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Hey James and Smartie Pants, Tony retired? I'm sorry for the loss. Hopefully your new coach will do good. I really know the feeling and it ain't pretty...  I'm writing you Smartie because I know you lurk on James's thread.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Yeah.. I'm really sorry to see Tony go, but strangely it's not really a dissapointment. I think everyone around here was ready for it, and expected it, and I'm sure that like me, most Colts fans around here wish Tony nothing but the absolute best.
It's tough though.. Indy is a pretty big city with a real small town 'feel' about it, and the surrounding communities as well. So with the type of guy TD is, we all kind of felt like he was sort of 'extended' family. He's done wonderful things not only for the Colts organization but for the Indianapolis community, especially his programs for fathers. I'm sure he will continue his service to the communities he has touched, and his ministry will continue in other ways.
As a football fan though, I'm looking forward to see what changes Caldwell will make with the team. I'm sure Tony will be no further than a phone call away for his good friend and long-time assistant.. so he's certainly not completely lost to us. I've got confidence the team will be just fine.. apart from the coaching staff, we've also got some very strong and experienced leaders on the field, so I'm sure we'll remain contenders for a few years to come yet.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Ah, yes, the healing continues......
Who woulda thought that minds would be able to focus on anything other than infidelity.
Carry on, Sir James. There is a whole world ahead of you.
Fox
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Oh Foxy.. if you only knew.. I'd been debating whether or not to post about this but I've had a very bad weekend of it. Maybe it'll help me 'let go' of it if I post it here... Ok.. deep breath.  Found out on Friday that it's -her- attorney that is holding up the final paperwork.. apparently they are now not satisfied with the 'deal'.. not entirely sure what they can change but I'm sure the IQ is on the hunt for more $.. That's not what has me triggered though... So we're still legally under the temporary orders.. and she agreed to basically continue paying on the card that she had taken on with the temporary orders in place.. Well.. she didn't pay in December, however she did schedule a payment that wouldn't have been more than 30 days late and thus would never be reported to/affect my credit.. so I didn't make a fuss. Well, Friday I get to work and there's an email waiting for me stating that the payment she scheduled had been cancelled.. So I forwarded the notification, and here's the ensuing exchange: Just curious about what the deal is here. If you miss this payment I've been told it will be reported to the credit agencies against my credit, as it will be the second month in a row.
What do we need to do so that this payment gets made regularly and on time? I cancelled this payment because I have made arrangements to have the payments automatically withdrawn from my account each month with [card company]. Considering I made this arrangement with [card company], I do not believe I needed to make any arrangements with you regarding it. I agreed to make the monthly payments on it but I am not going to pay twice, so I cancelled the second payment. Soo... having heard this song and dance last year about this time... I called to make sure. I took the liberty of contacting [card company] to confirm that the automatic payments had been in fact set up for this account.
After speaking with a collections department representative, as well as a senior account representative, as well as her team leader, they have assured me that no such payment arrangements have been made for this account, and that if payment arrangements had been made today or prior, they would be able to see it. As of now, there are no payments scheduled for this account, automatic withdrawl or otherwise, and it will be 60 days delinquent, and reported to the credit bureau on 01/18/09.
Please correct this so that the payments will be made on time and without further penalty.
The senior account representative did also indicate that you can sign up for a program where if you schedule 12 months worth of payments in advance (and do not cancel them), they will lower the interest rate by almost 10% to X% which should help make it much more managable for you to pay off your debt. If you're interested in doing so, I would advise contacting Sr. Account Representative Blahblah at 1-800-EAT-A-PIE.
James Here's where it gets fun.. I just don't get it.. James
I have tried to remain as calm with you as I can, but you have finally made me reach my breaking point. You are the most condescending two-faced lying [censored] that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. It is only that I got DS out of the deal that I don't completely regret ever meeting you. I made those arrangements with [card company] this morning, of which I know to be a fact because I have 5 other witnesses who saw me do so. I have also attached your "proof'. Either you are lying to start some sort of conflict with me or your "collections department representative, as well as a senior account representative, as well as her team leader" have got their "information" incorrect.
I have spent the past year and a half cleaning up the mess that the lies you insist on telling have caused and if you can't tell, I am very angry about it. You have no idea of the events going on in my personal life (INCLUDING my finances), yet you insist on telling certain people about supposed "events" or "information." Then I end up hearing about it and have to correct them. You might feel ok with telling people about your personal life but my personal life is exactly that - PERSONAL, which is why you have no information regarding my personal life and haven't for the past year and a half. Yet I am still confronted with something you told someone that isn't true and I am still having to correct them. I am tired of it. Quit it now. I am not asking, formally requesting, or politely requesting. I am warning you. If you insist on continuing spreading lies about me, my family and my finances, you WILL force me into a corner that you are not going to like.
As for the [card company] issue, I consider this matter taken care of and I do not and will not hear about it again.
If you have anything concerning DS to contact me about, please do so. Otherwise, I also consider this conversation over as well.
IQ So.. the 'proof' led me to log onto the website.. and there's an external link in there that I've never seen before (probably because I never let the account go past due when I was paying it).. but it offers a service through the card company's brand new 'bank' branch... which isn't -actually- affiliated with the card itself.. but you can schedule payments for the card through it... it's confusing.. the customer service people STILL couldn't see the schedule even after I told them about this.. I could log in and see it.. so I was satisfied.. and I understand her indignation because she DID schedule the payments.. but still.. Here I was trying to avoid a ding on my credit and having to deal with taking her in to court on contempt afterall.. so I debated sending the following..  So... I sent the following: I appreciate you scheduling your minimum payments going forward, however what I do not see on here is the scheduled payment for the $202 that is past due as a result of you missing your payment last month. This is the matter that concerns me and will be reported to the credit bureau if it is not paid before 01/18/2009.
I would like to know how you plan on handling the past due amount prior to 01/18/2009, or if I will need to pay it and seek recompense legally afterwards.
In future correspondence I could really do without the namecalling, and extranious detritus thrown in there. Please, as I've asked in the past with regards to the exchanges, leave your garbage out of my life.
James Then I suggest you butt out of my life. I will make whatever
arrangements I need to make and I am not looking for your appreciation. Like I said before, I consider this conversation complete, so unless you have something to discuss with me regarding our son and only regarding our son, I will not be reading any further and it will go directly into my trash. The only thing you and I have in common and should ever discuss from this point on is him. Please keep all comments or questions to that only as I have no plans to discuss anything further with you that do not involve him. Ok... so I just walked away from it there.. I verified later that she did indeed schedule the past due amount and so all is good.. But seriously... Whaddaheck was all that about???? She's still upset about exposure.. but she KNOWS that's not a lie.. I certainly don't have any reason to lie to anyone to make her look bad, she's done enough of that on her own.. Ugh.. I hate that I've triggered over this.. and to make matters worse I got very little sleep this weekend as we had some pretty critical issues pop up at work.. Just having a bad couple of days TBH.. I guess with the above.. I just wonder why the heck she thinks she has to pull this crap anymore.. why can't we just be done and move on with our lives without having to stir the pot all the dang time?
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Alright, James.... As for feeling triggered It really shouldn't, but this kind of stuff makes me  . Everything she said and how she said it, cracked me up. I'm kinda sick that way now.  Found out on Friday that it's -her- attorney that is holding up the final paperwork.. apparently they are now not satisfied with the 'deal'.. not entirely sure what they can change but I'm sure the IQ is on the hunt for more $.. I think we should call her "LIQ" for LOW I.Q. - as in intelligence. She'll look like the greedy idiot that she is now going back on her agreement with the deal. You want TIME and she wants MONEY. Which is in the best interest of DS? The credit card thing is kinda funny. If she doesn't like you being a part of it, she can shred it and apply for a new one in only her name. You can say as much as you like about it - YOUR butt is on the line for it if she doesn't take care of it. She's on the fight, isn't she? Things not so glorious in FantasyLand? The "lie" may be the addition to the family - DS may have overheard her talking about a child and possibly she is going to go to a clinic and didn't want anyone to know. KWIM? She is stressed to the hilt. It's no surprise she is taking her anger and frustration out on you. It's not fair, but it's not surprising. I guess with the above.. I just wonder why the heck she thinks she has to pull this crap anymore.. why can't we just be done and move on with our lives without having to stir the pot all the dang time? 'cause it is the one place she still thinks she has control. And because.... she still CAN get to you. YOU are her release. Fox
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And because....
she still CAN get to you.
YOU are her release. Well said, Fox. The LIQ is a piece of work, all right. Stay dark with her. The karma bus is lurking and is going to flatten her like a pancake one of these days.
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mmmmm....pancakes...  James, I agree with Foxy, it is comical, from my POV. She's doing this all to herself, and still trying to blame you, and you aren't even IN her life anymore. What a maroon :RollieEyes: Sorry for all the triggering, but if you go back and read this in a little while, when you can be more objective, less emotionally involved, you will see it's the ravings of a lunatic.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Part of her rant comes from you holding up the mirror to her. You reminded her of something unpleasant, and so she reacted in the way that waywards do, by trying to hurt you and bring you down to her level.
Keep to the high road. Don't let her suck you into the drama and muck.
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James,
Sorry,,,,,I'm late to the rant response again!! Yet, once again, mi amigos have you well covered in their evaluations and responses.
She KNOWS she hasn't handled the credit card payments correctly.
DARN you for pointing it out!
She KNOWS her life is a mess and all of the 'rumors & lies' are true.
DARN you for pointing it out!
She knows she is continuing to screw up her life.
DARN you for pointing it out!
DARN you for being a better parent!
DARN you for getting and keeping your life together!
DARN you for your presence in her life that continues to make her face the fact that she has messed up royaly.
DARN you for just BREATHING!!
You see, although she is the EX-WW, she is still a WW. She has not and will not own any of her own actions,,,,,,,,,,,and it's so much easier to spew venom at you than to possibly accept responsibility.
Let her stew in it.
You are moving on and doing splendidly!
As many have said, don't let her drag you down. You are way too good for all of that drama.
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Thanks everyone.. and honestly I'd normally reply to all of these individually.. but it seems like everyone is on the same page here, and TBH I just don't have the emotional energy.. I hope nobody takes offense. I truly didn't start any of it, wanting to get into a fight with her. I thought my correspondences were not only businesslike and to the point, but in a round about way.. trying to help her. Sure I was looking out for my own interests as I wanted to avoid the credit hit.. but I -really- didn't want to have to deal with dragging her into court again to cite her for contempt. I just want the drama to be over. I can't and I won't take responsibility for the mess her life is in right now. That's hers, and that garbage won't be landing on my lawn. Sure.. that won't stop her from trying, but I'm not going to rise to it. But dangit.. she sure is begging the full force of a Plan FU.. and believe me, I was of half a mind to give it to her with barrels blazing. I know it would have solved nothing, and lowered me to her level.. and not to be a condescending bass-turd as she describes me.. but she's beneath me. Not worth the effort. DS and I however are enjoying our time together this week.. spent the better part of last night kicking major bad-guy butt on his new Lego Batman game.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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DS has Lego Indiana Jones and the Star Wars Trilogy  It's cute to watch. I love when they get shot and Lego's break up and fly all about. So much better than blood and guts  In the future, I wouldn't bother trying to be her teacher. We've all gotta muddle thru on our own, and resistance to advice is usually the order of the day. Take care, James.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Well, , I think all of the bases HAS been covered! BREATHE... I agreed with everything... Loved Bugs' post...MOF, it helped put into presective why POWS said that one time HE was trying to FORGIVE ME...I thought WHY in the HECK would HE have to forgive ME... It's because I'll always tried my best to hold him accountable and he's failed miserably...my FAULT...not in the least... Same as you and many others... You're doing great...another bump in the road to YOUR healing...seeing it for what it really is... God's plan is not finished here...WAIT... Every dog has it's day and some have TWO!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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DS has Lego Indiana Jones and the Star Wars Trilogy It's cute to watch. I love when they get shot and Lego's break up and fly all about. So much better than blood and guts In the future, I wouldn't bother trying to be her teacher. We've all gotta muddle thru on our own, and resistance to advice is usually the order of the day. Take care, James. Oh yes.. I do so love the legos breaking apart.. that and it's just the right difficulty for DS, and the fact that those games require you to puzzle your way through the levels rather than some linear but violent plot really appeals to me. I think we'll stick to those, and racing, and sports games for a little while yet. Though I long for the day when I can have a little partner for my tactical warfare games  Don't worry.. I've given up trying to 'teach' her.. or show her anything. But I'm not going to let her off the hook for her responsibilities to me, or to DS. If she has a problem with that.. well.. she's going to have to find a way to cope, or actually take responsibility herself. Heh.. that last part actually gave me a chuckle.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Well, , I think all of the bases HAS been covered! BREATHE... Yup.. suck it in.. blow it out... repeat as necessary.. Gotcha.. I agreed with everything...
Loved Bugs' post...MOF, it helped put into presective why POWS said that one time HE was trying to FORGIVE ME...I thought WHY in the HECK would HE have to forgive ME...
It's because I'll always tried my best to hold him accountable and he's failed miserably...my FAULT...not in the least...
Same as you and many others...
You're doing great...another bump in the road to YOUR healing...seeing it for what it really is... I think honestly that seeing her for who she really is, is far more accurate. It's also probably been the most sobering and heartwrenching thing to face.. but on the bright side.. I don't have to live with it every day anymore. God's plan is not finished here...WAIT...
Every dog has it's day and some have TWO! Not entirely sure what you're getting at here.. but I'm faithful that whatever God's plan is.. He's up to it. Not totally sure I am.. but we'll get through it one way or another.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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I think all of the bases HAS been covered!
BREATHE...
Yup.. suck it in.. blow it out... repeat as necessary.. I'm keeping my mouth SHUT! ANYWAY... CARBON DIOXIDE...can cause DEATH you know! I mentioned this on SL's thread...so next time you deal with the XWW, don't forget the detector!!!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Sorry... I don't think carbon dioxide is the problem with LIQ..
It smells more like methane..
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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I think honestly that seeing her for who she really is, is far more accurate. It's also probably been the most sobering and heartwrenching thing to face.. but on the bright side.. I don't have to live with it every day anymore. Any time I have to spend more than about 10 min with EXWW I just want to drop to my knees and thank GOD that I don't have to deal with that anymore. I'll never in my life say what happened was best for DS4, but for me personally, it was a get out of jail free card.
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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Couldn't have said it better myself BC..
Still.. it's difficult seeing someone you care about do this to themselves.. even if they didn't turn out to be the 'person' they advertised.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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I'm cornfused, James.
Why are you on her credit card anymore? Can't the lawyers find a way 2 get you loose of it?
-ol' 2long
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It's actually -my- credit card..
Nothing was ever in her name.. her credit is.. well.. worthless.
I authorized her on all of my cards while we were married, and this happened to be the one she carried.
So no.. there's no escaping this one, and if she defaults on it, it's my [censored] in a sling.
It's not anything I can't handle though.. it's just frustrating that any dealings with her end up dealing with this kind of crap.
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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