Update

Chatted with W on the way home from work. I forgot her bday is 12/29! She is off work from 12/24-12/29 back on the 30th. So....I am gonna do the following...

Ws best friend and family are gonna be here for the holidays. BFF hates OM so she will keep W busy for Ws days off.


Saturday....all mail goes to post office for Tuesday delivery. 1 piece has to go kinda far.

Monday...Ws bday....I am on emergency call that week so I will be working late...myself and another friend will go to OM/Ws work at the end of day. Will do "man to man" in parking lot.

Tuesday....at 8am emails will be sent to Ws/OM work...it will be Ws first day back since 12/23.....

Couple questions...
Man to man....I feel like a sissy asking OM "what are your intentions with my W?"....I really don't care what his intentions are! She is MY W still!! Any thoughts on this??
Email...first thing? Mail around us is around 2pm....

This seems like the most effective "nuclear" exposure....anyone see any chinks in my plan?

Carp, Mortarman is right, there is no reason to wait to expose the OM to his parents BEFORE Christmas. In fact, I know of no reason not to do it all before Christmas. It takes 2 ppl to fight, so there is no reason to get in a fight or allow it to disrupt your girls Christmas.

See, if you expose to his parents BEFORE Christmas, you will have ruined his Christmas and he won't be able to contact your wife and ruminate. So he will be stuck in miserable Christmas. Then, upon his return next Monday, those emails will be sitting in the mailboxes of all his bosses. You will have that little worm on the ropes.

You could time your "TALK" with him next Tuesday and have a little discussion with him letting him know how it will be.

Mel

I am honestly not ready today. Emails yes....letters no. I want W to be at work when emails arrive...Xmas postal service will NOT allow anything to arrive before Wednesday....W won't be at work anyway.

Why do you need your wife to be there when the emails arrive? I dont understand.. you can send the emails NOW. You can call his parents tomorrow and expose to their bosses which would have the effect of ruining the OM's holiday. Since they won't be at work together, they won't be able to rendevouz and concoct a story.

I am pretty strategic but am not getting the point here.

ok, Carp, here is what you said LAST WEEK:


Now you are saying you have to MAIL the letters to the department heads and time them to arrive when your wife is there. Am i reading this right?

I do understand that you want your DD's to have a nice Christmas, but there is no reason not to put the OM through holy hell for Christmas.

Emails arrive....bosses talk to OM....you know he is gonna call W crying! Letters won't make it till Thursday MAYBE if I mail them tomorrow. I thought all at once was best? You know as well as I that breaks in exposure=time for spin!?

When I verbally exposed earlier this year to Ws family at first it was....OMG!!! Now that spin control is going....some of them won't even answer the phone.

I don't want to call OMs family...what if they aren't home....caller ID....what if [censored] OM is visiting mommy and daddy....reading a letter takes ALL those risks out of the equation.

I want a TSUNAMI....not some little waves on the shore!!

Emails to bosses

Snail mail to both families.

Carp,

In spite of the hysterior being spoon fed to you, I do wish you and your family a very blessed and joyful Christmas.

Pray to God for a miracle. Beyond that, I guess you should follow others advise.

I was just hoping, you remember hope, don't you??????

Just me


All Blessings,
Jerry

What is "hysterior" and who is spoon feeding it to him?

Carp.....

You need to have your bubble burst right now....Christmas is going to SUCK....

no matter what you do.....

whether you expose today, Christmas Eve, or

even if you wait....

You will watch your WW and wonder....

wonder what her present means (if she gets you one)
wonder what she gave the OM (and that will include any "favors")
wonder what she is thinking
wonder if this will be your last Christmas as a family


NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO....it will SUCK....and when the presents are open, the dinner done, the family is gone...you will become ANGRY....very VERY VERY ANGRY...

because she is having an affair
because what SHE has done has caused this holiday to SUCK
because she is CHOOSING him...over you, the kids, the dog...EVERYTHING...

And when that happens you will LOVE BUST....big time...

But in truth, if you choose to delay your exposure, you will have to look in the mirror and be ANGRY with yourself...because you are delaying the MOST important tool in your arsanal....EXPOSURE....

Trust me on this....I was in your EXACT position this time last year. Only, I had already started exposure. So I could look at myself on Christmas evening knowing I was doing all that I could to fight for my family, so we would NEVER EVER go through a Christmas like that again....

And you know what???

This year is MUCH MUCH better...and it isn't even Christmas....YET....

So today, you cannot save Christmas this year BUT you can start doing what NEEDS to be done to save it next year...

not2fun

*69.....works EVERY TIME....

Can you scan the documents and email those to the families at the same time as the email to the bosses?

I agree with the others who are urging you to expose NOW.

I really don't understand how you could wait another second. Start working your foot into OM's [censored] IMMEDIATELY.

My Ws family do not all have emails
I only have names and addresses for OM family.

I have a plan
I want to stick to my plan
Why can't I get a "I like your plan ....we support you....if it were me I would do etc etc...let me try to answer your other questions".

I have 2 daughters....let's think like this....I drop bomb....I get chit on Xmas from Ds. We know what is rite....kids don't see it like that...they only see TODAY.

Kids dont understand morals....ethics....adultery etc. All they will see is.....dad ruined Xmas!!

I am protecting my kids from the fallout

When W and I went to MC on Saturday the C wanted to chat with us both together and seperately. I recounted Xmas 2007....it sucked W and I were in a bad spot (I find out A was 6 months in at Xmas)....December last year sucked in general.....I told C how bad Xmas was....I gave my word to make Xmas this year better! Last Xmas I was drunk and asleep before present opening...I was very depressed....the month was so bad that I felt I was having my "last Xmas" as a family.
Of course now that I look back a last December knowing what I know today....I can see why the month sucked so bad!!

Cam anyone see it my way now?

Alive and ok....I guess. Xmas went off fine. No drama.

Leaving a recorder going in your house while you are out with your kids can be painful. Ten minutes after we left W called OM

They chatted about Ws broken car
They talked about Ws nutso stepdad "kicking my [censored]"
She actually talked about going thru "withdrawls" from not talking to him for a few days.
She was sad because she couldn't see him over the next few days or the last couple days or text him.
She giggled like a teenager...kinda revolting....
She did say ILY to him

She then called her uncle....and told him what OM said about the car...obviously he is an enabled.

OM will not be at work on Monday.....confrontation will not happen as planned.

Ws stepdad is nuts.

Eariler in the day W thanked me for a nice Xmas

When we got home from store W asked me if she could give me a hug...as part of her "thank you"

I politely declined her hug. She "seemed" like she really wanted to. I told her based on how things are going a hug would be innappropriate.

Exposure letters will go out...should I exclude uncle and nutso stedad?

So sorry. But the more you know, the more you can protect the marriage and get your real wife back. And she can come back. Please remember that. So very many people here talk about how the WS gets away from the afair, and they are horrified, literally, that they ever said what they said, did what they did, hurt who they did. This is possible with your wife. Not guaranteed, but possible.

If I were you, I would expose to every single person who knows her. Even the 7-11 clerk, if it matters to her that he knows. Everyone.

thx Cat

I decided after I posted....I WILL send them letters as well.....if they question me/tell me I am wrong.....I will thank them and acknowledge their skewed POV.

This morning my nerves are absolutely shot!!! I have loaded the printer, downloaded the letters to my PC.
I want save my marriage/family but this hurts me to be doing.
W is so deep into this....and probably her family also.
I am gonna pray a bit and calm myself down.

Well

After sitting quietly for awhile, praying, eating, showering and getting out of the house now I feel better.
Couple things that I thought of while showering
1. Letters to be mailed to all parties will happen....even enabling(sp?) uncle and unstable step father in law.
2. Emails to Ws work will not happen. I honestly did not get enough legal guidance on this one. I went over the scenerio in my head and it very well could play out against me. Since I have filed for D these mails could be used against me legally as far as appearing I was trying to get my W fired. There is too much risk involved that I did not think about or consult legally about.

The letters don't contain any threatening wording so legally those don't "look" bad.

Any thoughts or comments??

Funny thing....After printing 1 of each letter to be mailed I hid them under my mattress while in the shower. I get out of the shower and D12 is asleep in my bed!!

That's so cool that you have that good of a relationship with your DD that she considers your bed safe.

I don't know about the work letters. I think others will chew you out for not doing it. Can you visit these people? Do it in person? Show them how devastated you are?