Hi James,



Man oh man...you are right, SL...

Glad to hear you are doing so great, James.

HI James, I'm so happy for you! I'm so excited for you! Major kudos!

Late Merry Christmas!

Hi James,

I stopped in tonight to see how you are doing, and I'd say pretty well!!!

I'm happy for you.

I went through something a little similar to your story with my first marriage, and without a long story....I am good friends with my ex's wife #2, because he crapped on her just like he did on me.

Imagine being best friends with WB. LOL, that would be TOO funny!

I hope Santa was good to you.

I hope the Bears win tomorrow, but there's a better chance that Santa brought you a million bucks!!!

Goodnight!

Hey, thanks everybody for stopping in, and I hope that everyone had a blessed, amazing, wonderful Christmas. Looks like it was a little rougher on some than others, but here in a few days we'll have a new year.

My thoughts have turned back towards this year, and to be honest with you, I sort of envision it as looking back on a particularly rough span in the for the most part smooth and easy path of my life. Now the path ahead still has some pretty interesting ups and downs from the look of it, but in comparison it looks kinda fun, and I'm excited for the challenge.

So maybe for me it was good to have things wrap up at the end of the year.. I can write off 2008 as just one bad year in a pretty good run, and the next season of my life looks pretty promising.

I've put together a financial plan for myself, going to refinance the house at an amazing rate, and should be out of debt on everything but the mortgage in 2 years.. Then I'll finally be free of most of the stress that I've been dragging around for the last few years.

I managed to really have a great Christmas. The kids were absolutely spoiled rotten, and I'm pretty sure got everything they wanted. I managed to suprise a few friends with some pretty thoughtful gifts, and even sprung for a massage at a local spa for one of my favorite waitresses.. turns out that's the one thing she asked her family for over Christmas, and her mom just wasn't in a position to afford it. I think she must have texted me 8 times that day to thank me. She's a good kid, works 2 jobs and putting herself through college in a pretty competitive program. Doing that kinda stuff is really what puts me into the Christmas spirit.. just something randomly nice for someone.

I think I'll go back to doing cookies though next year.

No major interactions with WW, and TBH I'm making a conscious effort to keep a low profile for now, and just looking forward to hanging out with my little guy for slightly better than a week straight starting tomorrow night.

Been talking with a woman a couple of counties over. She certainly fits the profile I'm told many BH's around here seem to end up with.. a little younger, much better job, smart, funny, blisteringly hot, been through the BS gig with her exH. She's got 3 boys of her own though, and at the risk of sounding like a hipocrite having two kids myself, that's really the only thing that gives me pause. My exWW I can, and think I have for the most part at least gotten past.. it's DSD that haunts me the most I think.. and I've spoken with her and we've agreed to take things slow and keep our friendship separate from the kids for a while while we figure out what color the flags in the minefield are.. The funny part is, that we're both so focused with our lives on our kids that they are a majority of what we chat about.. Oh well.. navigating these waters with caution anyhow, but I have to say.. it's nice having someone around who.. well, for lack of a better way to put it.. wants to have a place in my life. We've got another date set up for the 10th.. slow y'all.. real slow.

Oh.. and I suppose I should mention, the most fantastic part of Christmas? I got a spectacular deal on a new bass.. and she sounds -so- nice. Finally had a chance to do a little damage with her last night, and I think I have a new favorite.

So.. all told it was pretty good.. lots of NEWs I suppose..

newly single!!!
new bass
new traditions
new friends
new lady friend????
new clothes
new 'stuff' (like a really cool digital picture frame from my mom)
new kids toys to put together (toy packagers with tiny fingers have tormented me for days)..
new kids toys to play with (because those indoor helicopter things are in fact the coolest toys EVAR!)
and well.. a new year that promises to make up for most of it's tormultuous predecessor..

So long 2008, you sucked bigtime.. I'm gonna smack 2009 right on the baby's bottom and get it started right. Throwing a 'kids' new years party with a long time friend and her husband. We're going to make treats, do games, contests etc for our kids and some of our friends' kids who need someone to look after them while the parents go off to grownup new years parties.. a huge new years pajama party extravaganza.. and after the kids pass out we might crack open the bubbly and play some rock band ourselves .

I dunno.. I certainly can't see it happening. I really try not to surround myself with people of such dubious character.. but the thought in this case is at least worth the general amusement at the confusion it might cause the ex.. if I really wanted to go that angle though, I'd be friendly with the co worker and her anger management challenged husband. They've at least given me the opening, and seem to be regretting their involvement with her already.



Sorry about Da Bears.. was really hoping they'd pull off the outside in for the playoffs.. but at least I don't run the risk of being torn between them and the Colts again this year..

Hi James,

Sounds like you are doing really well.

The only good thing about 2008, is that in 2009, things can only go 'up' !

...and it is certainly enjoyable to read your updates.

Well Happy 2009 everyone!


The kids and I rang in the new year at my friend's house. There were six kids and four adults in there, and we had an absolute blast with the silly string, the party poppers, and of course a healthy dose of Rock Band, and Wii play.

DS has been with me since the 30th, and I got a little bit of a reprieve as WW came to pick him up last night at 7 signaling the end of my 'holiday'. Makes no sense that she just took him home in time for a bath and bedtime, but it is what it is and he'll be back tonight until Thursday AM. The exchange was really uneventful apart from one moment where I had to remind her that DS's prescription was almost empty.. For the first time I can recall since meeting her, I spoke her name and there was nothing.. no 'feeling' associated with it... was something that didn't hit me really until I went inside.. and I kind of wondered if it sounded as cold and empty to her as it 'felt' to me.

But hey.. who cares right?

Saturday we threw a little playoff party, and watched our beloved Colts lose to the Bolts.. so I pretty much have no horse left in the race, though I'd really like to see SD take home the Lombardi this year.. they've been close a few times and have probably earned it despite their record this year. At any rate we had a really good time, and I made cheesesteaks and bratwurst for the occasion and all seemed very satisfied.. second time in a few weeks I've cooked for a bunch of people.. I'm really digging getting back into the swing of cooking for mass quantities.

Have a date lined up with the girl a few counties over for Saturday, and I've kind of got mixed feelings about it.. not really sure if this is something I -should- be doing just yet, and I'm still somewhat hesitant to get involved when there's 3 children with no father in the picture.. can I emotionally afford to let myself get attached to someone elses kids again, and risk losing them too? That's one I've really been wrestling with... even though we've agreed to keep the kids out of it until we're 'serious'.. though then again I'm not sure I -want- to be 'serious' with anyone right now.. which leads me back to whether or not I should be seeing anyone just yet.

I know it's not a matter of being 'over' the Ice Queen.. she's history for sure these days. I'm just wary of finding myself in a situation where 'she' is interested in something deeper than I am.. and then I'll find myself in the awkward position Bugsy has found herself in with V.. I'm not sure that's something I want to deal with just yet..

On the other hand, there's a second lady.. lives a little closer than this one, who has expressed some interest as well..

So.. keeping my options open, and my eyes as well.. it's a minefield out there boys.. keep sweepin!

James,

Welcome to 2009!

Sounds like you brought in the New Year in perfect style!!

And, yet another one of the Amigo's doing the dating dillema deal! It's not easy is it? I've found though, that despite the awkward position I ended up in with V, the best thing to do when it comes to the dating decision is to just jump in. Once you are there, it becomes a bit easier to figure out.

Standing by the side of the pool waiting for just the right light, or wave, or whatever to inspire you to jump in will keep you forever on the side. Don't do that. You don't HAVE to think long term with every person you meet. Go have dinner. It's JUST dinner unless you decide to make it into something more. Trust me,,, I DO so understand this feeling you are having.

I think it comes from what we have been through. We are so attune to the hurt, pain, damage that can be done when things go WRONG long term, we spend a whole lot of time worrying about what any potential 'mate' might bring or not bring and we worry about what potential HURT could happen to them or to us that we forget that we can just merely enjoy the simple company of another person of the opposite sex.

I know I was so worried about V's feelings that I almost let my own boundaries get crossed. I did that with Drac and I'm not going to let that happen again. BUT,,,,before it got to that point, I was able to simply enjoy the time with him. Turns out he wasn't THE right guy,,,and no it wasn't easy to 'end' thing (actually he's still trying to hang on), but it was enjoyable for a time and something I needed to do.

So, to steal it from Nike "Just Do It". And see what happens from there. I promise, it will all turn out the way it should.

Besides,,,,you can't keep denying the single female population the opportunity to spend time with the BHBPS!!

Lord forbid!

You're awesome Bugs!

I back up Bugs 100% James, It's not easy but you have to keep trucking on!

Hmm.. well when you put it that way, it almost seems selfish to keep all this awesomeness to myself..




Thanks for the encouragement.. yeah, I'm probably overanalyzing things.

Worring is NOT our friend! Could of , would of, should of, and what if's only throw us into the future or the past...none of which WE need to be in...

THe present...is where we need to be...that's why it's a gift...enjoy that hour or two with whomever...it's a blessing in itself to be there!

You know ILY, James! You'll be fine!

One moment at a time friend!

Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that you and SD were looking for a barrel and wondering if ya'll would ever find someone to date?

:RollieEyes:





That's all I have to say about that (with Forest Gump's Accent)

Heh.. yeah, live in the now.. but I have a schedule.. and deadlines to meet!

Well.. ok.. not on this aspect of my life, but the programming -ought- to have parameters.. otherwise it's all 'fuzzy logic' *shudder*

Anyhow.. BC.. I think SD and I cheated on the whole barrel finding thing, and let someone else.. or rather, a computer do the fishing for us.

*shrug*

Who knows though.. maybe there's something to this interweb thing.

I've been curious about those sites - but never had the guts to go take a look see.

I'm glad you had such a great time with DS!

I hear you about dating someone with kids. That concerns me sometimes, too. DD14 is such a TURD to HRG, it is sometimes embarrassing.

What do you do? Take DD14 to task for being so rude or recognize that this is a difficult transition for her?

'course, then I get ticked because she seems to get along with Babs just fine - why is HRG any different? He should be much EASIER for her to get along with. I do not live with him, I do not fawn all over him when we are together, she is a PART of our activities when we are together, and most importantly HE IS NOT THE REASON HER PARENTS ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER.

Sorry for the t/j - that's just been bugging me for awhile.

I'm not sure the kids are the biggest issue with you, though. I know you are head shy about that due to past experience, but look at the woman herself. What are some things that you learned about the Ice Queen that you KNOW you aren't going to want to deal with in someone new?

Fox

No need at all to apologize.. I've been considering this aspect of things myself for a little while.

You may remember I mentioned getting a waitress who often takes care of us a massage at a local spa for Christmas? Well, I really wasn't thinking much of it until the other day when DS identified her by name and told me that he didn't like her. After the initial shock wore off I asked him what about her he didn't like.. and he said it's because -I- like her.

I think what it boils down to, is that it's difficult enough for him to have to deal with Wonderboy, who he -definitely- doesn't like.. but makes good with while he's there so as to stay out of trouble with his mom.. but I think a lot of it is that he's so afraid, having watched his mom throw herself at Wonderboy, and to a large extent throw him and his sister under the bus, that I might do the same if a woman comes into my life. Maybe DD14 has some of those same fears, but isn't quite as blunt and outgoing with them as a 4 year old might be.. Or.. she may not really understand those feelings at 14. DD13 can be the same way at times if it's any consolation.

Another aspect is.. that at 14, she might really just be acting out in a way she figures is looking out for you.. pushing HRG's buttons to see where the limits are.. such things are also pretty typical for teens right? DSD for that matter did the same thing with me when I stepped into WxW's life.. Just some food for thought.


Well, the odd thing is that the lady I'm going to be seeing Saturday doesn't trip -any- of those triggers.. TBH she has most of the qualities I liked about the Ice Queen, and so far none of the drawbacks.. I'm sure in time I'll get to see some of the cracks.. but at this stage I'm still meeting with her 'representative'... which is what I call the 'person' you meet on a first or second date.. that you get to know before you get to know all of a person's bad habits and find their dirty drawers on your bathroom floor.

I just wanted to know where the barrel was. The online thing is a lot of work, what with the guys still having to do the pursuing. I'm very pragmatic (work smart, not hard). If there's a barrel around here somewhere, I want to know where it is.

I think I would go slow with the dating stuff and your kids. All my kids know is that I am thinking about it. I will gradually let them know what's going on but try to do it in a way that's non-threatening. My dating life and my time with them will be separate for a long time.

I think you are probably right about DD14. Sometimes, she just tires me.

But I feel like if I give up on her and stop being concerned about what she thinks and just do what I think is best - she will be lost from me, too.

It feels like she is a "floater" between us and it will get worse in the summer when she goes for more visitation.

I guess I'm still adjusting. I never had a PLAN for this.


That's great that she is not a trigger-tripper. Or her representative isn't, at least.

It's been said many times and many ways - take your time. The right one will respect that.

Fox

You do make a good point here.. that barrel would be nice .

I'm taking the dating stuff with the kids very slow. DS really isn't aware of too much other than I'm hanging out with friends more, which is true of course, and I've arranged date nights so far on evenings and weekends where DS will be with his mom. If I do find someone I'm truly interested in, I'll filter information to him slowly and gauge his reactions about how much he's ready for as time goes on. DD at her age however is pretty well in the loop, and she's really excited, relieved, and happy that I'm putting myself back out there. She's said a number of times in the last few weeks that she's glad I'm going out again, and wants more than anything for me to find someone who will be good to me and make me happy. We've had a few discussions and she knows nothing is serious, but I think she's kind of pushing the dating thing in her own way too.

Have I mentioned before that I've been blessed with a couple of wonderful kids?



OH... and speaking of being blessed with kids.

DS mentioned this morning on the way to daycare that 'mommy has a baby in her belly'.

I felt the done-o-meter straining against the peg it's been on for several weeks now, and you know.. I actually kinda feel sorry for the gullible dolt she's with..

The karma bus is comin..

I don't think anyone said to give up on her Foxy.

DD14 is in the rebellious years, and she's obviously dealing still with the havoc WxH has wrought in your lives. She knows on some level that another adult is a threat to what stability she's managed to find in the current arrangements. Just understand that her reactions and her 'testing' HRG is natural, and to be expected. I think the occasional reassurances that she is still at the top of your priority list should help that along a great deal. Remember, actions will mean more than words here as well.


Eh.. the plan never survives first contact. You've learned well how to improvise though. I'm sure you and she will do fine. I know the 'floater' feeling too.. it feels much the same way with DS, but fortunately at least for me.. it's getting better than it was.


Yup.. though I'm still not sure I'm ready for anything serious yet.. still kinda struggling with that notion too. Maybe I should just look for someone to have fun with and hang out with for now.. this one looks to be more of the instant family type, which I'm not real sure I'm ready to do again just yet. Taking things slow.. for sure.

James,


Even with the done-o-meter pegged out, I know this had to still hurt. I'm sorry, but not surprised and I doubt that you are surprised either.

I think perhaps I feel most sorry for the baby that is coming into that situation.

Hang in there. As you say, take it slow eith the dating and DS. I'm doing the same with Ladybug. I think that barrel is there for you & SD both!! You just aren't quite ready for it,,,,,,but almost!!