Anything that keeps OM busy instead of spending time with WW seems positive to me. And as for the bottom line, the kids need a fog free mother. A strong mother is NOT going to be healthy when you are seeking custody. She needs to face reality. Big time.

There is no small irony that WW is angry with you. Her trail of destruction is a shambles. What she foggily fails to do is take ownership of this destruction.

I am curious how she is even able to afford admission to the hospital without your medical assistance. Dang, if I were paying for it, I am sure that the hospital would have to respect instructions to block OM from their premises. Can you check this out?

Well, WW was released from the hospital last night. Yesterday afternoon I called WW's friend to see if she wanted to go to DS6's holiday concert with me since DS6 would have liked if she was there.

Anyways, it is standing room only in the auditorium so I stand against the wall with DD3 on my shoulders. Right before the concert starts, I see WW and OM on the other side of the auditorium with OM's arm around WW. They look ridiculous - she looks nice but he is dressed like a bum.

Since DS6 class goes first, I go out into the lobby. A few minutes later, WW starts walking towards us. She says HI and we make small talk. DD3 is still on my shoulders and WW asks her for a hug. DD3 says "NO! MY DADDY!" The look on WW's face is priceless! I tell WW that she does that to me sometimes to (the truth).

WW walks away and she comes back wanting to talk about how the custody arrangement is not working (didn't even start the rotation yet, how she is getting the short end of the stick because she is going to be living like a bum, etc, etc, etc. All while DD3 is on my shoulders. I tell her it is in appropriate to talk about custody and stuff at our SON's holiday concert. I go into the auditorium. She follows me in and gets in my EAR! I walk out again.

At the end of concert, she's walking down the hall with DS6. When DS6 sees me, he runs to me and hugs me! WW starts to go on about how DD3 hair is messy and wants DD to put her coat on. DD3 throws a fit and I tell WW we'll make sure she has it on before we go outside because she is probably hot. As we are walking out, the kids really don't want anything to do with WW. WW tells me she will never forgive me in front of the kids. WW walks towards the main lobby. DS6 tells me we can go out the side door! He saw the situation was trying to avoid conflict too!

B

Wow... in front of the kids and all... I suspect she is careening rapidly toward the point of no return for you?

Was there any news on the emergency hearing - do you know if there will be one?

At this point my Love Bank is going to need a bailout from the government to save the marriage! This is the second time she put the kids in the crossfire...

I'll know something about the emergency custody this afternoon.

Maybe you should be thinking about something like Plan B at this time... just to get out of the line of fire with her. Whether or not your love bank is salvageable...

Of course, that would depend on the laws in your state, too, since you're already going thru with the D.

Any idea why she went to the mental hospital in the first place?

Make sure you bring these incidents up because they are very damaging to the kids and such behavior needs to be kept track of and brought to the attention of the judge.

Make sure you focus on her mental instability and on his record and the genuine fear you have for your kid's wellbeing. Subpoena your mutual friend and have her testify about how she called you and was afraid for you and the kids.

Hey, I'm with Pom on this. Can you still get primary custody as a result of her mental instability?

BTW, I'm seriously chuffed that you are able to calmly field her outbursts. I guess I would have long told her that once D'd, that her upkeep shall become OM's responsibility.

Holy toot.

I am so sad for you-- But I do see an opportunity for you re; primary custody of the children.

Do not give in! Hold firm to your beliefs.
The best way to end an A is to put pressure on your WS and OM. Right now, OM has to meet all of your WW's EN's.

With the removal of the children from her primary care- she is going to have excess stress and EN's.

Be strong, but firm- don't cave to be "the nice dad". You have your MIL, SIL and family in your corner-- NOW is the time to strike a blow. Have your attorney STEP ON THIS.

Your kids need stability, kindness, rational parenting plus extra love at this time. They have a sense of fear about this, too. Kids are very intuitive and smart.

You are clearly the only parent who can provide this-- this is WAY OBVIOUS at this point.

It really does not matter why your wife was checked in. There is a huge stereotype (kind of unfair-- but, hey, not your problem..take it) about mental obsevations.

You can play ignorant (my attorney advised this, under these circumstances and your recent behavior, I can only agree with him/her until I understand better what is happening to you and going on in your life.") This statement is probably not a lie.

I am praying for you and your kids.

Just let me caution you about the whole mental hospital thing.

I checked myself in and reached out for help when I needed it. I was commended for doing so by friends and family and my lawyer said that the fact that I did so on my own free will shows responsibility on my part.

If, however, she was forced in, that's a different story.

She sure sounds like she has anger issues though....

I have another friend who went to a hospital.

I've more common than you may think.

She could spin it in many different ways, but it's important to know what landed her there.

If it was anger or being suicidal then there is reason to be concerned, but it sounds like she's off her rocker overall and it must be really bad to have her own family jumping in on shock's behalf. THAT says a lot.

Pomdbd3,

It was mostly anger which landed her there. At this point, close to 5 months from the date of separation, she's worse off than she was in August if you look at it in terms of moving on with her life. She most likely lost her job, won't have a place to live, and stands a very good chance of losing the kids. All because of the WS Fog that put her in a Fantasyland. Now that her dream of living in bliss with Marlboro Man on our farm barely bankrolled by me is in shambles, it is finally starting to hit and hit her hard.

She harbors ALOT of resentment towards me because she kicked me out of the house and I landed on my feet but she fell on her rear end doing it! I have a job, I have a place to live. She has a place to live but only temporary and no job now. Very scary for her but she did this to herself. Plus she hasn't noticed that Marlboro Man hasn't supported her other than working off his rent by taking care of his own horses.

It's one thing to mooch off of you. It's quite another to have that gone and to have to depend on someone else.

That other person has to suddenly step up and fill in for you, and they are often unwilling to as in the case of the OM.

What's funny about the waywards is that they will blame you for their woes when they are the ones who created the mess and the situation in the first place.

You were fat, dumb, and happy to live the life you were living with your kids when she became an idiot and destroyed your family.

So let her face her consequences, as she's facing them now, and do all you can to secure custody of those kids. It's very disturbing to know she was hospitalized for anger and that is something which will not fly very well in family court.

Keep documenting, keep the faith, and stay strong. The court has a way of seeing through the smoke and mirrors that lawyers throw up and they get to the heart of things.

Best of luck to you and get those emergency motions rolling!

I've had the kids for four days now and it is AWESOME for recovery. I've been taking them to school, talking about school and I'm finally starting to feel like a FATHER again!

I got home with the kids at 5:30. Cooked a nice steak and green beans dinner for the three of us, did a load of laundry, both kids got baths, baked cookies, worked with DD3 with her speech on the computer, read a book to the kids, and they were asleep by 8:15pm! I was the domestic king last night!

Tonight, I'm going to stop in for the the beginning of my BAN support group meeting so everyone can meet the kids and then go see Santa. Should be another fun night with Daddy!

These kinds of things where the kids see you and you only show them that you put them first in your life above all else. Keep that up. I'm sure they'll notice the big difference as they get older and they see which parent devotes their time to their children and which one forces them to share it with another person running around or who leaves the kids with that person to take care of.

I enjoy the Mr. Mom stuff even though it can sometimes be exhausting.

Nothing like checking on your kids before you go to bed and seein them sleep and making sure they're covered.

It's one of the greatest simple pleasures in life.

A few comments and questions:

Do NOT allow her to pin her resentment on you. KNOW that you are FULLY entitled to protect your own and your families interest. She must know that you know. The fog is hers and hers alone.

A pity that you did not have a picture of beauty and the beast. A picture tells a thousand words. Send one to her with your complements. Send a copy to MIL with the caption: Would you buy a used car from this man? Maybe that photo op will still come...

I am glad for your part that you have been able to share quality family time. Savour it.

How are you coping between workplace responsibilities and drama?

Ohhhhhh I do have a picture of beauty and the beast - it's the pic I took of beast completly naked and exposed on our bed with WW snuggled up against him with only a short teddy on. This was taken on DD1.

Between work and drama, my work has definately suffered. Fortunatly, folks have been very understanding. Now that I am getting to a better place, my work is starting to improve and no long term damage has been done (I hope).

WW called last night to vent - no berating, just complaining about her lot in life right now. Somehow I think OM won't tolerate her venting. I listened, said nothing. Then changed to subject to DD3 speech eval on Sunday.

This is good that there is communication between you.

I think that there was an opportunity to boost her at that time. All you had to do was tell her that she had many fine qualities to her credit. Name a few of the qualities and assure her that these would all be to her credit in whichever endeavour she chooses.

There will be another time...

Oh and I would not send THAT picture to MIL. What do you think?

Any thoughts yet for Christmas???

I took DD3 to her speech evaluation on Sunday. She was diagnosed with the same thing my niece has! How's that for freaky? My wife and SIL are identical twins and now their daughters have the exact same speech issue (not to mention the daughters are almost the same age and look identical except for different eye color.)

Navigating through the insurance, getting her set up with a therapist, and working with her will give me something positive to focus on instead of the A. Talked to WW on phone on way back from evaluation and we started to get into it. We both hung up before everything started to get out of hand. Based on her past history and the prior conversation, I had her meet me in front of the police station for the kid swap. DD3 did not want to go with WW! We talked for a little while longer at the station mostly about business.

Earlier this morning, she called me at work and we talked some more business and about X-Mas arrangements. It was pleasant.

An hour or so later, she called again. This time to ask me about EDI transactions my company uses?!?!?!?!?! She wanted to know this because one of the customers at her new company deals with EDI data. I

took your advice Imagine and used this as an opportunity. I was able to engage her into a conversation where she was reminiscing about happier times - such as the running joke we had when she was out on maternity leave with DS and her company kept filling up our basement with freebies to give to Dr. offices but she couldn't get rid of because she was on leave.

We have the appointment with the bankruptcy lawyer this afternoon. We shall see how her attitude is later...By the way, I think MIL already saw the infamous picture. With the holdiays and us getting along for the time being, it is so hard to talk to her about the mundane and not miss W terribly.