You will need to do everything you can to "keep your nose clean" by keeping to the facts at hand.


Quite a summary by pomdbd3! (and good points on the woman judge).

I drove by WW's apartment last night around 11:30pm after I left a friend's house and OM's truck was parked in front of her apartment. It makes me sick knowing he is spending the night with her when my child is in the same home.

I'm not going to drive by there again. It just makes me angry. I told ex-H1 about OM staying night with WW because his daughter is there too. I asked ex-H1 to go into the apartment the next time he drops off his daughter to check out the sleeping arrangement.

It's only a 2-bed apartment so either the three kids are stuffed into one bedroom or WW is sharing her bedroom with her daughter.

If she's sharing her bedroom with her daughter, where are WW and OM sleeping? I shudder to think. Maybe OM doesn't stay the whole night--I hope.

Here's an email that I sent to WW this morning using attempting to use the language MortarMan suggested:

[WW],

It could take months to settle on a court ordered visitation agreement if that is what you are waiting on before you return [our son] back home to me. I have no intentions of keeping you away from [our son]. Please bring [our son] back home. He needs his father as much as he needs his mother.

{erichh]

Does that sound ok?

Sounds good.

Get info on the OM. Do a background check or hire a PI. They're not as expensive as you think. They're not cheap either, but they can give you a pretty thorough background check.

xH1 probably isn't going to be too happy about another man sleeping around his daughter.

He was probably content and comfortable with you and knew you were safe. Not so with someone you don't know.

I know you don't want to drive by there again, but you might want to get a picture of OM's truck in front of the apartment at night and again in the morning. I'm sure the courts won't look kindly on your WW quickly "replacing" you as her children's father with OM, and they also will not like the fact your WW moved the children out of their home into a 2 bedroom apartment to pursue her affair w/ OM when she has to stuff 3 kids in one bedroom, so she can (presumably) have her own bedroom w/ OM.

jmwc,

I disagree. Such a move could be twisted around as "stalking".

The courts know what she's doing. They deal with it everyday.

The courts don't care.

The court knew that my ex was/is living out of wedlock with another man. They didn't care.

Sad to say, but they don't care.

So I have the ironic task of teaching my kids religion and have no idea how I'll be able to explain living in sin.

I already know what my ex will say, "he's criticizing living together before marriage, but we lived together before we got married."

My reply to that: we didn't have kids to be an example for, it was because I was in the military, and the end result pretty much shows that it was a bad idea. I turned my back on the morals I was taught and brought up with, found someone who didn't have any, and ended up divorced from a cheater years later.

Shows that there's secular reasons beyond the religious ones.

So don't go around taking the pictures.

Pics are important to have if she lies under oath about never having OM sleep over.

Or about which kid sleeps where.

Or about whether OM is almost or is living in a government paid apartment.

E, you could get a buddy to take pics for you.

Also, (if you aren't already) try to call every evening around DS's bedtime, hopefully she will at least let you say goodnight to your boy.

If not, she will have something else to explain to the court.

I'm going to ask my attorney this week if it really matters whether she is having men stay the night at her apartment and go from there.

The ironic thing about my wife's A is that my wife told me repeatedly that she felt that the reason her second marriage failed was because it began in infidelity (she married the man she had an affair with). She told me on MANY occasions that if our marriage didn't work out, she'd divorce me before she started dating again.. She made such a big deal out these things and now she's doing everything she said she'd never do again...

We too began our relationship on the wrong foot by living together before we got married. I lived with her for about a month before we actually got married. It was against our beliefs but we rationalized it because we were just waiting on our marriage license to be processed.

We also didn't have a reception or anything--we just eloped. I thought it was cool at the time but looking back, it could have been a sign of her lax attitude toward marriage. And I suppose mine to a degree although I still believe marriage is for life and would reluctantly take my WW back if she agreed to a few stipulations. I didn't file for D, just separation, but I'm sure she will amend it to a D.

I was really missing my son today. I was looking at some pictures of him and emotions flooded over me. I had to remind myself that this is only temporary or else I might have gone to her apartment and snatched him back. I keep reminding myself that the longer she keeps him from me, the better my chances at custody--at least that's the hope.

The daughter is 11, right? Ask her what is up with the sleeping...

As far as notes to her, let your attorney be your guide.

Some states have rules on different sex siblings/children rooming together after a certain age. How many rooms does she have? Two boys and one girl it better be a 3 bedroom.

One powerful argument to make:

She has a daughter that will soon be a teenager.

So all three kids are crammed into one room OR the youngest has to sleep in her room, which she openly brings her OM over to stay the night when the kids are there.

THESE are two powerful arguments.

So a picture of the apartment may not be so bad IF you end up going to trial.

Talk it all over with your lawyer first.

I don't have access to my step-daughter any more except through her dad. He's going to ask her what the sleeping arrangement is and get back to me.

I asked my attorney if there are any laws about this in our state and he said that there weren't.

It's a two bedroom apartment.

I spoke to my attorney about this today.

He said that the courts don't care if my wife has a man sleeping in her apartment with the kids. They only care if the kids are subjected to viewing any sexual acts or are being abused. My attorney said that it would be hard for me to prove that my wife and OM are doing things in front of my kids unless the kids spoke up about it.

I have ex-H1 looking into this now. Tomorrow when he has visitation with his daughter, he is going to question her about her sleeping arrangement and find out if she's seen anything inappropriate.

My attorney did seem surprised that WW still wasn't going to let me see my son. He is going to call her attorney to discuss this because he doesn't think that WW will want to spend the money and time to fight a petition to have temporary custody granted to me.

I told my attorney that I am not going to agree to whatever visitation my WW is submitting.

I am also going to have WW's sister and her husband testify to my WW's mental incapacity and try to get the judge to order a mental exam on my wife. WW's sister believes that WW is bipolar or has some other mental illness. My attorney said that it would be powerful to have WW's siblings testify. Hopefully her sibs will stick to their guns on this.

I think her sister may go through with it because she is genuinely concerned about my WW's mental health and thinks that this could be a good thing if my WW finally had to deal with the consequences of her crazy actions.

Also, my attorney said that it would be powerful if her ex-H1 testified. I'm going to ask him if he will. ex-H1 already said that he wanted to be there at the trial so that WW would know that he knows what's going on. I think he'd be pleased to go the extra mile and testify. This man went through hell with WW like I am now.

Well, no matter what the law says having two boys and a girl jammed in one bedroom in the projects with the WW and OM in the other bedroom is not going to resound to well with a judge, who does have discretion in these cases.

Hopefully, if you do get HW1 and WW's sibling lined up, the WW's lawyer will come to the table and you can reach a reasonable agreement.

Erich, I so agree with the others that you should get a background check on the OM. The risk of child abuse goes way up when there are boyfriends floating in and out. We know of cases where OM have targeted women to get to their children. Any PI should be able to run a background check on the OM and it shouldn't be that expensive.

We had one PI that some of the members used here that charged $350 for a full background check. [he is retired] But I think it would be worth your while to check out this sleazebag.

I'm in no way qualified to give legal advice, but your lawyer sounds a little defeatist to me, saying the courts don't care about the living arrangements and saying your WW wouldn't want to spend the money defending a temporary custody petition like if she agreed to 50/50 you should just accept it. He doesn't sound like a fighter to me. He sounds like someone who will do what he thinks is in the best interest of the client, even if that isn't what the client wants. I think you might need to have a talk with him about fighting for what YOU want and not what he thinks you should settle for.

Why would he do that?

You WANT to be awarded temporary custody.

It almost ensures that you will get permanent custody.

I took that statement to mean that erichh's attorney thinks that she will agree to temporary custody without going to court.

I guess I read it differently.

Clarification, erichh, please?

Thanks,

Charlotte

I read it that his Atty is going to call her Atty to see why she wont let him see his son. He is going to tell them that if he doesnt get to see his son then they will go for custody and then she will hopefully back down and let him see his son so she will not have to fight it.

But I would do it anyways. Like marshmallow said, makes it better in the long run.

Exactly the way I read it, Rusty.