You're going to be screw*ed with your car.

I had a similar situation. We had a brand new mini-van.

I thought I'd be nice and gave it to her in the divorce since she was going to have the kids.

She sold it and kept all the money, which should have been split, and then left me with the car payments to deal with while I was unemployed.

She shouldn't have been able to sell it, but, again, because I didn't have my pair and was afraid of upsetting her.

So what happened to me? Fear kept me from doing what I needed to do.

You're afraid, and it's not uncommon.

Fear will really hurt you both in custody and in terms of what you'll end up with.

Sell the car and use the funds to pay for a lawyer to get custody of your kids and throw this woman out on her a$$. THAT will wake her up more than anything.

But that's for later.

Talk to a lawyer. Get a book on Father's Rights.

Be prepared for the worst. Hope for the best.

Continue to Plan A for as long as you can stand it, but the time to take action and quit being a doormat is over.

I already took the 2nd set of keys and made sure I got my hands on the title, which is in my name. I also snagged the 2nd set of keys to my car so she couldn't grab my car while I was gone. I already got a quote from a dealership to buy the car. I think it's worth alot more, but the heck with it. This will also solve the car insurance payments for me, too. I have not canceled the insurance because that would be foolish.

She needs the car to go to work, so selling it seems to be more of a spiteful thing that makes me feel like it would wreck any chance of reconciliation. It also seems to be in direct conflict with Plan A.

Believe me, I want to throw her out on her A$$, but I'm fairly certain that I can't legally do this. I told her last night that I will pay her first and last month's rent if she were just leave, since she claimed last month she was trying to save up for it. She said "no" and to let the courts decide that.

IT IS NOT IN DIRECT CONFLICT!!!

You are showing your WW there are CONSEQUENCES to her affair. She wants to [censored] some other guy, she loses her car, her home, her freedom.

STOP PAYING HER WAY AND MAN UP DUDE!!!

She has spent how many nights away in the past week? She has a home and is not using it, unless it is convenient for her. So, change the locks. Do not let her decide how this affair will run it's course. YOU DECIDE.

Women respect men who aren't doormats. They don't respect what you're doing.

She wants to work? She can take the bus until she saves up enough to buy her own.

Remember, you're giving her exactly what she wants. Independence.

So let her take responsibility for her own life.

You are carrying on with yours. You see, a smart attitude would be: Gosh, WW is moving on. Well I guess I don't need a second car!

This is moving on with your life, showing her consequences, and showing her that you're going to be just fine!

Unfortunately, I simply can't do this. My lawyer says I can't throw her out, but I will ask again. Changing the locks doesn't help because the kids need to get in the house. I'd be putting them in the middle if they were hiding the keys from their mother.

On another thread, someone suggested filing for Alienation of Affection. I'd love to put pressure on the scum bag OM, but I did an internet search and there's only a few states that allow it, and PA isn't one of them. Otherwise, I was ready to jump on it.

I am looking for ways to put pressure on him. I called his boss about him texting throughout the work day and (formerly) visiting with my WW (she can't now because she is FINALLY working). I spoke to the gym owner in an attempt to get him to take the keys away from him so he couldn't spend the first half hour of each morning with my WW alone. I've been told NOT to expose to his 17-year old daughter because she's a minor. I bought some service that is supposed to track people down, and I can't find him, even with his license plate number. Looking for other ideas .......

I'm almost convinced to sell the car, but it will certainly be viewed as a vindictive act be everyone, even my children. I'd rather do it on a Saturday so that she can get my spying hawk neighbor to take her out and find a new car.

It's not vindictive. You're doing what she wants. She wants to be on her own. So you're doing as she wishes and carrying on with your life.

You don't have to support her once you're divorced. So she can buy her own damn car.

You can sue someone for just about anything. Find a lawyer that will sue him for pain and anguish, interfering with a contract (your marriage is a contract), something.

Most consultations are free.

Hell, show up at his house and have a talk with him.

I have a problem with WS using their marital homes as a hotel.

As I previously stated to you... I packed up my house and put it in storage. My MIL gave me a blast of [censored] for it because "WH could have moved in when I moved out. Now he has nowhere to live." Yet, she did not have a problem letting him move in with her when things were tough at home (or so she was told)

I am willing to bet on this... IF WW WERE HOMELESS, OM WOULD NOT LET HER MOVE IN, OR, WOULD BE KICKING HER OUT WITHIN A VERY SHORT TIME PERIOD.

You want to put pressure on this affair. Making things easy for your WW is not gonna kill the affair. Making the affair difficult will.

Sell the car. Save the money for lawyer's fees (just in case it comes to that) and if it does not, then you and WIFE will have some money put aside when you are in recovery.

Do not pay insurance, gas, bills, etc. She wants to drive to OM's, she needs to get a car, pay the insurance, buy gas. She needs to call him? On her phone. Not your family phone.

Cell phones are the root of all evil IMO. How many people out here can say that cell phones were the method of communication in their spouses affair? Man, I hate them.

Tell her, if she spends one more night away from your home (that means she sleeps elsewhere) then she will return home to her belongings on the front porch and the locks changed. If you mean business, she may not be willing to test you on this.

Man up though dude. My WH became less appealing to me over time as he was cowering from me, the BS. I mean, the lies, the hiding, the fear of pissing me off. It got to be a bit much, and I really got tired of it... and him. I am now divorced.

Your call.

I'll say this again, for the 100th time.

Stopping the affair has nothing to do with Plan A. They are two separate things. You have every right in the world to do whatever (legally) it takes to put as many roadblocks in her way to OM as you can. Selling the car is you FINALLY manning up and telling her you won't take it any more.

You keep doing Plan A for ANYTHING that doesn't have to do with the affair. The car is her way to go to OM; end it!

Could you at least "loan" the car to a friend for a week or two so that WW wouldn't have access to it? After all it is your car to loan.

Here is your way out. Put it in writing, email it, mail it certified, whatever you can think of, to prove that you gave her fair warning not to see OM while she's living with you. You have CYA documentation that you tried to save your marriage, and you have CYA documentation that she knew before she went to OM that she would be kicked out.

BUT. You have to actually do it if she calls your bluff.

I would mail it certified to her at work. She will HAVE to sign for it, which provides proof that she received this document.

It, will also force her to read it, as she will be scared thinking she is being served or something.

But, then you will force the affairees to make a decision. Will she test you and see if you will remove her from YOUR marital home, or will she run to OM?

And, on that note, it will put pressure on the affair as he will have to deal with her on a 24/7 basis, and not for half an hour every morning and sometimes on overnight stays.

Catperson,

It sounds like a real good idea of sending her something by certified mail, but now I also believe that I'm flirting with the law and that I should seek legal guidance before sending this kind of note. I'm afraid that this could backfire in the courts. I just keep remembering my initial counseling session(s) with a couple lawyers that they all said I can't throw her out. She claims that she won't do anything without talking to her lawyer first.

The OM has a 17-yr old daughter living with him. On D-day morning when I told her to get the F out, she said she had no place to go. When asked, WW claimed that she couldn't live with him, but has refused to discuss it ever since then. I wonder if she cohabitates with OM, that it could affect him losing some alimony or child support or something. Or was WW thinking there'd be no room for her and my 2 kids?

You are flirting with allowing your WW to walk all over you if you do not man up.

If, she has no where to go, she will read your note and follow YOUR rules. If she has somewhere to go, she will read your note and say, "He won't do anything. He is too afraid."

Prove her wrong.

Your WW is stuck in limbo and has no idea what she wants. She is suddenly attracted to a man who works out daily, lives by himself, and has shown he is independent.

THAT is the man your WW wants (in her mind) so BE that man.

Someone once suggested you start going to the gym every morning. Have you done that? You have started doing things around the house. Good. Do things for your family (this does not include WW... SHE is NOT your family) Make dinner with the kids, invite them out for hikes on weekends, give them rides to the mall with their friends. Be the dad any kid would want. AND, be the husband any woman would want.

Take it from me. There is nothing more attractive then a strong man. One who stands up for himself and does not get pushed around. If you want your wife back, then fight the WW.

We've told you how to start.... it's up to you if you want to fight.

Dude, you're getting tons of great advice. You need to take it and do something with it.

Be a man.

Action speaks louder than words.

Kick her a$$ out of the house. Force her to sh*t or get off the pot. It's VERY disrespectful to leave your house to go sleep with another man.

You even have women on here telling you to grow a pair!

Seriously, do it!

Man up!

This timid crap doesn't work. I look back 3 years later and really regret not having all her crap out on the front porch and the locks changed for when she came back from one of her 3AM clubbing sessions.

Consequences for acting like she's acting!

It's really simple. She starts acting like your wife, then you treat her like your wife.

Since she doesn't, you don't treat her that way.

Do you let your friends live with you, eat your food, drive your cars, treat you like garbage, not pay your rent, spend your money, and basically be a freeloader.

On top of that this friend berates you, treats you like dirt, and is a real pain to be around.

You're in a state of denial, thinking this woman you love will reapear again.

The men who do well on this forum are the ones who man up. They're the ones who take action and do things which royally tick off the WW.

Those who appease, and are afraid to act don't do well, lose custody, and lose all their stuff.

So don't be that man.

Dude, let's think about this. What is the WORST thing that could happen if you kick her out?

a. she screams and hollers

b. she leaves and finds another place to live

c. she files for divorce and tries to get temporary orders which gives her the use of the marital home

d. she comes to her senses

With scenarios (a) and (b) you don't care.

With scenario (c) you would have an opportunity to refute her claims and present your evidence showing that she has not been staying there every night, etc.

With scenario (d) - she'd still have a lot of work to do and you lay out your requirements for any recovery.

So what's the worst?

Oh, and PA is NOT a community property state and since the car is titled in your name you have every right to sell it if you want. You're TOO worried about what others think. Sell the da*m car and FORCE her to rely on OM.

You keep voicing legal concerns, but what could possibly happen to you if you pack her stuff up and leave it on the front sidewalk if she stays out again - after you have officially warned her by certified mail? She could tell her lawyer to sue you. But you have proof that you told her to STOP HAVING AN AFFAIR. No judge in the western hemisphere is going to give her anything, assuming they would even let it go to court.

You are not harming her physically by kicking her to the curb, you're not even touching her, so she can't claim you are harming her. The worst she can do is try to gain control of the house. But she'd have to do that in the midst of explaining away her AFFAIR!