Hey Bugs, almost a whole week without you. I just wanted to pop in and let you know I was thinking about you and ladybugs. Hope all is well.

:happyholidays: :happyholidays:

bumping up...for Bugs. :wavingsanta:

Hey Bugsy... if you're seriously interested in making the drive for the party next weekend you are of course more than welcome!

Anyhow.. glad you popped in on my thread, but how about a bugbom here!

How's things goin with you and Ladybugs??

Hi Everyone!!

Sorry I have been so so busy with just a few moments here and there to pop by a thread or two and chime in a bit.

Monday & Tuesday this week were out of town business travel,,,which included what has become my standard "nightmare" travel experience. Someday I'll write a book about all of the horrible travel issues I've had to deal with (lost bags, cancelled flights, broken down rental cars,,,,)

Thanks so much for all of the sweet concern, care, posts, and support! I'm feeling pretty good these days and Ladybugs is doing well. She had her school Christmas program last night & was truly cute as a bug in her Christmas dress, singing her little heart out. Too bad I had to also see Drac, but Oh well. At least *I* looked fabulous unlike Mr. I've Gained 15 or 20 pounds again. haha!

I did need to discuss some kid issues with Drac and spoke with him today on the phone. It could have been done strictly email, but it's his typical m.o. in that he's at a loss of how to address something with DSS and wanting to talk to me for some answers. I really didn't feel triggered, angry or upset about it, nor did I really care one way or another how he felt about what I had to say. I simply stated how *I* deal with DSS. From there, it's up to him to deal with his own life.

Only thing that suprised me was that he made a point twice to invite me over to his office to attend the blood drive they are having. Yeah, like that is something I want to do! I think I've had enough of my life force sucked out from being around him already!

James, I WISH I had the time to drive over for the party but if I don't go Christmas shopping that weekend, Ladybugs is going to have nothing under the tree!!! Pencil me in for something in the spring??

SD, thanks for the kind words about the HoCall. I had decided to wait until after the holidays to call Steve - mostly due to $$ but partly because I kept thinking to myself, "What is Steve going to say that hasn't been said already? Isn't it pretty much as simple as me HAVING to finally give up & let go?"

The good thing is that over the last couple of weeks, I am feeling better in the 'letting go' dept. Drac's romantic ski weekend get away with Ho2 wasn't so difficult to deal with so I think I'm getting there,,,finally!! So, I'm giving myself a 'cautious wait & see' period. If I find myself in the dark sad place because of feelings for Drac anytime during the holidays, I'll make the call.

Lexxxy - thanks for the dating tips. As usual, you have lots that makes sense to me. I'm doing much, much better with enforcing my boundaries. I have to tell you though, that despite my very clear & concise sharing with V, he apparently is willing to 'wait' for me to catch up to where he stands.

On the one hand, I'm very much like Foxx, that it's difficult to know how to act when someone is being SO nice and thoughtful. On the other, I'm prefectly content with myself and my life. I would miss his companionship/friendship but would not be crushed either should we part ways right now. I am really not giving it a whole lot of thought or analysis. I've stated where I stand. He knows ours is not an 'exclusive' relationship so it's up to him to deal with his end of things.

I was shocked to learn the other night that someone I've known for almost 4 years thru what was initially business contact that turned into more of a friendship is in "like" with me and has been for some time. Sometimes I feel really 'stupid' when it comes to things like this, as apparently other people were very aware of his interest and I was totally clueless.

What I am proud of is how I've done a much better job of letting him know where I stand and what my boundaries are. After a lovely dinner where I first found out about how he felt, he was coming on pretty strong about seeing me again. We live in different states, so it's not like this would be an easy relationship should we choose to pursue it. Apparently he's even given this enough thought to wonder out loud what would happen if we were to ever become 'serious'.

What is the deal? Why am I not finding the 'typical' guy who wants to take me to dinner and then call me a week or so later? I am getting guys with thoughts way into the future???!!!

It really is kind of funny, I guess.

So, tonight is a secret suprise date night with V. He's picking me up from work and I've only been told to dress up for the evening,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

For everyone I may not have mentioned by name that posted, thanks so much! I have been missing you guys and hope to have a bit of time to post over the weekend and catch up with everyone.

...tap,tap,tap...

Bugsy:

You have them falling out of thier trees for your goddess'ness.

Can't believe that the guy had thought about "longer-term"

Sheesh.

Wheres that wet noodle to whip you into shape.

You are a GODDESS.

You are a Terrific Employee.

You are a Great Mom.

Why wouldn't eligible men being willing to ask you out.

Drac's loss.

And his inviting you to the blood drive....TOO FUNNY!

Happy holidays!

LG

Hey LG!

Merry Christmas to you, Flamingo, and DS! Hope it is wonderful!

Luna, you are too funny!

Ok, so Friday afternoon I'm told to be ready to be picked up at x time, so I'm ready to go. I'm the only one in my building that day, so the doors are locked.

A knock on the door. I get my things and open the door to see Al, The Limo Driver standing there with his strech limo parked outside. Al puts me inside & pours a glass of my favorite wine that just happens to be chilled and ready in the back.

Al and I have a nice ride into downtown where he drops me off at one of the nicest hotels in the city,,,,,which has me a little nervous. V meets us at the door and tells me to leave my things in the car. We are having dinner here. It is a famous place in town,,,a restaurant at the top of a tower that turns slowly showing you the entire skyline of the city. Very beautiful.

V was quite nervous. He's never done something like this & wanted very badly for it to all be perfect. This is quite outside of his comfort zone,,,he's more of a 'hunting and fishing' guy vs 5 star restaurants. Once we had a glass of wine & talked for a bit, he relaxed and had a nice dinner.

Then back to the limo for a nice tour of the city and some Christmas lights while drinking the bottle of wine. Al then dropped us off at a beautiful (famous) theater for a show.

It was an extremely nice evening, the kind every girl dreams of having a guy plan for her.

I'm thinking to myself, "What's wrong with you?" Because I'm just not feeling that feeling of fireworks, head over heels thrill about V.

Then, I realized that it's OK for me to feel however I feel about him,,,, or not. I'm up front & honest with him. I have been from day one and continue to be. He knows that I care about him but am not in love. He chooses to believe that I will 'catch up' to him in that department. I don't know that I will and have told him that.

I'm not worrying about it. Well, I do 'think' about it frequently, but it's not a worry. I am continuing on with my life, work, kids, and even other dates (which V knows).

Drac called on Sat. late morning. I let DSS answer, as I figured he wanted to talk to him. DSS spent the night with a friend, and was meeting me back at Drac's house to pick him up Sat morning (DSS needed to drop off his bike in the garage). Apparently Drac wasn't home. I was suprised when DSS said Drac wanted to talk to me.

He starts off with saying, "Please go where DSS is out of ear shot". It scared me - - I was worried that something had happened to someone in the family. Instead he says, "Remember earlier this year before we moved up here DSS asked me to track down his 'mom'?"

I replied, "No, you never told me about that".

Drac, "Yes I did. I told you he was concerned about moving out of the state and wanted to see her before we moved. You said it was very mature of him."

Bugs, "Drac, *WE* did not have that conversation. You never mentioned a word to me,,,,but what's up?"

Drac, "I KNOW we talked about this."

Bugs, "You may very well have had that conversation Drac, but that conversation wasn't with ME."

Drac, "Ok, so I tracked her down and DSS saw her one time. They exchanged phone numbers. He called her another time for a school family tree project. Since then, we haven't heard from her. We talked about it and we are 'done' with her. She's never going to change. Now, there is a message from her on the phone. Do I tell DSS about it?"

OMG! I was SO upset. First, to be reminded AGAIN about the HO having these conversations about MY DSS. That *I* was never told anything about it. And NOW, NOW Drac is asking MY advice on what to do? You have GOT to be kidding me?!!

But, he wasn't kidding. He went on to say that he is worried that now that DSS is older, he'll see the opportunity for 'freedoms' by living with his mom that he doesn't have with Drac and that he'll want to go live with her.

The truth of the matter is that Drac was more worried about DRAC than he was about DSS. It was his concern over losing his son that drove him to call me.

So, I was just honest with him. I told him that DSS is 14, almost 15. He needs to tell him about the message and let DSS decide for himself what he wants to do. If DSS would ever find out that she called, and Drac hid it from him, DSS would be mad at Drac. I explained to him that the type of 'freedom' he is talking about is not something that DSS desires. Also, DSS is firmly with Drac no matter what has happened or will happen in the future,,,,,,,,,,,DSS won't ask to live with his Mom. It just would not happen.

Yes, basically I gave Drac the reassurances he was looking for.

The conversation turned back to the fact that he was SURE that he'd told me about this when it happened. So, I said, "Drac, I can see where you would think we had that conversation. In fact, I'm sure YOU did have the conversation. You just had the conversation with someone else."

Drac, "Well, I'm going to go Bugs, because that is just a hateful thing to say."

Bugs, "Drac, I'm not being hateful. It is just a matter of the facts. Those are the facts. IF I was trying to be hateful, I would have said that you'd had that conversation with that HO, not with me. But, that's not what I said."

I also told him about her calling me which knocked him on his butt. He wanted to know WHY,,,,,,WHAT did she say,,,,,,,WHAT did she want. I didn't give him much detail but just let it be known how ridiculous it all was. Of course he had to let me know that she left because SHE was seeing someone else. TOO funny that she said the same thing about HIM! With so much lying going on it's amazing that they were together as long as they were. It actually made me laugh after I got off the phone.

Of course, Drac never called or emailed me to let me know how things went when he talked to DSS or how DSS felt about it all. Just further proof that it had nothing to do with what was best for DSS. So, I made a point to talk to DSS the next 2 nights in a row. He's shut down about it, and that's ok. We'll talk about it face to face sometime. DSS even told me 2x recently that "Dad & I just don't communicate. I can't talk to him the way I talk to you."

Oh, and one other little Drac tidbit before I HAVE to get to work,,,,,,,,,,,,he apparently did not bother contacting the school about them going on vacation starting Friday. DSS is having FINALS that day and can not miss them!!! I talked to DSS last night and explained that he needed to get with Drac ASAP to get this figure out. OY!! Drac's answer? DSS needs to talk to the teacher and see if he can take the test before or after school today or tomorrow???!!! Interesting because their school is closed today. It may work out in their favor, as at least one day's worth of FINALS will have to be done post holiday break. I hope for DSS's sake it works out.

I gotta run! I have more to update but have a call in 15 minutes to prep for.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Hi Bugs!
I don't know if I have ever posted to you but your last post made me smile and get at tear in my eye at the same time.

You seem to have a lot going for you in the right direction. I am also impressed by how you handle the interaction with Drac. I kind of feel sorry for him, he seems so insecure and lost without anyone to guide him. I am sure that he could need you but I think that you have better things to do.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Wow.

Your updates are amazing.

You have such strength and grace.

I think you're doing well when it comes to Drac. Keep putting the mirror up. Speak your truth and don't worry about his reaction to it. And I think your analysis of it all being about him is very astute.

Your date night with V sounds very nice. He's obviously trying to win you over. Enjoy, you deserve it. And how very nice to be treated that way - what a contrast to how Drac treats you, huh?

Can't wait for the further update....but really wondering what more there could be!?

Happy Holidays Mz. Prez,

I don't think there is anything else you can say...

As for the night out... WOO HOO.... you go GIRL...... G-d is clearly giving you a chance to see what other relationships can be like. Just enjoy the possibilities....

Thanks for the post Why!

You are right in that Drac 'could' need me. Actually I think he 'does' need me,,,,,,,,,but he'll never accept that fact. It's easier to blame me when things go wrong, but come around when he really needs something important. I'm done worrying about it one way or another.

That 'indifference' SD and SL have been talking about lately is really setting in better with me. Thank God!

Merry Christmas to you and yours, too!!

Lexxxy,,,,,hey!!

Thanks for the compliments! If nothing else, I work very hard to be able to continue to look in the mirror myself and be happy with what I say and do - - even when interacting with Drac.

I still have times of considering a good Plan FU on Drac, but the urge quickly passes and life goes on!

I AM trying just to enjoy being treated well. And yes, I have actually thought specifically about the contrast with Drac! No matter what happens or does not happen with V, spending time with him has made me remember what is possible. And,,,,,that yes, there are men out there who think I deserve to be treated as the Goddess I have become!

The other 'update' is that tomorrow I'm going to see R, the long distance guy. I've known him for 4 years and I considered him a friend, but his interest is newly uncovered. He's given me a bit of a hard time about not knowing he 'liked' me all of this time, but we have been talking virtually every day for the last couple of weeks.

His birthday is today. For his birthday present, he's arranged/paid for my flight from my city to his. Arranged a complimentary room for me at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. He is taking me to dinner. We are then going to the zoo for their holiday light event because he "wants to be somewhere festive, hold my hand, and share hot chocolate". Seems I might have another romantic on my hands.

Not a bad way to spend another night during the holidays I think,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Thanks, Queenie!!

:happyholidays:

Bugs,


...you think?

...I know so!

Bugs,

I don't know what else to say except

Drac seems soooo immature. I'm not sure that you are even a good match for him, really. What a self-centered guy he is.

I can't wait to hear more about your ventures. Someone mentioned that we MBers should do a book.. I think it's a great idea. Each chapter title is a different screen name. All chapters end in recovery - personal or marital. You are definitely a personal recovery chapter!!! And I'm right behind you....

Hi Bugs,


I think you are doing a great job dealing with Drac.

Both out of necessity and convenience, I am considering "some" contact with WS.... I also know that "indifference" has not yet set in...

Without putting you on the spot and when you have a chance, how do you approach, or recommend approaching, mentally and emotionally exchanges with a WxS? ....and to minimize loss of sleep and anguish at the same time.

You deserve the best and I am sure that you will find the best man in the world when the time is right. Until then enjoy what life brings. You are a true Goddess!

I thought more about Drac and what he asked you the other day. I think that he is dead scared of being alone. First of all he is a WS who can't be on his own and now he is worried that his son will choose to live with his mom instead. I don't know the story of your DSS but I guess that there may be reasons why his mom has not been involved in his life and there may be reasons why Drac doesn’t want his son to live with her. But I think that he is just scared and acting out of that.

Anyway, I hope that you had a great evening with R.

Good evening, all!

Well, I am kid free and date free for the rest of the weekend. Although, I am going to a party later tonight! I actually should be wrapping Christmas presents,,,,but hey, there are still still a few days left, right?! ha!



Luna, I wish I had some great, wise advice for you about interactions. I stuck stricly to email for quite some time. Having to see Drac during DSS's football season forced me to deal with seeing him face to face.

The only thing I can say for SURE that I know I have always done - is to conduct myself in a way that I knew I could face myself in the mirror the next day. When in doubt or when in pain, I held my tongue. Less is more in those cases,,,,at least for me. I allowed myself to do only what *I* am comfortable with.

For instance today, Drac sent a picture mail of Ladybug at Disneyworld. It broke my heart. I wanted to thank him for the picture, and at the same time, I wanted to stab him in the eye with a steak knife! :twobyfour: :crosseyedcrazy:

So, instead, I didn't reply. I couldn't. And, I am OK with that. I haven't reached the better place of the indifference that SL has reached (I hope to some day). But until then, I have found the greatest 'success' for me personally, is just to do what I want to and what I can. A key for me was as I slowly cared less and less what Drac would 'think' or 'feel' about what I said or how I said it. That's getting to the place of indifference,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I Hope!

So, the trip to Columbus was fun. Although not perfect. For the second week in a row, the airline lost my bag! I was going to carry on, but didn't want to hassle with my bag & my computer. BAD idea. This week, unfortunately, it NEVER showed up until I returned HOME,,,,,,,,,,,,,and due to the weather, I was home 5 hours late! YIKES!!

The good news is that the time actually spent in Columbus was wonderful. I had a great time. I feel faint,,,as I just don't really know how to act being treated so, so, so well. It's actually a bit uncomfortable at times. I don't know how to explain it.

So, despite not having my FABOULOUS Goddess wear outfit to change into for dinner/evening, I made the best of it in what I wore on the plane. NOTE TO GODDESSES - THIS is a very good reason to ALWAYS be in Goddess mode! You never know when you might be caught unaware!! Mimi,,,,,,Thanks sweetie for the reminder/lesson that I have stuck to since coming here!! While no, I wasn't in what I had planned to wear, I STILL got compliments from R (and a few glances from some pilots at the hotel! )


He actually picked me up at the airport,,,,,,,,,NO ONE has EVER picked me up at the airport!

I checked into a beautiful room. Drinks downstairs and some really good and fun conversation for what seemed like minutes, but was a couple of hours before I realized it. The zoo was amazingly beautiful. Dinner at the hotel. Talked for hours & hours. We are both very skeptical about trying to have a long distance relationship, but agreed it was a wonderful evening. We'll see what happens.

Today I went shopping with my mom. I only have a couple gifts left to buy but still have ALL of the wrapping to do. I think that will be my Sunday after church project.

When I got home, there was a package at the door. Flowers & chocolates from R.

Honesty. I am soooooooooooo green with envy! J/K!!

Isn't it fun being treated like a princess? DRAC should take notes.

You are a catch and these guys know it. Thing is, you get to choose based on the stuff you know now, that you didn't know then.

No 8-minute dates for you.

There's no hurry. You've got the rest of your life to end up with the man who deserves you.

:MerryChristmas:

I know exactly what you mean, Bugs. It's one more reason for me to keep up the status quo.

Glad to hear you are getting treated like royalty by some smart, lucky guy. Enjoy it, and take your time.

Bugs

Hi Bugs,

I really appreciate your suggestions.

And I am sorry for this...


It's one of the reasons I also prefer email...(to be able to at least feel the pain in the privacy of our own home!)

but let's focus on...


...because this is more like how you deserve to be treated.


....sounds like fun.

Enjoy, Bugs...and thank you for being such a great example to all of us.