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#2196235 01/20/09 07:08 AM
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I'm curious to know if NC is strictly no communication between WS and OP. Or should NC include WS not viewing OP's myspace or facebook pages.

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Any and all form of seeing, hearing, communicating, getting updates. NC means just what it says. No way, no how, no nothing with the OP.

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 Originally Posted By: quietstorm15
I'm curious to know if NC is strictly no communication between WS and OP. Or should NC include WS not viewing OP's myspace or facebook pages.


NO CONTACT is just that..... NO CONTACT

If your WS is viewing the OP's Myspace, Facebook, etc. then there is STILL CONTACT and the WS is still getting their "fix" of the OP....


Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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What everyone else said.

Contact also includes hanging around people who might chat about the OP so establishing NC frequently means giving up friendships.

Sometimes NC means moving to a new town, so there's no chance of running into the OP at a sporting event, grocery store, etc.

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 Originally Posted By: turtlehead
What everyone else said.

Contact also includes hanging around people who might chat about the OP so establishing NC frequently means giving up friendships.

Sometimes NC means moving to a new town, so there's no chance of running into the OP at a sporting event, grocery store, etc.


Turtle....
Hadn't thought of that one. But you're right! Even someone mentioning the OP's name or talking about them is a 'fix'.


Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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I agree, I know I would find Facebook a fix. I have also been tempted to start a conversation about OM with mutual acquaintances - although the thought has been there I haven't! It's getting easier!!

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quietstorm15, Everyone is absolutely correct. ANY contact or INFORMATION of ANY KIND by EITHER OF YOU is OFF LIMITS.

In an extreme case like mine where the affair was with a family member it even means not allowing family members to talk about the OM who was my brother in our presence.

GOOD NEWS IS IT WORKS!!!

With time AND effort the memories begin to fade and the WS can finish going through withdrawal.

The WS can NEVER get through withdrawal and begin to heal if they are contstantly getting their next "fix" by whatever means they can find AND the BS can never begin to heal by constantly having their pain refreshed and it rubbed in their face...

God bless.

Jim

Last edited by Jim_Flint; 01/20/09 09:44 AM.

FWW 48 had EA and PA affair with my brother which ended in 2006. Me BH 53. Happily recovering with a new and better marriage through MB!!! My thread - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2110024#Post2110024
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Thanks for the clarification on NC. We live on another continent from the OW, so I didn’t think NC would be such a big problem to overcome. But technology nowadays makes it so easy for them to keep in touch even if they are not communicating with each other directly.

So what do I do? Continue Plan A so that he stops on his own? Or should I ask him to stop? The way I found out is that he admitted it to me. In his own words, he said that he feels like he’s addicted to her. When I asked what satisfaction he achieved from visiting her myspace page and reading her blogs especially when he knows how much it hurts me, he said that he gets nothing out of the act. It just reconfirms that he doesn’t want to be with her. Wishful thinking . . . it would be nice if he would say that is makes him realize how I’m clearly the better choice.

So my initial reaction was to just continue Plan A until he decides to stop (I’m going to add a keylogger program next week just to be sure). Also, I’ve been sending him emails daily expressing (sincerely) my feelings of appreciation, admiration, and adoration about our time together. So I suggested to him that when he has an urge to view her myspace page, he could re-read the emails that I’ve sent to him so that he could get that feeling of affection that he’s looking for from her.

But like you guys pointed out, it hurts like crazy knowing that he keeps doing it. The day after he told me, I went to her page and the content was so stupid. Additionally, she posted information in her blogs that was intentionally meant to hurt him and make him jealous (but it just makes her seem whorish and unclassy). I just don’t understand how he can be so in love with someone so immature and spiteful.

And I’m angry. I’m angry that while I’m at work tired from staying out all night trying to make sure he has fun to help him through his withdrawal, he’s at home pining over this idiot using the internet service that I’m paying for. He’s told me that the main needs that she fulfilled that I didn’t were admiration, affection, recreational enjoyment, and SF. I am meeting all his needs now (plus one that she could not fulfill which was financial security). She physically cannot meet any of his needs now because we are on another continent, so why does he keep holding up our recovery to read her idiotic dribble!

I was thinking about emailing her and asking her to make her page private so that he can’t view it anymore. I know that she has no reason to help me, but I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to try. Would that be too extreme?

Thanks again for the clarification.


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