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I think you all know what I mean. When my ex was having his affair, and I looked into his eyes, they were dead.
Now my son is going through the same thing with his ex-fiance. She came over tonight, and there is no other way to put it, she has cold eyes. I can just look at her and tell.
Anyone else notice that?
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Oh yes. I have seen the before and after pictures of waywards from this forum and it is downright creepy. The dead fish eyes are very common.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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+1, When my wife was with OM before we got back together a year ago, she took some pics and I looked at them and couldnt beleive that was actually her. First pictures shes never smiled in and it was creepy!
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Well, I'm glad that other people see it. When I used to look at my WH, it was just THERE. His eyes were COLD.
Saw the same thing tonight in my would have been DIL. I've known her for a long time, and it was almost like a different person.
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Oh yes, I KNOW those eyes so well. COLD, EMPTY, and DEAD.... Possibly a glimpse into their souls... or lack of souls....
It helped me when I was in Plan A, as to who I was dealing with and helped me adjust the working of my plans....
Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 12/26/08 09:49 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Wow. This is interesting. The day WW left and the next day her eyes were really cold. The day after she left when I seen her we were talking and I was gazing into her eyes and it was weird. I told her that something looked strange...I said that deep in her eyes I could see her love for me but it was peeking out from behind something else. I couldnt explain it. All I knew was that something was in the way. In between me and her love for me.
Two days later I found out she was having an A. That day when I sobbed and looked into her eyes and seen the same thing...only now I knew what it was in the way.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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This is the first time that I have posted on another thread other than my own, but this is really wierd. I have seen those eyes as well, I keep thinking about how her eyes used to have adance to them. I saw that again yesterday for the first time in a long time. I hope that I can believe my own eyes.
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My husband had the dead eyes, too, plus he used to complain about MY eyes. He didn't want me to look at him. Most people say that I have pretty eyes...my best feature.
My son once said that he could not lie to me, because he just knew that I would be able to tell that he was lying by looking at him.
I'm thinking that is the same reason why my husband didn't want me to look at him.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Yes I have seen it. Its like once my H had the affair its looked like darkness enveloped my his soul. Like you could see straight through and darkness and complete emptiness is all I could see. We looked at a July 4th pic DD17 took of him and one of Pre-A dad and its like not the same person.
Funny how we can all see the emptiness and darkness but they can't.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Great white shark eyes. Although most of the time they (WS) won't meet your gaze.
It was well after NC began and withdrawal was over before I saw the sparkle that was in her eyes before the affairs. Then and only then did I think we had a chance at recovery.
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Believer - some call it "spiritual death". When someone has violated their own soul to the point where the Light of Christ - the conscience can no longer witness to them the difference between right and wrong - they are spiritually dead.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Yes, the cold eyes as they shut down every channel connected to you so they can move on and be with their "true love."
The cold eyes that make you realize that YOU are now the enemy. YOU are the one that has the problem. YOU are crazy.
Which of course helps to justify their "true love."
Of course, you know you are NOT crazy but it is scary to see those eyes. Yes it is.
The eyes that convey that you are a burden now and a tumor that needs to be excised.
It takes a while to get over that crap.
But it's doable.
I have a poem somewhere where I wrote about the two different personalities that WH-Gray sloughed off into. The STRANGER--the one with the eyes, and the other one...the one I THOUGHT was his true self.
I need to find that dang thing and post it here.
Charlotte
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Not only that, but you look at the WS, and you think, "wow, I do not even feel like I KNOW this person!" like it is just a shell of who you once knew.
I just remember with my exh, that is how I felt when I looked at him. Like he was a stranger.
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Believer - some call it "spiritual death". When someone has violated their own soul to the point where the Light of Christ - the conscience can no longer witness to them the difference between right and wrong - they are spiritually dead. Someone is very smart and dead on... I have a poem somewhere where I wrote about the two different personalities that WH-Gray sloughed off into. The STRANGER--the one with the eyes, and the other one...the one I THOUGHT was his true self.
I need to find that dang thing and post it here. I for one would look forward to reading it.
Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 12/27/08 12:55 AM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I had those eyes. If you read my posts on "The Affair World" you'll see I mention those cold eyes quite a lot. I used to look at my H with those dead eyes trying to bring forth some kind of feeling. Now my eyes dance and sparkle and twinkle and are not afraid to look right into my H's eyes. 
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Believer - some call it "spiritual death". When someone has violated their own soul to the point where the Light of Christ - the conscience can no longer witness to them the difference between right and wrong - they are spiritually dead. Someone is very smart and dead on... I have a poem somewhere where I wrote about the two different personalities that WH-Gray sloughed off into. The STRANGER--the one with the eyes, and the other one...the one I THOUGHT was his true self.
I need to find that dang thing and post it here. I for one would look forward to reading it. Awwww.....thank you, Queenie!! With the time off from school and early Spring Cleaning plans, I should be able to locate it!!  I think I know "approximately" where it is, LOL!! Charlotte
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 thank you
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Yes, Believer...I know just the eyes that you guys are referring to...I had them, and it terrifies me to look at pictures of myself from that time period...My eyes were so dead and cold...The color of them was even distorted... Scripture backs this up too... "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"
~Matthew 6:22-23 {{{{SHUDDER}}}} Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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The eyes are the portal to the soul, or so they say....
Looking into my wayward's eyes was my first clue... I knew it then but didn't want to believe it. Although my subconsious wouldn't let it rest. Trust your instincts...
Miker
I was the BS - 36
She was the WS - 36, PA with MM
DS8, DD13, DD15 - All living with Dad
DDay 05/04, Divorced 08/05
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My WW's eyes...
Black as coal... Based on her past...She may have always had those cold eyes.
I've never noticed anything else.
I will tell you this... Shortly after we separated... She went out of her way to avoid me. She couldn't look me in the eye. she knew she was doing me wrong and couldn't bear to look at me.
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