Carp, why are you waiting for exposure? What do you mean that you are waiting for Christmas to pass for WS family?

I would also point out that the carrot is not pressure. Too much carrot and no stick = enabling. I would agree this plan has stagnated; nothing is happening.

Just confirmed 2 of 3 bosses will be in between Xmas and New year. Last boss works at Ws office. 75%chance W will answer phone to confirm last boss schedule. Can I get a volunteer to call...W knows my voice.

Xmas is at our house....I want it to be nice for everyone...especially my daughters. I don't want the added pressure honestly.

I would just send the email, Carp and get it over with.


The added pressure of what exactly? You mean putting off talkng to your DD's? Is that what you mean? I am not challenging you, just trying to understand exactly what you mean.

Well, IMHO, I will reluctantly agree that Chistmas should be nice for your daughters. They have been under a lot of stress and it would be nice to take a vacation from that, even if only for a day. Kudos to you!!

Day after Christmas starts a new front in your battle. Your WW's self entitlement needs to be confronted with a new array of Trouble with a capital T.. Make it known that Christmas next year will look far different than this year's. Time for her to see the damage her entitlement will bring to the whole concept of "family"..

You mentioned that she has contracted HPV and has pre cancerous cells in the cervix. This is a huge red flag in that cevical cancer is primarily caused(95%) by an hpv infection. she must have this fully attended to quickly or she will become another statistic. Too many women around the globe still die every year from cervical cancer.

Also realize that if you have SF with your WW without protection, you too will become infected with this STD that remains for life. My Fww gets checked every years for the precense of cancerous cells in her cervix, as she contracted the same during her A and had the grace to infect me as well. It is exactly how I discovered the A, by my own infection.(urg)!

I do wish you well over Christmas, for you and your precious children, you all deserve God's grace and peace.



All Blessings,
Jerry

Melody

Jerry hit it rite on point!! I would rather have her have a "nice" Xmas with me...and have our kids see this. Ws family will have the same.

Imagine how her brain has to see that!! OM is not with her....her whole family at OUR house having a wonderful holiday.

I already bought all the food, booze and W and our Ds baked cookies yesterday! I don't want to waste all that!!

Jerry
HPV was diagnosed over the summer and is being delt with medically. I "presume" I have it because there is no test for men. W had yearly clean pap smears up till this year.....no doubtt where it came from. We have not had SF since April....but the damage is done.

C54:

What is up with this:


No. That is NOT what she will see.

She will see that SHE IS NOT with her OM. And SHE will see that is what her LIFE could be like with OM.

Also, YOUR LETTING OM have a WONDERFUL holiday, while you simmer in turmoil.

SEND THE FRICKIN' LETTERS/EMAIL to her employer.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to OM. That's your gift, a blownup Christmas morning.

Will yours be MERRY? No. NO MATTER WHAT. WW will still be trying to hook-up with OM, everytime she leaves the house or steps towards the bathroom, you will be thinking that she is calling/visiting OM. You DON'T need that. Will WW wig out? Sure. You not making it easy for her to "Have FUN"

And your CHILDREN are still caught in this limbo. Time to FIGHT. When WW yells or screams: State simply: I am fighting for my marriage, and I will DO WHAT IT TAKES. There's the DOOR, there is no bar on it." "OM must GO"

LG

I can push send on my phone rite now. The emails will go but not the letters the letters were to be next day mailed so all this lands at once. Confrontation of OM will not happen then. I thought the plan/idea was ALL at the same time...not a prolonged event.

Thoughts?

Sadly, that is very true.

Monitor your health, visually, if you know what I mean. The most likely time of outbreak according to the CDC, is anywhere from 3 mos. to 2 years after initial expsosure to the virus.

I had the plesure of two seperate burning episodes from my doctor. Seems to have done the trick with no new outbreak for about 5 years now. Do assume, even without evidence, that you are indeed infected.

Contrary to popular belief, I do like your plan for Christmas. It shows to me the type and strenth of your character, one IMHO, puts you in a better place for recovery, should this occur.

You are on my prayer list this year!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry
The strain of HPV is the cancer causing strain not the other 1.

My original plan has been to wait till after Xmas.
1. for my kids
2. For logistical reasons.

I understand everyones points. Please believe me....after Xmas will NOT turn to after new years then after winter then after spring etc. I am using Xmas as a "battle" to show the rest of Ws family that I am NOT the POS that W has probably been spinning to her family.

I hope you guys can see it that way.

Carp,

I would do it today! I would have Christmas be nasty for the OM...meanwhile at the Carp home, you are having a great time with your kids.

I went for the throat on the OM over that first Christmas after my wife moved out. I stopped being a doormat and let everyone know. And I started saying "no" to my wife.

Guess who had a great Christmas??? That would be me and the kids

Guess who spent time together over Christmas? That would be the Om and my wife.

Guess who didnt have such a great time over Christmas, with lots of "discussions" going on? That would be the OM and my wife.

I would get that thing out right now!

You don't have to hope, I see your plan very clearly. And I endorse and wish you well. You see???

All Blessings,
Jerry

Mortarman
I hear you loud and clear.....my W will not be able to run to OM if I drop the hammer rite now....he's probably with his GF.

D12s bday was a month ago....W and I got into an arguement ON her bday!! Her bday was a complete wreck....D12 was angry for almost a week....I don't want that for Xmas.
Hopefully this can help you guys see why Xmas is so important to me.

Yes I am more than familiar with them. There are 4 cancer causing strains: HPV 18, 16, 32 , and 35. these are 4 out of one hundred strains of HPV.

I know much more than I ever cared to know about this.

I still think, in spite of opinions otherwise, that your Christmas plans are good ones.

Time enough for continuation of the battle after Christmas. Your DD's are counting this year on you, more than ever!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Carp,

Understood about why you are doing what you are doing. And I am not saying she will run to the OM's house. But, here's the rub...first off, you are missing out on a greayt opportunity to provide a huge smack upside the head of the affair. The OM and WW fighting on Christmas, and the Om having to answer questions from employer and family at Christmas time wont make things festive for them...not in the least!

But I see your point that you dont want your wife going off during Christmas and spoluie things for your daughter. Let me give you something to consider: it isnt an argument if only one person is involved! So, she starts going nuts duse to your exposure. So what? If it were me, I would ignore it. I would tell her "look it is Christmas and I am concentrating on the girls right now. We can discuss all of this stuff later." And then I wouldnt say another word. I would just go back to being Dad and leave her to stew if she wants to.

You see, even if she is a mess on Christmas, you wont be! And you will be concentrating on the girls. Guess what they will see? They will look at Dad and see strength, love, and family. They will look at Mom and see...what? You see what I mean?

There will be many more Christmas mornings! And hopefully, that will be with a recovered marriage and family. But you increase your odds if you use tools such as this at the right timing to maximize its destructive nature to the affair.

Thoughts?

I have learned about more stuff in the last 6 months then I think I will ever want to know!! I have come very far personally, spiritually, mentally, physically(except for smoking)!!

As far as my daughters....they were a little leary of "improved" dad....I don't use the word "new"....I am not new..just better!

Mortarman

Honestly I understand 100%....I don't have all my chit together if you know what I mean. Letters need to be printed for our family and OM family....my confrontation buddy bailed....mentally I am trying to prepare for all incoming spew/questions from everyone who will be involved. I need a "answers to everyones questions" script.

OMs family asks something....I need to be prepared and calm

Family...same

You get the drift

Carp,

I understand. Been there, done that! I was just trying to get yu to look at the tactical high ground you would gain by doing it before Christmas. It would be a huge body blow to the OM and their relationship.

On what to say...I think you already know. You dont need a script or set answer. I think you are capable of letting these folks know what has happened and why you are doing what you are doing. I dont think 4 more days will help in that regard.

Also, I think you could have all the paperwork printed out and ready to deliver in an hour.

What I hear you saying is that you are afraid of the implications of exposure. And you want to lessen the blow on you and the kids. Unfortunately, it doesnt work that way. All moving it to next week will do is to give the affair one more easy day.

I believed as you do early on in my wife's affair. It took quite awhile for me to realize what I needed to do, and to not over analyze things in order to lessen pain. It really isnt possible. The only one that has the ability to lessen or stop pain is your WW...and she must stop the affair and get her butt home and working on the marriage for the pain to stop.

You, sir, are now seeing first hand what the definition of "simple" and "easy" are. It is SIMPLE to put together the paperwork, send out the emails and drop off the paperwork. It is a very simple thing. But, it is not easy, because of all of the things you mentioned. It is hard.

But anyway, you are the "commander" on the ground...so you will need to decide what to do. All I am saying is from experience, plus all of the folks that have come before you here and their experiences...I believe you are missing a great chance to cause pain to that relationship.

Email is instant....other stuff will take at least 2 days to mail. I understand tactical advantage....I played army as a kid!! I lurked here awhile before joining and posting. I was following the DB theory...what a let down. I wish I "put my man pants" on sooner.....we would not be talking about exposure timing and letters and stuff...we would be talking about the fallout from it!! I am not afraid of the fallout...that will be her burden.

Glad to hear it!