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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
IAM, rest assured that I was not implying that MB principles end 95% of affairs. I am only saying that 95% of affairs end within 2 years. Of those that DO USE MB, we could logically conclude that since 15% end in Plan A that the others end in plan B.
That is not to say that PLAN B "ends" them, only that, for whatever reason, that is when the majority END. Saying that something ENDS during Plan B is not the same as saying that "MB principles end the affair."
Hope that clarifies the issue for you. It does but it's not me I'm worried about it's the BS's. Thanks for the clarification. I think it's of the utmost importance for the newly 'heart removal patients' who come here to understand what they are in for. We can only make an informed decision with all the information.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
bigk,
I don't think that it's manipulation to change the locks for your home, or ruin a weekend for OM.
Those are consequences. Umm Pom - can you show where I said any of those things were manipulation? I applaud men who take such steps and make life difficult for a WW.
The WW brought these discomforts on herself. I agree. So my aggressive approach with legal action is, in my opinion, part of Plan A for a man. It's part of the stick of Plan A.
Because the lawyer could be the bad guy and the BH can stick to his guns that none of this is necessary or wanted and that all a WW has to do to end it is commit to her marriage and have NC.
That's not manipulation. That's covering your bases. I completely agree.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,719
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,719 |
glad we agree big k.
For the rest of you:
90% of all statistics can be made to say anything you want. Well, about 50% of the time, anyway.
But there's a 67% chance I could be wrong.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
State or country jurisdictional rules are actually very critical to the whole process. In fact, it would be nice if there were some handy links or fact-sheets on this site to refer to, because they vary greatly.
It goes back to Pom's original discussion - would he have been better off if he had been more aggressive about custody and other "divorce" issues in the beginning, given that he ended up divorced anyway, and his state of divorce turned out to be better than what his state of marriage likely could have been?
Obviously this question is completely hypothetical because we only know what DID happen. Who knows what could have happened.
BUT, there are differences in family law and outcome depends greatly on some of your earliest actions. I'm in Canada where we write our own separation agreement and the divorce is a mere formality that nobody bothers with. I got a great settlement by acting swiftly. OWH in my sitch got a lousy one for trying to be "fair" and leaving out custody issues, assuming his WW would respect their daughter's need to have her own father in her life. He didn't know about wayward-fog at the time. I think this is why I feel sensitive to Pom's cause. I also have a very good friend who fought his WW and ended up with a fabulous custody agreement - without going to court.
There has to be a balance somewhere, but it is also important to know what each new BS is up against. Though the legal issues are so hard to think about at that time, what you do about them in the beginning sets the stage for the entire process - whether recover is achieved or not.
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Joined: Jun 2006
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Joined: Feb 2009
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