BB, many of us here feel the same way. She is not aggressive at all and that is why I think Carp needs to put a fire under her [censored] and get her moving in *HIS* direction.

Carp, in case you didn't know it, BritsBrat is a corporate attorney who has also been through a divorce. She can see your situation from a professional perspective.

BB and Mel

Last night I pulled together all entries since nov 1st. This morning I emailed 20 or so journal entries and email from my WW as per my lawyers request. My dad and another person are emailing me letters describing agreements to watch my kids before school and drop them off, make sure they eat breakfast etc.

I slept ok last night....I was up early today though. WW is gone to work and then off with friends for the rest of the day. I live in Chicago area and me and D9 are leaving soon to take the train downtown and do some shopping/sightseeing. D12 is up in the air about going.....moody preteens!!

I am a little nervous as far as "if" this is gonna work.....what do I tell the kids....WW is gonna flip.....what if my lawyer calls and says the judge says no....how many men have actually done this successfully....things like that are going thru my mind.

I know what Mel is gonna say...quit the "mental masturbation"......

Frankly I am more concerned about your attorneys competence. I would MAKE SURE she gets the big picture. Which is why i wrote that paragraph. She needs to understand clearly that you are not leaving, that you want your W removed and why.

For example, she needs to understand the toxic environment for your DDs and how detrimental this is to their mental health.

Just hope for the best, Carp!

I did describe to her Sunday nights incident and Wednesday with the counseler....it was like a switch went off in her head!! I was chatting with my mom last nigh about this....she felt that I may have needed to describe things to my attorney about things at home sooner/with more conviction.

I agree!! Do you plan on presenting your case with more conviction from now on?

Yup!! And I would give anyone else the same advise.

My lawyer has not asked for my entire journal....just Ws bad parts. I presume (but I will ask her Monday) she wants to save the best for last.

Carp, I would be sure and give her a SUMMARY that gives her some context. She won't be able to see the big picture unless you DRAW IT FOR HER. Do you see what I mean?

Take all the facts, draw her a picture, and lay it out very simply so she can accurately and effectively present it to the judge.

I do this all the time in my sales job when I have to call on a real big chain that makes decisions in buying committees. I will make it EASY for my VP to understand and give him TALKING POINTS to take to his buying committee. I anticipate every possible objection and put the answer at my VP's finger tips.

That way, he understands the situation and can CONVEY IT ACCURATELY and effectively. You don't want to just throw facts -with no context - at her and hope she draws an accurate picture. Make it easy for her so she can effectively represent you.

My entries are not just days and times. Some of them relate to what me and the kids were doing and the questions the kids were asking about mom. I even copy/pasted alot of stuff word for word from here and the DB site and put in our names for the abbreviations.

I am gonna summarize events in the last 6 months for her in a letter also.

Mel is exactly right here! Carp, let me take you back to my situation when it was heated up. I had a pitbull attorney, one noted for blasting WSs out of the water in court (and getting custody!). I picked him EXACTLY because of that.

But, did I leave him to do all of the work? Nope! I would regularly meet with him, updating him on what was going on. I would bring in more intelligence, or jounral entries, or whatever I needed to get to him. I had stacks and stacks of pictures, documents, etc for him. Much of it, he would say "we shouldnt need that." But so what? I would rather him have EVERYTHING and not need it.

So, I didnt wait on the paralegals to break down all of the evidence I had. I would come to his office, sit in his conference room on my laptop, and I would type up the summaries...so I would make sure my lawyer and the judge would get the substance and meaning behind the evidence. I wanted them to draw the same conclusion I had. So, I "framed" the evidence to make sure that happened.

Shoot, I even sat in there and typed up the cross-complaint for custody.

Once I completed something, I would walk down the hall, hand it to him and ask what he thought. He would advise me what chanes I need to make (or what more evidence I needed to go get), and I would go back and do it!

Now, three things came out of this:

First, my attorney got the message that I was very motivated about my case (thus he was motivated);

Second, I saved a ton of money (he even told me once that I probably saved around $5000 with the work I did) by doing all of that stuff for him;

And lastly, I was able to "frame" the evidence and paperwork to get out my message.

Remember, your lawyer is a hired gun. But a gun is nothing but a tool. It is NOT your lawyer's case, it is your case...it is your life.

So, while defering to the experts is fine, as you need to listen to her...at the end of the day, you are in control of your case. And you need to make her work for you! Added to that, you need to be proactive and make sure you give her everything possible that will help your case.

Thx MM!!

I was wondering when you would pop back in!!
Again....your insight is appreciated!

Temp custody update!!!!

Feb 4 is the court date.

The paperwork looks like a dirty laundry list of WWs actions.

Both attorneys go to court for this.

It could take a month to "battle" in court.

I would like someone to post up the parework here for me....of someone wants to throw up an email address I will send them the word docs.....please remove the names because I cannot!!!

CARP, please be careful to not post anything here that could identify you. We have some mean, vicious monsters who read this website who will bust you to your wife if they can.

We had one snake who emailed a WW's therapist using the information posted here by the BS and she led the WW to his thread. The WW used the thread in a court action and caused this poor distraught BS and his 4 little kids untold grief. This snake made it impossible for this man to post here anymore so he lost his main source of support. The secret emailer from this forum was trying to be "helpful."

BE CAREFUL what you post here!

I will only send it to certain people. I am not a complete idiot.

I want it to be seen so other people in a similar sitch can better understand legal stuff.

Melody is absolutely correct - do not post specifics that can lead back to your family.

BTW Melody- do you know whatever come of that distraught BS? I have wondered and hoped for the best outcome for the kids and BS.

rwinger, yes, a group of us have been helping these folks OFF BOARD in addition to hooking them up with counseling with the Harleys. This has happened other times, too. It boggles my mind that anyone could be so evil.

And carp, I do not in any way think you are an idiot. You just don't know how sick and evil some ppl are and the lengths to which they will go to see you lose this battle.

Alrighty then!!

Let's just say it looks real bad when you see it on paper!!

I have been busy with my kids last couple days....keeping up on my daily journal...and keeping my nose clean.

My attorney will have papers court stamped Friday. They get mailed to Ws attorney. Ws attorney should have them Monday or Tuesday. I was told that Ws attorney only needs 7 days notice for the first hearing. Nothing will really happen on the 4th. They can only respond to the points in my papers....nothing else. Another court date will be scheduled 14-21 days later to hear both sides arguements.


So.....

When my W found out I filed on her...she flipped!! Her BFF was at our house that day and restrained W from hitting me....that's how it looked from my angle.

W should find out Monday or Tuesday as well about the papers. I am being a bit proactive/paranoid in that I am gonna have a female mutual friend/family member at our house both nights.....just incase W flips out/calls the cops or does something stupid.

I have also notified some family members/neighbors that if I call them....and they don't hear me talking...DO NOT hang up!! My W has made some comments about her crazy stepdad and violence.....so I am just trying to cover all bases.

I also told my 2 neighbor buddies that if they see ANY car at our house....to wait about 15 mins....and come by and ask for some TP/sugar/milk whatever. Even if my car or both our cars are there to do this. My neighbors know Ws family....


Does this all sound like too much??

CArp, call the cops and get it on record the next time she gets violent! That would give you great ammo in getting her out.

I am gonna have fresh batteries in my DVR.....you can count on that!!