Carp, did you see this part of it:


This show needs to get on the road. I would be on the phone with your atty telling him to GET HER OUT! He needs to move his [censored] and start working to get you and your kids out of this.

In the meantime, I would set her down and let her know how devastating this is for your kids to see her FLAGRANT adultery. Give her the article about "Kids, the LEsson they learn" and ask her to consider the horrendous lesson she is teaching those girls. Tell her how DISRESPECTFUL it is to flaunt her affair to you, her husband. Ask her to move out NOW.

I think she has been led to believe by your COOPERATION and COMPLICITY that there is nothing wrong with her sicko affair. All she has to do is move in the guest room and taht entitles her to act like an alley cat in heat in front of her husband and daughters. I would disabuse her of that notion.

Carp,

Do not argue with her. Keep your intel close to your chest.

But there is nothing wrong with stating facts. A fearful WW is the best kind!

So, you find out thru intel sources that she spent the night last night at the OM's house. You just state to her when she comes home that "it is inappropriate and disrespectful to me and our children for you to carry on an immoral affair." And then leave the room. Dont wait for a response (although I am sure one will come...lol!). Just make sure you dont get hit by anything in the back of the head as you head out!

But, as Melody said, I want to see you press the fight. Get your attorney to move forward. Your wife is scared (and should be). As it appears you are gaining the upper hand, she will become even loonier. And she will begin to try to "negotiate" with you.

There are no negotiations at this point, because of the type of WW your wife is. She is flagrant about the whole thing. She is going to have to take some hard hits before she backs off (or even gives in).

So, continue what you are doing on the intel front. Make her think you know stuff, even when you dont! But, get that lawyer of yours to start firing rounds here.

In war, the one thing the enemy does when artillery starts landing is to run! Which means he/she is no longer attacking you.

Carp,

Do you have a recorder in your WW's car? Since she thinks you have the house bugged, you might get more intel from her car now.

She thinks everything is bugged!!
I am gonna hold off on any intel in the car rite now....I have gotten some good info from there before. GPS and dvr where in there for a few days.

When later?

You guys really dig this transcript stuff eh?

When I get done with.....homework, dinner, shower, general good dad stuff. I might be able too get to it in a couple parts....takes awhile...listen...type...listen..type...etc.

Partial transcript
Me did you get to talk to D12 last night

Her ya I talked to her for about a half hour

Me so she told you that we talked about her

Her ya

Me ok I just wanna make sure

Her I know she is trying to male sure she takes care of everybody

Me no it's not she wasn't trying to take care of everybody

Her well she trying to take care of everybody that's the bottom line that's what she's trying to do. She trying to make sure your feelings aren't hurt she's trying to make sure my feelings aren't hurt ya know she's trying to take care of D9

Me I know I told her not to worry about my feelings I am her dad

Her I told her not to worry about anybody but she gotta ya know very strong feelings (kinda garbled)

Me I told her she's gotta stop keeping it all bottled up inside

Her she doesn't keep it bottled up she talks all the time

Me that's not the impression I got from last night

Her she very emotional she's very hormonal and this is a lot to be happening to her when her body is

Me I can't believe the amount of things she knows

Her ya she knows

Me that's absolutely terrible that she has gotta walk around knowing all that stuff

Her don't even start

Me I am just saying

Her she says she knows what she knows because you started it by telling her

Me the thing is is there are things she knows that I have never told her

Her so

Me I guess

Her she knows who he is

Me about that I had an affair

Her she asked me

Me about the letters

Her they asked me about that stuff too

Me I know I had to make sure I told her the truth

Her what is the truth that I have an STD that I am being treated for cancer and that she thinks I am dieing

Me I told her that your not dieing

Her I don't have an STD either stop telling people that

Me that's what we talked about that one day that's what we thought
(can't understand)

Her when she asks me questions I answer them

Me ok

Her I don't offer her information and I tell her and I asked her and I asked both of them when (stumbling for words) the letter thing was brought up was

Me how did they bring that up

Her because we were talking about something and

Me I never share any of that with them that's none of their business

Her well it's everybody elses business

Me it business to people that are
(she says something loud..can't make it out)

Her we were talking about something and I said that I have to give information to my person my attorney I always say my person or my people and D12 says like what like letters? She asked her why would you say that? D9 said D12 helped daddy write letters or something like that. And I said really ya know I am not angry with you I said if you did that

Me rite(not agreeing to what she is saying just a "rite" to show I am listening)

Her if you helped your daddy do that I said that's perfectly fine and everything and they both said no. D12 got mad at D9 for saying that I didn't help daddy do anything like that and um D9 said I didn't mean that and I said well if you guys if that's the truth tell me the truth you don't have to be scared or anything I said ya know if that's something you that's perfectly fine I understand that. They wanted to know what the letters said and I told them

Me ok

More to come later

Continued

Her I never say anything negative to you about you

Me I made sure last night I told them I can't answer for mom

Her I always say that ya know your not whenever their like well daddy is creepy and daddy is doing this I said no he isn't daddy is doing everything he thinks is rite for us. He is not trying to do anything to hurt me

Me rite

Her he is not trying to do anything to upset us

Me that's exactly what I said I told them the same thing last night

Her he is trying to do everything that he thinks is rite. He is not a crazy person he is not mentally challenged. He's just I said at times he just gets very very sad and he doesn't know what to do and that he's trying to do everything that he thinks is best

Me rite ya it's definitely ya know the plan definitely the reasons I did what I did

Her carp I doubt that

Me so I made sure I told them that I can't speak for you I could only speak for my self. If they wanted to ask me anything they could their not afrald of me their not scared of me. They don't think i'm crazy they don't think I'm nuts

Her ya and D12 asked me when we were coming back from my uncles she asked me about ya know she said ya know about where my person lives and blah blah blah

Me she said she knows who it is

Her ya I know she knows who it is cause she asked me

Me I told her I was sorry she had to know that

Her actually she didn't ask me she said she said is it this person is it OM and I didn't say anything and she said I knew it and she started laughing and everything

Me she really confused she thinks it's ok that your dating and she wants me to start dating and I told her that that is wrong

Her that's what she told me

Me I told her you shouldn't do that married people don't do that

More later

Continued.
Me D12 said you and mom aren't married we are married we are still very much married

Her only because we have to be

Me I told D12 I am still married because I want to be and I am gonna act like a married person because it's the rite thing to do. I was teaching telling them the difference between rite and wrong

Her rite

Me I think it's real important because D12 thinks it's ok to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend

Her she thinks it's ok once you decided your marriage is over or when you are in the process of

Me that's not rite

Her I told her that I knew because when she when D12asked me did dad ever have an affair? I said yes.

Me I admitted it to her and told her how long

Her D12 got very very upset and I said and D12 is like so you guys both did it and blah blah blah and I said for one thing what your dad did is totally different then what I did

Me I never said that to her

Her well I did

Me ok

Her and I said ya know I said he made a mistake and it was a small mistake and it was something that we worked thru and we got over

Me that's exactly what I told her

Her it was at the point in our lives our marriage was worth saving

Me rite (almost all of my "rites" are just my way of acknowledging I am listening)

Her and it was 2 people wanted to be in it at that time

Me rite

Her what I've done or what I did is wrong I said you do not cheat on anybody whether they are your BF or GF or husband or wife. I said you do not do that it is wrong

Me exactly

Her and I said ya know I said and the timing and what I did was completely and totally that's not what you do I said but I was done with my marriage I am done with my marriage and that's why it's as bad as it is rite now because it's very dificult because of the timing and that is completely and totally on mommy

Me ok at least you told her the reason is because of you and nothing that I have done because I haven't.

Her what

Me this is the reason that we are getting D is because it is your decision not because of mine

Her they know that it is my decision

Me ok I want to make sure because sometimes you walk around here and make it look like my fault

Her sometimes it is your fault

Me I have made ammends for the things I've done

Her (loud) they don't know the things you've done that's the thing

Me Again I don't have anything to be ashamed of

Her (loud) so you know you always want to constantly sit and make sure everybody knows my dirty deeds and not one single person knows yours

Me I don't have a problem with people knowing my dirty deeds

Her but the thing is is that it is pointless the children don't need to know all the things that you have done

Me I just don't run around admitting all sorts of things to them but when she asks me about things when she asked me about the letters said I said they don't say you have cancer

Her you told somebody that personally

Me they are really concerned about you dieing from it

Her because you had to tell her about the STD (D12 had referenced the letter/STD I did not just come out and tell her)

Me she asked me and I told her the truth

Her it's not the truth it's your convaluted way of thinking. I don't have a f*$:&/@ STD. Would you like me to get you a letter from my doctor

Me according to the definition from the CDC that's what they consider it

Her I don't have HPV I had undetermined I had I had my pap smear said that I had

Me (I can't make out what I say. I am very quiet while talking this whole time)

Her (loud) that's what you are telling everyone. Your talking to his family telling his family that I am being treated for cervical cancer. Are you or are you not telling people that

Me pre cancerous cells

More later.

This should be the last of it

Her of underermined origin that I had the colposcopy and I had nothing and 3 months later I had another pap smear and I had nothing

Me ok that's fine I didn't tell anybody you were dieing or having surgery or anything

Her no but you tell people I have a disease that I don't have

Me according to what we talked about at one time you did you do what am I supposed to do all of a sudden now it just changes. We sat in the driveway you talked about having an STD

Her no I never said I had an STD. I have never ever said I have an STD

Me all rite that's fine. (going back to kids conv). I told them what's happening isn't rite, I am not happy about what is happening, I am making all my decisions based on what I think is best for our family

Her rite and they know I am making decisions that are best for what I want us to have a different life

Me that's fine I understand

Her they are completely aware of that

Me I just want to make sure that's what you let them know

Her so well I always keep my conversations with them appropriate and when they ask me a question

Me obviously some of the things D12 knows about are things they would have never wanted to say I don't know why you would have told her all those things

Her aren't you on your path to truth carp (kinda loud)

Me well ya I guess

Her well the when D12 asks me a direct question I answer her. I never sat there and said do you want to know who my boyfriend is I never said that. I never said anything about the letters until they asked about it and I sat there at the restaurant and I said do you want to know this information do you feel this is ok and appropriate because I am trying not to have conversations with you all the time like your dad is all the time and pull you in. Do you wanna have this conversation? (this was all her towards the girls at the restaurant)

Me I never pull them into a conversation about what is actually happening

Her according to them you do

Me well that's not true.

Gotta go. More later. Trying to get it word for word so it can be hard to read.

She's pretty good at dropping bait, to get you to go on the defensive.

And you're pretty good at getting snagged by it.

Best to try ignoring her bait as much as you can, to avoid the conversation going sideways like it did.

Wow, what a double standard...it is OK for her to tell the kid's her "truth" but not OK for you to tell the kids your "truth"...

Do you think I am getting "baited"? I did not feel that way during the conv.

I still have some more to go through. The way she was talking I am trying to type word for word. She contadicted herself a bunch of times during the conv.

I gotta do some work but should finish the rest I about an hour

I met with my IC last night. We discussed Sunday nights episode. She is just apalled by what is going on. I steered the conv with IC to my wife asking for letters from kids C asking her for a letter saying W is a better parent then me...my IC runs the place kids C works at....she said NO WAY would kids C write such a letter. I meet with the kids tonite with their C for awhile.

My IC also discussed me talking to the kids about marriage and morals....she said it is a tough spot for me to be in. She said kids C is PRO marriage/family and the kids will be comfortable hearing it from her. Basically the kids C will be "backing up" what I am saying....butfor me to not push the issue with the kids to hard.

The part about her telling the kids "cheating is bad" but her still doing it....makes me sick!!

Oh yeah - my FWW is a MASTER at subtle baiting and deflection, and I still find myself getting caught by it from time to time. Notice how the conversation went after you responded? Notice how you found yourself on the defensive?

Honestly I haven't sat down and read the whole thing yet!!


One thing that has been on my mind...me and C chatted about it last night.
I was telling IC about my parents D (similar sitch). My dad was a WAH...evey other weekend....custody was going to my mom anyway. My moms lawyer told my mom.....keep your nose clean!! No dating..partying..focus on your kids.

My W says "my lawyer told me to not leave because of the kids". Wouldn't he tell her....cut out the stupid chit you are doing....you are making yourself look bad!!!
Does a WW feel so "entitled" that they can do whatever they want....and the judge just says "here ya go....take your kids and leave...all the good things carp is doing don't mean a damn thing".

I feel like all the good stuff I am doing will be a waste. I love my kids...all the stuff I do I have been doing for years and I am not just gonna stop!! Watching WW act like she does makes me think.....am I wasting my energy and she is rite? Or is she so fogged out she doesn't care??

Some more...might not make it to the end.

Her according to them you do

Me that's not true. The only thing I ever tell them is like last night are you afraid of me? Are you scared of me? Do you think I am crazy? Those kind of questions

Her and they probably say no to you because because they are afraid of you in that aspect. So when they talk to you on Wednesday with Mary they might say a couple of different things to you

Me I understand. I don't have a problem with that. I told them we are not your best friends we are your parents. There will me some things you will not be happy with but we have your best interests in mind. Those kind of things never change nothing is gonna change for me. I am still gonna be the same person I have always been they know that. D12 was really really upset. She doesn't trust you she doesn't trust me she doesn't love you she doesn't love me she wants different parents.

Her I know she wants live with someone she doesn't care if she goes to a different school

Me she doesn't want anything to do with us

Her 15mins later she is perfectly fine

Me we talked for a little while

Her the thing is is that you also have to take into account that a certain degree of this is D12 too

Me I know. All I can do is listen. I told her I don't want to do all the talking all I want to do is listen

Her well I listened all night

Me I know I did a lot of listening to

Her she started at 3:30 and I got off the phone with her

Me that's good that she at least talked to both of us. I had D9 sitting in the room with us for a little bit too. I said now if you guys have any questions or anything that you are worried about and stuff like that

Her well see as far as I know D9 doesn't know who he is and doesn't knowabout the A and does not know about those things because D9 was not there and D9 does not ask those questions

Me those parts we did not talk about with D9 in the room. Towards the end I asked D9 to come into the room and sit down. I said I wanted mom to be here but I am the only one here rite now

Her rite (sarcasm??)

Me well that's true. I'm not lieing, I didn't make up a story, I didn't blow anything out of proportion, I was there. I told D12 mom called me, she wanted me to talk to you, she must be really concerned for you

Her because she was she kept calling kept calling and she was getting more upset ya know

Gotta do some work....more later.

My W sends me emails from time to time listing her "events" for the weekends. I know Melody would want me to ask if OM is in the plans....but I don't waste my time.

Todays mail states that I am going to take kids to C, she is going to the gym be home by 10. Saturday she is doing "girls nite" and will be home late. Sat during the day she is working.

Looks like Carp and the little carps will be doing some fun stuff this weekend!!

Her mail barely mentions the kids....except when she goes to the gym....the girls can go with her.

Last night was the counseling session with my kids....man was I nervous!!

She called me about 7:15 saying her 7:00 appt cancelled and could we come in early. I told her no problem. We ended up being there for 2hrs!! The joys of union insurance....my cost...$0.

We spent most of the time with D12. She knows WAY too much about what's going on. We talked about how it's not her fault that she knows so much....it's moms fault.

This won't be in any real order but I spent time with C alone and with the kids together a bit and one on one.

Kids are not afraid of me, dont think I am nuts etc.
Kids are very concerned about hurting my feeling if we talk about stuff.
D12 is very upset with her mom
D9 doesn't really know what's going on
My W did try to get the C to write a letter stating how the kids are doing...C said that since W is NOT their client....they would not do it.
We did talk about love and falling in love and the differences between the 2 with D12.
The kids can pick up on my body language and tone in my voice whenever I talk to them about what is going on...especially D12...even if am not direct in what I say.
We talked about how D12 loves me...and knows I love her....but I seem to be "different" lately.
D12 seems to be angry with me because I am doing so much at home in relation to them.
D9 is a chatter box whose thoughts were all over the place when we were talking.
D12 does most of the talking for both of the kids.
C said our kids are amazing in that they are 50% me and W. Neither one is a carbon copy of one parent.
We did discuss the morality of what is going on with D12. C did most of the talking during this time.
D12 is afraid mom is going to abandon her.
C said I am doing a fantastic job based on what is happening at home trying to keep things as normal as possible
C told me whenever there is a fight or tension at home the kids pick up on it. Basically when there is no peace between me W the kids are not at peace.
C asked me how far along legally we were and to move things along if I can. The sooner there is peace in our home the better for the kids.
C seems confident in my parenting skills.
C told me to give up on W! I have a lot to offer a woman and will recover very well. She even complimented my looks!!

I think that's most/all of it.
She is gonna get W in there with the kids as well soon.

Did you listen to this part?