You know NJ,
Your absolutely right...at the time.. I was not thinking clearly(obviously). So the question of... who would do this??? Did not cross my mind. But shortly after I ended the threesome... I asked me H... what kind of person do you think does stuff like this??? It obviously set in my mind wayy tooo late! He of course did not have an answer We later found out that she is a liar, has very low self esteem, she let my H degrade her in such a way during the act of sex that I can barely speak of. But at the same time, It makes me laugh. My husband has a mental disorder (bp disorder) and she knew this, so she would try to talk him into bringing out his "bad side". She begged him to leave me...and he of course would not. While she was carrying on having an affair with my H. She would tell him that she was not seeing anyone else. Come to find out she had quiet a few guys and girls lined up and waiting.

I must confess, I did not pick her because, she was less attractive. I picked her because, at the time I thought she was a cool girl. I also thought since her body structure was similar to mine, it would make me feel completely secure.

FW,

I hope you don't think I was judging you too harshly, a woman in my office made overtures along the lines of threesome about 8 months ago, before I had read marriage builders. I had the sense to tell her that it was dangerous to relationships and never turns out quite how you would think.

I'm not sure, because I changed the subject, if she was implying her gf and her and me, or my wife and her and me, either way would have been no.

However I could have fallen into the same trap, glad I did not.

God Bless
NJ

I don't think you cam out harsh at all. I'm glad you guys decided not to go through with it. Things tend to get pretty ugly after another person is involved.

I have also been thinking a lot lately about the NC letter. I recently found out that my husband never...had a NC talk, or email or anything like that. But whatever happened seemed to make him hate his lover. He recently told me that she had slowed down the conversation A LOT! I'm thinking that she 1) dumped him. Which of course I don't have a problem with! 2) They finally saw each others true colors and got tired of it. Or 3) She slowed down the conversation and he finally saw her for who she is and stopped speaking with her.

I sent her a NC letter about a month ago. I read it to him and he was like WOW THAT WAS SOOOO GOOD! I think my husband was at the point where he felt so weak and vulnerable that he could not stand to hear her voice or see her. He felt utterly obsessed.

So my question for anyone that is following my posts is this? DO you think it really could be over? Also, do you think a letter from me is enough?? If you would like more details I will tell you what it said.

bump

NC letters are to be written and signed by the WH. With the BW allowed to edit and have WH make appropriate changes before it gets sent.

"I sent her a NC letter about a month ago. I read it to him and he was like WOW THAT WAS SOOOO GOOD!"

If the NC letter appeared as it came from you it is not worth the paper it was written on.

If even though the NC letter was written by you, but it appears that it came from your WH then no harm.

Either way at this point the WH and OW have been in NC. So at this point it's best to let sleeping dogs and NC letters lie.

That's what I was thinking too. It just bothered me that he did not have the guts to tell her, I DON'T LOVE YOU! He has told me he never loved her...however he thought they had some sort of connection. The OW on the other hand was completely whipped! I think he fed off of that. Other wise, he wouldn't be at home with me. Telling me that he does not want her. Also that he does not love me.

The NC letter/ email went a little something like this ( from my memory)

(you know who this is!)

I know all about you and him, I read every single message. All I have to say is wow, that is LOW!

He and I are not leaving each other...so don't get your hopes up because, it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! He loves me and I love him as well. So why keep doing this to yourself? You don't really love him either, you love his ***edit*** and you love his music. You can't base a relationship on sex and music. That is very very childish! YYYYY has a SEVERE mental disorder(s) beyond your comprehension. You have NO IDEA what you are getting yourself into!

All you ever were to him was ****edit**** and an ego boost! Besides that he hates everything else about you. You are an attention wh0r3, you have no manners, you speak badly about him behind his back( yes a certain someone told him exactly what you said about us), you flaunt yourself around people and you are a liar!

It's time for you to move on now and find yourself a NEW man....preferably one that is single! He is with me and he will continue to be every night and day for the rest of his life!




(I don't remember the rest)

She said this to me,

Oh this AGAIN! I am already over this! I already know you guys are never going to leave each other. I already told him this should have ended in October. At the time this all bothered me, still does. But im over it.

Also, don't hold yourself up on a pedestal because you are all he has ever known. I wont tell you what he says about you!

As far as me being a ***edit*** goes, it's as simple as this...I like sex... Just like everyone else. But if it's good, then WHY NOT? But It happened, and i'm sorry...but it's too late now to take it back.

(that was her admiting to me that she slept with my husband behind my back)


(second message from her)
BTW it seems like you get off on having power over him...checking his phone and his email...what a partnership.



My FINAL SHORT MESSAGE TO HER!

You like sex, that is great in fact... it's wonderful..but with married men????? Now that is something else entirely! One day when your married, you will know what I am talking about. Don't you forget about karma honey!!

As far as YYYYY goes, he had ample opportunity before he met me, to date other females. He was just waiting for the right one, but given the reality I live in. HE obviously found the right woman!

Then you came along and we turned your rag doll ***edit*** into OUR PARTY!!! But let's just face it...you didn't have enough of an impact on him, otherwise he would be with you!!

BTW...I don't get off on controlling YYYYY I just dont trust him as far as I can throw him!!!!

Have a nice life!

BTW! I don't expect a response to the second email.

OP, to me it looks like you have lot of work to do on yourself and then your marriage.

I dont quite agree with you spending the time/energy in sending the NC letter out. If anything, you should have asked your WH to send them out.

What are you doing to learn from your mistakes ?

When I sent this out...this was before I knew about marriage builders. So I had no idea... about the " proper way" to send out a NC letter. That is why I asked, if that was really enough? It just makes me feel so unsure about things, he says he didnt end it with her. He says, she slowed down the conversation...and he finally stopped it. Then I got a wild hair up my butt and sent this two days after D Day! Like I said, I had no Idea about the NC letter. I just felt a need to confront her and set her straight!

As far as fixing myself goes, I am in counseling right now. I have not sent her another letter...and I will not. I could do awful things to her, like very public humiliation. But I have not! I am trying so hard to fix this marriage! I want it to work!!! I want to be happy with him and I want him to be happy with me. I have been showering him with love and appreciation!

Since I have been doing Plan A, we all know that sometimes results in the occasional rude comment or anger outburst. Since we are trying to hide our real feelings!