I say often that the people we are naturally attracted to are actually the worse for us. People tend to pick the same time over and over and expect different results. Look up Einstein's theory of insanity. I recommend that you find someone who is more like you than opposite of you. There are some very good books written on the subject of attraction and the general premise of some is that we are attracted to someone who we feel can offer us what we feel we were shortchanged on in childhood, and that we tend to emphasize their abilities to meet our childhood needs while obscuring their own needs, which may be very different from our own, and their own problems, which again can be very different from our own. You have to work at working against your natural attractions and making more rational choices.

I don't feel that your being tested, what you pick is in accord with your own free will, which allows you the option to change.

As I said, my comments were in general and there are always exceptions. Perhaps you are one, although your tone and characterizations lessen the validity of your message for me.

booka, is the above message for me? I have no idea what you mean,'lessen the validity of your message for me'. Huh?

No it is not to you, it is to the person I quoted in my reply, whomever they are.

"lesson the validity of your message" is a polite way of me saying something else to the other poster. The emotionally mature person does say what they might really think about the other poster when nothing nice can be said about them. It is better not to sink to their level and instead maintain our own high standards for behavior.

That doesn't mean we can't laugh about it in private!

Go ahead and experiment. It won't hurt to see what kind of responses you get. As for the attraction to the "wrong" type, can't help you too much except to say...make a small list of requirements. Think of qualities that you want in a long-term relationship and let that be a guideline.

Stay strong and let God help you along the way.

Loni

I am happy to report that I shall be going on my first date this weekend!

I have corresponded with this guy for about 50 days. I find him very interesting: we communicate every three days via phone and talk about three to four hours. He is articulate, intelligent, funny, well read, he cooks (yay for me!) and of course, he likes me!

We come from different countries, our cultural experiences are very different which I find stimulating. He doesn't share my passion for the outdoors and doesn't take vacations... and I am always planning for my next outdoor adventure. It keeps me fit. The only downside is, he is not a Christian and does not really share my Christian values although he respects it.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to meet him.

* I googled and saw more current photos of him -- he looks a bit like my xh!! LOL. Photos are only two dimensional, so we shall see.

Dated the above. No, it didn't go well. I had a bad throat, the venue was smoky and loud, with stupid lights shining in my eyes most of the time. He talked a lot but was also very reserved. Didn't get very personal. No contact after the date. I am disappointed.

Am on to the next one tomorrow.

... the selection of men on this website is paltry!
and there's only one matchmaking website in my entire country.

Ruff

I won't say that I am glad your date did not go well. Though I did not expect it to go that way when you wrote:

"We come from different countries, our cultural experiences are very different which I find stimulating. He doesn't share my passion for the outdoors and doesn't take vacations... and I am always planning for my next outdoor adventure. It keeps me fit. The only downside is, he is not a Christian and does not really share my Christian values although he respects it.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to meet him."

Why? Desperation?

There is nothing wrong with being different. As long as core values and beliefs are the same. Don't sell yourself short.

I cut my guy lose. We weren't a match.

Ronda

Road, ouch! But maybe yes, I was a little desperate. I got addicted to the attention. While I saw things in him that are good, I also saw many of his shortcomings.

I didn't have much of a choice. After our date, he hinted that I wasn't his type, physically, that is. So we are no more 'we'.


Allurin, what happened?

Did not want to make you say ouch. When anxious we sometimes can't wait for a result.

It's a feeling that I've had all along. I think he has many women. He would never go out of his way to talk to me. Like if I would call and he was on the other line he wouldn't switch over even just to tell me..."hey I'll call you right back" but yet when he was on the phone to me and someone else called he would hang up from me and take their call every time. I talked to his latest ex-gf today(she works near me) and she said within two weeks he was telling her that he loved her and was making plans for christmas presents (this was weeks before Thanksgiving) She said they dated less than a month...he says they dated 6 weeks. She said the meaner she was to him the more he would be clingy to her. I am just the opposite...and I think that was one of the problems...I wasn't mean enough and never could be. Oh well...he did me a favor. Better to find out now rather than later.

I cut another "friend" loose yesterday too. He's the one who can't quit talking about his ex-wife. I can't take his drama anymore.

After all this I'm reminded why I'm better off alone. I'm back to concentrating on my job, my kids and surviving day to day life. I'm convinced that the only men worth a hill of beans are the ones here on MB who are thousands of miles away from me. LOL

Ronda

Yes, you are fortunate to see this early.

Isn't life more peaceful after? LOL

LOL yes it is.

I went for my 2nd match date yesterday. We decided to meet after 3 or 4 very brief emails. He lives just the corner from my apartment so I picked him up.

We went for a long drive in the country, on one of his biking routes. It was beautiful! We stopped by a lake and watched some people fish. The weather was kind and the mists bounded on the pine trees on our way back to the city.

Went to a german restaurant for dinner, had wine, chatted till 9:30pm. He is two years older than I, never been married, talked quite a bit on his past two relationships. I realise now I am the only one on both match connections not needing to talk more than three sentences on any of my past relationships- lol, so totally over them. We both read, I find the books he is reading interesting and will certainly try to get a copy of the letters Ghandi wrote to his daughter Indira while in prison. My date talked about his relationship with his father, I talked about my drawings. I asked a lot of questions. We were together from 3:30pm till 9:30-- that's a lot of time on a first date!

My cough started again, I felt tired and wanted to go home. Oh I must mention that DateNo2 is of the same race as DateNo1 and has worked in country of DateNo1 - he helped me dispell some of the misconception I had about DN1, LOL I don't feel so bad about being dumped now. And I received a good morning can we go out again messsage fr DN2. He feels more like a friend than anything else, interesting but not stimulating. He is good looking and has nice brown eyes, a little small framed.

I've watched this thread some as I have dabbled in the online dating thing some. Have spoken with many a men, but met up with only one, after date # 2 he stopped communicating and it was like pulling teeth to get him to say why, said that I was to bossy!! Ok

I've kept my profile up, I live in an area that is very much rural. So distance is a big obstacle and with having to travel distances comes time constraints! But I having fun talking with the many different guys. Right now there are two Dan's, a Tim, a John, a Bill and a Randy that I communicate with at lease once a day via email. One of the Dan's is local and we are to meet one day during Christmas break, we've spoken on and off since August, he works in AK half the year so was gone!!! Am really liking Bill, he sends an email card each morning to start my day off!!! Tim is over 200 miles away and has never married and doesn't want kids, so he probably wouldn't handle my 5 grandsons well! John has a really sweet car, I love Mustangs!!!! He is someone that I would be interested in meeting but is 2.5 hours away, so will see if that transpires! Randy is sweet and was checking on me every day after my surgery but he too is 2 hours away.

Like I said I am having fun, am keeping things in perspective!!! It's nice to get the attention. I was told last night twice that I was beautiful, and that is not something x had ever said to me!!

Just thought that I would share!!!

Dawn

Interesting, Dawn!
I was just thinking this morning- it's all about the number of people you meet, screen, keep or discard, isn't it?

I like your new friendships. I was asked out for a second time by DudeNo2... am not wanting to go because he sent too many texts and emails this past week- only a week after we met -- he sounds needy. I know men are visual, but a lot of them and this one in fact, described what he thinks I am wearing on a particular day when I am at work. He is fantasizing me in a Bogart movie. Creeps me out when guys think of me that much, in that way.

Ruf--That would freak me out!!!

I just spent 3 hours on the computer and talking to 2 different guys, there is a blizzard going on out side right now so not much else to do!!! Well I did have a lot of stuff for Christmas that needs to be ready to send Monday, but have all day tomorrow, right!!!

Was to talk on IM to Bill tonight late as he had other plans early in the evening, but I think that I am headed to bed as I am dog tired.

It's been interesting learning about these guys, it takes quite awhile for them to open up.

I did give my number to John, and he is to call tomorrow. Did not give it to Bill yet, have the opportunity to meet him nex Saturday morning for a brief breakfast!

I had one guy call me when I first went online after chatting for about a week and he had this really squeaky voice that just about drove me insane, I just couldn't meet him!!! I felt bad!!

I have a girlfriend that has been doing the internet thing for about a year or so and she has been out on at least a dozen dates/meets, two of them lasted for quite a while each. But I know that she talked to a lot of guys.

So anyways we will see what comes of it all!!

Take care!!
Dawn

I have my photo up and I think my profile is a-okay.
I initiate about 5 - 7 new contacts every two weeks and maybe 1 or 2 people reply (sometimes none). I get a lot of winks and a couple of introductions. I reply to those who write me only. I don't write to those who are outside my age group and who are still married or separated. I don't respond to winks because my targetted age group is mid forties till early fifties. At this age group, I do not expect the men to be shy.

I have a couple of contacts from outside my country. It's already hard to have a relationship when you see each other face-to-face, I can't see how long distance will work.

That leaves me very few choices!

I am writing to one only this week.

From a guy's view:

"he had this really squeaky voice that just about drove me insane, I just couldn't meet him!!! I felt bad!!"

Don't feel bad. There are deal breakers for every one.

"I don't respond to winks because my targeted age group is mid forties till early fifties. At this age group, I do not expect the men to be shy."

I don't know what a wink is. I do know that if a guy was shy that's one possible reason why he has not been snatched up off the Man Lot. And, people can be shy at any age. Just because they are not shy after they were married, does not mean that they won't go back to being shy when widowed or divorced.

I am not available to date. May be it's because my wife won't let me.

My point is that may be it's my being over 50. The thought of going online to decide if I want to date some one is not the problem. The problem is how can you decide if there is that chemistry without a in person contact.

In ones youth verses 50 plus, what was a deal breaker then verses' now. In the movie sleepless in Seattle. The client Tom Hanks dated was had a laugh that was a deal breaker. Actually this character was not endearing in any way to me. So if her laughing could be removed I still would not want to date her.

Now the Meg Ryan role. If Meg's character was changed only so she had that same sounding laugh. I think I could overlook her crazy laugh and still want to date her.