Thanks Jim,
I thought I cleared up the gender issue with my repost. Her and I are women and are married to men .

OK, so telling the husband is what I have to do...before I do that, I would like to make one more try to get her to do it. Wouldn't it be better coming from her? What I am hoping to find are some stories people remember or I can search for about WS's coming clean on stuff like this after D-Day. Or stories about BS's that were hurt by not finding out. I need some convincing stuff.

Yes, if my Husband was having an A, I would like to get tipped off about it. I guess the Divorce concern comes from the BS's statement @ D-Day that if anything like this ever happened again that he was going to leave.

In no way an I blaming him, but I really wish they had sought some advice after D-Day. They are young I suppose and didn't know any better. It just seems like he said OK, I'll forgive you this time, lets move past It, just don't talk to him anymore. To my knowledge there was no checking up on her, maybe some phone calls, but it makes me wonder...

I wonder if she told him everything... I don't get the impression my friend and OM were in love, but certainly there was an addiction or something that kept it going. The whole thing makes me so upset. I wish in some ways I never learned about this. I keep shaking my head every time I think about it. That and hugging my H as often as I can.

Q: "Just a simple question, please. Are you the same sex as your friend? Yes or no?"

A: "Yes, opposite sex..."




Good luck with that because most waywards are cowards.


How would the BS be hurt if they didn't find out? If you meant the BS didn't find out until something else happened, then you won't have to look far. Most waywards deny and lie until they can't deny anymore and by that time the BS is so angry by the additional lying and [censored] covering that they blow up. The BS is always going to be hurt but continuing to hide the truth will make it a million times worse.

This made me think if someone were in a situation like this and wanted to tell the betrayed spouse but didn't want to let on who it was....how would they do it.

One way would be to email the husband or the home email account from a unknown yahoo email account pretending to be the OM. Just a quick email just to get his/her a red flag enough for them to start questioning things etc.

Another would be a phone call hang up or even have a male call and ask for her etc.

Maybe its late and I shouldn't even have started this post

I need a proofreader... I think I was going to originally write "no we are not opposite sex friends..." but later looked at the question and wanted to answer that Yes or No, so YES, we are same sex friends.

I think that's what i meant - having something to show her that she's making it worse by keeping this from him.

Just start reading the threads. You'll see the BS find out bit by bit is torture - the betrayal is bad but MUCH worse is knowing that they have been lied to over time, and repeatedly.