Saw it. Very good. Just didn't realize it was Mortarman.


While searching for the GPS, I'll try to find out about the recording devices. Thus far, the WW has been the calmer one, so I don't know what it'll do for me unless I get lucky. After all, she's got her OM and I'm the victim who's going through the emotional roller coaster. It's almost as if she doesn't care. She sleeps like a baby and I just recently surpassed my 3.5-hour sleep record.

Maybe the divorce papers are the registered mail that I didn't sign for last Friday and I got a slip for in the mailbox yesterday. Amazing how it keeps ending up in the trash.

I will say that the support paperwork has saddened me a bit, because it feels like reality is setting in. I imagine the petition for divorce will make me feel worse.

That's what I was wondering too unless she got temporary orders until they could have a hearing. But I agree, I think she would have had to file for divorce to even get that.

From what I've read of most folks on this board, most states in the US have support payments as part of the divorce but just for the record, it's not the case here in Canada. All of that stuff - child support, custody, division of assets, spousal support etc, is covered under the separation agreement. Some of these things can be fought for in court individually. These things happen independently of the divorce. Usually they are dealt with first but sometimes the divorce comes first and then they determine the terms of separation (for example, if a WS wants to marry their OP, they will get the divorce and then battle their xBS for money/custody/the house etc.). The divorce is just a piece of paper that says you are eligible to remarry and has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on any of the other issues. Munny's state could be somewhere in the middle of this where the issues can be fought over separately.

Carp got a couple of voice activated recorders. He's been getting some good intel from listening to what she says to OM when he's not there. And by listening to what she says to his children.

For example, he found out that OM's parents are not happy w/ their R. OM is telling his folks that Carp's M is over. He can now follow up his inital exposure to OM's parents w/ a phone call letting them know that their M is not over...putting more pressure on the A.

He also was able to correct the lies and distortions she told his children.

Obviously, he has to be careful and not get caught in this case.

GPS RE:

GPS (global positioning system): Used to track vehicle’s location by referencing multiple satellites. 2 main types of GPS units available are recorders and real time. Both mount to the vehicle typically by magnet.

Recorded GPS : This is the cheaper of the 2, and will recorded location in timed intervals, and must be connected to a computer after use for data download. Software will pull the location and time off the GPS unit, and show you on a map where and when the car’s movement.

Real Time GPS : This unit cost more, and may require an internet access fee to access the Real Time location of the GPS unit via the internet. Very Cool, but also abit pricey!

(I copied this from Longhorn's Spying 101 thread)

I know this may not seem rational but you must return her wedding ring. She could legally use that against you. It is only the engagement ring that has to be replaced if the marriage doesn't happen. By law, if a marriage did indeed occur then the ring is her property to do with what she wishes.
I should know, my ex has been trying sneaky ways to get mine.

Yeah, I know I'll eventually need to return the wedding ring. I'm just holding it for now.

FYI - I'm running to my son's basketball game and also need to run out for various other errands after dinner (locks, GPS, etc.), so I won't be back until this evening to check my posts and will reply then. Keep 'em coming. I am trying to continue Plan A and "be nice", but WW keeps pulling crap that pisses me off and throws me into an emotional whirlwind. It's also very hard to look at her.

FYI - the divorce WAS filed because I got a solicitation letter from another law firm looking to get me to hire them. So that must be what the certified mail is all about.

I find it quite odd that it was sent registered mail. I have never heard of that?

Is her lawyer completely unprofessional, or cheap? LOL

Again it could just be your particular jurisdiction. I got my first divorce through Canada Post (which, incidently, is about the most unreliable means to send anything anywhere so I could actually be divorced now and just don't know it).

Evidentially in PA, you CAN file a separate action for support and the service CAN be by mail:

PA. Rules of Civil Procedure

Filing a complaint doesn't mean she'll get it. It means she's asking the court for it.

Doesn't mean it will be granted, either.

And feel free to record away if you're using it only for yourself. Just be aware that it could be illegal and you wouldn't be able to use it in court.

ITA

OK. The registered mail WAS definitely the petition for divorce, because a server came by my office today when I wasn't there.

I called my MIL in the hospital today - I've called her every day since she's been in and also sent her flowers the first day. She was very upset with me saying that I'm using the kids, because I approached my son's school to have him meet with their counselor, who's a pHD psychologist. WW hasn't said anything about it, but obviously she must have been angry, because she told her mother about it. I stand by my decision because I don't want the kids to be hurt by this.

FYI - WW is with OM right now. I sent her a text saying, "Did you remember to stomp on my heart and spit on it as you left?" I proceeded to sent a text to the OM saying "Why don't you stay away from my wife? You will pay for your sins in the end." Oops. Another couple LBs, eh?

I just bought a GPS and will test it on my car. Over the weekend, I'll grab WW's car and do an EN by taking it to the car wash and then install it while I'm gone. Double-banger!

So, your MIL thinks that it is okay to destroy your children by your wife continuing an ongoing affair, and breaking up their family life?

Yet, you asking the school counsellor to keep an eye out on your kid to make sure he is okay is hurtful?

Um. Yeah. You need to use some reverse babble on MIL me thinks. She is nutty.

They've taken her side and are no longer allies that can be trusted in any way.

It's typical.

Just keep doing what you're doing and file for full custody.

You haven't been served yet.

Seriously, if you go and divorce, there is no compromising and being nice. Doing that will ruin your chances at having a fair amount of time with your kids.

Be strong. Fight the good fight. You're the good guy here. She's the cheater.

Keep your head straight and don't send messages to OM which can be twisted around as "threats".

There is no more critical a time for you to keep your head level than now.

MIL RE: Blood is thicker than mud.

Told ya they would eventually side w/ your WW.


Ok, this is not part of plan A.

You are supposed to demonstrate STRENGTH.

Texts like that don't show that.

Have you seen this list yet?

DOs

1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP

The text messages were not good choices. Natural, perhaps. Good, NO!

Marshmallow,

Thank you for the DOs and DON'Ts. I will print it when I get into the office. I keep a handful of these things (like the Carrot & the Stick, Mortarman's thread in blue, and now this one). I need to wake up every day and read these as part of my morning ritual before I start the day.

MG

Now I'm getting confused with mixed messages.

On one hand, I'm being told to throw her A$$ on the street by tossing all her clothes, etc. on the porch or at the OM's house and changing the locks the next time she stays out overnight.

Conversely, this seems to be a BIG LB, conflicts with Plan A, doesn't show STRENGTH, and goes against the big picture plan of changing myself (not to mention that my lawyer advises against it). I am reaching out to establish a relationship with God, and the ministers and other "counselors" are all telling me that I need to work on ME first and let God take care of the rest. To a large extent, I agree. So, for all these reasons, it seems that tossing her crap on the street is counter productive. Although I will say that it would probably make me feel good, but what about the kids? They'll probably be home to see it. After all, alot of her crap is in my daughter's room, since she recently "moved in".

Any guidance?