5 years post divorce and I am healthy, happy, engaged, own my marital home.

5 years post divorce and my ex is repeating all the bad behaviors that led to our divorce (and almost my death). While he has never given up the drugs, it has now reached a crisis point once again, and he has become violent with his affair wife of 4 years.

Of all the 28 years that we were together, I only remember 1 holiday that he wasnt on drugs. Thanksgiving 1996. Thanksgiving 1995 was the year that he had an overdose and seizure while driving 4 of us to the parade in Philadelphia. Thank God that we were pulling into a parking lot and werent on the bridge when it happened. I was able to climb over him and stop the car before he hit the parking lot attendant. Holidays were never good when he was little and he medicates himself through every holiday

Affair wife has involved my grown children in her problems with my ex. She told my children tonite that she is leaving tonite and not to buy her or the kids (one hers..2 DYFS kids) anything for Christmas since she wont be seeing my children for the holidays.

She thinks this is something new. I played out the same life only 1000 times worse and 7X longer. I was lucky I escaped with my life. She knew all about this before she married him but I guess she just chose to believe that I was just an angry betrayed, lying B@*#HY wife

My problem now is I am afraid of my EX, I always knew it would come to this, however, Now he has nowhere to go. His mother now lives in a nursing home and he is really at the deep end on the diving board with no water in the pool. of course my kids are afraid the he will overdose and although they dont have any respect left for him, they dont want to see him dead either.

They are also afraid that he will show up at my home, not that anyone thinks I will take him in, but he still thinks that he got ripped off that I was able to buy him out and he is paying me alimony and he will not be happy with that if he has to find some place to rent. i recently had new doors put in, but locks wont stop him if he wants in and his behavior has been a little erratic lately

i guess I just want prayers, of all the lowest points that I suffered through with him, some were so low that I couldnt imagine were not rock bottom but he still hasnt gotten there yet.

I would like some prayers for the safety of myself and my children and that he doesnt hurt them emotionally as well. I am past the point of emotional hurt but even though grown they are still so fragile. Prayers that he will finally get the help that he needs

You have my prayers.

I have a relative like this. He used to do all these things but as of late has calmed down.

I think that has something to do with my grandpa's (his father) death...but I digress.

These men cannot recover until they hit rock bottom. And you can't be there to catch them.

Sunrise, what a horrible position to put you in.

I think I would be making it loud and clear to anybody and everybody that you will;

1. Call the police if he shows up at your house;

2. Call the paramedics or police or nearest mental health facility if you think he is in danger.

He has a wife now and she is his next of kin and responsible to him.

You must absolutely refuse to be emotionally blackmailed. If he wants to die, he'll do it without involving anybody else. His addiction is his problem and he has to fix it. If he doesn't want to, fine that's his choice also. If anybody had any control over this situation, he would have been healed long ago. So you don't have any control or magic powers.

Have a safe holiday and don't let this stuff get to you too much. Some therapy sounds in order for him, but he obviously thinks drugs are the best coping method. How's it working for him?

Take care.

Karmasrose, thanks so much for the prayers.

it's unbelievable that he hasnt hit rock bottom. He has had 3 DUI arrests, one was with sealed bottles of stolen pharmaceuticals, and the last one when I was married to him, everyone thought he was dead because he was so drunk when he went driving he couldnt even respond when he answered his cell phone, he was driving just about in a coma and thank God he didnt kill anyone. That was right before he left and I made sure to get a divorce ASAP as I was afraid he would kill someone and I wanted myself/home legally protected

A wise friend on MB here many years ago told me "being there when he hits rock bottom only results in you getting squashed" I had been beaten down my whole marriage, i didnt want to be squashed by a ton of his falling crap as well

FireSass, Thanks. I spoke to the police several years ago about him coming in here when I wasnt home. He thought he could just walk in without knocking because his kids lived here. It was made clear to him that he couldnt do that and he hasnt stepped in here since. He was only here invited one time for a graduation party and that was only in the yard (I was afraid he might steal something)

I forwarded to my brother an email that new wife sent to my kids detailing his erratic behavior and she mentions that she wanted them to know what was going on in case something happened to her. I am also making a copy for my lawyer just in case he shows up here.

All of my kids are out of the house now 2 are a distance away and 2 are within 15 miles, not close enough to make it here real quick. the older boys have made it clear that he is not to come here and Im sure my ex knows that I will call police immediately if I even think he is on my property, BUT drugs make you do irrational things and I am on my guard.

I didnt mention that I had surgery on my foot in October and I am still not full weight bearing and am still using crutches and that is a concern so I am being extra cautious.

I will have a wonderful Christmas, The Baby Jesus came to Earth to save everyone including my ex. he may put a somber cast to the holiday, but God's message hasnt changed and I am truly blessed. only for the grace of God could anyone of us be in his position

Do you have an alarm system on your residence?

I will keep you in my prayers...you and Cathy and Cathy and Harold and Vickie and Michele and Lorene and Forrest and Elizabeth and a whole bunch of people!

thanks cinderella..no alarm just 2 loud barking dogs and a cat who thinks she is the police that checks out every little noise LOL

I cant afford an alarm syatem, but I think I am going to get one of those loud magnetic alarms for my basement door that is the least secure of all my doors

I feel for you. My first XH came after me a few times when I left. Fortunately I was able to get sole custody and he messed up his visitation so badly even children's aid wouldn't supervise him so I was able to move and drop off the radar. I hid from him for nearly 20 years. Recently he found me again and luckily I was just preparing move anyway so I'm safe again. He didn't come after me this time but he doesn't know I've moved. He has a wife and a bunch of kids so maybe he's changed but I doubt it. I feel your fear and have felt it for the majority of my adult life.

That said I hope you have at least alerted the police. Maybe you can even hire a security guard for a little while until you find out what he's going to do. Do you still communicate with him at all?

I'll be thinking of you tonight and over the next few days.

Thanks, I cant afford a security guard. I have been out on disability since sept 26 due to my ankle surgery

I spoke with a police officer that I know locally and there is not a lot that I can do with no restraining order, but one wrong move from him and I will have one immediately.

I did go out tonite and get one of those really loud alarms for my basement door.

This will be a really low spot for him if his wife has followed through and our wedding anniversary is the 17th of Dec.( Would have been 32 years). Two failed marriages, a serious drug addiction, children who have lost all respect and Christmas in a short time makes for a really tough time.

I talk to him as little as possible. I Went to his backyard for my sons rehearsal dinner in June. It was very uncomfortable. I didnt speak to him at all and had my brothers family there for support