HI James, Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking and praying for you! Looking forward to the update tomorrow!

Good luck James!

Good luck tomorrow, dude. Sending positive energy and prayers your way.

Don't forget to breathe!

And leave the f-me pumps at home.

Prayers going up from Texas today.

Praying for you James........




Fox

Well folks.. it's all over but the cryin.


The important stuff first.

I've got more time with DS, so there's a victory in that. I had to swallow most of the marital debt to get it, but that's really a secondary concern.

I get DS overnight two nights a week, and every other weekend, plus I get half the summer and alternating holidays. Basically it works out to split physical and legal give or take a few hours on the Sunday's the weekends I have him.

Because of the vast differences in income, I ended up really with about 80% of the marital debt, but honestly the money doesn't really matter in respect to having more time with DS.

I can't say I'm ecstatic about the arrangement, but it's a guarantee rather than the uphill slog I would have had in dealing with trying to convince the same judge that he was wrong in November.

It's not full custody for me, which would have ultimately been the best outcome, but it is, I suppose.. a reasonable agreement given that the courts here care not a whit about adultery or how it affects kids.

So... The bald stallion of a bass player is now again among the ranks of the single..

Onwards and upwards.. continuing to breathe and be the best man I can be.

DS is out of his mind happy though that he gets an extra Daddy Day each week.. and his smile makes it all worth while.

J

Wow! You received a decision really fast.

I'm glad to hear you got more time with DS. No, it isn't perfect but divorce never is.

Now you can build a life for you.

Remember, also, that this does not have to be permanent. As your boy grows and is able to take a stand for himself, you may find you have him more and more.

I'm proud of you, James.

Fox

At about 9:05 (which is the time I anticipated the whole thing would start) ...I said a prayer for you and your son.


This a settlement agreement, isn't it?

Do you technically have to wait for the paperwork to actually BE divorced or did the order get entered today?

How does your son know already...was he there?

What was your ex's reaction to the whole thing? Waywards typically don't like finality....they like fogginess.

Anyway...I'm glad you are pleased. Unfortunately, most fathers are denied anything near pleasing.

Mr. Wondering

How are YOU DOING?

What are you FEELING?

So are you divorced?

I'm glad you got more time with your son. That in the end was all that mattered, you having more influence in his life.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JAMES}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

James,

Welcome aboard the D-Line. I know this isn't where you wanted to be, but you are in some rather good company here!


I'm so glad you 2 are going to be together more. No, it's not full custody, but it's more than you had which is very good.

Of course you are not ecstatic about it, why would you be? As Foxx points out, this is divorce and I know of none that are "perfect".


There is a very lucky woman out there somewhere,,,,,,,,not yet aware of the BSBP headed her way!! James, you have walked a difficult path with dignity and class. You are greatly admired and are most certainly a wonderful father and a good man. Even in spite of the 'pig snot', I'd be proud to introduce you to my single friends!!

How are you feeling,,,,,,,,,,,be prepared for some mixed emotions over the next hours, days.

Thnking of you!

Congratulations, and I'm sorry, on your entry into Club D.

Glad you got more time with the little guy. That's way more important than money.

Thanks Foxy..

Nope, not perfect.. but it's something I can build my life around..

Yeah.. lots of times kids tend to see if the grass is greener with the other parent at some point.. we'll see, but I'm pretty sure by then it'll be a no brainer for DS when the time comes.

Thanks again Foxy.. for all your support and prayers.

Pretty close to right on your prediction Mr. W.. and yes.. we ended up brokering a deal where I'd take on more of the marital debt in exchange for more time with DS... as we all knew for her it was always about the money. The CS I'm going to end up paying is about the same as what I'm going to end up saving no longer having to carry her on my insurance.. so to that end it's a wash.

Ultimately on the long term financial end I probably came out ahead too.. all things considered.. given that I kept the house, lost the vehicle we were most upside down on etc..

I really don't know what the Ice Queen's reaction was.. we never saw eachother the whole time except for a few minutes in the courtroom when we stipulated the agreement. She didn't look at me at all then.. but she requested a few final items from the house which I dropped off to her at her office.. she was there to receive those, but we really didn't exchange more than a glance.. her telling me I didn't have to return them today that I had until Sunday.. and I basically said 'Yeah well.. it's been good knowin ya.. for the most part.. good luck' and turned and left.

I can't say I'm 'pleased'.. but it's something I can live with.. it's as close to equal time as I could get.. and it's darn close. So given what most fathers are stuck with, and the fact I lost in the preliminary.. I have to say it's at least marginally in the win column.

I'm hangin in there Queenie.. thanks for asking.

I really don't know what I'm feeling, other than some relief that this is over. I'll probably have a better fix on it in the next couple of days. My family isn't happy as they think I should have pressed on and slugged it out in front of the judge, but with the opportunity to guarantee almost equal time with DS (and given that I get the 'extended' time in the guidelines after next year I may actually get more than half the time)

Yes Queenie.. I'm divorced.. all we're waiting for is the paperwork, which my attorney said he'd have done by the end of the day today.

Yup... DS is all that matters, and that's how it should be.. is.. and will be.

Oh yeah.. the company is great. Certainly the best bunch of folks I never wanted to be a part of.. kinda a cliche statement around here but it's so true.


You got that right!


You just show me and SD the bucket they're waiting for us in!

And if you know of any to introduce me to up in the central Indiana area.. I'm keen to meet em! Just give me a few weeks to process/digest this.

I'm feeling OK I guess.. it's tough to gauge as it feels like it's constantly shifting from sadness that my marriage failed.. sadness that DS will never have an intact family again.. to relief.. to..

Well.. to put it bluntly.. I'm tired.. it's a tiredness that goes all the way to the bone.. not sure how to adequately describe it.. it's not physical tiredness as I got a great nights sleep last night.. it's more of a mental/emotional/spiritual equivalent of having just run a marathon.

I'll be able to better describe it/identify it in a few weeks.. months or so I imagine..

I forgot to ask...

Was who gets the Tax deduction for your son addressed?


Since you are near 50-50 custody I wanted to let you know that IF you ever manage to obtain 183 nights with your son in a non-leap year and the tax deduction wasn't specifically allocated in the divorce decree (with a requirment that she or you sign the required form allocating such deduction)...then YOU can take the deduction.

The IRS allocates the deduction to the parent with jt custody that obtains 50% plus one night more than the other joint parent.

Hopefully...since you make more money...your attorney got the deduction for you and put it properly in the settlement agreeemnt (including the requirment that she sign the form each year giving you the deduction regardless of nights with her)

Mr. Wondering

Dude . . . you're a bass player. With brains and a solid career on the side. How much help do you need? It's us broken down old guys who haven't dated in multiple decades who need the help.

Having said that, once your head clears you will start to see the opportunities. There's no rush.

James,

I think this came out as well as could be expected. Are you getting 4 overnights in every 14 day period?? Are the days locked in so you do not have to deal with her too much?

How about missed time? Is there a clause in the agreement that allows for make up time when it is necessary to miss time due to her schedule?

Do you plan on going into a Plan B with her now that this is resolved?

How are medical and other decisions to be made? Do you have any say in those matters or are they left to her discretion?

It sounds like you have 78 days during the 9 non-summer months and then 45 days in the summer. 123 days, while working out to just about 1/3 time is not a bad start considering she has had him out of the house for so long.

I'm glad this is over for you James. While congratulations on a divorce are never in order..I do think this will allow the next, better, chapter of your life to begin.

When you are ready, there are a lot of good women out there. Learn from the mistakes of this relationship and NEVER allow yourself to settle for a woman like that again. Choose well and your ex wife will be nothing more than a springboard to new and better relationships.

Do not be afraid to talk to your son about this stuff as he grows. He needs to know why his family broke up...and that his dad stood up for HIS best interests. One day he will call his mom to the carpet for her horrible behavior. When that time comes James, be prepared because you will most likely become a full time custodial dad at that point.

JAMES

I am glad for you that your day in court is over....one more step to the 'other side'...

You can now take your time...to untangle your emotions...

One day at a time, James.

JAMES

Yeah, now that the drama's over with, I think you'll be able to let go of whatever else you were holding on to.

You may not feel like a winner, but you actually did very well.

It's done dude, now go out and make the best of what's left. We still have a lot of good years ahead of us. My EXWW is nothing more than a memory. My marriage now feels like it was a hundred years ago. I like it that way. You will too.