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why_us Offline OP
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I have a stupid question. I have seen thread after thread where WS's keep texting their OP's every second minute 24-7. I have been crazy in love but it never occured to me to have contact with my boyfriend (ok it is now my STBX) the whole time. It was ok to go away for a weekend and talk on the phone once. My boyfriend was the same and we were both happy with it.

But then he started his idiot affair with MOW and began texting without interruption. He was texting her while he talked to me and he couldn't talk to his friends or his family without texting her.

What is this about? It is like an obsession. I know that MB sees this as addiction and that the WS gets a fix from every contact with OP. Many people would consider that to be mumbo jumbo but would anyone consider the obsession to be healthy? Do WS/OP think that they behave healthy?

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My WW txts OM 60-70 txts a night sometimes a lot more.

Maybe her cell bill will be so high she cant pay it next month.


BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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My WW had 3200 texts last month!! I got about 30 of them. Texting=sneaky. No sound....you can "read" it when you are feeling down from not seeing OP.
I have read some between WW and OM....it's like they are 19yrs old!
They were "thankful" for each other on thanksgiving....barf!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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I barf along with you. My WW and OM are "texters" too. I've read some of their lovey dovey texts and they are very highschoolish. "I need you and you need me!" "I am yours FOREVER!" "I want to make you scream!" Yikes, I wish I'd never seen some of them and I've blocked some from my mind.

My wife changed all of the icons on her cell phone display to pictures of OM. It's definitely an unhealthy obsession. These people don't seem whole unless their sucking the life force out of each other. It just can't last.... It's like a full time job trying to keep up this unrealistic expectation. It's interesting and disturbing how someone can be so addicted to another person.


I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband.
My wayward wife is 31.
Married 3.5 years.
Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08.
Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical.
Wife moved out on 12/27/08.
I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D??
Currently in Plan A.
3 yr-old son.
7 yr-old step son.
11 yr-old step daughter.
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It seems to be another one of the characteristics that separate an affair from a regular, ordinary relationship. I don't even think teenagers text as much as WS/OP's do. And for the most part, WS's and OPs are mature adults - sometimes in their 40's and 50's and STILL do this. It's crackers.

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I think it is more of a technology thing than anything else.

My FWH and his FOW did NOT text each other because my H knows nothing about texting (nor do i) and have no desire to learn.

Heck i do not even have a cell phone and my FWH does not have one either except his work cell phone. In this day and age that is unheard of.

My children text constantly, they do not know how to pick up the phone and actually TALK to their friends!!!!

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I text back and forth with my H (OK, he is a FWH)

What is the thrill? I have a loving feeling everytime I get a message from him.

If you think of the A as an addiction, and those feelings of love are adding to the endorphins and dopamine in a person's brain, similar to cocaine and heroin usage...then those texts are like a hit on the old love-crack pipe...

When a love is new and affection is near constant, those brain chemicals are really swimming around...but after some time and resentment, those feelings dissipate...is this no longer love? This is reality. And an A which is built on a fantasy of endorphins and dopamine can rarely withstand reality and the long-term commitment of a REAL relationship.

My take on this is...let the fantasy get as high as it needs to get...the reality will look that much worse later...and the lack of endorphins will be that much more missed.

It is for this reason a true love addict will move on to another OP rather than grow up and continue the life of intimacy and real love they had with their SO.


Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Originally Posted by StillHereMakingIt
I text back and forth with my H (OK, he is a FWH)

What is the thrill? I have a loving feeling everytime I get a message from him.

If you think of the A as an addiction, and those feelings of love are adding to the endorphins and dopamine in a person's brain, similar to cocaine and heroin usage...then those texts are like a hit on the old love-crack pipe...

When a love is new and affection is near constant, those brain chemicals are really swimming around...but after some time and resentment, those feelings dissipate...is this no longer love? This is reality. And an A which is built on a fantasy of endorphins and dopamine can rarely withstand reality and the long-term commitment of a REAL relationship.

My take on this is...let the fantasy get as high as it needs to get...the reality will look that much worse later...and the lack of endorphins will be that much more missed.

It is for this reason a true love addict will move on to another OP rather than grow up and continue the life of intimacy and real love they had with their SO.

That is if you believe in the supposed "fog" of an affair (which BTW i do not).

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why_us Offline OP
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Still_Crazy, I agree that it's a technology thing. It is a very efficient way to stay in constant touch with the affair partner.

I think that the WS and the OP have a constant need to confirm that they are "in love" and that they are there for each other. Reality pushes in from all directions but the exciting messages in the cell phone verify that the affair partner is still waiting for them in lala-land. puke

I just don't understand why people around them don't see it. Usually it is just the BS and the children (if any) that recognize the obsession for what it is. It is not healthy and it is not a normal relationship if you ask me.

FYI my STBXWH has recently moved in with OW and I am in the process of finding out how many people will accept this - and delete those who do from my phone book.

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Originally Posted by why_us
Still_Crazy, I agree that it's a technology thing.

I think it's an immature and borderline retarded thing. Think Forest Gump with the ability to text.

"MMSTLILABOC"


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Quote
"MMSTLILABOC"

That's good! I think technically it would be:


MMAS"LWLABOC.YNKWYGG."


As far as I know, Wayzilla (47) and Gollum (44) never texted one another. Neither one embraced the technology at all. Wayzilla has never texted DD21 in her life.




Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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"Gollum" rotflmao


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For my WW and her OM, it's definitely a secrecy thing. Especially lately. I made the mistake of telling her that when I call her and she's on the phone, I hear a call-waiting beep to let me know she's on the phone. So now she doesn't call him as much. So I guess it wasn't a big mistake after all, since it's harder to communicate by text. Also, I didn't want to tip my hand that the real reason I knew she was calling him so much was because I still have the password for our shared Verizon account and I was able to check on her. laugh

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It all goes back to writing and passing forbidden notes in grade school.

Idiots.


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Originally Posted by Skane
For my WW and her OM, it's definitely a secrecy thing. Especially lately. I made the mistake of telling her that when I call her and she's on the phone, I hear a call-waiting beep to let me know she's on the phone. So now she doesn't call him as much. So I guess it wasn't a big mistake after all, since it's harder to communicate by text. Also, I didn't want to tip my hand that the real reason I knew she was calling him so much was because I still have the password for our shared Verizon account and I was able to check on her. laugh

At least she doesnt have a ringback tone. They ruin that part.


BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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POSOW once send WH an email link to a Youtube video when she said goodbye. Unfortunately, the "goodbye" lasted about a week. Very "Teen Drama Queen" stuff that WH eats up. You'd think he was a 16 year old teenager instead of 46. He's also big into downloading music and videos onto his ipod. And the music is the stuff our kids listen to!! MLC to the max.


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
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WstbxH and OW texted all the time. But after he moved in with her, he sent me one of those stupid emails - you know the kind with the sappy poem that you have to send to your entire address book or a piano will fall on your head! He had NEVER been interested in these before - always deleted them without openning and here he was sending this crap to ME! I looked at who he got it from and, yep you guessed it, OW.

It's not JUST texting, but just about any other stupid form of communication. I'm sure he MSN'd her constantly as well. THough I never caught him, OWH said OW was on MSN constantly in the last year before she was caught.

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Originally Posted by StillHereMakingIt
I text back and forth with my H (OK, he is a FWH)

What is the thrill? I have a loving feeling everytime I get a message from him.

If you think of the A as an addiction, and those feelings of love are adding to the endorphins and dopamine in a person's brain, similar to cocaine and heroin usage...then those texts are like a hit on the old love-crack pipe...

When a love is new and affection is near constant, those brain chemicals are really swimming around...but after some time and resentment, those feelings dissipate...is this no longer love? This is reality. And an A which is built on a fantasy of endorphins and dopamine can rarely withstand reality and the long-term commitment of a REAL relationship.

My take on this is...let the fantasy get as high as it needs to get...the reality will look that much worse later...and the lack of endorphins will be that much more missed.

It is for this reason a true love addict will move on to another OP rather than grow up and continue the life of intimacy and real love they had with their SO.

To me, I think this sums it up well for the WS and myself.

I too like to receive texts from my GF as it is like a little present from her during the day unexpectedly. A little anticipation, excitement, and love is felt each time you see the Unread Message Icon or hear the ring tone. Kinda childish, maybe, but this is how it feels so there is not a need to justify that.

For WS, I agree totally with what she said above. My XW did not text her OM to my knowledge, and still doesn't I believe. They were the typical workplace husband/wife ordeal.




grindnfool
M-13 years
D-Day 10/26/06
Divorced 11.2007
DS-16, DD-9

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