Angie,

What are you doing to work on yourself and leave your H to G-d.

Queenie,

I work, I am going to school, I am also doing my internship in a shelter for battered women. Although doing my internship has been very tough because I do not think it's a good time due to my sitch at home with my H. I do not like being away from home thinking that I do not know if he believes that I am going to the shelter or not.
I have very little time for anything else. I am having a hard time keeping my weight under control because with this whole ordeal I have become an emotional eater. I have gained a lot of pounds since two years ago.
Queenie I am not sure if I am answering your question. I hope so.....

Angie.

Sometimes we get so busy trying to live to G-ds plan for us that we forget to stop and ask him what it is and let him make the big decisions for us. Being married does not make you happy. You make you happy and then you find someone to share it with - friends, neighbours, touching people's lives in Australia! I have a long way to go to accept this myself, but I like writing it down - it almost makes it real.

Take care Queenie

Hi Queenie,


This is how I 'visualized' my future, too, Queenie. And the challenge of 'letting go' of something/someone that was so important to us, and such a big part of our lives, so much so that, to our detriment, it may partly have 'defined' us.... and, when removed...then what happens?

I think that's us.

...so NOW how to learn to enlarge the picture to include other possibilities...and see our future 'otherwise'

To 2m2:



...and this may be part of the underlying problem, a belief that this was needed to make us happy...dependent on something other than ourselves..


...and yes, 2m2, this is a healthier way of going about life... that MANY of us are working on.... thanks for the reminder!

This is the belief that leads to a wayward mindset. It is a belief that anyone we love must make us happy and anyone who does not cannot be truly loved. It is what causes affairs, the looking for happiness rather than being happy...

This is also where many BS fail to grasp Plan A in that many believe the goal of Plan A is to make the WS happy and avoid making him/her unhappy. It leads to becoming a doormat and allowing the affair to continue rather than confronting it and attempting to resolve it.

And then it gets integrated into Plan B by some because they believe that their own happiness came from the WS before the affair. They believe wrongly that it was losing the WS that made them unhappy and that if WS came back they would again be happy.

But if we were happy before the affair we can and will be happy again, with or without the WS. Our unhappiness is not because we lost the WS but because the WS lied, deceived and disrespected us. Our happiness didn't come from them to begin with and it is not theirs to take away from us when they leave.

WOW, good for you...

Angie, do you and your H work on ANYTHING towards recovery? Are you wanting help from people on MB? Maybe there are some suggestions you haven't thought of yet.

I have learned to do this and understand that G-d will reveal it to me as he needs me to KNOW... Not what I WANT.....

No, and before all this happened, I was someone who had a completely fulfilling life. Seems so strange. The perception was that H was WAY MORE dependent on ME and if anyone left the marriage it would be ME. I'm more outgoing, vivacious, full of life and adventure. WAS I WRONG.....

This is the MOST IRONIC part, before D-day, I wasn't defined by my H, I was the happy go lucky "B" who lived life and made the most of every opportunity.

I simply can't understand what happened to ME.... Why did this CRUSH me the way it did. :twobyfour:

Oh well, what happened, happened, how I reacted was how I reacted and now I am growing and learning. I can't change the past, but learn from it and seek G-d for today and my path today...

Queenie;
Can we talk about this over the phone? I would really like to know what are you talking about....
I will e-mail you with the phone number right now.

A.

Without a DOUBT this is my monster's issue.

He needed me to make him happy and it was NEVER my job to do that, nor was it his job to make ME happy. He believes crack ho will make him happy and so he is hanging on as hard as he can.

I just believed that no matter what we would continue to fight for happiness together, but the sad part we didn't have the right formula.... G-D..... and seeking only him for guidance and happiness. Because he will steer me in the direction he wants for me.

My only unhappiness came from not being able to make my H happy and I didn't grasp it wasn't my job. I actually am a very happy person, who just faced the toughest journey in life thus far. I'm at peace, I'm living and I'm learning. But mostly I'm becoming who G-d envisioned for me....ALWAYS....

Oh goodness, we lost to the BENGALS.....


:crosseyedcrazy: :crosseyedcrazy: :twobyfour: :twobyfour: :crosseyedcrazy: :crosseyedcrazy:

It could have been worse...

It could have been the Lions... :MrEEk:

And from what I hear the Colts even tried that. Oh G-d I was thinking of James and his little boy.

It can ALWAYS be worse.

When I think about this from a G-d and healing perspective this is a MIRACLE....

My life before this revolved around this team, would be in reaction to this team winning or losing. I can go there with how stupid and childish.... blah, boring....crap...

What I am most grateful for is that I am no longer that person. I have grown to appreciate and be grateful for G-ds grace, patience and guidance.

I talked to someone last night who I had run into at the Seahawk game. She didn't know what had been going on in my life and we caught up on the phone last night.

Again, one more person who says how WH controlled me, how he held me down from being the vivacious loving person I am instinctively. She said she never thought he was genuine, or not sincere. More and more I hear that.

How did I become so blind or what really is the truth. In the long run, that doesn't matter, what does matter is I seem to be continually getting more pieces to a puzzle that and G-d again is being gracious and letting me be witness to it.

Fortunately, my x didn't have a crackho. But, so much of what you said is right on the money for my divorce. Right on the money.

Thanks Cinders,

You know, how sad that WH is hanging on to a crack ho with hep c for happiness, and in the end, it truly could cost him his life. Not emotionally but physically because I wouldn't lay good odds he is practicing safe sex.

Queenie, should he come crawling back on his hands and knees, you just think about how he has treated you and your children AND think about this. Then see if you can get someone to plant a large foot up his chocolate wizway.

You SO deserve better than this idgit!

You know Cinders, I know most people think I am an idiot, in a fantasyworld, etc. I can't explain why it is I don't need him to come crawling back. Because I don't. I'm not going to fix this mess for him. I'm not going to make it better or sweep the hurts under the table.

As for deserving better. Only G-d really gets to decide that, not me. I married this man in sickness and in health. I'm not martyr though it probably appears that way.

I guess the bottom line is I love the man he was once, I hold FAITH that just maybe G-d can reach that man and bring him to his knees to reach for his relationship with G-d and possibly even bring him home.

I'm not that weak stupid woman who carried so much guilt for her part in the destruction of the M. But I am a woman of G-d who just is waiting a little longer to see how G-d has is planned.

How I have managed to preserve the love I have for him is anyones guess, but it's still there, like the lighthouse Ark talks about, silent, quiet and precious because it was the love that G-d gave me for my H.

And I don't want him on his knees. I just PRAY for him to call me BRIGHT EYES in that tone that tells me it's OVER and the real work of R can begin.

I don't mean to frustrate people on here, I don't mean to seem like I am weak, stupid, full of self pity etc. I'm just a wife that is willing to hold out a LITTLE longer and let G-d work the miracle for my life. Whichever that turns out to be.

Well I don't think people see you like you are weak and stupid....you are a strong and courageous woman!!!
You know...people understand that you want to wait on God to answer your prayers, and God sometimes doesn't answer prayers right away, sometimes we have to wait for God's perfect timing.
Waiting hurts!! and it sucks!! but there is no other alternative.

Hugs

Angie

Don't think I would take a poll. :RollieEyes:

I think that when you look at it from a purely logical point of view. It's time to get out NOW.... If I could be absolutely sure that the M was bad from the start and that G-d wants me out of it, I am ready to completely walk away.

I'm not blind to the problems in my M. I'm not in such a fantasy that what WH changed into and for many years before is an abusive loser.

It's my childlike faith in love, marriage and commitment and silly polyana view of the world that love conquers all. And that G-d will just fix it.

Oh well, I don't have to decide today. :crosseyedcrazy:

Queenie, I understand what you're saying...
You know underneath the WH persona, he is a lovely man....
Lets just hang in there and wait to see what happens with the affair.....and then make decisions as the situations arise...thats my philosophy in my case anyway,I don't want to date yet so I'm living the best life I can..what happens, happens!

We both like to control situations,now we can't, so lets just sit back and try make the most of this rollercoaster ride! LOL

If this isn't an understandment I don't know what is.

US, TRY TO CONTROL STUFF....

NEVER