Dear friends: I am not feeling well right now. I spoke with the OM earlier to let him know that blood tests were ok. He let me know the same. So now that physically we are fine, I feel abit ill. I don't know if it is because I spoke with him and the guilt is eating me alive or that I am angry because he was in a hurry to get me off the phone. I was quick about what I had to say and I did not want to have a drawn out conversation, but I almost felt like a nobody when he spoke to me. Anyway, as I told many of you, in my past disappointing relationships, I have learned to use them and lose them. Now I know why. I have had to protect myself from hurting. I have experienced many hurts in my life to the point that last year I attempted suicide. I will admit that the thought has entered my mind again since, but I look for positive ways to deal with my pain like reading, watching the Three Stooges, listening to my children, laughing at the e-mail jokes my friends send. I want my marriage to work more than anything. I want my spouse back so much that it hurts. I want the love that I have been waiting 25 years for. Is that too much to ask? Anyway, before I cry, here's a funny.(taken from an email)<P>A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP BUMP BUMP behind him.<P>Walking faster he looks back and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him BUMP BUMP BUMP<P>Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..faster..faster BUMP BUMP BUMP<P>He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door with the lid of the coffin clapping.. CLAPPITY-BUMP CLAPPITY-BUMP CLAPPITY-BUMP on the heels of the terrified man.<P>Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart pounding, his head reeling, his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.<P>With a loud CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. <P>The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a box of cough drops!<P>Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin<P>and of course...<P>the coffin stops! <P>With this I bid you all good evening. I will be off tomorrow. I will check back in Wednesday.

sobeit,<P>Wait... you're a woman and you like the Three Stooges?!? whoa! <P>cute joke... good way to keep yourself out of the mire of depression! Keep your head up. Things will get better!<P>--andy

sobeit,<P>Good about the blood work (was it the dreaded STD's tests? I've done them all except the HIV, that's in three weeks - god help me - although the OM says he had one three years ago and another two months ago and both were okay).<P>Bad about how you're feeling. All I can say is that I understand. I can't remember if you replied to my "apology in advance" post (sorry if you had and I just don't remember it) but my days are virtual hell these days. I understand the pain you're feeling.<P>About the joke... could it be worse? <P>Love it!!<P>Reminds me of all the jokes I learned while working at a mortuary - <P>People are just dying to get here<BR>I couldn't come in today 'cause I was coffin<BR>I really dig my job<P> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 19, 1999).]

Good to talk to you Sobeit<P> I have read your new topic. I hope just talking about it helps. I do know no matter what side of the fence you are on there is much pain. But sometimes the pain is there to remind us of things we should or should not due. I hope that you are not thinking of doing yourself any harm. You are a very special person no matter how you feel at this moment. We must all learn not to just trust our feelings but use are head to work threw these difficult days. So many have told me that there will be days of great pain ahead but to always look at the goal. To have a happy, healthy & meaningful marriage with our spouses. So when you need to talk or just have some one listen to you that's what we are all here for. <P>Have a great big Hug Sobeit<P><BR> LotsofHope<BR><P>------------------<BR>