hf,

I can see why some of the best MB has to offer have given up on you. In reading through your posts this morning, you have reverted back to the VERY SAME position you were in when you called out for my help a few days ago.

Your WW is NOT unpredictable, she is working from the basic wayward handbook. She's LYING to you, and you want to believe her ... plain and simple.

Look, your M is OVER. You have a multiple cheating WW, that has lost ALL respect for you. She has effectively abandoned you and her children. She is disrespecting you in the worst possible way ... the ONLY thing that would be worse is if she DID OM right in front of you.

IGNORE her babblings. Let the PI do his job, and then EXPOSE through the courts. Forget about all of this other background NOISE.

FOCUS on what you can control, and get custody of your D's and this wayward parasite out of your life before she sucks ALL of the life out of you.

myrev - Thanks for the post. It is very hard to stay stong during times like these, but I am trying as hard as I can to grin and bear it. I am trying to turn the other cheek to all of her bablings, but the memories of how my w used to be are still so strong.

hf,

The text quoted above is where the rubber meets the road.

You need to learn from the mistakes and successes of those who have travelled this path before you. The successful BH's are the ones who remained STRONG and kept their focus on what was important.

The BH's who wander aimlessly aroung this website, are the one's who've waffled and allowed their "old" feelings for their WW's to distract them from the tasks at hand.

It's your life and ONLY YOU can pull this off, but you will have to make a plan and STICK TO IT ... the only thing in the "middle of the road" are yellow lines and dead possums.

Your WW has really only left you with one viable option ... PLAN FU, and you will only get one shot to do it right. Listen to your attorney, keep your powder dry, and THEN blow up the affairee's world through the court system.

Got a call from the PI. No movement during the lunch hour as of yet. If she leaves he will let me know. PI will be back at it at 4PM. I have noticed that a lot of you all have dropped off my thread, I guess that is OK. But I would like to keep everyone informed as to what is going on. This is a really good site for advice/support and to have people to talk to about my sitch.

Does she know she's being followed. Any chance she's "made" the PI?

tl

How do you know that the OMW is not doing the same as you?

Just waiting, waiting and waiting.

She has no clue. She is oblivious to anything like that. The PI sets up on the parking lot at work, and is using several different vehicles.

iam - I have wondered that myself. I wonder since I did plant the seed that something may be going on with her H would human nature eventually take over and she start watching him, snooping on him. But with her comments of I believe my husband I tend to wonder also if she is one of those that jsut do not care and as the old saying goes out of site out of mind. I just can not believe that she would not at least be looking some. Just so happens that the person that cuts my hair also cuts OM kids hair. I have told the person that cuts my hair about this sitch that is how I found out they use her. The person that cuts my hair is the one that told me that OMW is always complaining about OM never being at home and spending time with the family. I may plant another bug in teh person that cuts our hair that OM was in the vehicle with my wife and see if it can get back to OMW.

Stuff like that is the cheesecake way to get her back. Assuming you want her back.

I'm still reading, but you're not really doing anything, so there's no point posting. Sorry.

fwiw, my sense is that she's a top of the line liar and manipulator, self-centered narcissist who is twisting and spinning everything to get her best advantage. One of those steps includes pulling you back in with ILU's while also feeling you out about how much you really know (bringing up OM), so she can make sure she's covering all her bases.

In W's world, it's her job to make sure she gets what she wants: kids when they make her look good, H when he can give her something, OM when she wants to be on a pedestal...right now you don't even count, so she's just manipulating to see if she needs to protect herself.

IIWY, my next conversation with her would be in a court transcript.

When you get serious about ACTUALLY helping yourself out of this terrible situation, give me another shout out. However, as long as you intend on just "playing games", then I have better ways to spend my time.

In your situation, why in the HE11 would you give up valuable intelligence like this? Do you not understand how FOOLISH AND WEAK it sounds to be "passing notes" through an uninvolved beautician. You are in a WAR for your and your D's future, and you're reacting like this is some type of grade school stunt.

I heard a quote a couple of months back that I think is pertinent to your situation:


"Modern American women have been systematically emasculating their husbands, and then using that as an excuse to leave them."

Hogfan..YOU are your own worst enemy here.

I have to agree with Mrrev. There are better ways to spend our time than to advise someone that seems bent on saying one thing and then acting in total opposition to that position.

I will be available also should you decide to start ACTING with a PURPOSE.

I beleive that trying to gather proof, or evidence is acting and doing as much as I can at the moment. It is kind of liek being backed in a corner. I beleive that snatching her phone form her is acting. Did I want to give it back to her he11 no, but my 6 year old d was watching. Did I want to break it he11 yes, but what woudl that look like in front of my kids. They would thought that I was crazy. I believe that doing everything that I can to get what I need to protect my girls is acting. I can put up with her cake eating until I have that. He11 I ahve put up with it for over a year now. About the beautician it was just a thought. I am not going to blow my cover. As far as playing games, my w is the one playing those I am jsut going along until I have what I need to drop a bomb on everyone involved.

How about this: You wait until Sunday night. If PI has nothing by then, THEN you go ahead and expose to everyone you know; you change all the cell phones, emails, URLs, everything so you are no longer enabling her affair.; you either hand-deliver or send Certified a letter to her HR Director and whoever else is appropriate.

You don't HAVE to show any of these people proof! All you have to do is tell what they are doing, and let them trip themselves up to all their family, friends, and coworkers.

And please don't use the excuse of not wanting to look crazy in front of your children. Puhleaze! I've seen people here to take their SO's phone apart and dare them to try something else! Your children will see a strong father who does what's right for their family.

HF,

Would having your wife come home pregnant with this guy's child be enough proof for you?

Or would having your doctor tell you that you have an incurable STD be enough proof to warrant action?

Will it take finding your wife and OM dead in a motel room because OM's wife snapped and shot them both?

Your problem isn't what other people think of you it is the affair your wife is having with OM. Fight the affair and not your wife.

If you want this to end quickly with no or little effort from you, just file for divorce and agree to give her whatever she wants as a settlement. Trust me on this; THAT is the easy way to handle this.

Fighting for your marriage will be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but so far you have done nothing to fight for it.

Court cases have been made and won with less than you already have for proof. How much proof do YOU need?

Are YOU convinced your wife is having an affair? If so, expose the stupid thing to people who might be able to tell her to get her head out of her butt.

:twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour:

That is a good idea. Thanks for the response. I will think about that. Beleive me I will expose and it will be sooner than later.

I am not sure that I am convinced that it is an A yet. I guess that I still believe in my wife although I know I should not at this point.

So YOU'RE the voice inside my head, CP!

ITA with you.

Hogfan-

You need to use some hunting skills here. Stay quiet, keep your plan in place, no emotions, pull the trigger when the big buck comes around.

Full nuclear exposure when the trap has been set.

Another scenario is that the OM has dropped her b/c of the OMW and now your WW is enticing him to a full night of lust when you are away. She might be grasping and planning to find a way back with the OM. Just a thought and be prepared emotionally.