More details of my story here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2171463#Post2171463

I have a question that I would like to have your input.

I told the MC and my WW that I would not engage in anymore MC sessions if the OM was not out of the picture.

Things came to a boil after the last MC session when the MC ignored the elephant in the room and started addressing other relationship issues. I could not take it and I blew up, which I rarely do.

The thing is. We have another session scheduled for this coming Tuesday. Since the last session my WW has:
(a) changed her cell phone number
(b) written a NC Letter

She has not accepted my suggestions to the NC letter and has not approached the NC letter subject since several days ago. I feel that she is avoiding the issue. Bottom line, the NC Letter has not been agreed nor sent.

I feel that if I go to another MC session and we continue talking about other relationship stuff I would blow up again. I am determined not to focus on other relationship issues as long as she has not taken this OM out of the picture.

I’m making to big of a deal? The fact that she changed her cell phone and wrote the NC Letter (without sending it) is enough??? Should I go to the MC session? Should I cancel and keep the pressure on my WW ?

I wouldnt really bother with MC if they arent making the A the prime issue. I am going right now but I am getting a lot from it and the A is always front and center with our therapist.

You mean you are unwilling to yap about the peeling paint in the girl's bathroom on the sinking TITANTIC while the boat sinks? What is wrong with you, mister?! Have you been bitten by the common sense monster!?

You are exactly right. Counseling is a WASTE OF TIME when one partner is in an active affair. You would get much more benefit out of an oil change.

And I think an oil change is cheaper actually.

[pssst, his name is not really Rusty Shackelford, it is a trick ]

Our MC does not want to gang up on my WW. So sje does not talk about it during joint sessions.

WW is making progress. She did change her cell phone and Im pretty sure there has been no contact. She is working on the relationship but she does not want to let go of this "friend".

She wrote a NC letter but she has not accepted my changes/suggestions and has not approached the subject. I wonder if I should give her the benefit of the doubt and go to the session.

On the other hand, if I do not push for 100% breaking the relationship NOW... I will never do it. So I feel this is the moment to be tough.

So she avoids the problem entirely? WOW! Then what in the world is her worth to you? If she cannot even DEAL with the problem at hand, what is the point?

Counseling is probably going to cause you more harm than good at this point. The reason being that your marriage is in a mess so you run the risk of lovebusting at the session if you are at all honest. This is why Dr Harley doesn't counsel couples together like that; they can leave the session more angry than when they came in.

Secondly, the point of MC is RECOVERY, something that is impossible while she is still in her affair.

You would get much greater benefit from a coaching session with Steve Harley or a good strategy to get her to end contact.

Have you exposed the affair? Exposure is the most potent tool against an affair; it marks the BEGINNING of real recovery.

Thanks for replying. I havent exposed because my evidence is weak. You can read more details in my other post.

I've decided I will not go. What would be the best way to inform this to my WW and the MC without LoveBusting?

KR, hasn't your wife admitted the affair? If so, that is all you need. Is the OM married? Do they work together?

I would just tell your wife that there is no use going to MC until all is ended because recovery can't start until that happens.

KR, my friend, I went back and read your other threads and see you have done NOTHING we advised. Are you not willing to lift a finger to save your marriage?

Yours is a particularly sticky situation since this is a very long term affair. What exactly are you willing to do?

Anything?

Simply tell WW that you will not do MC without NC and NC letter.

Question to all:

Whats the big deal with a WS changing their cell phone number?

Can't the OP get the number from information or the internet?

Usually isn't all one has to know is the name and address to search the internet for the number?

Besides without a NC letter being sent. Couldn't it just the WW saying look I changed my cell number to her BH, while she quietly gives the OM the new number?

Exactly what I was thinking.

She has admitted to an emmotional connection. She claims no physical contact. Chats prove sexually explicit conversations.

She claims all contact has ended. Phone record do prove that.

She still has a hard time in finishing the NC letter though.

phone records show no contact in a while. Since things came to a blow.