you leave it alone. It is always good to expose, but you can't make any of the people you expose to do anything, including the work place. I know its frusterating BUT you did the best you could.....

not2fun

I would reply with "Thank you for letting me know you received my letter. I understand about the confidentiality, and just wanted to thank you for any actions you may take to ensure this does not continue to take place at your place of business. I'm sure that sending a signal that it won't be tolerated will be a blessing in disguise to the moral of the rest of your employees."

Not2fun
I certainly don't want to send them a response that says...look what I got!! Dirt dirt dirt!!

Cat
I like yours. I wonder if now is my opportunity to explain why I sent the email.

I will do nothing rite now...

Personally, I wouldn't send anything. No response is letting them know you know they know, but aren't some psycho BS who is going to harass them. Its a very fine line. Because you can bet your WW is spinning you on them. And the more she spins, the better YOU look.

Now, I never had to expose to the work place, so again, I may not be the one to listen to (WH owns his own business and once I found out for sure who COW was, I didn't need to expose there. I had sent the death blow to the affair. And now, it is something that she KNOWS I would do in a heartbeat if I hear of ANYTHING between them.....she is more afraid of this intel I have than anything else... ...so at this point it is better for me to keep that little bit of info to myself unless needed.....)

not2fun

Journaling

I was thinking to myself last night while sitting with my kids in the drs office....Sunday W said she was "scared" for her and the girls because of my "psychosis".....obviously that must be fog talk/anger/ guilt. I am GOOD enough to take the girls to the dr...do homework....make dinner....and generally be a great dad.....sounds like a psycho.....eh??!! LOL.

You do nothing else. No need to send any further communication....it will be too much, over the top and seem vindictive instead of like you are truly trying to bring this abuse of the corporate environment to their attention. If you come across as vindictive, you water down your impact.

Thx Brits Brat.

Keep notes of instances that SHE suggested you do these things, or saw you do these things. It will show...if she tries to push the issue of you being unstable, she did nothing about it...or perhaps it is not true.

I journal something everyday.

Example....I came home from work....helped kids with homework...made dinner of x y and z.....emailed W earlier in the day...she said she would not be home till whatever time and not to save her dinner...w came home and went to her room while me and the kids watched tv or made CDs etc. I donthis everyday and then email it to myself.

Dvr in the bedroom is boring to listen to. Couple funny things that could be fun to play with.
W has apparently gotten a gym membership with a friend of ours....at least that's what she told the kids. She was talkin about a fitness evaluation she has tonite and taking the girls up there tomorrow night for open swim.

The evil part of my wants to call up there...pretend I am the friend...and ask if I can modify who is on my membership. If it's actually the "friend" and not OM....I will ask to have my wife put on it!!! If they say it's not the friend....I will call later and use the same story with OMs name....and ask the same question....then put OMGF or exGFs name on it!!

Is this TOO evil/obvious? I heard her say to D9 "don't tell daddy".

Yeah, it'll be pretty obvious.

You might want to find out if it is OM though. So you can correct the lie about who she joined the gym w/.

I hate it that she is telling your DD to keep things from you.

Why do you think she'd care if you knew about this?

Probably because it is with OM and not a friend.

She is very "I don't have to tell you anything" lately.

Gonna call up there and find out who membership name is in. Gonna say " I can't remember exactly what I signed up for" etc.

OMs name is not in their database.

She needs to be reminded to keep the kids oout of this and never to tell the kids to not tell the other parent something. They should not be part of any lie or the Affair!!

Trying to figure out a way to bring this up. I am gonna call my kids C today and let her in on a few of these details. Last night W got home from taking D9 to the library. She grabbed a bag of stuff and said she would be back by 10. D12 had went to a hockey game and was home by 10:30....no W. She asked where mom was...called her on her cell...no answer. They asked where mom was and I replied I don't know. D12 even commented how she can't get ahold of mom when she calls...she was visibly upset. D9 spilled the beans as far as the fitness thing...

just so everyone doesn't think I am just sitting around plotting revenge on my W...
We exchanged a couple goofy email yesterday, partially kid related, partially about regular stuff. I was off work early so I picked up D9 from school. The kids wanted sloppy joes and D9s teacher had a decent recipe so I went to the store to get all the stuff, I also grabbed some cookies to bake for dessert. Me and the kids made dinner and did homework while waiting for W to get home. I was NOT supposed to know where they were going, but D9 cannot keep a secret!! She asked me when the wash would be done because she "needed" something in there. I asked her what she needed but she had a look on her face like "I can't lie to my dad". She spilled the beans and I told her secrets were not good in a family. When they were done eating/doing homework I even made sure they had their stuff together for swimming.

W ended up coming home closer to 7 (she was at her lawyers office) and the they went to the fitness place to swim and stuff.

The kids C never called me back yesterday. I will call again this morning to get in touch with her. The girls have an appt with her tomorrow morning and I really want to speak with her before then.

I have been reading in other threads about people calling their kids schools and stuff to speak/email their kids teachers/guidance counselers. I am gonna do this today as well. Anyone have any ideas about what to say/email? I was gonna say "please keep an eye on my daughter, there is some turmoil in our home rite now, please let me know how they are doing, or if it affecting their performance...etc".

As far as telling the school...depends on who you talk with. With a counselor, they maintain confidentiality, teachers...maybe. The more details you give the counselor and principal, the better...and even the teacher. I would tell them what was going on, about what stage in the split/R you are in, and how you think the kid(s)? are being affected.

I would let them know they are seeing a C now and if there is anything you or the C would need to know, to please let you know.

If the teacher and school officials are aware of problems at home, they can be a bit more sympathetic about acting out, and be on the lookout for common problems.

Wise idea. They will also get a hint about which parent is being proactive. But beware, no official wants to get in the middle of a custody battle, so don't ask them for details about situations with WS or talk about court...they'll clam up quick.

Pretty much what I was thinking. No mention of the A I presume?

I think if you mention it...like..."We are beginning the D process because WW has been seeing another man." that will enable the school to watch out for OM presence and understand if kids are agitated because of a man's presence...it could be the OM.

Sick to think about it.

But don't expect the school to police these things, but it's good to let them know...not that a teacher allow a stranger around the kids, but if the kids seem to know a man, they may think twice about letting them go with him if they know there is an OM problem...

Got it.