I lost all the weight. I told him WH and I have officially split this time and I would not be talking to him until he gives up OW.

Mutual friend said he talked to WH a couple of days ago but he didn't mention anything. He asked how I was and WH said I was great. So, big part of the story...he is the guy that broke up with his defacto girlfriend to try and work it out with the mother of his little girl. His girl is 3 1/2 and they separated when she was about 6 months old. After 3 years, he wants them all back in his life.

He is willing to do whatever it takes and is scared and taking it slow by dating, by his DD wants it all. Anyway. I gave him some MB tips on meeting needs etc and he asked me to come down for a coffee and a chat one day - he'd love to know more. So, I just found myself an ally. Yay!!!!!

Second monumental event was the text message from WH. Since being pregnant and having babies, I don't drink. So, after my 3 champagne I was pretty happy and unruffled about my life and LOVING plan B. I had stayed away from my phone. He had left a voicemail to speak with the kids so I got IM to text him to call my parents instead - where the kids were.

I deleted his voicemail without listening to it

BUT, then I got a text message. I tried to be strong and just open and forward it to IM, but I couldn't help it.

It said "Would you like for you, me, DD, DS to all go to Singapore on Dec 30th and come back on the 5th Jan. We can all go back to where you and I started and see if we can make this marriage work for all of us as a family. I want to give you 100% of me mentally and emotionally for you and our beautiful children. You have hurt me beyond what I am able to cope with and I fear I have done the same to you. Please let me know before 12pm tomorrow afternoon. I told them you are a good mother 2M2L and I believe that we can be happy again. All my love. Your husband, WH"

Ok, so I read it and was pretty stunned. I forwarded it to IM and she said he had already sent it to her. She asked me it I'd read it and I said yes. She told me not to be sucked in.

I said no way. There is no remorse for hurting me and no apology. There is no mention of OW and steps he will take to have her out of his life and, there is no committment to try and make it work, just a 7 day opportunity.

So, I asked her to say she wouldn't pass it on to me because it did not meet the conditions of the PBL. Oh, and he'd given ME a deadline of 12pm. Fat chance!

I'd love to hear your comments on his note if I've missed anything. I think I'm doing ok!!!

So, I'm staying dark and enjoying life.

She sent me a message this morning to say he has tried ringing her too

Boundaries rule.

AMAZING!!!!!
all the defiance about intermediaries seems to have gone

Your IM is good - he isn't serious.

STOP reading his texts - just delete them.

ABSOLUTE surrender and adherence to your Plan B letter conditions and no less is what is required here.

I am in AWE. You are not bebuddled by his bullcrap and are very good at this! This is the PERFECT RESPONSE to his message.

It did not elude you that he offered everything...........EXCEPT what you need to recover the marriage, ie: the end of his affair.

A WS will always try to get you to lower the BAR so he does not have to RAISE THE BAR. He is testing you and you PASSED THE TEST WITH FLYING COLORS.

dang, you're good!

Ok, he has learned that you will not respond to bullying tactics and is trying a NEW tactic. Just keep that in mind.

But do you see how quickly he backed down when he realized the bullying wasn't working?

EXACTLY Mel!! That dog don't hunt, that turkey don't fly. Family Law 101 Australian style for WH!

He found a new way. He called me at work. Funny thing is I didn't recognise his voice straight away.

He asked if I got his message, I said no. He told me about Singapore and I said you are missing the most important condition of my letter, NC with OW for life. I know IM emailed him to say no way, will not pass it on until you are in agreement.

He said he thinks we can come to an arrangement about working with her. My letter was quite gray and he wanted to find a way to work on things with me. I said he had his chance and he went back to old habits and I will not ever do that again.

I stand firm on my condition which is black and white. If you want to work on our marriage you need to have no contact with her for the rest of your life. He said he's put a lot of effort into the band with her and it's going to make a lot of money. I told him they need a new female singer then. He said it's not her fault, he'd go. I said great. Call the IM when you've agreed to NC. I said you need to choose your marriage over your OW.

Then, he asked about the kids, its not fair to use IM blah blah. He loves the kids and wants to be with them and I'm being difficult and demanding. I told him I was not having this conversation with him. I need him to respect my wishes and not contact me again unless NC with OW. Goodbye.

He tired calling again I think but I forwarded my work phone to voicemail. He wont get me again.

Damn!

ok, the next time he gets through like this, simply say:

"have you ended all contact with the OW?"

If the answer is no, then say "we have nothing to discuss until that happens.Good bye.." HANG UP

If the answer is YES, then say: "please contact my IM and discuss the situation with her. Thank you, good bye" HANG UP

I'm going to disagree with Mel here.

I say that as soon as you know it's him you hang up without any further word.

But you are a silly foreigner, what do you know?? :RollieEyes:

That is what Steve Harley told another client here to do the FIRST TIME the WS got through. The idea is to reiterate the main point of the PB with short, concise talking points. He needs to hear this same message over and over again from the OM.