For those who have read my tale of woe, you know how bad my WH was... well now I know he wasn't all that special as a WH (thanks MB!) ... but I thought so at the time.

Anyway, we just got home from dinner. His graduation dinner. From the school of ministry. Where he made the President's List. Where he made Valedictorian. Where he was given an award for his heart of evangelism (reaching out to hurting people). Where he was chosen to speak. Where he spoke of his journey through wayward land. Where he thanked (and honored) his wife of 31 years for standing by him, through thick and thin and allowing him to realize his dream. For not giving up on him. For praying that God would break him back then.

Yup. It IS possible for a WS to change from the inside out. I'm living with the proof. Our hearts are one again and we guard it with our life.

Congratulations to your husband, my good friend. Thanks for posting this uplifting news.

Thank you so much for sharing, PM. I am praying for this for myself and for my M. Best wishes to your and your H.

You must be mistaken PM cos I hear roundabout these parts that's impossible :RollieEyes:

Seriously though - Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.

Wow! Please give him congrats!

This gives me hope.

Wow, that is one of the most touching posts I've read in a long time! Thank you for sharing your wonderful news with us.

That's awesome. Thank you for sharing with us your personal experience that people can and do change!

princessmeggy, just spend time reading your full post. Gives us who are struggling that it is possible. My sitch is similar, H drinking and with alcoholic but since he dropped the bomb "Im not happy" in July till he moved out in Oct he has not given me any hope at all. I did some of the crazy type behavior you have done and I know it made things worse. He is totally in fog babble and not sure if he will ever come out. But it was good to read and appreciate you sharing. Amazing what you lost but look what you gained. How did you finally turn over to God, I try to and then get back into obsessive behavior. needed to read your post tonight.

A priest once said to me, "He can change. You can't change him." How wonderful that your husband made the decision to change. Congratulations!
Cherished

Thanks PM and congratulations to you both.

What a great post of encouragement and a reminder that self- salvation simply does not work.

You are both blessed.

Thanks for your kudos everyone. It has been a struggle while he was in school. In my moments of weakness, resentment has tried to raise up in me but that was something I had to work out myself. Last night made it all worth it.

We're not done yet growing our marriage by any means and that's a good thing. Because if we think we're done and "have arrived", it's easy to become complacent. That's when the enemy sneaks in. We have to be diligent in our nuturing of each other.

It took us a lonnnnggggg time to learn this. One of the most important things to me about all of this is that our children are watching. They always have been. They've seen what a bad marriage looks like and now a good marriage.

That's why when I see people on MB who are trying to recover, who lose their way, I just want to reach through the screen, grab them, turn them around, and say, stop! You're going down the wrong path. Turn this way.

On the other hand, my heart fills with joy when I read where people "get it". The lightbulb goes on and they go on to recover themselves... sometimes with their WS and sometimes not. I'm terrible with calling out names, but you guys know who you are. And even better, they stick around and help others. Cool.

Hope3343, I finally turned it over to God when I ran out of choices. I was spiraling downward fast trying to figure it out on my own. I didn't have the support and encouragement of MB at the time (I would have saved myself a lot of pain!).

Not only was my H broken, but I was broken. Everything I believed was true, wasn't. I was so stubborn. I could fix this!! I couldn't, but He could.

Funny thing, He was there all along, but being a loving God, He wasn't going to MAKE me do anything. He was just waiting for me to "get it." It is so true what He said, "I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you."

My husband talked about this last night-- how God chased after him. For instance, in the bar while he was drinking and partying, people he didn't know would come up to him and say things like, "God's not finished with you D." and then walk away. Thanks God, you're awesome.

:wavingsanta: PM!

Congratulations to you and your dear hubby!


One of our pastors just talked about how so often you hear people say of a bad time in their life, "I was just so far away from God then!", when in reality, God is right on top of us when we are sinning...Never giving up on us...Chasing us always...

I do remember when I was wayward having to work soooooo hard to push God from my mind...I did whatever I could to distract myself, but the thoughts just kept coming and coming...Praise God for not giving up on any of us!

Mrs. W

Ain't that the truth!


I suspect it also had to with a praying husband.



:MerryChristmas: to you and yours Mrs. W.

OHHHH P.....

I'm so thrilled and happy for you. I have tears in my eyes right now....for me, in early R still, this is such a WONDERFUL tale of encouragement....and yes, I know your story inside and out...

I love your thoughts on the resentments, as I am struggling mightily with those myself. I am so glad you are such an amazing mentor and friend....




not2fun

ps...give your H a big high five for me....

I also have tears.

Dear PM-
Wow - your story was so inspirational to me. It gave ms such hope. Thanks fro posting.
My FWH cheated for a much longer time - 12 years in a 31 year marriage - and with my close "friends", but he never moved out. once he confessed, he had self pity for 8 months, and then wanted to work on the marriage.
i read your whole story and was amazed at your ability to see your own part of driving him away in teh first place by ignoring him.
i am having trouble moving into forgiveness and trusting him again. we have just started the MB course - so i hope that will help. i feel that this is the last thing i want to do with him.
i dont enjoy spending time with him or feel that he "gets" me. i am forcing myself to do the MB course with an open mind.
I am not sure he is capable of being a sensitive man.
Any suggestions?
SF

Sunflower, you must be an amazing woman. 12 YEARS? I don't know if I could do it, that's a lot of hurt to get through. I'm no expert. What is your H doing to better himself... not just the marriage? It sounds like he needs to hit his knees and ask God to help him be a better husband. He may not like the results of that prayer though because it requires a heart change towards you as his wife and his responsibility to you.

((Sunflower))

PM-
thanks for the complement - but i dont know if i am an "amazing woman" or someone who just is afraid to be alone- and divorced.
the 12 years included 12 affairs- going on right in front of my face...
anyway - you can read my threads at "how do i let him into my heart again" and "sunflower 55".
even if it was only that - he verbally abused me and physically abused our kids for years- and the sick part is that i stayed in the marriage. i lived in survival mode for so long. i didnt want to be divorced. i wanted my kids to have an in tact family - what a joke!
now i see him as he really is - and i'm not sure if i want to stay or not.
he WANTS to change his life and had done so in many ways - but i feel that INSIDE he is not naturally kind of good. that he naturally goes to the insenstitive side. he has such a hard time with empathy - because it takes getting into someone else's head! this drives me crazy - that he has no idea how another person - mostly me - feels with the hurt i have been through.
thats why id ont know if it is worth staying with him.
i dont have inner peace or happiness- and i want that.
he is spiritual and prays constantly. he mostly prays - he told me - for me to heal. maybe he needs to pray for himself.
when we do MB -he keeps pointing out what LB i have done in the marriage. i am in shock- where is his mind about himself???
i am not in a good place and i have lost so much time already. i want my life to be good and happy - and i struggle everyday about why i am still with him. i need to give it to G-d. i know. but it is hard.
SF

Sunflower,

I can identify with you due to our ages being so close (I'm 54). I'll check out your thread. Can you bump it up?

Sorry for the t/j PM.

dear CL-
actually i am 53; i was just born in 55.
how do i "bump it up'? and what does that mean?
SF