All of this is hard, but in the long run, it is good. Your dad is very attached, and we are praying that he will wake up and come home.

You are doing just FINE. I suggest you don't worry about it too much, just let it roll off your back, and go shopping, or out with some friends. You are a great young lady! Don't let this stuff get in the way of having some fun.

I've always told your mom to pretend like she has planted a garden, tilled the soil, pulled the weeds, planted the seeds and watered them. Now she just needs to wait for things to grow. I already see one flower blooming, and that is YOU. Trust that the Lord is watching over your family.

You did great! Like Jayne said, you didn't let him draw you in. That's the KEY. He WILL try. And the stronger you are in your boundary, the harder he will try.

Your brother could take the same approach as you are, but because of his young age, it would be tough for him.

"Daddy, I will not listen to you talk about mom or answer questions about her."

If he continues, your brother should just simply hang up. But I look at my 10yos and know that he could not have discerned those situations.

But it is not your job to make this all happen.

You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your dad. You are not responsible to protect your mom or your little brother. If you put yourself into that role, you are just putting yourself back in the middle...which is exactly where you don't want to be.

He is probably going to act even more wacko; and the more prepared you are for that, the less it will rattle you.

I hope you realize that no matter what happens in your parents' marriage, it will not be because of what you are or are not doing right now.

It'll be because your father chose to walk in the flesh and not in the Spirit.

So sorry he's getting more rude. And hurting your brother. Even from the start, it hurt your brother the most; he's a guy, and he needs his dad to want him. Right now your brother feels he isn't good enough to get his dad to give up OW and come home. I promise you he's blaming himself.

Can you sit him down and do some role playing with him? Go over some of the things his dad says, and let him practice how to respond to it? It's even more important to role play for a 10 year old, because they aren't mature enough to rise to the level of barbarism your dad is showing.

Tell him it's ok to hang up on his dad. Tell him this really isn't his real dad - he's like an addict, and all he can think about right now is keeping his fix of the OW, but he still wants you guys, too. So he's fighting like a street dog to get both. That's called cake-eating. Explain this to your brother. Tell him it's ok to fight for your family by being mean to his dad right now, in order to get back the REAL dad.

Tell him that once dad comes home, he will thank both of you for being hard on him. Your brother can't see that right now - all he sees is he wants to please his dad so dad will come home. But he doesn't understand he's not dealing with his real dad. So help him practice keeping his dad in the Plan B. That's the best thing you can do for him. That and making sure he knows he can come talk to you whenever he wants to. You might also urge him to start a journal. It's very therapeutic.

T2LDD, Welcome to MB. You know, you are the same age my daughter was when her dad went crazy. My daughter hated her dad for what he had done and got very involved in the whole situation. She even called OW! It did not help matters at all. I was a mess and didn't know anything about MB.

Your mom is blessed that she found MB. You are handling yourself very well! But everyone is right, it is not your job to protect your mom or your brother in all of this. Your relationship with your dad will continue for the rest of your life.

I'm not saying to condone what he's doing, in fact, the way you've been handling things is perfect. You're not giving in to his attempts to break your mom's Plan B or to his obvious attempts to manipulate you or your feelings. He is ashamed of himself (you can believe that) even if he won't admit it.

I think the most powerful tool you have is your relationship with your dad pre-A. Have you thought about writing him a letter? These are my words, but I know one of the things that really got to my husband when he was wayward was to know that God had not given up on him.

Dear Dad,

I am so sad about all of this. The dad that raised me would never hurt his family in a million years. The dad that raised me would never dream of turning his back on God. The dad that raised me would be appalled at a man who chose adultery over the family that God gave him to protect and love. The dad that raised me would honor the wife of his youth.

We have always been so close and I could always trust you. I knew that you had a direct line to God and prayed for my protection daily. Even if I didn't always show it, I respected and loved you for who you were and for what you stood for. Dad, God is not finished with you. I think you know that.

This has been so painful for all of us. You say Mom is controlling. Yes she is. She is controlling how much pain is allowed to enter her heart. Contact with you is painful right now. She is only trying to protect her love for you. I'm sorry you don't understand that.

I am praying with all my heart that you turn your life back to God. His promise is that he will never leave nor forsake you. He is chasing you dad. Please listen. I want my real dad to walk me down the aisle some day. I want my real dad to be a grandparent to my children. I want my mom and dad to enjoy their last days on this earth together, serving God, and being an example to me and my brother about what a marriage should be.

I love you dad. I always will. I'm just hurting. Will you stop the hurting?

T2L DD {{{{{hugs}}}}}
T2L -- you should be so proud of your D.
I just ssw this. I have not been able to go to internet since I am back east till today.
What a good kid you are (I am sure your Mom will beg to differ on that sometimes but glad to see you opening this stich).
When my daughter has access I will have her log on. You and her have such similar situations. She was Daddy's girl and she hates it right now. She told me yesterday that she was thinking of doing no contact again with her Dad since she has no respect for him.
The daughters are more adult than the fathers. Hopefully with God's grace that will change in the future.
T2L, will be in contact. Visit is going well but I am having difficulty sleeping. Check out my stich here and see what H is up to now.
Will check back soon. God bless

I like your letter, PM. I think it would be great to send.

Thanks B.

T2LDD, I hope you're okay sweetie. Please, please, please, do not let what happen to your mom (about the worship team) discourage you or your faith.

I know how much it means to your mom and it was a serious blow to her emotionally, but she will come through this stronger than ever. So will you.

I was thinking about you,too, and praying for you.

God is faithful. He will pull your mom through this. She will weather this storm and be even more Christlike afterward.

Time for a giggle...

Hey T2LDD, have you seen this one?

:twobyfour:

I have three teenagers and they are also struggling with their Dad's affair. Especially hard is trying to deal with the constant lying, broken promises, and false recoveries. Latest false recovery happened two days after Christmas. Foggy talk of not being happy resulted in phone calls and texting to OW after 3 weeks of NC. Once again, Dad goes AWOL for night, sends text that he's stopping by to get his stuff, and is out the door again and back with OW. Kids have been through this sooooo many times this year. Plan B is in effect and kids are on board to keep Dad from trying to justify his behavior. We all agree that the only Dad we want back is the Dad that put his family first!!

{[b]{{holyheart}}}}

ughhh... thats hooooorible..
i hate to hear that!!!. yeah you and me both.. we want the dad that put our family first!!..

this may sound mean but... my mindset is " MY DUMB DUMB DAD DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY AT THIS POINT.. AND WE ARE NOT HIS FIRST PRIORITY, SO IN THAT CASE.... I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU EITHER AND YOU ARE NOT MY FIRST PRIORITY EITHER...."

YA KNOW WHAT MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS???
SHE TELLS ME NOT TO EVER LET YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES CONSUME YOUR DAY...

SO THATS EXACTLY WHAT I DO..
I NEVER LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE OR ANY CERTAIN THING CONSUME MY DAY...

TO BE HONEST... I DONT HAVE ANY STRESS IN MY LIFE.. I DONT LET ANYTHING BOTHER ME.. UNLESS ITS VERY IMPORTANT OR AN URGENT MATTER. IF MY DAD DOEANT COME TO VISIT ME, I DONT CARE.. ITS FINE.. IM NOT GOING TO BE UPSET ABOUT IT..


MY PASTOR ALWAYS SAYS SOMETHING SIMILAR....
"MY GOD WILL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES AND GLORY".. SO I NEVER STRESS ABOUT THINGS I NEED OR DONT NEED...

SO JUST GIVE EVERYTHING TO GOD AND LET HIM RULE YOUR LIFE... DONT STRESSS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARENT IMPORTANT, AND IF YOUR LIFE SUCKS LIKE ALOT OF OUR ON HERE... LEAN ON GOD.. YOUR LIFE IS IN HIS HANDS...

{{{{HOPE3343}}}}

YYEAHHH!!!!!
YOU SHOULD TELL HER TO COME ON HERE SO IF SHE HAS ANY QUESTIONS OR NEEDS TO VENT SHE CAN COME TO ME...

WELL TELL HER IF SHE WANTS TO GO NO CONTACT WITH HER DAD THEN SHE SHOULD DO IT!!!ONLY IF SHES READY!!
WHEN I CUT MY DAD OFF FOR 2 MONTHS.. HE WAS SOOOO MAD.
HE DIDNT LIKE THAT AT ALL. I WAS DADDYS GIRL TOO. AND IT IS REALLY SAD TO SEE WHAT WE USED TO HAVE AND TO WHAT THINGS ARE LIKE NOW AND YEAH IT IS PRETTY LAME.
I MYSELF HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR MY DAD EITHER. BUT I STILL RESPECT HIM TO HIS FACE, JUST BECAUSE HE IS MY FATHER.

{{PM}}}}
IM NOT EXACTLY SURE I'M READY TO SEND MY DAD THAT LETTER YET!
ITS A REALLY GOOD LETTER AND ALL OF THAT IS TRUE.. .
BUT WHEN I AM READY I WILL SEND IT..
BECAUSE ITS SWEET AND TO THE POINT AS WELL..
THANK YOU FOR THAT!!! BUT IVE DONE THINGS SIMILAR THINGS TO THAT LIKE VERY SIMILAR...
IVE MAILED HIM HAND WRITTEN LETTERS AND HE DIDNT EVEN SAY A THING ABOUT IT.. AND I TEXT HIM AND TALK TO HIM ON THE PHONE AND STILL NOTHING.. I DONT EVEN KNOW IF HE WILL CARE ...

T2LDD, I know you may feel you are never stressed. But that's not realistic. It is important for each of us to learn to work through our stress in a healthy way, but to deny we HAVE stress is, well...denial. I don't think you are being honest with yourself.

{{{{{{{{T2LDD}}}}}}

You have lost a vital part of your life...

an intact family
a Godly father raising up his children in the way they should go
the leader of your home

You will need to grieve this loss.

And that takes time.

In Ecclesiastes 3, Scripture tells us we will weep and mourn:


1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.


And God tells us we will weep, and joy will follow later....

Psalm 30:5

...weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.


Sweetie, I know you are strong. You don't have to prove that to us here. We KNOW it. We KNOW what you are coping with. And we hurt FOR you.

[/b]







[/color]


HEY IM WRITING THIS TO ANY PARENT MOM OR DAD OR CHILD WHO IS ON HERE WHO NEEDS SOME ADVICE OR NEEDS TO KNOW HOW ANOTHER ONE OF US SONS AND DAUGHTERS WHO IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING.. AND TO ANY PARENT WHO NEEDS HELP UNDERSTANDING WHY YOUR KID IS FEELING THE WAY THEY ARE FEELING.. AND THAT ITS OK..

I WANT YOU TO KNOW FROM MY POINT OF VIEW AS A DAUGHTER WHAT I DID AND HOW I FELT..

I KNEW WHAT MY DAD WAS DOING WAS WRONG.. I SCREAMED AT HIM, SENT HIM NASTY TEXTS, I CURSED HIM OUT, I JUST DIDNT CARE.
I CALLED HIM SICK AND GROSS, AND A FAILURE, AND EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. EVEN JUST A FEW DAYS AGO I GOT INTO TO IT WITH HIM.. AND I TOLD HIM HOW MUCH I HATE THE OW AND IF HE WOULD EVER TRY TO BRING HER AROUND ME I WOULD ROLL HER A** DOWN A HILL..AND I HATE HER..
AND I KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG AND PRETTY SURE ANYONE KNOWS WHHATS EIGHT FROM WRONG SO TELLING YOUR DAD OR MOM IS THE TRUTH.. TELL THEM THE TRUTH, NO MATTER WHAT, TELL THEM HOW YOUR FEELING..
ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO...
ITS WHAT I WOULD DO!!

TO PARENTS: I ENDED DOING THINGS WHEN THIS HAPPENED... I REGRET DOING THEM... BUT IT ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE.. AND I WENT TO GOD AND DECIDED I WOULD NEVER DO THESE THINGS AGAIN... I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME.. AND WHY I DID THESE THINGS..

AND TO YOU SONS AND DAUGHTERS...I KNOW THAT YOUR NOT DOING THESE THINGS BECAUSE OF YOUR PARENTS.. I DIDNT DO THEM BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS.. I DID IT BECAUSE I DIDNT CARE I DID NOT CARE AT ALL... DONT LET YOURSELF GET TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU DONT CARE.... DONT GIVE UP..
YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE THE OW.. I NEVER WILL
DONT ACCEPT WHATS WRONG...

DONT TREAT THE PARENT WHO IS TAKING CARE OF YOU LIKE CR@P..
RESPECT THEM..

OBEY YOUR PARENTS FOR YOU SHALL HAVE LONG LIFE.
HELP THEM GET THROUGH THIS DONT LET THEM GIVE UP EITHER...
TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM AND APPRECIATE THEM, AND DO THINGS FOR THEM.. BUY THEM FLOWERS THATS WHAT I DO. JUST BE THERE FOR THEM..

[color:#CC33CC]

{{{{{sexymamabear}}}}}


i did actually have my time to weap. and i had my time to be upset, and to be verrry angry!



the bible says take all your thoughts captive to the obedience of christ and thats what i do.. and i take control of my thought life and how i think.. but believe me i had reallly bad days at first.
our first couple months me my mom and my brother were in a fog too because we were in shock..
it may sound unrealistic to some, but i do not have stress...
i dont think much im not a person who lets my mind wonder..

but thank you for worrying about me

:happynewyear:

tomorrow is 2009 woooww! what year!


IM kinda excited about the new year....
oooooohhhh
i finally had a job offer today.. it only for a couple weeks.. but it could eventually be a permanent thing.. im pretty happy about that!!!

Hmm - that sounds like T2L, not T2LDD. Looks like someone forgot to log off / log on again .

You can avoid this confusion by using different browsers on your PC - e.g. you use Firefox to access MB, your daughter use Internet Explorer, or vice-versa.

If it wasnt for the fact that she canonly get online when she comes visit me, I would give DD16 your details to contact. You might be able to talk sense into her

Your doing really well T2LDD, I know you make your mama proud

T2LDD, I juat want to say you sound amazing. My daughter is 18, and I'd love to think she has the same amount of brains, compassion, and wisdom as you. You are very impressive. And a Godsend to BOTH your parents. Some day he will see it, too.

I was estranged from my dad because of his wife. It was a hard road to take. But it saved my integrity. I only regret that I didn't do more to get him back in my life before he died. If this goes on, and he doesn't return, just remember that he needs to be in your life, in some way. Some day.

God bless.