You don't have to do this, sss. After 26 years of betrayal no on here would say you should. It is your choice and your life. Take your time. There is no rush to the finish line. (((SSS)))

Why does this have to hurt so much even after all this? He is sitting here sobbing and I really don't care. He is falling apart in front of me and I am just sitting here, dumbfounded.

It's still ALL ABOUT HIM AND HIS EGO.

You see this, don't you?

There is no room for your broken heart.

This is masterful manipulation.

PS -

He needs to see a psychiatrist ASAP - not marriage coaching for heaven's sake!

Yes, I do know it.

SSS....

I'm not going to throw gas on your fire. You have to process all this.

Bottom line is, these revelations should stop hurting, because, WTH, it is bad as it gets, right? :-) Unless he was doing donkey shows in church, I think it has bottomed out.

I will say that you should both be on anti-deps.

And, as GM's chief instigator, I will say that I am impressed with his repentance as a WH. In being on this site since 1999, I really can't remember someone that seems to have been stripped down to bare metal so fast (maybe with the community's help here).

I think you need to keep your foot on his throat through all this NC steps, polygraph, post nup, IC, MC, etc.

But maybe once you process this you will look back on it as a mental illness of a life partner you love.

Hey, that is what I'm selling myself on ;-)

uhhhh, HE IS SICK.

I do not understand what would motivate him to want to try for a cheatless marriage at this point.

Why would a man like that ever want to be married at all?

Why would you want to continue a marriage with a man like that?

These things are things I do not understand. His character is corrupted to put it nicely.

No one could stand being married to a man like that unless you BOTH had a totally "open relationship" and he wore protection each time he was with a prostitute or another woman. You would have to be very accepting.

In light of recent revelations of his many escorts, please do not just rely on your WH getting tested. Please, SSS, get yourself tested for every STD known to man. WH is a PROVEN liar and for all you know, he may have been with someone recently other than the latest OW. You can be a carrier of some STDs that otherwise don't make their presence known for a couple of years. Some can take up to 6 months before they can even be detected by testing. Please take care of what you can and get yourself tested -- now and then 6 months from when you and WH last had sex.

Stella, you have been here enough to know that everybody's tolerance is different, and every relationship and situation is different.

I never would have thought i'd be trying given the horror of my situation, but I'm here on Marriage BUILDERS to get advice on trying, not to just divorce. Everyone IRL is telling me that...

Yeah, good advice. WW was tested before she got back in my bed, and her family knew it was a condition of coming home. And it was nice and humiliating for her.

Hi. I am just going to piggyback on to your post Mike (thank you by the way for everything) since I have no time.

I want to thank everyone, I will come back and read everything later.

I just got back from admitting WH into a locked Psych ward. He had a total melt down this afternoon and it was terrifying even for this old ICU nurse. Severe Acute Depression, Anxiety are the two knowns here but he is being looked at for Personality Disorder.

I am beat and upset to say the least. I appreciate each and every one of your posts to me. I will not make any kind of decision until I know about these things and things are settled a bit so I can catch my breath. This has all happened so rapidly that my mind can't really handle it all.

I will be taking the phone appointment with Dr. Harley tomorrow morning. I am hoping he can help guide me to a better way of dealing with all this information.

I will be tested again for STD's. Good suggestion.

I am so sorry, SSS.

I don't know what to say, other than you and GM are both on my mind. I'm glad he's getting treatment. Do you have real people you can lean on? Please remember to take care of you, too.

Wow.

Jeez, SOS, I hope he is getting the care he needs, but please take care of yourself. Are your children around? Have you talked to a doc about your own anxiety/depression?

You are both in my prayers.

sss, you are both in my prayers.

{{{{{ sosad }}}}}

I am so sorry. You are both in my prayers. I'm glad he's getting treatment and you're calling the Harleys.

*hugs*

Thanks MelodyLane.

I will post how things go. I am happy my phone council starts this morning.

Thank you Turtlehead.

I am glad he is there. I think there may be some interesting information to come from all of this. I don't know if it will repair my heart any but at least I can understand better why this all happened. The hooker revelations blew my mind, almost more than the rest. From the beginning of our marriage? Whoa, this will be hard.

We have a house guest for several months. He is a good friend of mine and a friend now of WH's as well. He has been helpful, we have been close for a long time. Other than that most of my friends are not close and it is not possible to get around them much. I used to have so many friends but the isolation has really pushed many of them away and the others are all dead now. Really no one I am close enough to anymore to talk to much. I will be OK. I have learned to be alone and be OK with that.

Thank you Mike.

It was something to see this man in this state and then to see him where he is right now. You can imagine, the big shot Dr. in a sparse environment with a schedule of stuff he is not interested in and then they took his shoelaces. It was pitiful, he looked pitiful but resigned. The one funny moment was when they told him he would be going to a very popular craft session every day. This is not the kind of guy to cut paper or paint ceramics but I saw the look of horror on his face and just leaned over and asked him to make me an ashtray. Cracked him up at least for a moment.

I am now on two anti D's and do have something for anxiety that I don't use unless I feel myself slipping into that big cycle of anger/crying and freaking out in general. It comes in handy then so I save it for that. He will be put on some stuff I assume.

My boys are about 65 miles away and are both in a University Conservatory and working musicians. They will not be able to come home. They know all about the 6 year A but not about the rest of it. WH was pleading with me not to tell anyone about this. He knows it is seedy and disgusting not to mention a huge addition to the betrayal with the long term OW. I think I need to tell them where he is and for now just mention that there was more to the story. It might be best for him to have to tell them himself. I can wait to find that out.

Thank you for getting his thread locked. I hate to say this but I think all that calling out was the thing that really made him face up. I was sitting here ready to pump my fist each time that someone else would tell him the stuff I had been telling him for years. I think he was so worried and beat down before all of that that it worked. Thanks.

Thank you FF.

I think I felt all these prayers last night. It has been a long time since I really slept and last night I did.

The journey is now in the end stage, it just remains to be seen whether it will be a new beginning together or apart. Still a long way to go but the ending stage is here.