Here's an idea...

Change your cell phone number.

Have IM's send a message that the new contact number for T2L is 888-****.

The number they give would be one of the IM's numbers, but do not give him that info, just that contact number for T2L is...

Document in your journal that WS continues to harrass you, so it is necessary to change your number.

And I would do it TODAY to send him the message that he is NOT in control, YOU are.

Watcha think?

And since you have a recording of the verbally abusive message he left on the house phone, that supports the "harrassment" statement.




Waywards are soooooooooo stupid :twobyfour:

That's a great idea, giving him the IM's phone number as your new number!

If you don't want to have to notify all your friends etc ofa new phone number, is it possible to have phone calls from a certain number forwarded to another number? Can you selectively forward calls, so that only his calls get forwarded to the IMs? That'd be pretty funny...

I think there is a way that you can block certain phone numbers on your cell. That should give him the hint.

Your strength, determination, and conviction are amazing. You're doing so well in understanding that you do not want to reward or affiliate with the WS. When he's interested in being the *F*WH then that's a different case altogether.


I really did think he'd dump OW and come crawling back in short order. I'm not at all surprised to see that the affair is on shaky legs (at best). I totally underestimated his selfishness and sense of entitlement. If he *doesn't* come back, you really are better off w/o him. He might not have what it takes to be a true spouse and put your needs and well being ahead of his own wants.

Great job on the darkness!

Neak here, on AJ's computer.

The man your DD described in her letter wants to come back. God wants him to come back (only better).

He may never come back, true, but chances are far better that he will. Hold on as long as you can, and save a little reserve in case he comes back right after you've given up. Waywards seems to have an uncanny sense for when they've run out of grace, and many snap out at that point, after the BS decides it's too late.

Well sounds great except for he pays for the cell bill and the bill is sent to his house and it has all our numbers on it.

I would have to get another phone but I cannot at this point because of money issues, every penny counts with this bonehead thinking he can support 2 households. That unfortunately is probably going to end not too much longer. More than likely with the kids and i having to move from our dream home to an apartment. H wanted to keep us in this house but he refuses to see that he doesn't make enough money to do so.

After reading Neak's post, and then mine, I realized how negative mine sounded. I didn't mean to do that. I still have hope he'll get his head out of his butt and wake up and "act right".

What I was trying to say is that, on the off chance that he chooses NOT to wake up and "act right", it would be a good thing in the long run.

But I do still have hope that he'll come around.

I am not sure he has it in him to really be a good spouse. I have realized that I worked very hard in the marriage(did makes some LB's) and he did not. Yes he took us to church and yes he provided for us and yes he did give us many laughs and affection BUT he was no fully connected-I feel really dumb even saying that because it almost doesn't seem that, that is possible.

I think I may be the cause of some of his entitlement. Here's why and y'all can correct me if necessary. I have always kinda known that H needed admiration. So I gave him admiration but even while this man had his moodiness and angry outbursts, so now he thinks he is like the "man" and probably thinks I am lucky to have him. IN fact a month just before I found out he totally embarrassed me in front of church friends. We were all talking about Valentines Day and he says she doesn't need flowers and candy she is lucky I walk in the door.

Imagine you reward a man for 24 years with Admiration while he is behaving badly. Not good.

So last night he sends DD17 a text saying goodnight baby but makes no attempt to call DS10(he wouldn't have answered but i feel he's the adult he should call daily until he answers) and makes NO mention of her letter to him.

Yeah so not gonna cry over him any more!

No worries Turtle


I have thought it myself. I am not sure he can overcome pride, I mean its worse that adultery in my book. Satan lifted his self and wanted to exalt himself above the throne of God and he convinced a 1/3 of the angels because of pride. I can barely see how Mr. T2L is gonna do it.

Yes he cries in front of others and DD17 but NOT in front of me. And even "IF" by chance he makes it to the front door, HONESTLY I cannot see him agreeing to ANY conditions. I personally feel he thinks he's doing us some big favor and we all should be so lucky the "awesome" one has come home . I am sure he thinks he'll walk in a run the place since we'll all be afraid of him doing it again. Yeah we might but not afraid to live with out you anymore.

I quoted the above off that new thread about WS vs. Cake eaters. Its an interesting Thread and I like what TTLIG posted as it raises a good question.

And verve also stated that PB wouldn't have worked on her WH. My DD17 has said a few times to me that she doesn't think that the PB will work on dad because he is stubborn.

A part of me agrees but a part of me knows he needs to make this decision and there's that part that wonders if he will make that decision with out communicating? IDK but the thread that it came from does make me wonder.

I mean a lot of you who post to me told me that you did crappy PB's(I think PM and SMB??) and your recovered. I am doing a fairly well PB and this dude is really dead against it. I understand the entitlement and other bull cr@p too. But I do wonder.

So what are all your thoughts guys about this topic?

Hmmm... Lil did a really good PB. She had a false recovery first tho, right as she was about to go into PB.

JMHO, not expert or the "MB" way or anything, but I just kinda have a feeling that a false recovery sometimes paves the way for the real recovery... um, how to say this... allowing a recovery which is not iron-clad, when the WS isn't quite ready for iron-clad, while it may be painful IMHO it may have kept the hope and interest alive in the WS...

I'm not sure I'm saying that right, cus it almost sounds like I'm suggesting a wishy-washy PB which I'm not. More like, (and this is JUST my HUMBLE opinion!) being a little lax with the conditions, at least the first time, seems friendlier, more welcoming, so it's easier for the WS to come home.

I hear about a lot of folks in recovery who had a false recovery with easier conditions and then a real recovery with hard conditions. The 2nd time around the WS was willing to meet those harder conditions.

Dr. Harley does say that PB is highly risky and not guaranteed to lead to recovery of the marriage; just that it protects the BS.

I guess he just called DD17 while I was out and is coming here to to take her for coffee. Can you believe he acknowledged her letter. He said I got your letter.

DD17 said she kinda tried to get out of it but he was not getting the hint and said hes coming.

DS10 said he wants to go visit so after 3 weeks of no contact he will visit his dad which I'm sure will be fine as DD17 will be with him.

Okay gotta go he's on his way and I need to go finish my errands.

Post later.....

for the 3 of you

My D18 got asked out by this adorable boy earlier this year. He was so full of himself. Girls had been dying to go out with him, but he chose D18. But she proved too sure of herself (and unwilling to have sex), so he dumped her after a month. That was mid-October. Girls had warned her not to go out with the good-looking guy, she finally found out why.

Basically, he had another girl lined up he was going to ask out, one who did put out. Now it's end of January, and that girl, and three others after her, have all turned him down, cos his reputation for being a conceited jerk got ahead of him. There is justice sometimes.

My thought is why would you want him back if he doesn't go through a period of losing his pride? All he would ever do is have another affair.

The PURPOSE of plan B is NOT to WORK on the WH. It is to PROTECT the BS so that WHEN the affair DOES end, as we all know it will, the BS still LOVES their spouse. It takes you out of the drama so that you cannot be continually abused by WS.

Plan B IS ABOUT YOU, not Mr. T2L.


Frankly, verve is guessing here. It's the same as a BS too terrified to expose telling everyone that exposure won't work in their situation.

Maybe verve's husband came home IN SPITE of her unwillingness to plan B, not BECAUSE of it. (no offense intended to verve!)






Plan B isn't suppose to "work" on WS. You've got to get that through your head, T2L. Nothing "works" on a WS. You are just trying to set the stage for a possible recovery, if he ever gets his head outta his hiney.





I did not Plan B. I Plan A'd, and then just stayed as far away as possible and practiced tough love Dr. Dobson style (because I couldn't handle Plan A anymore) while I prepared for Plan B. tst came home before Plan B went into affect.

I don't think PM Plan B'd either because she didn't find MB until recovery.

But none of this matters, T2L. You can find recovered marriages from all types of battlefields. Some immediately following D-day, some during Plan A, some coming out of Plan B, and some even from Plan C or D.

This isn't about anyone's situation but T2L's. We are here to help you keep love for your husband. We KNOW the affair will end, we just don't know when. We want you to still love your husband when it does.





You gotta stop thinking he's special and different. We are all married to stubborn people. I sure as heck am. (so is tst )

Maybe it's OK to come out of Plan B if...if...WH knocks on your bedroom door in the middle of the night with roses in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. He looks at you with a smile to melt. Says he's been such a fool. That his true and only love is in front of him. Then he falls on one knee, tears in his eyes, and says "Will you be my wife again? Will you love me again? Will you forgive me? Because I promise, and I really mean it this time, to love, honor and cherish you forever and ever. And...more importantly...to be faithful to you...as long as I live."
Then he asks you to pack quickly, that the limo is waiting out front, and you two are booked on a one-week cruise.

OK -- in that situation -- I say "F Plan B" and go for it.

Can't a BS in Plan B dream?

Then T2L can whip out her NC contract all neatly typed up and stuck in the drawer and say "Please sign on the dotted line, hand me your cell phone, call the OW NOW and say tata"

Ok now the limo is beeping, lets get going.

romantic wishing with some practicality.

Heck Im dreaming of that from my FWH!!!!!!