How did it go with V, Bugsy?

Hi SD!

Honestly, not so good, in my opinion.

We ended up exchanging emails. Mine said basically what your post suggested. I also said that I'd avoided responding to all of his text/vm messages because I do not want him to think that my feelings are anything other than what I'd stated. Most everyone of his messages indicated that he wasn't "listening" to what I had already told him several times in several ways.

His reply back was,,,,,,,well strange I think. He basically called me a liar for not telling him I was seeing someone else. THAT is SO wrong. I'd told him all along I'd be dating other people. He specifically told me several times that if I did date anyone else, he did NOT want to know about it.

He went on to say several not so nice things. But then, he turned it around at the end,,,,,,,,wishing me good luck with R (I don't think that I posted earlier about catching him with my phone? I asked if he was reading my text messages,,,,he swore he was not but that is the only way he would have know R's name! So the whole 'liar' thing doesn't really hold up much).

He then went on further,,,,,,,,saying that he would always LOVE me and that if at ANY time my feeling would change to please let him know.

I had to read it several times before just saying to myself, "You did the right thing ending it now".

I don't think I posted that his EX also sent me an email about our 'breakup' that was beyond psycho. She's sent me several (to which I never responded), but this one topped the cake!

Overall, I feel like I may have escaped a situation that would have only gotten more & more difficult to get out of in the long run.

But,,,I do still feel a bit bad. I think he is a nice guy, but he needs to do some further work on himself and dealing with his past.

This was most certainly a 'learning' experience for me. It tells me that my 'gut' feeling is STILL pretty on target when it comes to men, despite my not having used it in this way for more years than I care to count! I knew fairly early on that this wasn't going to go far and I was right.

Now, that being said, it makes me curious as my gut feeling about R is saying something totally different!!

You did make the right call. I would terminate all contact with him now and forever. He is becoming creepy.

Happy New Year Bugs.

Bugsy,

You did the right thing with V. I agree with Chris about cutting off contact with him. It's really best for you AND him.

As for how you feel about R, well, have fun, Bugsy. Enjoy the company of someone that you really desire. Happy 2009 to you!

Sorry it was unpleasant, but good to get it (and him) out of the way.

Do we know about R yet? I only remember MCD and that Drac moron you hung out with once.

R is the long distance guy who Bugsy warmed up to RIGHT AWAY!!! Dare I say there were flames involved...

flames?


Hmm... next time we hear the story I half expect there to be shag carpeting too...

Happy New Year to you, too, Chris!


I've already implemented a permanent pitch black plan b on him. He actually sent me a TM this afternoon, trying to to be nice/funny. SCARY!!

SD,,,,I believe I mentioned R in early December. I don't think I mentioned 2 or 3 other single dates that I've went on, but as SL remembers, I am sure I talked about the 'offical' first date with R.

Quick version - I've known R for over 4 years through business. I never had any idea of his interest in anything other than a professional relationship until just recently. I guess I was just wandering in the BS fog, because he swears that he dropped several 'hints' since my divorce but I never picked up on them until now.

So, we had an 'offical' date before Christmas afer a couple of recent more business type dinners prior to that. His invite was very romantic, the date was the same, and it's been that way since.

He came to town last weekend and it was incredibly fun!

The SL description of "Flames" isn't too terribly far off,,,,,and apparently it is that way for both! :crosseyedcrazy:

We have agreed to take it one day at a time and see where things go. The long distance thing may present quite a few challenges,,,especially if this ends up going where it has potential to go. We'll just worry about that if/when we get there.

James,,,James,,,shag carpet??? What is that all about??

This is EXACTLY like dealing with POWS...striaght out of the book "The verbally Abusive Relationship" by Paticia Evans

The twisting of things...making YOU second guess yourself and then the honeymoon! GOOD RIDDENS!

YUCK!!!!

Looking forward to hearing what happens with "R"...

Yea, the coffee cup really sucked!

Happy New Year Bugs,

My gosh, but you have been busy with gentleman in your life. It's absolutely incredible to see the growth in you. How you are learning about boundaries, what's acceptable to you and what isn't. And when it isn't, you are taking care of yourself and exercising your right to personal power and protection.

You are helping to set an example for us who may be in this position one day and it's nice to see how it's done.

You are just the most amazing person of strength, spirit and desire to heal from the past hurts.

Hey Queenie!

You should write inspirational material as your profession! You are so kind.

I don't know that I am an excellent example,,,,I'm just a woman trying to the best she can with what she's been granted in this life! I can tell you that I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for all of you wonderful, crazy characters here on MB!

V continues with attempting contact. It's really nuts how much this is like implementing a Plan B! YIKES! The good thing is that as I was not really emotionally invested, it's not that difficult for me in this case. I do feel 'bad', as I'm not one who wants anyone to feel hurt because of me in any way. It's just the way I was raised.

I was talking to a good friend last night who was lamenting the "why" of things in regards to being 'taken for granted' at work. Got me to thinking of myself, and the issues of relationships/marriage. I've been down that road myself. It comes from not speaking up for ourselves,,,,,,,,,from not being radically honest.

I'm determined to use the MB principles in my future relationships. In fact, R and I have actually talked about some of them already. He has been entirely on board with what we have discussed to date, which gives me great hope. I haven't presented anything as "MB Principles" per say, but have brought up a couple of things in conversation.

If things continue to develop, I will be providing him a copy of HN/HN. We'll see how it goes.

We are meeting this weekend at a mid-way point between our cities for dinner Saturday night. I'm looking forward to it. Perhaps not as much as Foxx is looking forward to Vegas ,,,,,,,,,,but I'm definately excited about it.

Hope everyone has an outstanding day!

Rin,

Sorry! I didn't mean to overlook your post!!

WOW,,,,,,,,,,it hadn't even occured to me that V's actions would/could be considered that way??!! I knew it was 'weird' and definitely 'wrong' but I can see what you are saying.

My goodness, I could not imagine being in a long term relationship, let alone a marriage where that was the 'norm'! I understand what you went thru now, more than ever!

I think it might be a good idea to "accidentially" drop that coffee cup in the very near future!! Who needs those kinds of reminders sitting around?

No kidding! I mean what woman wouldn't want to receive a plaque or card that says


"My gosh, but you have been busy with gentleman in your life"



I just want one that says

"It's absolutely incredible to see the growth in you"

:happyhanukkah:

Can I steal this one in about 7 months to give to the Ice Queen as she heads towards the end of her gestation?

It's Queenies line. You'll have to ask her, but I can't think of a more fitting card for just such an occasion

I second that one!

Bugs, it's all good...missing the post that is...been there done that!

Yea, it wasn't until I came to MB and started talking to ppl that I figured out what was going on...it's all good...MB has been a blessing in a ton of ways...no regrets here! Just have to watch POWS very closely not to get caught up in HIS stuff...that's why I love Plan B so much...and to think that I was SOO SCARIED of it then...

Sorry you had to deal with that BTW!

Can I have a plaque that says: Congrads on getting rid of all the crap in your life and shining through? :pumkin:

Lawdy, Lawdy,,,,,,

I'm glad you didn't suggest I get a plaque about "showing everyone 'in this position' how it's done"!

James, I agree, I can't think of a better card to send the IQ in 7 months!!

Rin, sweetie, you don't need a plaque of any kind,,,your light shines so bright these days that no one can help but see it for miles around!!

Exactly! I had a situation come up just today with my job that would have turned out badly had I not spoken up for myself and been radically honest! I think I earned some hard-earned respect today.

Your experience with V was good for you right now, and it's good that it happened when you've just begun to "step out". There are some highly dysfunctional people out there. Not everyone is blessed with MB. LOL

I almost pee'd my pants.... OMG

I keep telling everyone we need to write a book from the BS's perspective, market it and go on a cruise...

I agree with PM...it's hard to recognize things like this...sometimes it's so subtle...

I had that one date with Mr. Crazy who wouldn't respect my boundaries and I quickly recognized it and did a immediate Plan B...he tried contacting me several times after, but I didn't reply...

I just figured it's part of the learning process, insuring an awesome future for me and the boys!

I'm just wondering about the barrel of good ones that don't do drugs or drink excessively... :crosseyedcrazy:

It's all good...

Queen, you needing some depends reading today?