I will consult my lawyer Monday first thing.

A face to face or a phone chat would be good.

I know I may get chewed out....I have to think of the legal side also....I was not doing that correctly before.

Both my daughters love my bed!!

Letters to Ws family Ws IC and OMs family sent!! I also sent myself and my attorney both letters. On my attorneys envelope I wrote "do not open before calling me".

I have been thinking about the recordings and the threats of violence against me. I shared this info with my mom...and obviously here. I am going to transcribe the conversation and consult my attorney with the info. Secret recordings are illegal...but with my health/safety at risk as well as my kids...I can't be too safe.

This morning my nerves are shot!! The first of the letters shoud be arriving today. I have been going over my responses to people in my head. The family members that do cal I will talk about the affair as an "addiction". I will try to reference specific examples of Ws actions in relation to an addict.
As far as OMs family...not alot here I can think of....I can sight some specifics as far as things W has told me about when we were "working things out" earlier this summer.

I have been praying and spending some alone time these last couple days.....

W has a bunch of friends over at the house. I had to work yesterday and when I got home we were discussing dinner. I told them if they went to the store and got some steaks and stuff I would BBQ dinner for everyone. W and 1 of her friends and D12 went to the store and grabbed a bunch of food. We had a delicious dinner. In the past W has always commented that winter BBQ makes her think of summer. This winter I have really increased the amount of BBQ I have been doing.

W was in a bad mood yesterday overall. She and her friends were out sat night. Her friends were home in the morning when I went to work....W was not. When I got home from work W was in her PJs and in her cave. She came out to eat with us and chat for a bit and then spent the rest of the night in her room. Everyone else in our house was kinda spread all over the place. Me and my kids hung out in my room watching tv until I went to bed.

I have noticed this "bad mood good mood" pattern and know that it directly relates to her "fix" of OM.

Carp, did the workplace letters go out today also? We need those to hit at the same time. That was all part of the strategy.

And I understand your upset, but just expect an explosion and you won't be disappointed. Don't try to reason with her and don't allow her to bait you into a fight. When she attacks you, simply say, I am sorry you are upset, but others have a right to know about your affair.

huh? That is not how a workplace exposure should go. The letter we gave him was designed by a CORPORATE ATTORNEY who does this for a living. SHE DOES THIS EVERY DAY. She told us how to do this right. DAMMIT.

CArp, please tell me you did not hold back the most important letters, ie: the WORKPLACE EXPOSURE letters. Those were the most critical part of exposure because that is where their affair takes place.

I give up! This is all for naught.

Mel

I need to consult my lawyer this morning before those emails can be sent. 9:00 am local time her office opens. Remember I filed and a workplace exposure could be used against me negatively. If I was doing all this before I filed I can see the benefits....I need to cover my ars!!

This is nothing more than more conflict avoidance, Carp. There is no legal risk in telling the truth. That letter was devised by a corporate attorney who frequents this board. I have been here for 8 years and there has never ever been a legal problem for reporting an affair to the workplace. We do this all the time.

This is just a delaying tactic and a waste of our time.

p.s. the goal of an attorney is to facilitate an amicable divorce, yours is to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. He won't want you to expose ANYWHERE for that reason. He will want you to do nothing so the divorce can be executed as easily and simply as possible.

He has no experience in saving marriages, his experience is in DISSOLVING THEM.

Dr Harley has experience SAVING MARRIAGES, so if that is your goal, you should stick with us.

And that is the last thing I am going to say on the subject. You came here and asked for advice, we gave it. Now you can take it or leave it.

Mel
Again I 100% agree. How many of those people sent of the letters AFTER filing for D??

I know the truth is good....I can deal with the anger...I need to know I am not jeapordizing myself legally by doing it.

You do what you need to do. We have helped you as much as we possibly can and if you don't take our advice, there is nothing more we can do. We spent alot of time with you that I feel was entirely wasted. But lets not pretend like this is not a delaying tactic, Carp. Thats all it is.

I agree, but he was saying he wasn't going to, so I was trying to get him to do something, anything, if he's too scared.

carp, this is the number one way to stop the A, right? So fight for your marriage! Be mad!

Oh come on already!

I called the OM's boss and talked to him personally. I emailed his pastor, and called his wife...ONE DAY after d-day.

You can justify it however you want...you are afraid to expose, and you're trying to avoid it as long as you possibly can. If you ever do, that is. I'm sure you'll find some reason not to.

You are being a doormat. Doormats get walked on.

Krazy

You filed for D and then exposed at work?

If you've filed and you're serious about following through with it, there's no real reason to expose except for revenge, which I understand.

If you are only using filing for D as a threat, or attempting to coerce her into coming back to you, then expose NOW. The D and the exposure are unrelated.

I only filed to protect myself and my kids. We have not made it to court, we don't even talk about it. I don't want a divorce!!

I agree and disagree. Consequences of a Wayward's decsion should never be swept under the rug. Hence, I would lean towards exposure regardless.

Interesting point in the second sentence above, what is the reason for the divorce papers? Are you done? Do you want to save your marriage?

I have a major issue with filing unless it is a done deal and you are ready to move on with life without your wife. Marriage in this society is already tending to be a throw away item. Playing games with divorce magnifies this issue and weakens marriage as an institution, I believe I see nothing wrong with filing for 'Legal Separation' to protect your finances, visitation, etc. But, filing for divorce should be done only when you are completely done and ready to move on.

Grindnfool

I only filed after my wife basically gave me some BS papers which gave her everything. She stood in our kitchen and told me she would make me out to be a child molester if I fought her. During trips to MC we discussed this with the MC and my W said she did not mean it and she was scared and hurt.

I only filed to protect myself and kids from her. I am dragging my feet filing out all the necessary paperwork.

Mail sent at 10:10 cst