Actual People Living beyond serial cheating:"I believe the my husband changed himself...I believe he finally 'got it'. He had (at least) 3 affairs " Trix. ( MB 6 yrs)
"he can't even remember how many....he did change." TryingToLetItGo (4-2007 H moved back in for good).
In between re serial cheating - down to the individual recovery taken.
"Serial cheaters will mostly continue their pattern to cheat.Of course, many DO recover from these things, but I think it takes a lifelong recovery program." Believer yes/no. (MB 03)
"I'd say most cheaters do not change, though. Some , apparently do." Zelmo (MB 08)
"with respect to single A's... Seems reasonable to me to conclude they can "change" back, or reverse their changes." "Now, this may very well be the case with serial cheaters." Rprnne (MB 05)- (costs/benefits analysis)
"Do cheaters heal? Perhaps the odd one truly does, but I suspect most simply learn not to shoplift, or at least not to get caught. " Tabby1 (MB 07)
NOJim/jmwc95 in recovery says No.
medc using MB since 05, says No.
Aphelion using MB since 04, says No.
MyRevelation not sure you'd give a serial cheater a chance "I agree with nearly every word" of Aphelions & he's absolutely a No. (MB 07)
Advocates for Change"A serial cheater can change with alot of very hard work and by taking EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS to avoid tempting situations." ..."THANK GOD PEOPLE CAN AND DO CHANGE!"
Melody Lane. (Happily recovered for 8 years!)
"It's about motivation." RightHereWaiting
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!)(MB 3yrs)
"Thank God that He changes people. Miracles happen every day. Don't give up on prayer for the serial cheater either." Imagine (MB 08)
"People CAN change. Sometimes it requires help from others (as with the Plan A/B stuff or the Al-Anon)...Sometimes a good shock (Plan B?) is what it takes.." Karmarose (MB 08)
Lexxxy & Rprynne really spoke about stages/how's of affair justification/rationalisation/moral codes when precisely the lines are crossed and/or how they're moved.
Loving Anyway - Our local serial cheater
Thank you, you are golddust.
"I don't believe we're cured...we are just recoverying, as believer said, in a lifetime program...
for when we pick up the glass of resentment, the mental habit of judgment, we are drunk again on fantasy before we act. We are already lost.
We will repeat our behaviors as we choose an old mindset...most likely after traumas in our lives. Even as we practice daily our new choices into long-held habits, we will not be "safe" to "never" choose an affair (drink) again.
You cannot make us stray, get us lost or bring us home.
You can choose to be the light or have us light out on our own.
Our behaviors truly aren't about you, who you are, if you're good enough or not...our love doesn't waiver...our hold on reality does.
Same for all addicts...as you said, with rationalization, bending our boundaries...all affairs require self-deception to come first.
Your local serial cheater,
LA " ("Committed to M 12/15/04, MC/IC 10/04 - 7/06,In Recovery and so grateful for our M")
LA I want to call out, I've read so many of your posts, you're a thoughtful, reflective, deeply caring person, who definitely knows her truth & speaks it. Thank you for sharing I value your opinion very much.
As you have worn these shoes, how did you decide to do differently?
As real as it gets.
