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The REASON I sound this way is I'm trying to give those WSs who just come to this site a little glimmer of hope. To make them see that they are not horrible people, that yes, they made a terrible mistake, one they should own up to. But no, it isn't because they are terrible people. That's what I believe anyway. The REASON you sound fogged out is because you are! And if you kept posting here with a humble heart instead of just making cameo appearances every few months you'd be a lot further along by now. REAL "F"WS's are much respected and loved here.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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What are the signs you are in recovery? Signs of recovery would be: 1. acceptance of responsibility for one's crime 2. remorse 3. steps to ensure it doesn't happen again 4. awareness of spouses pain and a recognition of ones accountability for said pain Signs that one is NOT in recovery: 1. arrogance 2. defensiveness 3. lack of remorse 4. failure to take responsibility for ones actions 5. characterization of oneself as a "victim" when he is the perpetrator 6. complete lack of empathy for one's victim and obliviousness to her state of recovery 7. a refusal to listen to those who have recovered 8. lashing out in anger and sarcasm against those challenge his fogginess 9. unwarranted and unmanly self pity You have shown ALL of the signs of one who is not in recovery and none of the signs of one who is.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh, so what does affair proofing mean? What should I be doing?
Is affair proofing foolproof?
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Maybe you aren't reading:
WHY do people cheat? Because they have no integrity. Because they are selfish Because they have no boundaries. What are the signs you are in recovery? Your WIFE is the one you should ask this. but..... Spending 15 hours a week of undivided attention; meeting each other's intimate emotional needs; avoiding love busters; radical honesty. Can anyone other than yourself tell you when you are in recovery? Your wife is the only one who can tell that. YOU are no where near objective enough to tell that. Do people that tend to their marriage and have good safe boundaries never experience infidelity? Usually not unless they have no integrity, are selfish, have no boundaries etc... Yes but are they the right questions? When will you send your wife here?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Oh, so what does affair proofing mean? What should I be doing?
Is affair proofing foolproof? Have you read Dr Harley's basic concepts? His Needs, Her Needs??
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I'm spending more time with my wife I guess...
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Ah ha!
Why don't you just tell me? Why is his name making an appearance again?
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Oh, so what does affair proofing mean? What should I be doing?
Is affair proofing foolproof? Can you lose the snottiness? I feel like I am speaking to a teenage girl.  If you lose the snottiness and show a sincere interest in learning something here, I might be more motivated to help you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why are you so interested in having my wife on this site?
Thinking you might sell her a book.
If it's my wife who can be telling me all these things, I should speaking to her, and not to anyone else.
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Teenage girl?
You're the one using all the happy faces!
I have a very sincere interest in learning, but I shouldn't be looking for the patience of counselors on this site. That's my fault.
So, again, will someone tell what it takes to affair proof my marriage?
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Why are you so interested in having my wife on this site?
Thinking you might sell her a book.
If it's my wife who can be telling me all these things, I should speaking to her, and not to anyone else. Well your wife needs to see who she is married to! and we can help her. You don't have to buy ANY books if you choose not to. There is an abundance of FREE material here. But if you were really serious you wouldn't object to spending a few bucks on some books.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I have a very sincere interest in learning, but I shouldn't be looking for the patience of counselors on this site. That's my fault. I see no sincere interest in learning from you. So, again, will someone tell what it takes to affair proof my marriage? I thought I already did that.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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sorry, I am not convinced! Try again!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We've bought a bunch since "D-day."
None by the Dr. however.
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What do you need, forlife? What are you here for?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I came here thinking I could learn something from people who have gone through what I am going through now.
I thought this would be a place of understanding and healing. A place where questions can be asked without judgement. It wasn't right to assume that.
Looks like all the help I need is on all the articles on this site. Thanks.
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Ah ha!
Why don't you just tell me? Why is his name making an appearance again? Here's the dealio, Forlife. This is Dr Harley's privately owned site available to the public FOR FREE. So of course we will be mentioning his name. There is a wealth of FREE knowledge here, both in his on-line articles, letters, narratives, and on these forums. We, the membership of over 55K+, support one another using Harley's concepts and principles. This isn't a gimic or sales pitch, so please stop with the sarcastic comments about us trying to SELL you something. Frankly, its offensive. You are very welcome here, and we WANT to help you and your wife. When we recommend reading Harley's books, its because they WORK. And you can buy them used anywhere on-line for a couple bucks. Seriously, $2.00 - $5.00 I think what is perplexing about your questions is you keep dodging what's really important, and thats YOUR marriage's recovery. You keep asking "In general" questions about Infidelity, when we expect you should be asking about YOUR situation specifically. Why is that? Jo
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I came here thinking I could learn something from people who have gone through what I am going through now.
I thought this would be a place of understanding and healing. A place where questions can be asked without judgement. It wasn't right to assume that.
Looks like all the help I need is on all the articles on this site. Thanks. Is that your "judgment?"  I would suggest one has to have an open mind in order to learn, and you have not demonstrated any such thing. Enjoy the articles, forlife, I hope you learn something. Take care...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I thought this would be a place of understanding and healing. It is that place. You have to be open to the message.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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What do you need, forlife? What are you here for? he wants someone to say how caring and compassionate he is in trying to help his wounded BW Now why don't go and put the car in reverse to finish her off The only thing worse than WS spouse, is a fake FWS
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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