Oh contrar, I thought you were ignoring me. I have missed you SO MUCH....

I love you, remember....

I'll go check the thread out...

Hey Queenie (JT waving from the soggy north valley)



From what I got on the news, she ended up with just a few scrapes and bruises. But, she didn't have insurance so there is a fund that's been set up for her at the local bank. Since the story made it on The Today Show the next day, I think she'll be okay.

How about you?

Hi JT,

Did you hear that Maple Valley made it on the ABC news on Thursday 1-8-09 for flooding. I know it was bad. But seriously, there is Carnation, Index, Pacifica...

I was stunned to see it.

Our snow was worse than the rains, in fact if I didn't read about things or watch it in the news, I wouldn't have known anything was going on. Last night I did however walk by part of the Cedar River and it was raging.... And that was two days after it crested.

I'm glad you are ok. I'm glad that lady is ok health wise. Send me some information on donating to her and if WH comes through with money i'll give some to her.

Did you see the reports, it's supposed to have that shiny star in the forecast all week and almost be in the high 40's, possibly 50 even.

Yep! That's why I kept checking in...calling, posting, etc.

I wanted to make sure I didn't need to send Noah and his ark your way.

You called? On what number? I didn't get any calls from you at least my phone didn't show it.

I would have called you back... As for the posting, Mark nailed me, I was avoiding my thread.. Feeling sorry for myself and being way too confused on life... I got into such a funk I couldn't get myself out of it.

It was bad, but where I live.... NADA, the snow was way worse on me.....

I'm tired of the rain..... the storms...

Thanks for checking up on me.... Of course I could have been a good friend and made sure you were ok..... :twobyfour:

My sponsors working on the "all about me" attitude....

Are you ok physically too?

You are quite the multi-tasker arent ya?

Posting and IM'ing

That's the school secretary in me...

Not to mention I am carrying on quite the mom and son conversation and watching the football game...

Well, it appears that you are upbeat and that's a great thing!

Wishing you well!

queenie my queenie I have SSSOOOO missed you... I am sorry I had went MIA for a bit.. I will do better and not leave for long periods of time...

HUGS

Hey Rin,

It's the weirdest thing. What causes the sad mood to take me down for so long and for no apparent reason I feel better and feel like I can recover. I feel insane.....

Hey Pretty Girl, I have missed you so much. :happynewyear:

How are you?

Queenie,

I read two things going on in your last post, if I may share my experience with you.

First, on the weight gain. This is just MY experience, but maybe it will help you. I have struggled and am still struggling with weight, so I can't tell you how to lose it. But I think I know WHY I get fatter. After EX left, I gained weight again. I was very confused and surprised that he left and I think I subconsciously (sp) gained weight to make it make sense. " Of course he doesn't love me, I am too fat I gained 25-30 pounds after D-day. I really think I needed a tangible reason why I was not a candidate for WH.

OK, so now I look at the blob in the mirror and I can justify Ex's rejection. Logically, this doesn't make sense, since I wasn't this size when he left, but I don't get into logical details like that, it messes up my justification .

Now, keeping the weight on also serves a purpose. It keeps new relationships out of reach. My fat suit force field, if you will. As long as a have my fat suit force field, I don't have to take a chance on getting hurt again. Again, there is no logical reason for this thinking, I am not an ogre, it is not the weight that makes me unattractive, it is my "stay out of my face" face.
But, the theory works for me.

I did this before, during my marriage to Ex, I was very depressed, and there was always sexual rejection (even at my "wedding weight"). After 10 years of rejection without explanation, I think I took matters into my own hands and puffed up so I could have a reason for the rejection.

Anyway, that is my experience with weight gain. Sure, there are crappy food choices in there, but for me, it is more of this mental issue. I am afraid of looking good, it would confuse me.

Secondly, on the prepping for divorce work. I was still in love with Ex on our divorce day and for quite awhile after that. But I came to a point where I had to be realistic about how being legally entangled with him would have long term affects on my future. We weren't planning for success together so he was just a legal liability I needed to be unburdened from. The falling out of love took much longer.

For a long time, I held out hope that we could reconcile and possibly remarry. But he has become someone I would not consider for marriage. There is still a tiny bit of "what if" in my heart, as he might change and become the man I thought he was. But it is a very small hope, microscopic actually, kinda like the crush I had on George Clooney during his ER days. Yeah, it could happen, but very, very small chance, so don't bank on it.

Another thing I tend to do, bargaining with G-d, as in, I will act like I don't care about Ex and that is when G-d will bring him back to me, after I have finally given up. For the record, that never works either.

QUEENIE

Queenie...the reality is...that you are learning new tools... and like anything else.... each time we pick them up again, we get better at using them....so, even IF think you are back at square one? I KNOW you can and will MOVE OUT OF IT quicker....because it takes TOO MUCH work to ignore what you know you can do....NOW that you did not know before!

t/j to Jean:

I want to thank you as a 'lurker' as I really appreciated your post to Queenie. It helps me a lot in understanding how far some us are prepared to go just to 'make some sense' out what is happening to us, or wanting to 'appear' that things are as they were before...to the point of making very unhealthy decisions if need be... thanks again.

Geez Mimi, You were a lot nicer to me last year.



Yes, overeating can be beating myself up, but for ME, it's been more a protection of myself and stuffing my feelings. My pattern has been to overeat because I'm in pain over something, protect myself, or sabotage myself. The real destruction comes when I start beating myself up for eating and start this vicious circle. And believe me, I can go there. I'm fighting NOT TO....

When we hit "walls" it has been my experience from being on here and going to AA that there is a lessons for me to learn, something that G-d is growing in me. I think that a many of us after so often recognize these situations and try get through them as best as possible.

Does that clear it up Miss Mimi?

Sadly, I absolutely can relate to this. WH rejected me over and over again, each and every month for 18 years and finally we somewhat cleared it up, but the damage was done and I internalized it as something was wrong with me. Well of course I would gain more weight.

On my dad's death bed he cared more about me losing weight that having me as his daughter. I wasn't good enough for him and I repeated the stupid pattern with H. Food has been my protection from everything you suggested and more.

The most interesting thing though, is even if my food is clean, something creates the environment that I hold onto the weight NO MATTER WHAT.... and then I'm in this space where my food is clean, it's easy and I'm dropping off weight.

So, this ADDICT keeps it in G-ds hands praying for surrender and the clarity of vision to know what I need to let go over on a deeper level.

One more consideration, before there were drugs in my life... there was food to numb the pain of life..... Putting down the drugs just created the environment to pick up the food and be off in the sick world of pain. I'm not proud, I'm just me. :crosseyedcrazy:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{LUNA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Luna, how are you? I think you are right. As my sponsor said, it took me 16 years to get to that point of complete and utter destruction and many of it from my own doing, and only one month to really figure out what was going on.

All in all, it could have been WAY WORSE and GONE MUCH LONGER.

I have had this experience and it is good to hear someone else have the same thing happen.

Now I am sure that Weight Watchers or Atkins or whomever would not agree, but I believe you.

I have lost weight when there was no logical reason to and I have held weight when there was no logical reason. I but alot of credence in the minds ability to affect health, I have seen it happen too many times, both positively and negatively in the nursing home.

I recently had another chunk of acceptance come over me and five pounds pretty much just fell off. I remeber seeing a brick of Velveeta in the store and thinking " That much weight just mysteriously fell off my butt "

Of course, I am not saying that a reasonable diet plan is to wait until you get happy and the weight will drop off. I do think that we need to make changes. If nothing else, if I am eating properly, I am demonstrating a willingness for the change to take place. Like I said before, I struggle with that willingness, I would have to let go of my safety suit.

Here is an unrelated weirdness about me. I don't eat PopTarts, I have them in the house since the kids like them, but I don't like them. When I am under stress, I sleep walk, I eat PopTarts during the night. I find the crumbs on my night stand and don't remember getting them. I have considered hypotherapy since this is a very detrimental thing. I have heard that some medications cause sleep eating, but I am not on anything. Go figure :RollieEyes:

No, they probably wouldn't, but I can certainly tell you I am so grateful to have you say you understand.

I don't feel so crazy... :crosseyedcrazy:

I absolutely agree.

You know Jean, I have actually entertained doing hypnosis, but then I wouldn't have money for food. I don't know... My boys wouldn't support that too much.

Hi, Queenie!

Just wanted you to know ..... you are NOT alone in the weight struggle! It is something I have struggled and fought with most of my life.

A lot of it comes from the past, how you were raised. As a child, I had the obsessive-compulsive control-freak stepmom who would dish huge amounts of food onto mine and my brother's plates, and then told us we had to clean our plates no matter what. There were days we wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch, then go to Grandma's, who prepared enormous quantities of food, and then gorge ourselves. As a result, we were trained to overeat! Not a problem for my brother, who was skinny with an awesome metabolism. Big problem for me once I hit the teen years. Of course, stepmom did not indulge herself in this pattern; she was a vegetarian and doesn't like sugar, so she always maintained the super-slim figure. My father got onto me throughout my teen years for weight, and was in general quite a jerk about it, but was too weak to stand up to my stepmom about it.

In my late teens, I exercised a lot - I ran track and marathons, and rode my bike for miles! Exercise has never been a problem for me, I've always quite enjoyed it. So during those days I maintained a pretty nice figure. Then I got maried and pregnant at 20, and it was all out the window right then. I have never been able to recapture that weight, and that was 15 years ago.

The good thing is I do have a muscular build, and I am 5'6", so i don't look like I weigh as much as I really do! My issue is mainly food. I am not someone who loses weight easily, either. After my second child, I was going to fitness classes twice a week, going to karate 3 times a week, I could run 5 miles, do 20 male-style push-ups on my knuckles, and bike 20 miles. And I didn't lose a single pound! I was muscular, but it's like the muscles built up and the fat just stayed right where it was.

After my third kid, and around 2005, my eating got way out of control. My issues usually came about a week or two before "that time of the month" and I would get ravenous, I craved anything and everything that was bad for me and I wouldn't get full. I also became extremely tired and exhausted. I was stressed due to ex working 12 hour nights all week, and having a horrible job and taking care of the three kids and household pretty much all by myself. It got really bad. I would buy doughnuts or pecan tarts and eat half a dozen at one sitting. My weight ballooned to my heaviest ever, 253.

My ex left in Feb 2006. I was depressed before, but this worsened the depression and the opposite effect happened, and I wasn't eating. Then DDay happened in June, and I wasn't eating, sleeping, I was chain smoking, and barely functioning. I almost had a complete breakdown. I also lost 45 pounds.

So, here I am now, almost 3 years later. We are divorced. He lives in another state. I am here dealing with issues of unemployment and the economy and I am still overweight!!! But I never give up the fight. My weight inches up and down. Like you, sugar is a major trigger, and I am trying to address the bad habits I learned in my childhood and develop new, healthier habits. It is mental. it is frustrating knowing that I can work so hard and probably exercise more and harder than most thin people I know, yet they get to be thin and I am fat. Biology is extremely unfair. I basically have to cut out everything (sugar, carbs, fats) and eat very little before my body actually starts dropping the weight, and I can't stray or cheat even a little because it starts a downward slide. This is very hard to stick to, especially when raising three healthy, thin kids who eat everything in sight. I have also noticed that most thin people are the ones who don't care for sugar. I had a friend who ate everything - fried foods, meat, eggs, pasta - and she was over 60, but was thin and had a great figure. But she didn't care for sugar. She didn't crave it like I did. If there was cake in the office, she would get a piece, and slowly eat it (with me it was gone in 5 seconds). But she could do without it.

So, anyway, I'm sorry the post is so long. But I wanted you to know you are not the only one who has these issues. It is very easy for people to give health advice, but I honestly believe that biology ain't fair, and some things work for some people and others don't. There are those who don't really even try and still maintain a slim and slender figure, there are those who enjoy moderate exercise and watch what they eat, splurging sometimes, and then there are those like me - the type who has to maintain a strict dietary regiman and exercise a lot, and nothing comes very easily!

Raquel73
Ex moved out 02/2006
Dday 6/2006
Divorced 8/2007
Son 14
Son 11
Daughter 8

Queenie,

It is good to have you back with us!

I do not have anything more to add to the excellent advice already given you.

I do want you to stop for a minute and recall the inner peace that God has given you. In my daily walk, there are many times I have to stop and say a quick prayer over whatever it is that is troubling me at the time.

Try this...you have said before that you have surrendered your sitch to God as well as your life...right? The next time you feel the need to "over-do" anything...stop and pray and completely surrender that MOMENT to God. It will make a difference and I promise you will find yourself closer to God.

You are needed here...please continue to share with us, as you know by now...we all really care about you!!!

Rob

Queenie - how are you sleeping? Read a couple of studies that indicate that reduced sleep (like, due to STRESS - not that we have any idea what THAT is!!) - can contribute to putting on the weight - no one knows why. I sorta wondered if that had to do with the thing you describe - and yes, I know it well, too...times when it seems to fall off without trying hard and others...well...

- M

hi Queenie,

Just a quick drive by to say hi.